Baby Without Marriage?

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Pregnancy - 39 weeksI had a great time with friends this past weekend. One of them asked me an interesting question: If you don’t get married by a particular age, would you consider having children without a husband? I have to admit, the thought has crossed my mind, but I’d never sat down and really thought about it. I’d never really imagined my life without kids. I guess I’d never really imagined it without a husband either, but I’d given children more of a consideration. But man, what would I do? Adoption, IVF, a good night with a good friend or ex, what? And at what age is my “out-of-wedlock” age? I’ll be 35 this year.

If you’d asked me at 30, I would’ve thought that I’d needed to have kids by 35. Now that I’m knocking on 35’s door, it doesn’t seem that old. I have a lot to do, it isn’t time for kids yet. I wonder if that thought process is going to keep churning until it’s too late. That’s what I DON’T want to happen. I don’t want to say, “Oh, 38s not that old, 40s not that old, blah blah blah,” then the doctor says, “Hey lady, you might as well cook some bacon because your eggs are done.”

Another thing that I’ve thought about is the method. Daddy vs. no daddy. I’ve always said that I have “daddy issues” since mine wasn’t always there when I was younger. I’ve always known where he was and saw him, but he didn’t take care of us (a different story for a different day). He’s tried to rectify that in the past few years, but he missed out on so much. I couldn’t imagine having a child without a strong father in their life. I always think on whether I’d be forcing them to miss out on something. My family is strong and huge, so this kid would have a serious support system, but would that one missing thing be the card that causes the rest to fall?

I definitely don’t want to settle myself into an unhappy life with a guy, just to have a baby. I think that that’ll be detrimental to us all. So that’s completely out of the question. I've seen some trifling baby daddies out there and I do NOT want to get wrapped up with one of them.

The funny thing is, my family has always taught us to wait until we get married to have kids. Provide a strong foundation, yadda, yadda, yadda. Now, my mom is like, “I’ll take a grand kid without you being married.” It’s funny how the tide turns. I’m guessing it’s because she knows that she won’t have to pay for it. Let's just hope that god has it in his plan for it to work out the old fashioned way and this conversation is moot. But it's something that definitely has to be considered in the meantime in between time.

Blushing ladies speak:
If you're single, what's your position on the matter?  If you're married, share your thoughts too.

Photo Credit: bibbit.


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