Atheist Parenting: Raising Children Without Deities

You were raised in a violent religion so you're responding accordingly. Violent, because the system you were shown was man's version of securing a place in God's family that cannot be earned. Violent, because it was not rooted in love, but rather, fear and control. You're protecting yourself and your child from the threat, as any good Mom would do.

Too bad you weren't introduced to the God that is love, the one that gathers in, and protects. The God that rescues and adores. The source of love.

That same bible that you have quoted, the KJV, says: Love is the fulfillment of the law. (Romans 13:10) So, abstaining from pork is fulfilled in loving our neighbor? Yep.

Love became poor. Love squared off with the violence called religion, and it killed him. Love is stronger than death, so religion couldn't kill love. Love has a name, Jesus.

I hope we are all rescued from fear and control, and pursued by perfect love. You, your daughter and all of us wounded by the violent. Love always.

I was raised in an Assembly of God Church, and when I moved to Seattle, actually joined the Jesus People, and then Children of God when I was 16. If you're not familiar with the Children of God, it was considered one of the worst religious cults in the country at one time.

I am an atheist. I was taught atheism in church, by hearing what was said by the preacher and the members, and then comparing the words with their behavior. They were a wonderful testament to their faith. Living in Missouri, home of the buckle of the bible belt, I can say with complete surety that many of the "faithful" here validate my atheist decision, almost on a daily basis.

I would say that you need show no more tolerance than you're given in return. After all, what were you taught? An eye for an eye?

I feel that you are limiting your understanding in Christian FAITH.  By that, I mean that you have to have just as much faith to adamantly not believe in God, if not more, than I do to believe in God.  You blindly accept science without thought to who created that science.  You (and by "you" I am generalizing to most atheists) dismiss the possibility of a miracle to desperately prove that there is a rational explanation for things.  Do you see how it takes so much faith to believe that there was a small mass of primordial ooze that exploded (somehow) to make the universe we live in?  The balance in which this universe is sustained, conditions that have to be met to make our habitat work and to keep us from being sucked into a black hole somewhere.

Think about it this way:  If you were to collect all the things that make a house, wood, cement, plumbing, electrical wiring, shingles, insulation, etc... and drop it from a helicopter, it would never make a house.  No matter how many times you did it. So how is it that one time ooze blew up and created a universe?  Who created that ooze?

I know what you're thinking too, who created God?  I don't have an answer other than God always was.  He's not my puppeteer who driects me where I go.  I have made the choice to actively follow God and to actively not follow God, and I will tell you, for a fact, that life is richer with God.  Life without God, not only led to drugs, promiscuity, drinking, and despair... but it led to a life that had no meaning.  Even the good things I did during those times held no joy or meaning because it was glorifying only to me.

Now that I have said that, let me say some positive things to you.  I love the fact that you are teaching your children to be open to other people and their lifestyles and beliefs.  It is something that I want to teach my own children.  In the way that I really want them to understand the faith that we have and to understand that there are people out there who don't believe as we do and that doesn't make them bad or "evil."  It doesn't make them amoral or Satanists.  I want them to learn that people are worthy of love DESPITE their beliefs not BECAUSE of them.  I agree with one of the commentators ahead of me that stated that she was sad at the disclusion of people as they are in churches today.  It is a sad state because truly, that is not how Jesus lived and taught.  I hope that people see your post and love you and understand what you are saying despite their own beliefe.  I pray for other believers not to be so blinded by religion and politics and agenda and forget to love the other person.  I say so in my own blog:  http://lisabrandosathome.blogspot.com ( http://lisabrandosathome.blogspot.com/ )

I wish the best for you and your daughters in this world we have to share.  I hope that you are blessed beyond measure and that one day, you will see where the blessings truly come from, even if you don't believe it now.

Lisa

I don't feel I need one. It's weird, I guess, but I don't look for a higher purpose. I don't believe in Evolution just like I don't Creationism, and I don't care to look into Evolution any further to find out which is more plausible because it doesn't matter to me. I feel that I'm able to be a complete person without focusing on anything spiritual. My children may not be that way though, so that's were education and open discussion on these talks comes in.

And they will definitely learn all they can about all of those things. All that I can teach them, and if I find a place I'm comfortable with them learning more about it in, there as well. :)

- Maria Young

http://immoralmatriarch.com
twitter.com/maria0305

I think faith is a completely personal choice and I've seen belief sustain people and uplift people and give them hope in dire situations, which is why I remain reverent about it, even in my Atheism.

And thank you!

- Maria Young

http://immoralmatriarch.com
twitter.com/maria0305

I just didn't feel the need to go into great detail about why I feel the way I do - I didn't think it was really that relevant to the point I was trying to make in the post.

I'm not in pain over anything, but I'm damn sure neurotic! The only time I've ever eaten pork, I was sick for a day. I seriously dry heaved over the lobster. My mind's playing tricks on me. :)

Although, I do believe that if you're going to be a part of a Bible based religion, you need to do what it says. So many religions have basically created their own rules and do whatever they want. I respect that Seventh Day Adventists don't try to over analyze the scriptures, they just take them as they are translated (King James Version) and they abide by them. I think if you're going to do it, you should do it right.

But yes, anyway, I am 150% Atheist, through and through.

- Maria Young

http://immoralmatriarch.com
twitter.com/maria0305

Especially religion, because it can have such an affect on your overall quality of life and the way you perceive everything around you. I can't do that to my girls.

- Maria Young

http://immoralmatriarch.com
twitter.com/maria0305

Saves a lot of drama! Haha.

- Maria Young

http://immoralmatriarch.com
twitter.com/maria0305

You're welcome, Maria, and i reallly appreciate your saying that.

Peace,

KimBlogHer Contributing Editor ( http://blogher.org/blog/kim-pearson )|Professor Kim ( http://professorkim.blogspot.com/ )|

[Double post!]

- Maria Young

http://immoralmatriarch.com
twitter.com/maria0305

Thanks Rebecca! I thought it was funny too, and the comments on it? Even funnier. :)

- Maria Young

http://immoralmatriarch.com
twitter.com/maria0305

It can definitely be difficult because I do my best to look at all sides and not offend people, but when you have the less popular view point or opinion, it's almost guaranteed that you will.

- Maria Young

http://immoralmatriarch.com
twitter.com/maria0305

until just last year. I had someone really break it down for me after listening to an explanation of my beliefs. He argued that I was an Atheist, and helped me realize that belief and knowledge are two completely different things, and while I do not claim to know if a God exists, I don't believe one exists either. So, I'm an Agnostic Atheist. With Apatheist leanings, because I really don't care either way (which REALLY blows that minds of Christians that I meet. *lol*)

- Maria Young

http://immoralmatriarch.com
twitter.com/maria0305

The connotations of the word. I can see how that could be taken offensively. I was just about the 'brought back to life' aspect.

Thank you for pointing that out.

- Maria Young

http://immoralmatriarch.com
twitter.com/maria0305

in the town I used to live in, and they are Agnostic, and attend it for the same reasons you do. They find it a great place to interact with people that are like minded, liberal, welcoming, etc. and they really enjoy their time there.

I think for me, it's sort of like you explained - just the word 'church' or anything similar puts a bad taste in my mouth. Your last paragraph though, about community, is really appealing to me. I may look more into it, because down here in the south - us bleeding hearts are too few for my tastes. :)

- Maria Young

http://immoralmatriarch.com
twitter.com/maria0305

Way to go!!  I call myself a Christian, though I get a pass on the zombie God thing.  I don't believe in a literal resurrection or that Jesus was literally one-with-God.  I'm about Biblical metaphor and the civil justice message of Christ.  I actaully just blogged about my journey away from a simplistic evangelical view of Christianity back to what I describe as a deeply personal Christianity.  But I had not yet decided whether I have the nerve to talk about being a Christian who is believes only in a metaphorical reading of scripture and not the zombie.  I leave the zombies on Buffy.  If you're interested, you can check out my post at:

http://conversationsaboutrealandsurreal.blogspot.c...

I wasn't as brave as you are.  I do question what holds you still without a centering tradition... I think its honest and important that you're carefully considering how to approach religion with you children.  Like any other system, when in the wrong hands, it can be a tool of oppression, even abuse.  I'm sure you're doing the best you can with what you think is right. 

One last point, as an English Lit major and a philosophy minor, just be sure your kids get some grounding in the history of religious myth or western literature and philosophy will be harder to pick up.

Peace.

Nettalyce

I am a Christian and while I may originally have had this belief system imposed upong me by my parents (..As for me and my house, we will serve the Lord), I later came to an adult, well thought out, appreciation for the actual truth that the Word of God reveals.  For example most people don't realize that nearly all of the Levitical laws dictating how and what people could eat actually kept Jewish people safe from the inherent dangers in consuming these foods prerefrigeration  becuase of the potential danger in eating these foods in their native state.  But I digress, if you are interested in a discussion of how scientifically accurate the bible is than send me a note.

I wonder how much your current bellief system was based on a pure reaction to a very repressive legalistic system that Seventh Day Adventist typically practice.  You don't appear to fully have come to terms with the pain of your childhood as evidenced by your continued nuerotic responses to food.  I don't write this to ridicule you because I too undoubtedly have some weird ingrained reponses to reality that can only be explained by my upbringing.  So I do question how much your orientation to all things religious is truly a well thought out, systematic evaluation of your faith versus you naturally rebelling against craziness.  I invite you (not pity you or command you) to take some time to really investigate the Christ in Christianity.  You will find him to not be a deity waiting to pounce on you for eating the wrong foods but rather a precious friend who wants to comfort your heart and who has pledged to never leave you.  In this crazy place we call life, how can you beat that.

So again I respect your right to believe whatever you choose (thank God for America) but I can't help but to respond to the pain your post reveals.  Also, you appear to be passing on the worst parts of your childhood faith to your kids without even giving them the potential benefit of the good parts.  Sorry if I have offended, it really was not my intention.

Flat out.  I believe in the Jewish Zombie.  I also think as Christians, we often do a terrible job of sharing it with others.  Christians mistake Christianity (which is a set of beliefs) with Religion (which often involves telling people who they must worship).  We alienate.  It's sad.

For me it's really sad because I find such joy and strength in my faith.  It sustains me through difficulte times and lifts me up even further during the good times.  But that's me.  When I share my faith, it is because I truly wish everyone could feel the joy--pure unabashed joy--I feel.  But that isn't how the world always works.

Good luck.  Thanks for sharing your perspective.  I find in informative and interesting.  I may not agree with you but you have my respect and I hope you also have joy, however you may find that.  (Not trying to sound like I pity.  Just a genuine wish).

I was rasied Catholic, and went to a Catholic school until high school.  I think that people try to force their beliefs on other people.  I find it hard to believe that people don't understand why your beliefs would be different then their own. 

I don't consider myself to be part of any religion now...I think that religion is a man made creation.  It teachs people to follow the leader and not ask questions. Religion brings war between people not peace.

If I ever have children, I will not raise them to be any religion. If they choice to follow a religion I will be support their decision. 

Dani

A Daily Dose of Dani ( http://dbartol.blogspot.com/ )

The non-religious among us always feel bombarded with pity and righteousness from the religious. I just keep quiet, but am glad to hear from others. You were brave to take on this topic, as I passed. My kids are being raised without organized religion (so far), but we do celebrate the secular aspects of religion as we come from two backgrounds. If they want to pursue it further, we would support them, but if not, they can be just like us.

Angela at mommy bytes ( http://www.mommybytes.com )
BlogHer Contributing Editor in Mommy & Family Cribsheet

Full-disclosure: I am a Unitarian Universalist and an Athiest-Humanist (if I had to put a label on it). I am raising my kids to make their own choices about what they want to believe, and believe that we are all, always searching, learning, and growing.

UU's debate about whether it's a religion. Some find it hard to evangelize because there is no one binding creed (no call to believe in a god etc.). Others don't want to call it a religion because that implies, well, all the negative things that go along with religion.

It took me two years before I was comfortable telling people I went to a church because the word "church" is so loaded. I didn't want people making judgments about me or what I believed. (Yes, I go to a church. No, I am not Christian...) I don't know what else to call it though. Despite it being called a church, it's more of a gathering place where all people, regardless of their beliefs are welcome. There is no creed or holy book and most services I attend never mention the word god. Our gathering hall has no religious iconography in it: no cross, no statue of Jesus etc. Just a chalice and some flower arrangements.

If you (not you-you, the collective you) are the type to shy away from organized community (not even religion, just community) then no "church" will be right. I was looking for a place where I could pursue social justice issues and where my kids could learn about all faiths and philosophies and learn to to be open-minded and loving-hearted citizens of the world.

I live in a college town so our church really benefits from that: Sundays (some things about church never change) are like my own personal university lecture and our educational program rivals any University Extension or the Learning Annex. I like the community there. (Maybe that's a hold-over from my Catholic up-bringing. Although we didn't go to mass, like, ever, I loved the sense of community when I was there.) I like knowing that the people around me share my bleeding-heart liberal beliefs. My UU supports my "family values."

I would still be teaching our values to my daughters even without the UU church and I know they'd probably turn out fine. I just like knowing that there is a community around them to support them if for some reason they ever felt like they couldn't talk to me about anything. And it's nice for them to see that other kids who are 4 and 6 think it's normal to go to protests or to not use paper towels and hang their laundry outside or that kids can have two mommies or two daddies.

Thank you for your post!

Stefania Pomponi Butler

I blog:
CityMama ( http://citymama.typepad.com )
Kimchi Mamas ( http://kimchimamas.typepad.com )
MOMocrats ( http://momocrats.typepad.com )

That Youtube quote was just hillarious, no two ways about it. I'm a (sort of) practicing, if skeptical, Catholic. I did baptise my children and like to go to church every now and again. But if I ever have to lose my sense of humour to be religious . . .? There's no contest -- the humour stays.

Rebecca

Get the dish without the dirt.

playgroundconfidential.com ( http://playgroundconfidential.com/ )

I commend you for being so up front about your beliefs and I do think you did it in a respectful manner. It's hard to be true to yourself and other people at the same time, Maybe your example will inspire others to write about things (religious or otherwise) even if they know the subject matter will not be very popular with the reading public. If nothing else, this practice opens people up to debate, and as long as that is done in a cool-headed and civil manner a lot of progress can be made.

http://www.somewherethesunisrising.com

Hi Maria,

 My difficulty is with the word "Zombie"

I accept the quote as a summary of the beliefs some have about Christianity, although I don't share it.

The word "zombie" though, has insulting connotations that I'm sure you didn't intend. If taken literally, it also has a religious connotation, coming from vodun as it does. Either way, it refers to a once-dead being brought back to life by a sinister outside force, and that doesn't make sense.

I certainly respect your right to believe as you do, and to raise your children in the way that you think is best for them.  

Peace,

Kim 

KimBlogHer Contributing Editor ( http://blogher.org/blog/kim-pearson )|Professor Kim ( http://professorkim.blogspot.com/ )|

Hi Maria,

Thanks for writing such a courageous post.  I know you must take quite a bit of heat for publicly proclaiming your atheism.

Personally I'm an agnostic--one of those people who's not quite courageous enough to publicly call myself an atheist--and the primary reason for me is because I'm a student of the media.   The Bible was written by men with a specific audience and agenda in mind. 

Therefore for so many people in this day and age to interpret the Bible literally, about so many societal issues, gives me major cause for concern.

Megan
BlogHer Contributing Editor, TV/Online Video ( http://www.blogher.com/blog/megan-smith )

Megan's Minute ( http://www.megansminute.com/ ) 

It was someone else's.

Condense the basics of Christianity down and whether the overall statement is a joke or not, it's truth. Is it all encompassing? No. But it's basic, and accurate.

It doesn't matter, though - I don't need a theology lesson and I'm not ridiculing anyone. I find myself to be pretty tolerant, and usually have no problem with others as long as someone isn't looking to be offended.

- Maria Young

http://immoralmatriarch.com
twitter.com/maria0305

I just need them to be open minded and accepting of other people's beliefs, and have thick skin, and I want to teach them the same things you want for your own future babes, of course!

- Maria Young

http://immoralmatriarch.com
twitter.com/maria0305

It's not.

If you'd like to open a dialogue about why, that is fine -- and we can do that on or off line. The world of Christianity is by far more open than your characterization of it. And there are many folks amid those you ridicule for their faith, who respect your right to choose atheism.

~~ Contributing Editor, Mata H. also blogs right along at Time's Fool ( http://timesfool.blogspot.com )

"...cosmic Jewish Zombie who was his own father can make you live forever if you symbolically eat his flesh and telepathically tell him you accept him as your master, so he can remove an evil force from your soul that is present in humanity because a rib-woman was convinced by a talking snake to eat from a magical tree..."

As a self-designated "Christian-influenced Paganish Spiritualist" I find this quote very accurate and actually amusing in its simplicity of what's actually taught.  I enjoy reading different points of view on spirituality and religion and I absolutely can agree and empathize with this entire post.

I have no children, but I plan to have them sooner rather than later and this issue (spirituality and religion) has been a question in the back of my mind for the longest time.  Although I am a seldom-practicing Pagan (Wiccan/Witch), I often wonder how I will relay a lifetime of self spiritual exploration to a child's wonder of the world.  I don't want to block their love of life and exploration of what the world (and the lifestyle I hope to gift them) has to offer, but I plan to encourage a love and understanding for humankind and all living things they come into contact with so they can appreciate the Good that's Universal...and how it can be presented to them in even the simplest, yet awesome, packages.

Hmm...Perhaps my future babies can teach ME a thing or two... <smile>

I think the fact that you even consider such things is an indicator of how well-rounded and tolerant your children will be when faced with a world that won't "give" when it comes to what they THINK they should believe and how they should live their lives.

:)

It's a pretty accurate synopsis of Christianity, whether it's ridicule or not.

- Maria Young

http://immoralmatriarch.com
twitter.com/maria0305

cosmic Jewish Zombie who was his own father can make you live forever if you symbolically eat his flesh and telepathically tell him you accept him as your master, so he can remove an evil force from your soul that is present in humanity because a rib-woman was convinced by a talking snake to eat from a magical tree...

How sad that this is an image ridiculing Christianity that you find worth displaying.

~~ Contributing Editor, Mata H. also blogs right along at Time's Fool ( http://timesfool.blogspot.com )

I'm aware of UU, I know an Agnostic couple that participates in it. I personally am not interested in being a part of any sort of religion, non denominational or not, nor involving my daughters in it.

If were to pull an Anne Rice and become a believer, I'd still not attend worship services. My thoughts on religion are almost completely separate from my thoughts on God, and they apply to Unitarian Universalism as well.

- Maria Young

http://immoralmatriarch.com
twitter.com/maria0305

You know, atheists are welcome in some churches that actually have religious education classes to teach kids ABOUT other religions and to always respect them.  Unitarian Universalists are completely open and non-christian churches, where people can come to worship love and nature or just the higher power of good citizenship.  This is a church that people find hard to believe actually exist. (Many UU churches will perform civil unions for gay and lesbian couples.)  I have found this church to help give my kids an education on all religions while not favoring christianity.