The attempted change of a hopeless romantic...
It’s a delight, I suppose, when you wake up and want to change. Is it something that has to happen or is it something that just comes up? I think it can be both. The relishment of what is it to have a concept of difference is, well, a delight. It’s like smelling a fresh rose or getting a new hair cut, not quite comparing to getting a new job or finding a new man. Sometimes going out of your comfort zone can be refreshing.
Dating women, for instance, not a spur of the moment thing but like whipped cream on top of that nice scoop of icecream. Is it just me or is that ‘phat’. Oh my, my mind wonders when I think of those lips or …. heels…
What comes over me?
Anyways, back to change. So I am trying to change the course of my life. I am looking for new workout routines and different eating habits. To be honest, I could just be happy eating cellery and chocolate milk on a saturday afternoon. But, lets get real, the statistics of society claims, if we do not follow our ambition to fit in, then we are just f-ing weird. What does that mean? I am kind of cautious to get a funky drink at starbucks because I feel like the conformity of being accepted would take away from my own passion of freedom. What?! It’s starbucks, seriously. Anyways, I seem to just stick to my own routine and patterns but to be honest, I am getting quite bored.
I’m thinking of sex…. no really…. sex. I know my compassion can come and play at night but… something is holding me back. As I am watching Sex and the City, I seem to reminisce on what I’ve experienced with it and to be honest, my mind wonders straight back to the egotistical point of view of a naked body and what I find amusing about it. What is that all about? I’m amused yet bruised. My poor va - jay jay. I don’t know what to do! I feel fat so I don’t want anyone to see me naked and…. I am contemplating about my sexuality so I am too chicken shit to be with a woman. Ah, a mid-life crisis at 27 years old. What’s next? New teeth?
I think I am a hopeless romantic, wait, we are talking about change right? Right. Okay. So, sometimes I walk for hours at a time in the hot weather.. ( I DO live in Texas, yehaw ) and I seem to get a lot of comfort from it. I have confined myself to society with getting a tan…. and I become some what obsessed with it on a level of, well, just looking ‘better’. Tear. I wish my confidence in my personality fit in with my confidence of how I look. I am wearing a shirt that says ‘fierce’ on it, as I light a cigg, I am a mess.
Well, as my thoughts unwind, I think it’s time for some art. I know that that is a broad spectrum but, as art lives within itself, explore the possibilities.
Until next time….