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Linda Hoye is a writer, editor, and adoptee who recently published her memoir Two Hearts: An Adoptee's Journey Through Grief to Gratitude in which she...
 
 
 
 

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Baby Shower

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I went to a baby shower today.

A few of us who are “of a certain age” were commenting on the seemingly-infinite array of paraphernalia it seems to require to have a baby these days.

At the risk of seeming crotchety, I can’t help but reflect upon what it was like back when I had my first baby, and I walked uphill both ways to get to the hospital to deliver her.

Sarah's Baby ShowerOkay, that part’s not true, but things were different back then. At least my experience was.

I didn’t have a nursery decorated in a special theme. I didn’t have a nursery at all. Until my baby was three-months-old, her crib was next to our bed in the bedroom. It wasn’t like the beautiful wooden cribs that convert to toddler beds they make now either. It was a simple crib with slats that I’m certain wouldn’t be deemed safe nowadays and, worse yet, I had a bumper pad inside of it. Gasp!

Truth-be-told my baby often slept in a laundry basket beside my bed where I could reach down and pat her back when she fussed during the night. Yes, it’s true. I put my baby to sleep on her stomach. Double-gasp!

I had a good supply of diapers -- flannel cloth diapers I made myself. They were simple square’s of flannel I hemmed and folded into the kite shape required for diaper use. I had a diaper pail too.

I had a few flannel gowns and undershirts. I bought the gowns before I knew if my baby was going to be a boy or a girl (though I had a strong maternal feeling that I was carrying a girl) because in my mind babies wore gowns regardless of gender.

I had a couple of t-shirts purchased from the discount store, a couple of flannel receiving blankets, and a couple of other blankets, and Playtex baby bottles and plastic bottle liners.

And books. Dr. Spock for after the baby was born and a couple of other books that educated me about what it was like to be pregnant. (My mom, remember, had never experienced pregnancy so she was no help to me there.)

I didn’t have a baby monitor or special swaddling blankets or something called a Boppy.

I had a baby. And I secretly thought they were crazy sending me home from the hospital with this precious baby because I didn’t have a clue what I was doing.

But I learned. We survived. And two years later I did it all over again.

As I looked at the face of the young woman opening gifts this afternoon I couldn’t help but think about how her life was about to change in ways she can’t even imagine.

There’s a quote by Elizabeth Stone I heard many years ago that is one of the truest things I’ve ever heard: “Making the decision to have a child is momentous. It is to decide forever to have your heart go walking around outside your body.” (italics mine)

My heart has been walking around outside my body for over thirty years now and I know there is nothing that can prepare you for the joy and pain that motherhood brings into your life.

All of these gizmos and gadgets that accompany modern motherhood, well they’re fine and fun and good. You can enter motherhood with plenty; you can enter motherhood with little. Either way you will be forever changed from the moment you look into the eyes of your beautiful baby for the first time.

You will become vulnerable in a way you could never have imagined as your heart moves out from it’s protected place and begins to live outside of your body. No greater joy. No greater sorrow. Nothing can compare to the transition to motherhood.

Except, perhaps, the transition to grand-motherhood.

 

Photo Credit: baldeagle89.

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Goodenoughgirl 5 pts

So, true! When I had my first daughter almost nine years ago, I had no clue what I was doing and actually thought I needed all that plastic crap! By my fourth (& last!)daughter I finally realized that Mom knows best. All the marketing is tough to ignore, though!

kathryn magendie 5 pts

Morning, Linda! Just stopped by to see what wonderful words and worlds you've created . . . congrats on the spotlight here at blogher - a place I didn't even know about, so now, today, I have experienced something new!

TW 42 pts

I keep wandering baby aisles for the first time in years as our oldest is expecting her first child. I shake my head and wonder what message all the special equipment sends new parents. Special blankets for swaddling, video baby monitors, an amazing array of gadgets, and underneath it--a strong sales pitch that you "need" this in order to be a good mom. It is a powerful and frightening sales pitch for anyone walking those aisles, but I feel like first time parents are particularly vulnerable.

mommyrant 23 pts

I just posted on this subject. Sort of.

My recommendations for baby showers based on what I've needed since my own kids were born: batteries and tupperware.

http://gvpeasachantrant.blogspot.com/search?q=the+gambler

hausfrau 13 pts

I appreciate the sentiment and overall message of this, but shake my head at the dramatic and unnecessary gasping. There was a time babies were born in log cabins by mothers with no family or friends or doctors around too. GASP! I'm sure they'd have thought your hospital birth on a cushy bed with air conditioning and meals brought to you by personal nursing staff was more than necessary. Times change. The medical establishment and culture at large learns that things are unsafe. Like slatted cribs babies get stuck in and suffocate. Or laying on bellies increasing the risk of SIDS in babies who carry the gene - did you know there's a gene for that? Not all babies suffered. Heck, my mom smoked a pack a day all through my pregnancy and life. Just because I avoided medical setbacks doesn't mean it was the safest choice to make. Sorry, I just kind of hate the "if we survived" mentality, because yeah..we survived..but how many didn't?

lindahoye 8 pts

hausfrau Thank you for your comments, hausfrau. My attempt at humor didn't sit well with you and that's okay. Yes, I know about the SIDS risk and that we've made progress in thirty years in areas of medical knowledge and safety. Maya Angelou says that "when we know better, we do better" and I believe that to be true in this case too. Still, I appreciate reflecting on how things have changed in my own qwirky manner.

hausfrau 13 pts

lindahoye I think maybe I've seen too many of those stupid "we survived" posts going around on Facebook by people who have no idea what they are talking about. I meant what I said, I do appreciate the sentiment and your overall message. I think it was more of a "NO, NOT HERE TOO!" reaction. :D

SunbonnetSmart.com 1046 pts

OH! I LOVE this post! But, I think you ways were the best. I made my baby's own diapers too, following my Amish friends and I loved the money I saved. I went to a baby shower recently and was in shock at all of the money spent for presents. I'm happy for others that feel comfortable with it, or perhaps who have more disposable income, but I like things simple and practical. LOVED the heart walking outside the body...best description I've EVER heard...just a fantastic post that I am saving. Thank you so much for sharing and thanks to Melanie, with her eagle eye, commenting and bringing it to my attention, Fondly, Robin

lindahoye 8 pts

SunbonnetSmart.com Hi SunbonnetSmart! I've loved that quote since I first heard to many years ago. It describes my experience of motherhood to a T.

isthisthemiddle 1223 pts

Such a beautiful post! Isn't it a wonder that babies survived back in those days?:) My mother raised 5 babies on cloth diapers-- I think there should be a special medal of commendation for them!

lindahoye 8 pts

isthisthemiddle Good for your mom! I raised two babies on cloth diapers. In retrospect it really wasn't so bad. I might even do it again that way if (heaven forbid!) I had the opportunity!

Conversation from Twitter

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lindahoye :) -Momo

Conversation from Facebook

Amy Schnekenburger Walker
Amy Schnekenburger Walker

So many fancy things! Wipe warmers?!

BlogHer
BlogHer

Amy Schnekenburger Walker I bet they have. Are you tempted by all of the new gadgets and stuff? - Denise

Amy Schnekenburger Walker
Amy Schnekenburger Walker

I am due in April with baby number 4, and my oldest will be 18 in August....things have changed sooo much!!