Backtacular Craptacular: The Ultimate Fashion Don't

BlogHer Original Post

You know, I'll admit that I have a tendency to be a bit of a product junkie. Perhaps the most obvious example of this is the fact that I currently have in my possession six (6) iPods in various incarnations and generations, but the problem -- if I'm being honest -- extends to fashion items, as well.  I'll be strolling along, perfectly content with my existing bra, and then I'll see a  fancy new bra in a store window, one that purports to Change The Bra World As We And Our Bosoms Know It, and I'm like, "Yes! I must have that world-changing bra! I'm doing it for the bosoms!"

I'm a bit like a magpie that way, and it happens ALL THE TIME. While I don't buy EVERYthing I see, it takes a lot for me to actually stare agape at a product for a full two minutes before dissolving into horrified giggles. People, may I introduce you to ... THE BACKTACULAR!


To answer your question, YES, both of these young ladies will be making their formal debut at the 2010 Crillon Debutante Ball.


The "Backtacular Gluteal Cleft Shield" is an adhesive patch to cover your, um, buttcrackular area when you're wearing low riding jeans. And thank GOD, because the market was absolutely CLAMORING, I am certain. I mean, you know how it is, you guys! You're getting dressed for a night out, and rather than wearing a longer shirt, or jeans with a higher waist, you raise your eyes toward the heavens and lament, "If ONLY someone invented a fabric sticker that looks like a black, bedazzled runaway pantyliner to cover up my coinslot! WHY HAST THOU FORSAKEN ME, O LORD?" This is a totally typical situation that many, many women have experienced, for sure. Likely while touching up the glitter on their vajazzled lady bits.

Clearly, the Backtacular is ridiculous (and I will not be entirely surprised if I see Snooki prancing around wearing one tomorrow). However, it is also stupid, for reasons of logic; namely, that if you're the kind of person who purposely chooses to wear an outfit that shows off That Region, then the odds are good that you would OWN IT, and not cop out with the Backtacular.

Of course, I'm now left with an all-consuming question: In the realm of ridiculous, rhinestone-encrusted accessories for the lady area, which is worse: This or the Vajazzler?




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