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Here's a secret: some single women are lonely. Please note, I said "some." Here's another secret: just because a person is married or in a relationship, that doesn't mean they'll never feel lonely. Think about this -- have you ever been in a long-distance relationship? After an argument, have you ever stared at your partner’s back while lying in bed because he refuses to turn around? I bet that’s a pretty lonely feeling.
Do you have any idea how many people have told me -- after I’ve recounted some dating scenario, or mentioned the names of several men I've hung out with in a short period of time -- that they're jealous? I'd go so far as to say that this has happened on numerous occasions. People who say they’re jealous are usually married, or at least in a long-term relationship. Have any of them ever dared to ask me if I’m lonely? Not once.
I know that the loneliness-assumption exists for single women. Maybe if I wasn’t dating, or if I never talked about it to anyone, people would start asking me if I’m lonely. But I can’t really see it. Even though I know it happens, I honestly can’t see someone coming up to me and asking me if I’m lonely...just because I’m not seeing one person in particular. (I bet they know I'd meet their question with incredulity.)
This probably has a lot to do with my personality, too. I went through a long period of time -- from my late teens through mid-20s -- where I didn’t date hardly at all, so to this day it doesn’t bother me if I have a day without anything to do or anyone in particular to see. I don’t mind entertaining myself. I’ll read, or get on the computer, or go for a walk. I like having quiet time.
That being said, loneliness is a very real issue. Single or partnered, young or old, rich or poor. Hannah, just breathe... wrote about her feelings of being lonely.
“I’m lonely.”
Words seldom said aloud easily, honestly, openly. And yet, we’ve all felt that aching absence of...something -- a lover, a friend, a lost companion, a misplaced piece of self. [...]
Tonight, on my yoga mat, I thought to myself, “Am I alone in this?”
This: the feeling that the wet, weighted heat is bearing down on me like burly and thick-knuckled hands, pushing me further and further beneath the surface, until I’m drowning, clutching at air, begging silently for rescue. This: the fear that I might give in and sit down, even though I don’t want to. This: the pain behind my knees, the blurriness before my eyes, the gutted and bled sensation coursing through my entire body. I wanted to tap my neighbor and ask her, “Do you feel this way, too? Or is it just me?”
Disaffected Scanner Jockey is on a man-cation (yes, it's what it sounds like -- a period of time where she's not allowed to date anyone, no matter who may ask). Here, she talks about something in particular that really pisses her off.
[T]here is one thing I will never, ever tell someone I love: Once you stop looking, the perfect partner will fall into your life!
Oh, I hate that one. Kittens in heaven, I hate it. It’s a mean-spirited patronizing little cliché wrapped up in gauzy good intentions. [...]
Being single is so much better than being in a bad relationship (if you don’t know that one yet, learn it...NOW). I’m single and surrounded by amazing friends, and every day I'm absurdly grateful for the amount of love and support I have in my life. Doesn’t mean I’m going to stop looking, and it sure as hell doesn’t mean I’m going to leave such an important part of my life up to random chance.
Fiery Nuggets says that while she is single, she is definitely not alone. She considers her friends to be her adopted family. She goes on to say, “You care because you care, not because you have any personal stake in another person's success.”
[T]he concept of being "single" indicates that one is alone. There is a huge valley of social dysfunction between being single and being alone. I very rarely feel alone in the world. Yet, to most people, my mother not the least of them, I am
