A is for awkward?

Never mind the big O, the Big Dipper or he has a big one I'm talking about the big A. Anal. Ouch. Now imagine my dilemma when whilst browsing the aisles of a well known supermarket I bumped into M, the guy I lost my anal virginity with. Okay so I hadn't seen him for years and he is now married with a baby but all these thoughts came rushing into my head. Thoughts of us together, dirty thoughts really really dirty thoughts. The kind of thoughts I didn't want to be having with my mum stood next to me. Which she was. Right next to me. Pushing the trolley. Awkward. Now my mum told me all about the birds and the bees. But did I want her to know once I found out what all the fuss was about I've been on a one way train to slutsville? Next stop rehab? Hell no! So we exchanged pleasantries, me trying to forget running my fingers through his dark chest hair and how my eyes opened wide with surprise when he slyly sticked a finger in the back entrance. And how my eyes opened even wider when I found out I liked it. I remember the next time we met, swallowing my shyness and telling him I've thought about nothing else since then. Saying goodbye I suppose it came to me. The guys that I've been with, gave myself to shared some of the most biggest moments of my life didn't want to stay with me for the long haul. I get its sometimes rare for you to be with your first for the rest of your life. But why do when you've been dumped argue with yourself? I should of been sexier, better in bed, more adventurous, thinner, prettier? Just because you let someone take your virginity doesn't make you any less special for the next person. I've spent years battling my self worth mistaking sex for affection, wishing they would realise I am the one for them. As I walked away I thought there was no need for me to try and be something I wasnt. In the end they just wasn't the fairytale ending I was looking for. But who needs a Prince Charming with a small cock anyway? Exactly. Didn't think so.


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