Battle #3 : Head of the House
By battlefieldwife on January 28, 2014
I have accepted the way we live and respected my husband's decisions and am a team player. That's what it means to be submissive. I don't make him feel about the fact I want cute shoes or would rather use the $20 shampoo instead of the $2.00 one. I in essence take one for the team. Because so does he.
Which brings me to the conversation I had with my mother. So last week I needed to get out. I didn't want to go anywhere in particular, I just wanted to read my book without my kids asking me something every five seconds. I even tried to read after midnight one night and I had two different kids get up the moment I picked up the book, because that's how it always happens. I can't block out ANYTHING when I want to read, except my kids. So I just wanted to read.
I asked my husband if I could come with him to his league. Understand that I'm super pregnant, it was snowing, and I lost my night vision about a decade ago so it's not safe for me to drive at night...but I needed to get out. I explained to my husband why. I wasn't going to interfere with “guy time” or constantly want his attention. I just wanted to sit in a corner and read. He said yes but he stressed to me that I couldn't get ANYTHING to eat. That I needed to eat before we left. He said we were REALLY low on funds and he couldn't afford to get me anything.
I felt this was a perfectly fine conversation, first and foremost because it was honest. And second, it's ALWAYS smart to inform a pregnant woman where there will and will not be food. So I appreciated it. Now during our time out he ordered himself 2 beers that were on special.
I had a conversation with my mom the next day when she asked how our time went. She asked me if he had gotten anything for himself, because she was there when he said to me I couldn't get anything. I told her yes he had the two beers. She got visibly upset and asked why I wasn't upset. I explained to her that the beers were on special and he spent a few bucks, in contrast if I had eaten even an appetizer of sorts we still would have paid at least $10 - $15.
And she said, “Oh isn't that just like a man. I work work. It's MY money. I get what I want, but YOU can't,”. I know my mother so I wasn't surprised by this response. I told her that she had it all wrong.
Would have liked it better if he had said to me “I never get to have a beer when I go out, but I can't buy you food and me a beer. I can afford beer. So will it hurt your feelings if we do that?” Sure I would have loved it if he would have said that to me. But, it doesn't matter that my husband has known me for 16 years he still has the fear that he will say the wrong thing...especially since I'm pregnant because something that is fine to say while not pregnant could start WWIII when you are. So I understood that.
But he did tell me that we couldn't afford for me to eat out. I knew that going in. And I usually get what I want, just last week he ran out to the store at midnight because I wanted something spicy. So it's not like he doesn't take care of me, because he does. So this one night he was asking me to sacrifice so that he could have a few beers with the guys and feel like his hard work was for something...even if it was only two beers.
Do I know he feels that way because he told me? No. I know this because I love my husband more than myself. I always tell younger women that if you are getting married or in a relationship because of what the other person has to offer you, then you are NOT ready for ANY kind of relationship, especially one that leads to marriage. So when you DO enter in to a marriage you be ready to accept the sacrifices and what it takes to make the other person happy. When my husband and I were dating he expressed to me that he couldn't stand to have dishes in the sink. If I were a woman who absolutely refuses to do dishes, then during that courting period I would have said bye if I'm not willing to do it to keep him happy.
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