Awake & Worried

It is 2:42 a.m. and here I sit in front of my laptop, awake.  I woke at about 1:15 to pee and toddle back to the comfort of my bed but the mind had other ideas.  I started going through my day of shopping for shoes and a cocktail dress for an event this month.  The mind is a crazy thing sometimes so it ambled to the lunch conversation I had with my sister and what has been bugging me for awhile, Daddy.  Daddy is languishing in a special hospital right now without a hip.  His hip that was not even 2 years old got an abcess and now he has no hip.  The idiot doctor denied that he even came to see him when the nasty thing popped up but Sis said, "Oh yes, we saw him and he sent us on our merry way."  That is making me angrier and angrier.  My Daddy is in pain and agony and away from his home because the ego of this doctor that just had an assembly line of hip replacements going on.  My Daddy is caught in the crossfire of the doctor's ambition.  Now my mind is worried about where we are going to put Daddy.  The special hospital has told "ME", as I am the contact and official in charge person, that he will be released April 11 and we need to find him a Skilled Nursing Facility.  Okay, a SKF is the last place Momma was when she died.  Daddy is very upset and so are we three "kids".  It is not something we, or at least I, did not want to deal with now.  And since Bro and Sis point the finger at me to do it all, well, I get to make the final decision, like I had to with Momma.  Let me tell you those decisions haunt me and here I am again.  The difference is that Momma was not with us in her mind.  Daddy on the other hand has his mind and knows what has to be done, but he wants to go home and knows that is not possible without a hip for the next three months.  He is basically an invalid with an IV antibiotic bag/drip.  I have to call and visit a few places, me, myself and I to make this decision and the other two tell me that whatever I decide is okay with them, but is it okay with me, no, not really.  I hate being the oldest.  I hate being the responsible one.  There is a reason why my blood pressure is high and I'm sitting here writing this drivel at 2:47 am.  Oh, I wish I could run away from it all and not be responsible but that is not possible because I am a responsible person.  Think I have a headache.

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