Banned From the Prom | High School Punishment

is where I have issue with the action taken. Suspension for hanging a sign seems out of line with the transgression.

In the order of school punishment, expulsion is worst, suspension is second. Beyond those two major inflictions, there is a litany of available options, and as suggested in my post, believe that it is from that wide range that the final disposition should have been drawn.

No intent here to impugn character, this is sharing diverse opinion on a story, I hope!

nellewrites ( http://nellewrites.wordpress.com/ )

The headmaster of Shelton HS has reversed her decision and will allow him to attend prom---thus negating any future authority she could hope to have with the students on that campus. They will no doubt walk all over her from now on.

Rules are in place for a reason. Breaking the rules have consequences. These are life lessons...

And, before anyone makes assumptions as to my character, I have a 22-year old son and 14-year old daughter. "Cute" dance invites are a tradition in our area. If one wants to do one at school, prior authorization must be acquired. This is discussed several times a year with the students AND the parents, so there can be no surprises along the way...and no arguments either.

This time it was a harmless invite. Next time, it could be alcohol or drugs on campus. Where do we draw the line? Which rules are ok to break and which aren't?

From my junior year of high school: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Yr_HootKuvY

On to the thread subject. The letters James posted were taped on cardboard letters, and not painted-on-the-wall letters.

If the message was destructive, that is left a permanent mark, a suspension would be warranted. Sticking up what amounts to be a removable sign, not so much. On the flip side, the school administration is thinking strategically, undoubtedly envisioning a million such messages in the future if they don't put a stop to it now, which means this young man went to the penalty box and is sitting out the prom not so much because of the egregious nature of his action so much as it is the administration not wishing to have to deal with such goofy shenanigans in the future.

Ever hear of Oliver Smoot? I'll leave Oliver's story to the more curious amongst you. Sometimes you just have to look the other way.

Best path to handle signboard Romeo, to me: Call him in and chat it up, point out why his approach was not appropriate, beyond just 'OMG, there is a message on the school wall!' Speak with Sonali, after all, it was a message intended for her. She should have a say, since if her plans were to go with James, their action just took her out as well.

Then move forward. Such a display of energy and spirit can be channelled in positive directions by various extracurricular school organisations. Mandate he choose one and get to work. Taking this all in a positive direction - produces a non-controversial, win-win outcome.

This would allow him to go to the prom. From what I've seen, it looks Sonali accepted his invite.

This was not a major crisis, folks. While we have a boatload of lessons to teach our young, we have to remember that those lessons are of varying sizes, and among them are learning how to evaluate and and categorise varying sized issues, actions, and judgements. Heck, the Catholic church teaches about mortal sin and venial sin. In the secular school world, what James did is the equivalent of venial sin material, with sort of a teachable moment attached to what we can, us adults hidden away here from the impressionable, look at rather light-heartedly.

If we make everything sound awful and on a category five hurricane level of seriousness, we risk alienating the message recipients.

How many of you have had the chance to talk with your kidlets about drugs? When my turn came, first thing I did was ante up my own culpability in college. Why? Because if you don't render your point of view with candour and with facts both good and bad, your child will xray you where you stand and spot a hypocrite who is only playing up one side. You want to make headway, give it to them unvarnished.

So it is here. A suspension has done precisely nothing, because I would bet a dozen doughnuts that James - and probably Sonali - will forever view the punishment as out of line and a big overreaction. Where is the lesson there? Teachable moment, lost.

nellewrites ( http://nellewrites.wordpress.com/ )

Oh my seems like the left is on a rampage because a child did something wrong. Then got banned from the Prom. Well I think I would have been all over my child if they had done such a thing. But I know that we live in such a free state of lack of control and just do what ever one wants to with out paying the price for doing what is look at as wrong.

As a school teacher I see so much bad it is frighting for sure.
Just glad that I wont be around when some of those become in charge.

As the saying goes LIFE IS TOUGH AND THEN WE DIE.

Hopefully the teen learned a lesson. It is always best to ask permission. Being creative doesn't give others liberty to break the rules. What I find is more common is those that believe the rules don't apply to them. Sounds to me like that is what they expected to happen.

On a further note,(and the reason I actually created an account to comment) I find it absolutely rediculous that just because one's comments doesn't line up with another, we resort to making judgement calls that we are not even capable of making. I can guarantee that just because someone disagrees doesn't make them bitter or miserable. Please check your emotions at the keyboard before making comments.

**Got my armour ready!**

The Pep Squad gets permission to put up their banners. This student did not. He could have asked permission from the principal.

I have never had something I wanted badly or otherwise taken away from me unless it was done as a punishment. I also understood at that time the reason why. I generally didn't like it but the rules and consequences were explained long before the rule breaking took place.

Yes, there is only 1 Prom. But it is not the end all and be all of a persons life.

And once again, everyone seems to forget that this student KNEW IN ADVANCE what would happen if he got suspended. I am quite sure his school distict has a student handbook that all students are required to acknowledge that they have received it and read it. If he did not read the handbook, that is no one's fault but his.

I do not think that expecting an almost adult to be held accountable for his actions is unreasonable.

He knew being banned from Prom was the punishment. He did not expect the rules to apply to him. There are plenty of other creative ways to ask a girl to Prom.

Elizabeth

@texasebeth ( http://twitter.com/texasebeth )  and My Life, such as it is.... ( http://texasebeth.blogspot.com )

You should be the one to put on your big girl pants, and live. Does everything has to be so serious all the time? I feel the same way, but if that is the case, a whole pep squad should be punished for putting up banners. You are right, where does the line stop? Perhaps you are not seeing the whole picture. You must have had something taken away that you wanted so bad.
I think there should have been a discussion with the parents of all students involved, including the girl's, the students, and the school, and see what was best for that moment, and if everyone comes to an agreement of any type of punishment (such as community service for all, not just the offenser), then it would not have come to this. You only get one prom.

I went to my Prom. Did you? That is the only reason I can think of for the name calling (twice).

I have been called many things over the years but miserable and bitter were not among them.

Just remember that while you are pointing a finger at me, there are 3 more pointing back at you.

I had a great childhood too. My parents raised me to be a responsible accountable adult. My husband and I are raising our son to be the same.

You disagree with me. That is fine. I don't mind and it won't hurt my feelings. Name calling and being judgemental, on the other hand, will totally invalidate any valid points you might have made.

Elizabeth

@texasebeth ( http://twitter.com/texasebeth )  and My Life, such as it is.... ( http://texasebeth.blogspot.com )

We all have our right to debate on this forum and it's great that we have diverse opinions. If we all lived in a cookie-cutter world with the same views it would be pretty boring. However, to describe someone as "miserable and bitter" for their view is over the line.

We have to remember that the person behind the keyboard is an actual person with their own, thoughts, views and opinions. I think we can debate with reason without the put downs.

A couple of thoughts came to mind when I read about this.

1st: If they had let Tate's invitation stand, and didn't enforce the school rules, then think about the following year, when five kids asked someone to got to the prom with them in the same way...and then the ten that ask for the Homecoming Dance. Then the fifteen for the Winter Dance. All of a sudden, date requests are littering the place.

2nd: The court of public opinion should NOT be dictating what state legislators are working on. Seriously, enacting a law to effectively override a school disciplinary system really eviscerates a school district's ability to enact and enforce school rules.

With those points being made--We're talking about a good kid, who didn't damage anything or do anything malicious. It was a very romantic gesture on his part. Having him remove the signage and performing some sort of school-based community service (cleaning up the cafeteria floor, or other common space for example) could have driven home the message that "defacing" school walls, no matter how well-intended or reversable said defacement actually is, is not OK.

I also take issue with "Zero Tolerance" policies. Life is not black and white--it's many shades of grey. I believe zero-tolerance policies are a cop-out--good judgement should be a quality of a school administrator and such 'zero-tolerance' policies take away the ability of a reasonable person to make an intelligent decision. "I can't do anything about it--that's the policy," is often times a load of crap.

~Margaret

Margaret Barney writes at Just Margaret ( http://maurhoffbarney.blogspot.com ) and is a contributor at Prime Parents Club ( http://www.primeparentsclub.com/ ).

As long as the letters he posted didn't do any damage, I don't understand why this teenager is being punished at all. It wasn't a nasty prank, or bullying or anything else negative, he was making a statement about how much he likes the girl he wanted to go to prom with.

C'mon people...next thing you know it'll be illegal to put a stiker on your school binder or shake someone's hand!

Gees.

Making a kid feel like crap for doing something that maybe he shouldn't have done but did it because he wanted a unique way to ask a girl is just not right.

Even if it was/is wrong this is not something he should be banned from. A harmless thing like this does not deserve such severe punishment. Maybe an afternoon or two in detention but NOT taking away prom.

I stand by my statement. You seem quite miserable and bitter.

Vandalism does not require destruction of property. The definition of vandalism is the altering or defacing of property, whether to not it is destroyed.

Bottom line is....where is the line drawn? When do consequences matter? When does breaking the rules not count - just because it was "cute or sweet"?

The boy knew it was wrong. He knew there would be consequences, including not going to Prom.

Prom is a not a right. It is a privilege and as such can be taken away.

Rules are rules, whether I like them or not. There are consequences to breaking the rules. I may not agree with lots of rules set by my employer, my kid's school, or even laws set by various goverments. I may not agree with the punishments set by those rules. That does not mean I am exempt from those consequences/punishments if I am caught.

Life is unfair. Get over it, put your big girl panties on, accept that like an adult, and move on.

Again, this kid knew it was wrong and knew what would happen when he did it.

Elizabeth

@texasebeth ( http://twitter.com/texasebeth )  and My Life, such as it is.... ( http://texasebeth.blogspot.com )

The kid was doing something sweet and clever to ask a girl to prom. There were no damages, no vandalism, no one hurt. Nada.

Are we really that uptight and sensitive we take away a night of fun for a teenager who was just doing something a little different for a girl he liked?

Texasebeth you must be pretty miserable if you think something like this is worthy of suspension and being banned from prom. If he had destroyed property I'd agree with you but this wasn't even a big deal.

Seriously folks, this is ridiculous. He should not be banned for something like this.

I am missing something here. What is wrong with posting large letters outside the entrance to ask someone to go to prom with them?? It doesn't sound as if there was any damage to the entrance? I think it's wonderful that kids are making the invite more creative. I also don't see that there isn't any proof of non-communication. I seems that the interviewers aren't including all parties? I think it's a ridiculous story. Let's focus on more important issues.

The day before graduation one of my classmates dyed his hair blue (school color) which was not an offense at school.
Due to the 'seriousness' of the event he was not allowed to walk the next day. I'm still a little pissed- he had hardly any hair so it would have been covered by the cap!

Your parents would've been the parents to interview. Undoubtedly, they would've discussed consequences to one's actions.

and you are right, the students were aware of the school's policy that any infraction resulting in a suspension that would/could occur after April 1 would result in being banned from the Prom.

Prom is not a right, it is a privilege. The student had to have known that doing this was against the rules.

I know high school kids are not known for their thinking but seriously?

And if you are suspended, then personally, you have not earned the privilege of attending Prom.

Even if the school had let me attend, I can guarantee my parents would not have, money be damned, if I had gotten my self suspended for any reason.

Elizabeth

@texasebeth ( http://twitter.com/texasebeth )  and My Life, such as it is.... ( http://texasebeth.blogspot.com )