Battle #2: Making Stretch Marks Sexy
Now, I used to get SO mad at him. I'd try to rush him along. Sometimes I'd take a tone, tap my foot, or the really mean thing to do...send in the 3 year old daughter who I know he can't resist talking to tell him it's time to go. And you know what all that did? Frustrate the bageebies out of me, because he didn't budge. Everything stayed the same. Do you see the theme with my husband yet? The harder I try to do things MYSELF, the most determined my husband is to NOT do it. I'm a very punctual person and I hate walking in late and I hate feeling rushed.
Well you can probably guess what happened...I got put in my place again. One day I finally just lost it. I was so frustrated because we weren't keeping MY time table, and our son was going to be performing on stage that morning and needed to be on time. And I yelled, “Why are you just sitting there?! We have to go!”
And honestly he didn't really need to say anything at all, that look was enough. But he did speak, and when he did his voice was haggered, low, and broken up “I work nights. Church days I get less than 4 hours of sleep. I'm sitting here because I feel like I'm going to fall over,”. I was so consumed with my time table and what I thought things should be like, that I couldn't even see that the man I loved more than anything was exhausted. Now we're just the family that's always late to church, and I'm perfectly ok with that.
All he wanted was for me to see him and accept him as he was. He didn't want to be yelled at, he wanted to be praised for working SO hard, and then getting up on little to no sleep to go to church with his family. That is something that is praise worthy, and worthy of respect. It's in those moments that we should be worried if he's looking at other women, not when we are looking our worst.
My husband needed my acceptance that day. He needed me to cheer him on in his race. And when you do that, he doesn't see stretch marks or the not-so perky boobs or the back fat. He sees his helper doing her job, and that has more worth to him than some silly girl. God showed me through my own stupidity and selfishness, that if he ever did decide to cheat it would be because of my lack of respect and being pushy; NOT because I got older and had kids.
Now it is true that some men cheat not matter what the wife does. That was my first husband. And I'm just now learning that my first husband didn't cheat on me because of me. He did it because of his own issues and lack of self control.
My worth is not wrapped up in my beauty...it can't be because everyone gets old. Beauty is fading. Eventually every women will end up looking like Barbra Bush, and that's ok.
I'll never forget being 16 and watching my grandfather gazing at my grandmother like she was a playmate. When I asked him after all that time how he was still able to look at her like she was 18 again, he said to me “I don't look at her that way because of her physical appearance. I look at her that way because when I see her I am flooded with memories of all the times she stuck with me and didn't have to”.
X: From the BattleField