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I've been trying really hard these past few days to just accept my body the way it is, the weight it is. When I stop bingeing, I hope that I will lose weight, but I know that won't happen instantly and I have a long road ahead. It's really really hard for me to accept that. I want to fix things NOW, but it doesn't work like that. I figured out that I have to stop trying to restrict foods. I'm someone who really hates being told what to do by anyone, and from my behavior lately, it seems like telling myself what to do or setting rules for myself hasn't been working too well either. I want to make sure I can have treats and chocolate everyday, no restricting. But, I do want to eat these treats in moderation. I've gone overboard the past two days, but I figure even that is a step up from the full on binges I had been having before. Today I was eating the sugary stuff and not really even enjoying it. Arg, why did I do that? I'm trying really hard not to beat myself up over it too much, but I'd like to do better tomorrow without pressuring myself to be "perfect." Another problem is that since I've been overeating so much lately, I don't feel full until I've had a LOT. I don't feel hungry much either, but it helps to get that feeling of satiety to stop. I'll try to keep busy and distract myself tomorrow so that eating isn't such a central focus of my day. I especially need to stop night eating, that's what has really been killing me.
