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NBC's new reality show "The Baby Borrowers" takes five teenage couples through a crash course in adulthood tasking them with responsibilities such as a house payment, a job, and for three days, the care of a baby (and later, a toddler, pre-teen and elderly person). Many bloggers and others are up in arms over infants being separated from their parents for so long for a so-called "social experiment" saying it is irresponsible television and some have even called it child abuse.
Although my stomach lurched when I first heard about this show with a catchy name and the slogan "It's not TV. It's birth control!" and had no intention of watching it, I decided that if I was going to write about it with any sort of authority I really needed to take a look at least some of it. I watched the second half of the first episode, when the parents dropped off their infants to the teenage couples, and most of the second episode which also dealt with the couples caring (or not) for the babies and their first days going to work outside the home.
As I watched it one word kept coming to mind: exploitation. The whole show reeked of exploitation - exploitation of the infants and of the teens. I've read people argue that it's not like these babies were kidnapped. After all, their parents willingly signed up to participate and handed them over for the show. But my concern is not what the parents' opinion or thoughts on participating were or that safety measures were all in place, it is that the babies had no say in the matter. They weren't able to voice their feelings and say, "No, I don't want to leave you, Mommy and Daddy, and go live with strangers who know nothing about babies for three days." They were only able to cry, and cry they did. These poor babies had no idea how long their parents would be gone, or really if they'd ever return. My heart broke every time one of them cried, was called "it" (which happened on many occasions), was told to "starve" (as one was when he wouldn't eat), or was juggled about haphazardly.
Yet not all of the show consisted of upset crying babies. There were happy times for them as well and a few of the teenagers really seemed to rise to the occasion and take their parenting role seriously. But we'll never know what really went on behind the scenes, how much was edited or how NBC's "social experiment" will affect these little people in the immediate future or further down the road.
Zero to Three, a national nonprofit multidisciplinary organization who's mission is "to support the healthy development and well-being of infants, toddlers and their families," issued a response to The Baby Borrowers citing studies that have been done on babies who have been through prolonged separation from their family. Here is just a bit of it:
For the past 80 years, many studies have shown unequivocally that babies and toddlers suffer when they are exposed to this kind of prolonged separation from family and left with people that they do not know or love. As all parents know, babies and toddlers are very distressed by separation. They cry, cling, and search for their parents. The longer the separation, the more upset they become. Some children are unable to sleep and refuse to eat. The responses routinely last long past the child’s reunion with the parent. Prolonged separations heighten young children’s separation anxiety and damage their trust that their parents will be available to protect and care for them. Children can become angry and rejecting of their parents after being reunited with them, damaging the fabric of the child-parent relationship.
Studies show that babies and toddlers need to feel safe and secure in order to form a positive sense of self, to form healthy relationships, and to feel confident to explore their world. This sense of security is dependent on the availability and stability of their trusted primary caregivers. Being separated for a three-day period from a parent or trusted, familiar adult, and being thrust into the care of a total stranger who has no experience with the child—how he or she is comforted, likes to be fed, held, etc.—and who has no experience caring for young children at all, can be very stressful for the child.
Due to her concern for the "present
