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Before I moved to Los Angeles, I had been single maybe a grand collective total of two years since I was 14. After arriving in Los Angeles, I did the Big S for about five years, dating on and off. During that time, my favorite thing to do was to hang out in mixed groups - co-ed and single/coupled. Because then it's about having fun, more than it is about dating. And if I'm the one person who causes a group to be so mixed, than mixed it is, even if only by my presence.
Single? Have friends that aren't? Might I suggest you get down with embracing "The Third Wheel"?
Small World Traveler isn't with me:
The "third wheel" refers to the person who is the outsider when there is a group of three. Example: "You two go on ahead without me. I don't want to be the third wheel." An analogy can be made to a two-wheeled bicycle or cart; adding a third wheel would not be helpful and would limit mobility. To be the "third wheel" is to be the extra, unnecessary person in a group of three people. Example: "Missy and I were going to go to the dance with another couple, but when I got sick she decided to stay home also. She didn't want to be the third wheel."
Tsk. Tsk.
An attitude like this suggests that coupled is the correct default for humanity. With over half of America women currently single, that's simply not true. And your friends aren't your friends only when they're away from their significant others - Then, you're missing half your friends!
Plus, if I'd only hung out in groups of singles when I was single there would have been a lot more women-only time, and I like a mixed group. Hanging out with couples allows you to experience men and women and our similarities, not sit in groups bemoaning our differences.
While "the third wheel" perhaps originally insinuated an unnecessary function, today you're not a third wheel per se - You're a friend hanging out with friends.
Of course, there is this pitfall, as described by Jen of The Inner Voices of a Spinster in her post Third Wheel Mentality:
Have you ever been in a situation where you've felt like the third wheel? Usually we think of it when we have a good friend who's dating someone. And you hang out with the two of them and there's never been anything so akward and miserable. Especially when they're whispering and kissing...yuck!
Couples! When hanging out with single friends: Yes, You Must Show Some Restraint. I'm not calling for a moratorium on hand holding and the occasional small kiss, because I think that these affections are important within a healthy relationship. But show some respect to the group and everyone's comfort.
It's difficult enough to get a single to come out with a couple; when they do, you want to make sure they're comfortable and having a good time.
But what about when you feel like the third wheel to a couple... of friends? Justice and Truth blogs at Should I Divorce Him? and she had a huge problem with her ex and his best friend:
There’s no feeling quite like being the third wheel in your own marriage. When I was married to the great-and-powerful ex, I was the third wheel when he was with his best friend J, which was virtually 24/7. I used to explain to the ex that his relationship with J wasn’t healthy and was damaging our marriage.
Oh, has she got a story. Thankfully, she's not in that situation anymore. The friend was constantly sleeping over their house and running up mobile bills with her husband. Shudder.
So, yes. There are third wheel situations that can suck.
And, yes. Sometimes, you're just not in the right emotional place to hang out with couples.
But, But, But. Don't regularly close yourself off from hanging out with your coupled friends. Go out and have a good time! With your friends, who love you.
Take it from Joy: Why go solo if you can stick with the other two wheels?
~
Contributing editor Liz Rizzo also blogs at Everyday Goddess.
