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I've noticed something since joining BlogHer. People are nice here. They are open and accepting, non-judgmental, respectful, and can debate controversial issues in an admirably civil manner.
I'll start by saying that there's a certain shame that seems to accompany being a frequent commenter on most websites, at least ones that deal with controversial issues. We've all been there...we've all descended into arguments with trolls, and whether we'd like to admit it or not, have probably been the troll a time or two ourselves. I try as little as possible to leave comments on most sites, although in moments of weakness I do it. It's generally regarded as an unproductive use of one's time, because you get into flaming arguments with people who just become more and more entrenched in their own positions the more you try to convince them of yours; it's less meaningful debate and more name-calling, ignorance, judgment, etc.
On BlogHer, though, it's different. I really don't feel bad about it. And I leave LOTS of comments on lots of different posts by lots of different BlogHer contributors. If you read my last post, you know I'm interested in the abortion debate. I've read several articles on the topic, left comments outlining my opinion and posted my own abortion story. For clearly stating my view on what is probably the most controversial issue...ever, not one person appears to have attacked or judged me. I've run into a few quite passionately pro-life people (I'm quite passionately pro-choice), but even they have treated me with the utmost respect and engaged in nothing but civil debate. This is not the experience at all on any other website with a comments section.
Which brings me to the point of this post. Obviously, the vast majority of BlogHer users are women. Aren't women supposed to get "catty" with each other when no men are around? I hear this all the time, from women and men alike. We're "drama queens", "crazy bitches," "backstabbers," you name it. We say one thing and mean another. We're passive aggressive. We try to make other women feel bad about themselves. Etc. Don't we?
I've had a lot of conversations about this with members of both genders. Usually thinking they have the unique opinion, women will tell me they'd rather be friends with men than with other women, because "men will be open about stuff and just fight things out" but "women will just talk about you behind your back and get passive-aggressive". Men will say they "just don't get" women and their catty ways and share the opinion that their gender is more straightforward.
This has not really been my experience. I have to admit that, going back to high school and continuing through college, I've had more male friends than female friends--I'm working now on being able to relate to other women a bit better, because it truly saddens me that so many women today have a hate-on for their own gender. Since I spend a lot of time in groups where I am the only female, I have noticed over the years men talking about each other behind their back as much as I have noticed women doing this. I've seen lots of men get passive-aggressive and ruin friendships over silly arguments. This goes back even to childhood, and especially the teenage years when girls are supposed to be at their worst for this type of behaviour.
You might think I'm rewriting my memories in an effort to prove a feminist point in the present. I'm not. In fact, maybe there is truth to the stereotype--it just hasn't been reflected in my interactions with women or men. I'm open to entertaining these arguments. What do you think? I'd love to see a discussion in the comments section (prove my assessment of BlogHer users right!).
