- Share This Post
- submit
- 6
-
Sparkle (0)
A few months ago, my friend Susie re-alerted me to the concept of purity dances and virginity balls (as all good friends really should do). Apparently these are formal dances attended by fathers and their tween and teen daughters, during which the girl promises her father she'll remain "pure" by not having sex until marriage. Here’s a quote from a story in the Chicago Tribune.
While abstinence has long been promoted as a practical if controversial way of preventing teenage pregnancy, it has been reconstituted as part of a so-called modesty movement sweeping the country. Girls as young as 10 are being asked to take a stand against teen sex and also to counter the negative images they are bombarded with in the media. That means trashing CDs with sexually explicit language, turning off MTV and throwing away low-rider jeans and navel rings.
It’s sort of a nice thought, isn’t it, that promises 10-year-old girls make can be kept?
In case there’s anyone in the world left who hasn’t heard about Jamie-Lynn Spears’ pregnancy, even good, promise-making, church-going girls can get pregnant. Yes, Virginia, there is premarital sex.
I have to say, for some reason this purity ball thing really bothers me. I myself had a love-hate relationship with premarital sex as a teen and early twenty-something. Raised in a deeply religious household, I worried a LOT about mortal sin, especially sin of the sexual variety. For some reason, I thought the sexual sort of sin was maybe worse than, say, lying about curfew or coveting my neighbor’s cow. (For the record, after years of study, I now think all sins are pretty much sins. You may disagree with me if you like.) Despite my desire to do the right thing, I still had premarital sex, and unfortunately at a pretty young age. My parents begged me to practice abstinence. I remember my mother coaching me constantly, “DO NOT BRING HOME A BABY.” The message “don’t have sex” was pretty loud, but the message to for God’s sake be careful if you did was even louder. I took heed.
I think it was my mother’s strong opinion that I SHOULD NOT BRING HOME A BABY that saved me from the fate of more than five of my college girlfriends – unexpected pregnancy. Some kept the babies and more than a few had abortions. I remember feeling guilty and jubilant all at the same time to realize I would not be experiencing that choice because I was so, so, so careful. I took the Pill and used condoms. I would’ve used five or six other types of birth control on top of that if I thought I wouldn’t be ostracized. I don’t regret that decision. Would it have been better if I’d been abstinent? Oh, absolutely, I think. But I was young and hormone-ridden and IN LOVE (or so I thought), and in the heat of those moments, even the best-schooled young ladies can give in. Abstinence is a good message, but I’m sorry, not pragmatic. Not realistic. No ball is going to save you if you don’t have a condom when you have sex because you really, seriously, no SERIOUSLY never intended to have sex in the first place. Oops.
Jodi at Webloggin disagrees.
The bottom line for me is that I am glad that fathers are taking an active role in wanting their daughters to grow up to be moral individuals who also want to save themselves for marriage. I do not view this as a bad thing, but rather a renewed view from the past that needs to be present again.
That’s a good point. Being involved in your daughter’s life is always a good thing. Making your values known to your children is smart. I’m sure my beloved will be standing at the front door holding a baseball bat and a stopwatch when the little angel’s prom date shows up on a spring night 13 years from now. I shudder at the thought.
Still, my mind wanders to the wonderful father I and all my friends have. Every single friend who ended up making that painful decision whether or not to keep an unwanted pregnancy had a good dad – dads whom I knew, dads who I knew had protected them in the best way they knew how. And I’m not trying to vilify those girls who got
