aym
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I am a writer/editor/smart-aleck type person living with my equally smart-alecked husband and two lovely children who are doomed to grow into smart-a...
 
 
 
 

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The Baby Doll Dilemma: Is It About the Doll or About Annoying His Sister?

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I knew kiddette would like the baby doll. She already shares her sippy cup with her stuffed Elmo, and tucks him in with her blankie, and she's been known to give her giant stuffed gorilla potty time. So I got her the doll for her birthday. My mother-in-law gave her a doll-size stroller, and she immediately cuddled the doll, put it in the stroller and took it for a walk around the house.

Incidentally, I had quite the time finding a doll that wasn't creepy. The ones with blinking eyes inevitably get out of sync, so that one eye closes and the other doesn't. Oddly unsettling, because babies shouldn't wink. I also didn't want one that cried or wet itself, because I don't get much joy out of changing a diaper; why should my kid dig it? Dolls don't have to be realistic. Unless your kid is 16 and you're trying to scare her out of having sex, in which case go for the doll that also spits up all over you at 3 a.m., then refuses to go back to sleep. (I'm assuming this doll exists somewhere.)

I found one doll you were supposed to fill with water, which made me think two things: Do you have to drain the doll periodically so the water doesn't get gross? And how likely is the doll to spring a leak? (Also why I never wanted a waterbed.)

I settled on one that didn't have blinky eyes or fluids, that gurgled "Mama" very sweetly and even came in purple, which is good, because I've been trying to keep the pinkness to a minimum. The doll does have a tendency to start gurgling at random when not being played with, which has spooked my husband a few times. So even this one is a little Twilight Zoneish, but I guess they all are.

At any rate, we all cooed over kiddette and her purple goo-gooing doll, and how funny it was that she knew just what to do with the doll, and isn't it strange how she took right to dolls and stuffed animals while her big brother went right for trucks and cars and airplanes and Legos.

And then kiddo noticed the doll.

Promptly he became obsessed with it. To the point of my threatening him with time outs just to get him away from the doll. Mainly because kiddette had owned it for less than a day at that point, and I thought maybe he could lay off his sister's birthday presents until she got used to them. Sharing is not what I would call his best skill.

creepy greek baby dolls....But even still, and even now a week later, he wants the doll. I don't know if it's because the doll talks and moves its arms and legs around, or because the doll has a nifty little stroller that can also transport Matchbox cars. Or because he knows the doll isn't his. Whatever the reason, he's on kiddette's case about it constantly. "Can I have the doll? Can I have it when you're done? Are you done yet? Are you done now? She says she's done so I can have it!" (To her credit, kiddette has no problem telling him no.)

I can't see the point of getting worked up about the gender roles thing. Hey, I loved my friends' brothers' action figures when I was a kid. And I liked to pretend my Barbies were superheroes. Kiddette, for that matter, likes her brother's cars and Thomas trains. She also likes to carry a plastic baseball bat around and whack things with it, until I stop her.

What I'm wondering is, should I buy kiddo his own doll so he leaves hers alone? Letting him borrow his sister's doll is one thing, but giving him his own is an official endorsement on my part. Plus it's almost rewarding him for being a pest about the doll.

I know my parents used to buy me and my sister the same thing so we wouldn't get jealous of each other, but I didn't think that would be an issue with different-gender siblings. And so clearly, I was wrong.

It's hard not to get annoyed at kiddo when he's got a gazillion toys of his own to play with. But giving him his own would (theoretically) get him to lay off kiddette's doll, and ease my annoyance.

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aym 10 pts

That's awesome, Lucinda -- how did the nurturing differ?

LucindaA 11 pts

I know you've pretty much wrapped this up but I just wanted to add one more thing. I got dolls for my son and daughter at the same time. Watching the different ways they "nurtured" their babies was absolutely hysterical. I say get him the doll just for the sheer entertainment value.

aym 10 pts

This sounds fairly unanimous. Thanks, everyone. And I will check out that book, Lisen, thanks.

He had a mini meltdown yesterday when kiddette refused to share the doll with him, so clearly he's pretty well stuck on it. Guess I'll go doll shopping.

ZoesMomma 6 pts

I don't have a boy, but I have Godsons that come over specifically to play with my girls toys. They dress and undress the dolls, put them in and out of the stroller, pretend to feed them and on and on.

I don't know if they would want a doll of their own, but having an extra on hand is always a good idea when there is more than one child involved. Just be warned that sometimes dolls act as crash test dummies in the stroller. In case you were worried that the doll stroller wasn't safe enough.

Lisen Stromberg 6 pts

Supporting our sons to develop their nurturing skills can only lead to... better fathers. Buy him a doll and support his desire to be the best father he can be. You might want to read the book, William's Doll by Charlotte Zolotow - written in the 1970s and (sadly) still relevant today.

wksocmom 5 pts

I'm confused what getting him a doll would "endorse." I'm all for kids learning they don't get to have everything their sibling does, and I was frankly weirded out by a family whose kids had their own bags of chips and cereal so they would never need to share, but get him the doll already. Lord knows we need more nurturing boys.

thepsychobabble 5 pts

Eh. Just get him a doll. They aren't *that* expensive. And if he loses interest in a couple months, just pass it on to another child, or donate it.

MombaLauren 5 pts

I actually wrote a post about this on my own blog - I bought a doll for my son and he loves it! http://meta-parent.blogspot.com/2011/08/baby-dolls...

Polish Mama on the Prairie 9 pts

Sure, get him his own doll. There is nothing wrong with that.

mamasimpson4 5 pts

I would get kiddette another doll so she could share one with her brother.

aym 10 pts

I'm sure we'll end up doing the puppy thing at some point, but preferably when the kids are older. My poor late cat got her tail pulled so many times I can't believe she never took a swipe at them. (Kiddo is 4, BTW.)

Funnily enough, DH mentioned that he had a doll when he was a kid. And he's a most fabulous Daddy.

transgressorsgrace 5 pts

I wonder how old kiddo is. It's completely normal for little boys to model nurturing behavior with dolls and stuffed animals, just like little girls do. And I don't think it should be discouraged, (not that I think that's your aim) because we want them to grow up to be nurturing caring fathers. If his interest has lasted longer than a week, I'd say he may actually like that nurturing role, and there's no harm in letting him explore that further. My vote is for getting him his own doll to play with. Or a puppy. Puppies solve most parenting dilemmas, right?

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Julie Dawn Sacharko
Julie Dawn Sacharko

my boy has loved baby dolls ever since i found out i was pregnant and he is still loving his baby doll over a year later. I feel like it is good and downright sweet, but I occassionally wonder what people think. Ultimately, who cares what they think. He is my sweet little guy and if he loves something then yay!