Asking the Tough Questions
By janetkay on February 09, 2009
I spent a couple hours in the car today with Leslie, and among other things, we talked about “the one that got away.” Leslie had a great story (or maybe a heartbreaking story?) about a wonderful guy she dated at a time when she just wasn’t ready to settle down. He was smart, funny, kind, handsome, and loved all the things she loved. And she let him go.
This got me to thinking of all the men/boys I’ve dated in my lifetime and trying to think of who my “one that got away” would be. How’s this for heartbreaking? I don’t HAVE one! Honestly, I cannot think of one single person I dated (or married), who I shouldn’t have let go. I guess one one hand, it’s good that I didn’t have Mr. Right and let him go. But on the other hand, why haven’t I dated anyone who could have been Mr. Right?
It reminded me of a section I read in Eat, Pray, Love last night and underlined in pink pen. Warning: Lengthy quote from someone else’s writing ahead:
“At one time in history, if a man had been my suitor, my father might have sat that man down with a long list of questions to establish whether this would be an appropriate match. ‘How will you provide for my daughter? What is your reputation in this community? How is your health? What are your debts and assets? What are the strengths of your character?’ I never thought to ask a suitor the same challenging questions my father might have asked him, in a different age. I must take over that role of being my own guardian. Gloria Steinem once advised women that they should strive to become like the men they had always wanted to marry. What I’ve only recently realized is that I not only have to become my own husband, but I need to be my own father too.”
Isn’t that priceless wisdom? I think I am pretty close to being like the man I’ve always wanted to marry, but it never occurred to me to be my own father. I don’t know why it didn’t, because Lord knows I needed one, badly. So, I am making a vow to myself right this moment (much like a wedding vow?) to be my own guardian. From this point forward, I will love, honor, and cherish me. I will make sure to ask the tough questions of any man who wishes to be my suitor. And if he isn’t someone I’d want my daughter (who is me) to be with, then I will not give him her hand (my hand) in marriage, or anything else.