Bachelor Week 7 recap: Family Dinners Are Gonna Be Awkward at Des' House

Photo courtesy of ABC

 

It’s hometown week, where the Bachelor spends a day getting to know the hometowns and families of his four ladyloves.

First up is AshLee in Houston, Texas, whose date was sponsored by L.L. Bean. Seriously, she and Sean sported plaid shirts straight out of the catalog, pages 14 and 39, respectively.  They bonded over the fact that both of their dads were pastors.  AshLee said, “I don’t want something so perfect to be spoiled.” Oh, AshLee. Don’t you know such proclamations are the Kiss of Death on this show?  The pair meet up with her adoptive parents at a picnic table and are asked about their adventures. AshLee brought her adoption up (again) when discussing the Polar Bear Plunge. How, you ask? She left her insecurities in the water. Except for the times she trots them out periodically throughout the show.  I will admit, it was sweet when her dad choked up talking about her adoption.

There was a lot of “guard and protecting hearts” talk this episode.  I think the ladies might need Kasey and his spiffy tattoo as a visual reminder.

Next up was Catherine, who took Sean to Pike’s Place Market where they each caught fish thrown from the market guys.  Sean went behind the counter to catch fish, which makes me question health standards there.  Then it was Catherine’s turn. The crowd chanted, “Easy for Catherine!” and the guys started whipping fish at her. Catherine dropped one. “It’s slippery!” she exclaimed.  “It’s fish!” a guy yelled. Yep, riveting stuff.

Then they did other Seattle-y things, like make a wish on a piggy bank. Blow bubbles. Visit a photo booth. Catherine educates Sean on Filipino traditions so he doesn’t make an ass of himself in front of her family.  Sean put on an apron and made dinner with her family.  Sean visits with Catherine’s sisters, and they tell him she’s messy and has extreme mood swings.  Sean was a little concerned at that point.  He then started angling for the whole “Do I have your approval to propose to your daughter” speech with Catherine’s mom, and she deflected like a champ.  It was not a stellar date.

After another commercial break, it was Lindsay’s turn to bring Sean home to Missouri to meet her two-star general dad.  Sean loves her “youthful energy,” but I think that would get old after a year or two. Can you imagine someone in their 60s like that? Lindsay takes Sean on a tour to the “funniest antique shop” where – surprise – nothing funny happened. They continued their stroll down the street and Lindsay’s like, “Oh, I used to work here!” Either she’s a dingbat or she’s playing the ditz card – HARD.

They stop to have cupcakes and beer, because nothing settles your stomach before meeting a two-star general like cupcakes and beer.  Sean is really concerned about what to call her dad. General? Mark? General Mark? (They settle on Mr. Yenter.)

Lindsay makes Sean dress up in an Army mock turtleneck and do pushups in the park. (Since when does the Army issue dickies?)  Sean meets Lindsay’s family, and her mom warms right up to him. Lindsay’s family is not surprised at all when she tells them that she wore a wedding dress the first night they met.  I’m guessing they’re used to these types of shenanigans.

Her dad (we’ll call him General McDad) has the standard military haircut, straight out of central casting.  He’s spent 31 years in the military.

Sean asks for General McDad’s blessing and he’s like, “Are you asking me for my blessing now?” Sean’s like, “yeah.” General McDad looks serious as he makes a paratrooper analogy and sort of gives a blessing.  It was the Most. Dramatic. Blessing request. Ever!

The final hometown date is with Desiree and her family in Los Angeles.  Des takes Sean hiking because that’s the kind of girl she is, and Sean is impressed because “this is her in her natural element.” Did I just switch to Animal Planet or what?  They arrive at a house in Los Angeles. Apparently bridal styling is quite lucrative. Either that, or she lives with her parents.

Ding, dong! The doorbell rings. Who’s at the door? Surprise! Her “ex-boyfriend” magically appears to confess his love to her. “I love you! Where’ve you been?” he asks. “I’ve been busy,” she answers, awkwardly gesturing at Sean.  And boyfriend guy is all, “Don’t be with this guy! This isn’t real!” and Sean’s like, “Is this guy giving you trouble, little lady?” And Des is like, ummm… and it’s time for a commercial break.

So then, Des is like, “Sean I have something to tell you.” It’s a prank! She hired an actor to get back at Sean for pranking her on their first date.

Sean is relieved, and is glad to meet her parents and brother, Nate.  Her dad was really dressed up for the occasion, wearing his favorite hoodie.  Nate was pretty skeptical about the whole thing and questioned Sean’s feelings for his sister. I get being protective, but making judgments about someone else’s life decisions probably isn’t something someone with chest/wrist/arm tattoos should be doing.

Nate calls Sean a playboy, which gets Sean all riled up and they return to a very awkward dinner.  God love him, Des’ dad starts talking about the weather, because nothing defuses tension like fun facts about weather patterns in California (“did you know we get four seasons?”).

We check back in with Sean as he’s getting dressed in his massive Bachelor closet. (Thanks for the gratuitous shirtless shot, ABC!) Sean is very confused. He says he sees a future with AshLee and Lindsay but has questions about Catherine and Des.  At the rose ceremony, Sean tells the women he’s not sure who he’s going to say goodbye to EVEN AS HE’S SPEAKING.  Which scares the hell out of Des, so she pulls him aside to apologize again for her brother’s rude behavior. “It’s not you, it’s your brother,” Sean tells her.

He gives roses to AshLee and Lindsay, but has to take a break because he’s still confused. After pondering his final decision in the “Deliberation Room,” he gives the last rose to Catherine.  Um, something tells me family dinners are going to be awkward for awhile at Des’ house.  There’s only so much weather-talk one can take! Sean says he’s been “praying for clarity” and this is the first time he hasn’t gotten it. Riiiiight.  Because God is totally invested in this season of “The Bachelor.”

Best line of the night (in the outtakes after the show): “How am I going to get this in my mouth?” Lindsay to Sean, eating cupcakes. She’s so ditzy!

 

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