The Art of Discipline

"I ask her to pick it up. If she does not, I ask her again, using her
name and 'please,' If she does not do it, I ask her again politely...
You get the point. Sometimes I will ask it 15 times, and she will be
wondering around the living room and kitchen as I repeat it, but
eventually she does do it. This turns their annoying habits back on
them!"

I'm concerned about this - I think you're teaching her that she doesn't really need to listen to you the first (or fifth, or 15th) time you ask her to do something.  You're turning it into a game (she may think you're funny), and you're sinking to her level (which doesn't give her any impetus to change and grow and improve - if she thinks adults act the way she acts, why should she try to act any differently to be "a big girl"?).

I'd ask once, ask a second time with eye contact, name use, and a please (in case she didn't hear), and give her a time out or a consequence (no dessert, etc) if she doesn't comply.  With toys, if I want something picked up and it doesn't get picked up, the toy goes into time out (the garage for the night).  Sometimes there are a LOT of toys in our garage.  *sigh*

 http://prettybabies.blogspot.com

I have been applying the hugs today and I think it makes a difference. Thanks for the advice!
Cutie Booty Cakes ( http://cutiebootycakes.blogspot.com/ )

Thank you for the compliment! I really appreciate it. And I am going to be consistent because I surely don't want to confuse the boy!
Cutie Booty Cakes ( http://cutiebootycakes.blogspot.com/ )

I know I am not alone. Thankfully I can keep my little boy from out of the street by keeping him in the back of the house or on his trike. On the few occasions that he has run it was scary and I let him know about danger and holding mommy's hand. We have a book about feet and hands and one of the pages about holding hands with mom when crossing the street. I reinforce the idea with the book. I know this is a trying time but hearing from all of you helps me to keep things in perspective. Thank you.
Cutie Booty Cakes ( http://cutiebootycakes.blogspot.com/ )

We went through this not long ago with N (she turned 2 in Feb). We used different approaches for different things. When she thought it was funny to spit out her food, I just put my hand up to her mouth and said "No, thank you" as often as I had to.

 When she came home from childcare and started whining and using some of the things that one of the other boys says all the time (like "I don't want to" a hundred times a day), I just said that that is how Effie or Gabriel or whoever it is talk, you are N. Just act like N and talk like N. (I'm still saying this one 4 months later).

When she does not do something I ask, like pick up something of hers or something that she dropped, I ask her to pick it up. If she does not, I ask her again, using her name and 'please,' If she does not do it, I ask her again politely... You get the point. Sometimes I will ask it 15 times, and she will be wondering around the living room and kitchen as I repeat it, but eventually she does do it. This turns their annoying habits back on them!

 The worst is the running out onto the street. This one makes me so mad. When she does that, I run after her (dang, these guys are fast!), grab her and pick her up (being a bit rough with her because of the rush and the seriousness of the situation), pull her back to the side of the road we started on, even if she is 3/4 of the way to the other side, and then put her down, hold her hand (while she is crying and shouting at this point), and say the usual "look both ways; no cars; now it's safe to cross." This phase has not lasted long, thankfully, so I don't know how much of it is from what I have done and how much is her growing out of the phase. We seem to be able to nip most of them in the bud quickly as the bad habits arise.

It's been a long time since I had to deal with this - my kids are older now - but I do remember that at that age, I had to use my body, not my words, to keep the kids in check. Sometimes, in the middle of a tantrum, all it took was a warm hug to calm them down and diffuse the situation. At other times, I needed to hold their hand firmly and say "no hitting."

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Need to hire a blogger ( http://momgrind.com/hire-me/ )? I’m a mommy blogger and a blogger for hire ( http://momgrind.com/ ).

I feel that it often doesnt take one set way of doing things. It seems like a lot of trial and error to know what form of discipline your child is most responsive to. What works for one family may not work for your's but the key is to not give up in finding your way. eventually you will find your stride and when you do, be consistant with it. Inconsistancy is the biggest way to confuse and frustrate a child. (trust me I know ). After spending a couple of hours with you at the BlogHer meetup on saturday, I noticed one attribute you apear to have, and that is patience. That is a blessing and will contribute much to being a good parent.  Keep it up, I think you are a good mom!!Sandra

I suppose it is clear that I am a first time mom. LOL I am enjoying this time in my son's life but you know the challenges are just that - challenging. I love receiving advice from "expert" moms and clearly you are an expert!
Cutie Booty Cakes ( http://cutiebootycakes.blogspot.com/ )

Thank you so much for the tips Jozet. It is always good to have a reminder that positive reinforcement works. I will focus on removing the "don't" and dubbing my son "mommy's helper."
Cutie Booty Cakes ( http://cutiebootycakes.blogspot.com/ )

The more children I had, the more I realized, "this too will pass." You are doing all the right things, and consistency is the key. My oldest is 18, my youngest 20 months, and five others in between.

We tried a variety of techniques, but found that consistent use of time out and natural consequences (like cleaning up their own messes) works, and as they get older and gain a better comprehension of cause and effect, they start to make more mature choices.

Hang in there! This too will pass, and you will look back on this time as a wonderfully, funny joyful experience. I promise!

Diane

lost 150 pounds and talks about it at:

www.fittothefinish.com/blog ( http://www.fittothefinish.com/blog )

I know that you probably already do call him for hugs and tickles. I hope I didn't come across as meaning otherwise! I'm just suggesting that you have a day or two of going overboard with calling you to him and more than usual and going gung-ho with the positive praise, hugs, tickles, smooches, etc every time he comes to you. I have to do this every once in a while with my little guy...a day of programming so that when Mommy calls, the first thing he thinks of is "tickles!" and not "toothbrushing" or "washing my face!"

Halushki.com

Which with some kids needs to be actively taught. However, saying sorry in the meantime will work, along with trying to right the wrong, whether it's cleaning up milk or trying to help another hurt child feel better.

If your son does like to clean-up the milk to the point that he begins spilling it on purpose - which happened with my youngest - I'd set him to the task of being a "good helper" around the house. Give a wet cloth to help clean tables or a dry cloth to dust. Give lots of positive attention to being a "good helper", and almost no attention to cleaning up intentionally spilled milk.  That is, he still has to clean it up, but he should get fairly quickly that this is not "good helper" clean-up for something intentionally done wrong.

Also, just to solve the problem from both ends, I might give less milk or even no milk with meals for a while. Serve it separately either before or after. Or, you could take the milk away right as you see he is finishing his meal, and exclaim loudly, "What a good job you did! Thank you for keeping your milk in the cup!" Even if he is about to spill the milk, I'd grab the cup and use strong positive language; sort of "fake it till you make it".

Also, also, I had to re-learn to say things like "Milk stays in the cup" instead of "Don't spill your milk". Kids remember the last thing they hear and are very visual listeners. In the first example, you've put the image of milk staying in the cup into your son's mind; with the second example, all that kids seem to hear is the final part of the sentence: "Spill your milk". They never hear the "Don't". It's like if I say, "Don't think of a clown." Did you just think of a clown? :-)

With the running away... what might work is to call him throughout the day not for any other purpose than to give him a big hug or tickles (if he likes that). Associate the calling with something positive and that might cut down on the running away during those times that you call him to brush teeth or whatever it is he might not like doing.  Also, most kids hate transitions and don't "do" them well. No one like to be taken away from one activity to begin another on someone else's time-table. I'd start giving transition warnings: "In five minutes, we're going to get ready to go shopping." And then countdown each minute. He won't get it at first, but eventually he will and by that time, you'll be in the habit of doing it. Another way to ease transitions is with a picture chart of things that will happen during the day; that way he has a bit of a preparation for what you are calling him for instead of each time you call for him being a surprise. He might still run away for the things he doesn't like, and you can use time out, but you might cut down on some of the running away.

Just some thoughts!

Halushki.com

I heard 3 was worse than 2, as well.  Now that I have a 3 year old AND a 2 year old, and have done a side-by-side comparison, I can PROMISE you that 3 is easier.  At least they have some sense at 3.

The hard part about 2 is that they're mobile but they don't have any sense of self-preservation.  You have to CONSTANTLY watch them, lest they run out in the road, take off in a store, pull a hot pan off the stove, stick their hands down their pants and smear crap all over...  Sometimes I think my dog is smarter than the average 2 year old.  :)  At 3, I can tell my daughter, "hold onto the cart and don't let go," and she holds on and doesn't let go.  The 2 year old just screams and goes boneless in the middle of a parking lot in the rain, you know?  At 3, I can tell my daughter, "you can go outside and play, but don't go across the street and come check with me in a little while," and she will (we live in a really safe neighborhood).  At 2, my little one nods and acts like she understands, and then runs straight into the road and I never see her again (or at least, that's what I figure would happen - we've never tried letting her out alone!).

Three is a piece of cake, in my opinion.  Two sucks.

 http://prettybabies.blogspot.com

It is great to hear that I am not the only one. I am off to read your post right now. I can certainly use all the help I can get!
Cutie Booty Cakes ( http://cutiebootycakes.blogspot.com/ )

Sorry is not enough and when I can correct with actions I will. From what I hear 3 is even more challenging than two so fasten your seatbelt we are in for a ride! LOL

Cutie Booty Cakes ( http://cutiebootycakes.blogspot.com/ )

I wrote a LONG post on how to do timeouts correctly and effectively.  Rather than re-write the whole thing here, please go read:

http://prettybabies.blogspot.com/2007/07/wfmw-how-... ( http://prettybabies.blogspot.com/2007/07/wfmw-how-... )

I hate this age.  Hate it hate it hate it.  I have a 2 year old and a nearly 4 year old right now.  At least I can sort of reason with the older one.  But OMG, the 2 year old pushes every button I have and drives me insane.  

So, that's all I can offer - some commisseration and two-year-old advice on two-year-olds.  :)

We had good luck with time out when my daughter was younger (15-20 months) as her needing to "take a break" if she did something she shouldn't, usually hit because she lacked the words to communicate.

Now that she is two, we've had to institute playing by herself when she's not playing nice, and the time out is back.  The part I'm struggling with is that she needs to know just saying she's sorry (something she picked up from daycare) is not going to be enough if she does something really bad.  By bad I mean something that could get her or someone else hurt. 

 Don't feel guilty about the look.  It has to be better than yelling, right?