Avoidance

I believe part of why I stay so busy is avoidance.  I have had a rough time the last five years; with a marriage ending, losing both my step-father and my mother; and an engagement broken.  I moved from one state to another, was unemployed for a while, and went to college. If you have ever seen those articles that list the risk factors for a heart attack...yep, I'm there!!
 
Do I stay busy to avoid dealing with everything?  I would say yes and no.  I am well aware of everything that happened and its ongoing affect on me.  Have I set time aside to delve deep inside? Nope.  
 
I am not sure what purpose that would serve.  It will not change what happened.  I am aware of my own actions, my own part, and my own response in each event.  Do I stay busy to avoid memories? Yep.
 
Is it avoidance?  Maybe.  It could also be that once the floodgates open, I am afraid I will not be able to get them closed.  Busy is much preferable to bawling in the fetal position in the corner!!
 
Back to work for me...I'm busy!!
 
Love,
Jerri

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