Autistic Toddler and His Mother Removed From Plane For "Uncontrollable Behavior"

This is the perfect example of mothers pitted against mothers.

The one sided opinions of people who obviously consider themselves experts either because they have a child or have seen a child drives me nuts.

First while everyone is "defending" disabled children, you come across more as that they are wild animals than children who have different needs but still can behave humanly. Just because a child has Autism does not give the parents the right to let them behave in a dangerous manner.

No my child is not Autistic, but a friend of mine has a son who is, she always has a back-up plan, she knows what sets him off, she would never take him to something like flying where there is no way out without going through "A DRY RUN" and she would never let someone else try to control him.

Now say the flght attendant let him keep the belt loose and the child fell and hurt himself? Who would get blamed for that one? The airline right?  They are there to make sure your flight is safe and comortable.

I want my attendants fuly trained on safety, not every personal problem imaginable. To many parents let the authority figure take contol of their children when ultimately it is the parents responsibility.

The comments made just give parents more free reign on not controling their kids. I do understand that you can't always predict what a child will do, disabled or not. I have 3 boys and a husband, the public humiliation is beyond countable. I am just really tired of everyone blaming others for their own lack of accountibility.

Their were 2 adults related to this child, if both of them could'nt control him what make you think a flight attendant can? Did the mother ask to be moved to the front or back? as to try to keep the disturbance limited? Did the mother let the airline know that there could be problem with her kids?  Why did she let the attendant continually do the seatbelt and not herself?

The flight attendant let her frustration get the better of her and let things get out of control.

So you see they are both in the wrong.  The comments here posted against one another as parents are truely terrible as with most blogs I read.

All children get out of control at one time or another, the difference is whether or not the parent is trying to do something about it or not.

And no I don't want to buy a pair of 2$ head-phones and deal with it. I want to have a conversation with my family if I want. I don't expect others to inconvience themselves because I'm having an issue, I have enough respect for others to keep my misery to myself.

I think that maybe airlines should invest in training their crew members in dealing with people that have disabilities and especially children with disabilities.  I guess the first question I have is if this child appeared uncontrollable after her first attempt to tighten the seatbelt, then why didn't the flight attendant at that point just ask the mother (with a smile and a good attitude) to intervene right then instead of taking it upon herself to go back and do the same thing several times, when it obviously escalated the situation?

Apparently, the flight attendant contributed to the escalating behavior of the child. I believe children usually respond a bit better to people they know.  Also, travelling for a child on the spectrum is very stressful, especially with all the visual and audio stimulation that goes with a busy airport, bus-station, etc.  Environment plays a huge part.  I learned a long time ago, that places which foster so much stimulation, generally produce a melt-down at some point. So what do you do if you have to travel with a child with an ASD? There are a lot of things we do ...but you never know when it won't work just that one time.

I think that kits-for-kids idea that Pam presented would be absolutely wonderful!  And I know when traveling on a train, plane or automobile, we always have stuff planned for all my children to do, including the one with ASD.  It doesn't always work or work very long...but at least it's there.  I also think that the airline should not only consider the child's disability, but in this situation the child's age.  2.5years is awful young to expect perfect behavior out of a child.  That is why they call them the terrible 2's! 

Last, I must address, Scrapalatte.  I just respectfully disagree with your comment about the mother having better control of her child.  The child has a disability...it just isn't in the physical form, rather it affects behavior.  There is enough literature to become more aware of what Autism is...but to get a real good sense of Autism, then maybe consider volunteering or working with Autistic children for about a week.  You will slowly begin to understand that these kids need love, compassion and direction...just like all children do.  And you will learn that each one has different ways of reacting to you, others and their surrounding...and anything can set them off.

The difference is the way their brains process information; it isn't typical and therefore they express their emotions based on how they receive and process information.  Sometimes, receptive-expressive for an ASD child is done in such a typical manner that no one notices the child might be different from any other child.  And sometimes, well...you get a situation like the one above.  Problem is, if scientists (who just announced new research today), can figure out why...then maybe the problem of acting out in public would be solved and the mother wouldn't look like a mother who has no control of her child. The fact is there is no set of criteria that says if you do X then your ASD child will act like Y.  It just doesn't work that way, not for kids on the spectrum and not for kids off the spectrum. 

So was the mother out of line?  No.  I surmise that she didn't want her child to act that way, she didn't want to be kicked off the plane and she probably wouldn't wish the situation on her worst enemy.  It appears that once the flight attendant continued to escalate the situation with her son...it was already too late.  And that is where training could be useful in how to deal with the situation...maybe ask the Mom to make sure her son's belt was on tight he was sitting down during take off. And then maybe the mother would have had time to explain her childs situation and hopefully the attendant would have at that point been more compassionate.

I agree with many of you that we (as fellow passengers) and the airline industry need to learn how to deal with a range of passenger needs.

Autism IS on the rise. A good friend of ours has an autistic son and I see her do everything she can to manage him in public. But sometimes circumstances fly beyond their control. It's unbelievably difficult -- not just on a flight, but every day, hour after hour, exhausting.

I remember when I was on an overnight flight with my then three-year-old son who had his first and only outbreak of itchy hives. He screamed and cried as welts formed all over his body. A flight attendant calmly brought us some antihistamine ointment: problem solved!

Was it because we were on Swiss Air? I wish all airlines were so well prepared, and I wish all flight attendants were as understanding as this one. 

You worded this SO Much better than I could have. I only have one other thing to add:

To people who "put it all on the mom"- You have NO idea what it is like to be in that parents shoes at that moment. Flying is STRESSFUL. Im SO glad that the day my 3 year old son decided to have 3 blowouts in the airport and 2 on the plane, resulting in his only wearable clothes being his baby brother's diaper, I was not on this type of flight. He was miserable. I was miserable, my baby (which was a lap baby) was miserable because I was miserable. I was one who packed PLENTY of things for my kids to do that day. I even managed to get our flight time during napping hours.

I cannot believe you simply would rather have us take a train or bus or car and have to suffer it for days rather than just a few hours. Get over it. learn to deal with peoples (and childrens) disabilities and inabilities to cope. We get over your inabilities to cope with other things. Give the families a break. Put your handy little $2 headphones on, close your eyes, and cope. That is, after all, what you expect these kids to do.

Beth

http://couchconfessional.blogspot.com

http://my2monsters.blogspot.com

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Several years ago, we flew to Florida with our sons, one of whom has an ASD. Our day involved more than the usual delays and dilemmas, and it was taxing for all of us. At one point, I found myself sitting on the floor in the airport with my quirky son sobbing in my lap and insisting that we just GO HOME NOW NOW NOW. My other son, my typical kid, sat not five feet away coloring and singing to his stuffed friends.

So which am I -- the disfunctional mother who can't control her child, or the perfect parent who packed crayons and healthy snacks and friendly stuffed animals?

Traveling with children is hard, under any circumstances, and I would agree with Pam that there are an awful lot of parents in airports who have no idea what it takes to get through that experience without a meltdown. But I am saddened by the knee jerk conclusion that this is bad parenting, or that this is just another incidence of parents who cope with their own shortcomings by medicating their children.

I think it's okay to let kids be kids, even in airports; it is a lot to expect that even the most neurotypical child will make it through a full day of travel without at least a wee bit of struggle. Sometimes kids cry, and some kids, those who are experiencing the world from a dramatically different perspective than you and I do, often have a hard time bouncing back.

In the end, this story makes me sad for the little boy, because I know -- first hand -- that he is at the beginning of a lifetime of being punished for his difference by people who don't have the time to be compassionate for a moment.

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Ah, but I do.  I am in a classroom on a very regular schedule and lead a den of Cub Scouts and I see first hand how many parents are electing to medicate vs descipline their children. 

And my best friend has a bi-polar child, so I also see the wonders of medicene when used correctly.

So no, I am not letting shitty parenting off the hook in many instances.  Sorry. 

...it's the old "too many medicated children in the world today" argument.  Everybody should just buck and fly straight, right?  Sounds to me like the words of someone who has never had to deal with this kind of heartache.  I hope you never do.

Shannon @ Rocks In My Dryer
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BlogHer Contributing Editor, Mommy and Family

MU, your husband is a pilot and you side with the disfunctional Mother? Wow. Please run it past him how a decision to turn a plane around gets made over a minor situation. I'd be curious to know the deets.

This must have been some sort a big deal to warrant an additional landing and take-off (at the expense of the airlines, and the time of the other passengers).

If you know that your child won't handle a situation, why put them and every passenger on the plane into it? Take a train or car. There are alternative means of transportation today.

BTW, I think there are already too many medicated children in the world today because their parents can't/won't deal with them. But a shot of whiskey at the gate wouldn't hurt ;)

As a wife of a pilot and someone who flies alone with two kids more than I would like, I have to say that my youngest (18 months old) BARELY sits with a seatbelt on for take off and landing. I've had a few tell me that he needs to be seated (and when they do that I whip out the jelly beans), but the seatbelt is never tight because it's that or screaming which apparently would get us kicked off American Eagle. 

Honestly, it sounds like the flight attendant was overzealous. 

And to Scrapalatte - we all come as prepared as possible. Even my child with typical needs can be difficult to handle, regardless of how many kits I pack in my bag. Add sensory processing issues, among other things, and you've got a totally different situation.

I have many years experience as a child therapist working with children with autism and depending on how they process the environment, any small thing can set them off and even an extra prepared parent can be helpless. I'll save the plethora of analogies I could use to offer an example. 

I'm sure the parent probably had the belt on loosely so not to increase his/her child's agitation with the situation.

Maybe you should market zombie pills or electro-shock kid leashes? I bet those would be pretty damn "effective." 

Motherhood Uncensored ( http://www.motherhooduncensored.net )

I don't think we are getting both sides of this story. Wouldn't the Mother of an Autistic child have many tools in her bag of tricks to be used in such a situation? I highly doubt that any flight attendant would purposefully agitate a child pitching a fit.

I am putting any and all responsibility back onto the Mother. SHE is the one who needs additional training on how to handle her child.

It seems to me that many parents who refuse to handle their children (autistic or otherwise) in an effective manner get up in arms when an on-looker, stranger, sales clerk, teacher, etc. attempts to step in. And then they get their undies in a bunch.

It's so sad to read this kind of news when people have little awareness in handling autistic kids or kids for that matter.

I am pretty sure that this is not the first time autistic kids have flown.  I'm wondering if flight attendants are being trained to handle special situations.  They shoud be taught to, for managing autistic kids, in a kind and compassionate manner.

Evelyn

Break Free from Limiting Beliefs ( http://www.attractionmindmap.com )

 A "pre-flight tool kit!"  What a fantastic idea.  You're right--I think parents of ALL kids could use that. 

Shannon @ Rocks In My Dryer
www.rocksinmydryer.net ( http://www.rocksinmydryer.net/ )
BlogHer Contributing Editor, Mommy and Family

Well said, Shannon. Having flown with young children, as many of us have, it makes the world of difference if a flight attendant is tuned in. Trying to "control" the situation, as this flight attendant was doing, usually backfires. And having the parent and child leave the plane is unbelievable. I'm sure the child's behavior escalated due to the flight attendant's manner and stress level. I think the passengers' flying experience would have been less distruptive and manageable if the parent and child hadn't been forced to leave the plane. It is also offensive that the flight attendant was "managing the child" over the parent. Autistic or not, airplane personnel need to have training on how to deal with children!

...what it will be like if I ever have to fly with my Asperger's son? This is getting ridiculous.

Whenever this happens, I think, oh, failed again. Failed again. Random thoughts on the matter:

Parents that aren't seasoned travelers often seem ill-prepared for the stress it puts on their kids. I would love to see the airlines provide some kind of pre-flight toolkit for parents - along with something that lays out the possible consequences should things go horribly wrong. A little information would go a long way. How 'bout the "Want a kid's kit" checkbox when you order your ticket? Or a link to advice about air travel with kids when you order? 

Surly flight attendents seem all too common these days. I've not doubt that the interference made things worse - senstive kid, manhandled by a surly stranger? I'd be freaked too! I would like to see the flight attendents be firm but polite. "I'm VERY sorry, but you must control your child or we will be forced to put you off the plane." But getting in there and being the enforcer seems really inappropriate to me. 

Kids on planes are a hotbutton issue. It doesn't promise to get any better, I'm really sorry to say. 

Nerd's Eye View ( http://www.nerdseyeview.com )

It's a little scary to think that this could really happen.  I'd never head of this before the post.

I think this just goes to show you that tolerance for and knowldege of disabilities (especailly those that can't be physically observed) has not come as far as we would have hoped.  On top of dealing with what can be a very challenging parenting role, this mother has now had humiliation, emotional harm to her child, and the inconvenience of the situation added to her plate.  All so the other passengers could rest more comforably during a fit?  That just doesn't make sense. 

Sarah

World's Greatest Mommy?

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