The Baby Borrowers – Birth Control? Not Quite…
by jennydecki

First off – I love this show.

Watching teenagers cope with kids touches the black, dark part of my heart that laughs when people trip. Ok, I don’t really laugh when people trip unless they’re wearing four-inch Manolos or Christian Laboutin shoes (the $400 shoes with the red soles so everyone knows they cost an arm and a leg.) So I may be a bad person, but I’m a normal bad person not the “I laugh at old people” bad person. Shades of gray, my friends, shades of gray...

Back to the show. The Baby Borrowers (and if you haven’t seen it you need to – immediately) takes five teen couples and gives them other people’s children. Three days with infants, then toddlers, then pre-teens, then teenagers, then elderly folks.

While they take care of them there are little twists – someone has to go to work and leave the other home alone with the kid(s) all day. Or…one couple has to have a sleepover with all the neighborhood kids while the other couples get greeted by a friend of only one of the couple. You know, driving the potential wedge in the relationship here, there, and everywhere.

My problem is that this show DOES NOT battle teen pregnancy. It is not “Birth Control” as the commercials claim. Three days is not going to give you a feel for how life-changing a baby is. These couples (the very fact they’re all couples should be a red flag, no?) are placed into lovely homes on a cul-de-sac. I understand the cul-de-sac is for taping purposes – it is a TV show after all – but how many of the couples would be living in a house that size? Multiple bathrooms, beautiful countertops…please. Where is the couple that gets to deal with a baby in a trailer with no air conditioning? Where is the couple that runs out of money and has to shop with food stamps? Where is real teen pregnancy? That’s birth control. Not this put them in $200k homes with lovely furniture and let them laugh if a toddler pees all over the couch because they didn’t pay for it.

At the same time, being surrounded by cameras has to add a level of pressure on these kids I cannot imagine. When Alicia doesn’t feed the baby because he won’t stop crying and the mom comes down on her like a ton of bricks because she fed the baby once that day. Now if the baby was sick or frail or in some other way not perfectly healthy when the day started, it is not a crime nor is it neglect for the kid not to eat enough for one day because he wouldn't stop crying. It certainly didn't make the mother look good to have her going off on the teen.

Because the real issue at the bottom of The Baby Borrowers is this: If it isn't your kid, you will NOT be able to figure out in three days how to take care of it. Period. The deck is loaded and these teens are smart enough to know that it would be different if it were their own kid. Many kids across America are smart enough to know that too.

Once you realize the experiment is rigged and it would be different if it were your baby from the day it came out and you would learn how to take care of it because every baby is different...it is no longer helping teens not get pregnant. It is proving to them that the only way to raise a child is to have one instead of adoption. It shows how damn-near impossible it is to take care of a child that isn't yours. It is going into the homes of teens who will now believe adoption is a one-way ticket to "never good enough" in the parenting department.

And I don't think that's okay.

If you do have a teen and they're baby-crazy, consider visiting The National Campaign to Prevent Teen and Unplanned Pregnancy website and get some tips and tricks to talk to your teen. Because I am pretty sure talking is the first step toward making sure your child is established enough to hire a babysitter before she decides to have a baby.

Submitted by jennydecki (view blog) on Mon, 07/21/2008 - 21:11

Comments

 

Baby Borrowers: Lending Babies

My problem with this show is about couples lending their babies and toddlers to teenagers. I wrote a post about this on my blog:

http://connectwithyourteens.blogspot.com/2008/07/baby-borrowers-reality-show-good-for.html

 

Submitted by JenWag57 on Wed, 07/23/2008 - 13:05
 

Yeah...but....

I thought lending babies and toddlers to teenagers was called "babysitting." LOL

Except when I give my toddlers to a babysitter I don't have a camera-filled house and a nanny standing by. Nor do I have monitors I can watch my toddler on. If only there were! How cool would that be. I know there are nannycams but the nanny and cams and the teens...that would be some good supervision.

For me it comes down to three days not really being anything extended or detrimental to the psyche of a kid. Let me rephrase that - my kids would be fine, and I think that's up to an individual mother to make that decision regarding their children.

Thank you for taking the time to comment, I really do appreciate it!

jennydecki

Beyond Mom Blog

Submitted by jennydecki on Wed, 07/23/2008 - 13:19
 

Educate them then!

I guess I'm the wrong sort of person for this programme, as my choice (not for financal reasons or whatever) was to only leave my son with grandparents twice in his first couple of years, and the rest of the time he was with me.

 

However, your point that it takes a damn sight longer than 3 days to work out how to take care of a baby is well made, because they are perpetualy changing anyway!  Just as you think they work out a pattern, off they go and grow and change it!  I did think the mother was right though - after all, if the child is hungry it won't stop crying, and using food as a reward or punishment is wrong anyway (in my thinking) but these teens a) show the appalling level of understanding of a child's needs in the States, and b) show the appalling disregard for other people's property in the States as well. 

 

We do have the show over here, I watched a couple and decided it wasn't for me! 

Inside the heart of each and every one of us there is a longing to be understood by someone who really cares. When a person is understood, he or she can put up with almost anything in the world.
~ by Rev Ed Hird ~

Submitted by itwillallbefine on Thu, 07/24/2008 - 22:05
 

Love your comment. I also

Love your comment. I also agree with i 100%

The part that really touches me is that you only left your kids with gram twice in the first couple of years. I completely understand where you're coming from.

I didn't leave my house for the first six months either of my babies was born. People had to come to my home to see them. I didn't think there was any need for an infant to go traipsing around getting stimulus overload when they barely knew what home looked like.  

If I had a gram or a mom or an auntie or a cousin that could watch my kids, I probably wouldn't take advantage of that very often, but it seems that because I don't and babysitters are so darn hard to find I thinking about it a lot more and see The Baby Borrowers as a break for those parents.

Everyone's perception is skewed by life experience. What I see as the problem is the judgy moms who get SO freaked out, instead of just saying, "You know, I wouldn't do that with my kids, it could royally mess them up." They go for the jugular and assume all these kids are going to be warped. Oh, and groups that want to boycott the show. For five infants and (approx) 7 toddlers.

There are so many children in far worse conditions than spending three days with teens, a nanny, cameras, and very nice baby-proofed homes. Yet organizations are spending money on this cause. It's sad. Mostly because it's about publicity and money and donations and business.

I love the quote at the end of your comment!  

jennydecki

Beyond Mom Blog

Submitted by jennydecki on Fri, 07/25/2008 - 08:11
 

Now that the series is over...

jennydecki, did you have a change of heart or opinion at the conclusion of the show? (SPOILER ALERT: I'm going to discuss the ending.) The fact that none of the couples ended up together afterwards - and the fact that all the teens said they don't intend to become parents anytime soon - suggest that this 'Scared Straight' style of pregnancy prevention may work after all.

I'm hoping that the follow-up show scheduled for next week will involve a live studio audience with teen viewers who will tell us what their impressions were.

Initially, on my blog I expressed real reservations about the parents (moms) who so willingly gave up their infants. This hit home with one of the 'baby lending' moms on the show, who contacted me to share her side of the story.

She says that one of the producers also produces Survivor and that he was proud of what the Baby Borrowers was attempting to do. I haven't seen any positive media coverage of the show, but personally I think that it was a unique envelope-pushing approach. Realistically speaking, to communicate effectively with teens who've been raised on MTV reality programming and True Life documentaries, something like this was needed to get their attention.

LindaLowen

Linda Lowen
About.com Guide to Women's Issues
http://womensissues.about.com

Submitted by LindaLowen on Fri, 08/01/2008 - 23:30
 

Why would it?

Teen couples rarely stay together without a traumatic experience like being on camera and taking care of other people's children. That is a high stress situation that many couples would not weather well, not just teens.

I agree that they all want to wait to have children..but why would I change my mind when my point was putting teens in a stressful situation with other people's children will reinforce that adoption is not a valid option for family creation?

Perhaps it's sending the message that adoption isn't worth it AND it will ruin your relationship. So it's made the message stronger.

I'm still confused why everyone is all about the babies instead of being all about the teens in crisis.

I'm glad you got to interview a mom that wanted her baby to get some screen time, but my issue isn't with the moms and kids, so it wouldn't really change a thing. It's the dynamic that was my problem.

Thanks for the plethora of links, tho! 

 

jennydecki

Beyond Mom Blog

Submitted by jennydecki on Sat, 08/02/2008 - 07:21
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