Is "Aunt" a Title or a Role?
by Rita Arens

I was talking to a soon-to-be-50-and-childless friend the other day, and she mentioned that she'd moved back to Missouri from Montana after her sister asked her to come back -- because she wanted her to be an aunt to her children.

To BE an aunt.

It got me thinking -- what is the role of aunt? What role do we play in our siblings' kids' lives?

I remember my aunts watching out for me. They seemed glamorous, mostly because I didn't see them when they weren't dressed in real clothes. And they wore make-up and sometimes high heels, which was totally awesome. They invited me into adult conversations and celebrated my life with me with a unique third-party acceptance so vital to a growing girl. I adore my aunts.

I am aunt to fifteen kids on my husband's side. I became their aunt when I married my husband, but I didn't realize I was their aunt until one day when I was taking them to the park, and my then-five-year-old niece took my hand so trustingly. She knew I was now a Trusted Adult in her life, one who would throw myself in front of a bus for her. It did something to me -- it changed my perspective.

The mommy and family category here at BlogHer is most often read by mommies and grandmommies, but it's really for everyone who's part of a family.

There's an amazing photo montage called They Played Aunt by April that you should really see. My favorite caption:

They always incorporated lots of difficult tricks that only the aunts were able to do and the whole world was amazed by their abilities.

Our own Suzanne extols the virtues of auntdom:

I have had the honorary role of an aunt. I discovered that I like it a lot. Basically, I can come over, her sons are excited to see me, and we can play for a little while. Then I can go home, relax, and stare blankly at the TV while Alex potty trains her sons or gives them bathes or fights with them to stop giving scraps to the dog. If I want to spoil her kids, I have a bit more discretionary income to do so since I don't have to pay for their basic necessities, and no one ever gets mad at an aunt for treating her nephews to things. Sure, I do worry about them, but really, I get all the benefits of hanging out with kids and significantly fewer of the headaches. It's awesome. I love being a part of their lives, and I hope that as they get older, I can be a trusted adult to help them out in both good and tough times.

"Aunt" is a special role, one that seems to smack of food, as most of the searches I did revealed so-and-so's recipes. Why is it our female relatives remind us mostly of food? But I loved foodie Clotilde's of Chocolate and Zucchini's decision to become official cake-baker for her nephew:

I was an aunt, and not just one in a dozen, either: that baby's one and only aunt.

This unique position comes with great responsibility. Obviously I plan to be the really cool aunt, not the one with the prickly chin and the funny smell, and my strategy includes volunteering as the official birthday cake baker.

My nieces and nephews realize I never bring the good food. I bring the wine. But I love to watch them grow into incredible people, three of whom have reached technical adulthood. I hope they know I remember holding them, kissing them, sledding with them, asking them about their lives. I hope they love me as much as I love them. This post is dedicated to my nieces and nephews, the whole lot of you.

Comments

 

Aunts are important and I learned from the
best

I am so happy to see something about the role of AUNTs here and I hope we'll think well of uncles too.    I am childless - more by circumstance than by design.  I always wanted 4 kids but didn't find the right guy to be their father until it was too late to carry babies.  So - we are Uncle Dan and Aunt Lynn to 10 on my side and 8 on his side plus countless cousins who are just as close and call us aunt and uncle.   It is a role we take on with a sense of responsibility.   We learned a lot from aunts and uncles and want to do the same for our families.   We have the time that parents do not; we have patience when parents limits have maxed out.   We are there to know what the parents want for their kids and are able to support that.  We have skills and abilities to supplement those of parents and the willingness to share it because we aren't exhausted from meal prep, extra laundry, bath time, sports and too much Barney blaring in the background.

Once the 16 year old son of a cousin was fighting with his father about going some where.   He pulled me into it and said "I bet YOUR dad didn't ask you all of these dumb questions before YOU went out!"  My cousin was fuming by then and exhausted by the work it took to communicate with this headstrong kid.   I calmly said "Oh yes he did.  He wanted to know that I didn't have to walk home in the cold and rain; that I had money to eat and didn't go hungry if my friends went out; that I didn't have to walk for miles after dark.  He asked because he cared" As I spoke my cousin seemed relieved and his son became embarrassed.   I got my cousins message across in a way that he could not because he was too close to the situation.   That same "kid' is a 30 year old man with his own boy now and is very happy to have Aunt Lynn come over to love on him.   i feel doubly blessed. 

 Lynn PO

Blogging about helping elderly parents and assisted living at http://help-4-mom.blogspot.com