Dating While Pansexual


My first romantic/ sexual relationship with a woman was a space for me to explore my sexuality in ways that did not include reading books or participating in online discussions. That is, I was able to put into practice the things that I theorized about myself and have new discoveries. My ex-girlfriend (we’ll call her "S") was more than willing to explore sex with me. "S" and I had conversations about what each of us wanted and needed in bed. Of course, open communication about sex isn’t specific to same-gender relationships. I found a home, though, in her arms.

There was a connection that I made with "S" when we were intimate; this connection deepened my love and care for her. In short, I was able to give more of myself in this relationship than I ever had in my hetero relationships. Being authentic about what I needed and wanted brought me “home.” I was comfortable, affirmed, and able to create an affirming space for my partner as well. I experienced harmony unlike any other.

As I continue to define myself, my queerness, and my womanhood, I find that I am freer than I ever was. Before I had the words to describe myself, I knew I was “different”; having the vocabulary to specifically name these parts of myself means I have an added clarity. I can use this language to seek out others like me, and create spaces for us where we are affirmed and loved. I am empowered to do and be a strong visible member of the communities I inhabit when I remain authentic to myself.

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