The Attraction of Opposites

Opposite has worked out well in our case, but maybe that's becuase we are similar on some  points that are mutually important. We are both able to communicate and listen (that, and we are similar politically!). Because of this our differences have given each of us a way to experience another world.

Example- he was raised in another country with a different langauge with a radically different culture. He lived through a civil-revolution-turned-bloody-war and through a dramatic escape, arrived in America at 16 to raise himself. Meanwhile I grew up in the back woods 20 miles from anything, as isolated as they come. Yeah, we are pretty different.

But we both believe that these differences piqued our curiousity intially and then brought us closer together over time. Today we would say we are very similar, though in the beginning, not so much.

There are definitely some things that people need to have in common, or at least they should have a respect for (especially with music being such a huge factor in your life!). It's like me looking for someone who takes care of their body -- I'm not a couch potato, so I'm not looking for that in someone else.

Personal blog: Keep Up With Me ( http://www.zandria.us )
BlogHer blog: Singles/Fitness ( http://blogher.com/blog/zandria )

i can accept alot of differences, but recently had a guy look me in the eye and say he wasn't into music at all.  I have a masters degree in music.  the guy doesn't have to like opera, but a guy saying that let's me know he doesn't care what I think.  I've already been through being with someone who after I gave a performance said, "It's not my taste."  he couldn't even say, I did a good job even though I already knew he wasn't into musicals.  Some things are just non-negotiable with good reason.

www.SavvySingleChristian.blogspot.com ( http://www.savvysinglechristian.blogspot.com/ )

Catch the Christian Schadenfreude

I think that's a really good point. If I limit my search for someone who has particular characteristics I'm looking for, that would would be leaving out a lot of people.

Personal blog: Keep Up With Me ( http://www.zandria.us )
BlogHer blog: Singles/Fitness ( http://blogher.com/blog/zandria )

Well, perhaps "opposites" is a really black and white word. But I've most recently been looking for someone Just Like Me and you see how well that's worked out. :)

This time around I'm going to be more open to *some* differences, like you say.

Liz Rizzo ( http://blogher.org/blog/liz-rizzo )

I blog at Everyday Goddess ( http://everydaygoddess.typepad.com/ ).

I agree with the points made by the ladies above, but yes, CoLa, you did a good job of reiterating what I was trying to say. I definitely think it would be great to have things in common with the person I'm with -- an interest in fitness and physical activity is an important commonality -- but with other things it can be interesting when they're a little different.

Personal blog: Keep Up With Me ( http://www.zandria.us )
BlogHer blog: Singles/Fitness ( http://blogher.com/blog/zandria )

Don't listen to what they say.

Pay attention to what they DO!

 I agree with Zandria. She didn't say that she looks for someone she has absolutely nothing in common with. She Just said its not important for her partner to have the same political views and like the same books. It can be an excellent learning experience to date someone with different interests. As long as both partners have open minds there is no reason that there should be problems. My boyfriend loves to hunt, fish, camp and watch/play football. He's very "outdoorsy". I on the other hand am a bookworm and I love going to museums and plays. But he has taken me camping and fishing several times this summer and I have loved it. We even got caught in a terrible rainstorm and I'm still optimistic about camping. I love letting him teach and show me how to do things that he really loves. He in turn has gone to some museums and other things that I like and found that he also enjoys it. We've only been together 9 months but I think despite our differences we are extremely compatible.

The person you choose for your partner depends on your comfort level. If you feel safer doing what you know then look for a partner with the same interests. Otherwise be adventurous! Date someone who is different than you!

~CoLa~

Dating someone who is very different than you are is an awesome experience and one that enriches your life. However, I do believe that if you’re looking for a serious relationship, things are considerably easier, as Shelly pointed out, when the partners have a lot in common.

Vered DeLeeuw

http://momgrind.com/

Hi Zandria,

Although I don't completely disagree with you, I do have to say that it makes things much easier if you have things in common with whom you're dating or married to.  I like your thoughts about learning new things from someone else, but as far as your interests in traveling go, if your guy says he doesn't mind if you travel now, he may change his mind later and want you home more often, especially if you get married and have children later.  That is something that would be good to have in common with someone.  Reading... as long as he doesn't mind how much you read and doesn't get irritated that you're not spending that time with him, then you're fine.  Politics?  My opinion is if you can agree to disagree, you'll be okay, but differences in politics, and even going as far as religion, it's nice if you agree so that you can discuss your thoughts together and not be irritated if he doesn't agree with you.  Those topics can be very touchy.  When I met my husband, we had a lot in common, and now we have even more in common because we were able to merge our varying interests beyond what we had in common.  We made sure we were compatible, which is the most important thing.  As far as looks and build go, don't be deceived because those things will fade with time.  Personality is much more important than looks should ever be.  Good luck in finding Mr. Right!

Shelly