Choosing Surgery: Processing the End of My Reproductive Years
Like so many women I know, my insides are troubled. This week I'm having surgery to fix my bad lady plumbing. After years of controlling my heavy monthly bleeding with birth control pills, my gynecologist feels the risks are too high and it's time to stop the hormones and take another approach. Women in my family have landed in the emergency room and have had to have surgery as a result. I want to be proactive and chose what I will do before the decision is forced upon me.
When I met with my doctor, she patiently explained a range of options. At first I felt really empowered. I looked forward to the relief surgery might bring and to stepping away from the risks of clots and stroke that come with birth control pills. Then I found myself struggling with making the decision. It took me a long time to tell the doctor that I chose to have Hydrothermal Ablation. When I met with the doctor who will perform my HTA, she wondered why I wasn't trying an IUD first. I wondered why, too. I couldn't remember what I had discussed with the doctors and why I had chosen not to go that route in the first place. I started second-guessing myself and had to restrain myself from calling my doctor and begging her to ignore everything I said and to let me change my mind so I could pick a less invasive path. So I could pick a path that would still allow me to get pregnant even though I have no intention of becoming, or even really any desire to become, a parent at this point in my life. Still, I'm just a little sad and freaked out that I've never tried and now never will be able to have that experience.
After my first shot of Lupron to prep me for surgery, I once again wanted to call it all off. The Lupron, despite the fact that I didn't have strong hot flashes like I was warned could happen, has still has made me feel not myself in ways I deeply dislike. I will be glad to be done with it.
I also made the mistake of consulting Dr. Google. Horror stories about Lupron and ablation abound on the Internet. Reading up on what to expect is only making me more nervous and freaked out. Fortunately I've calmed down considerably. My doctors and nurses have helped reassure me that years and years of surgeries and experience tell them that, though there are always risks, I'm in good hands. I'm standing up to my lizard brain and haven't sent a panicked email calling the whole thing off.
Instead I'll soon be well-medicated and in a couple of hours it will all be over. I have faith that my fears are overblown and all will go well. See you on the other side.
Have you had an ablation? Any calming words of wisdom or experiences to share? I appreciate any virtual hand-holding you can offer!