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Our kids don't have a set bedtime. What?? Are we insane? What about schedules? What about some quiet time after the kids go to sleep? Are they getting enough sleep? Before we get labeled as unconcerned, free-for-all, no boundaries parents, let me qualify this with - we do have bedtimes, but not set bedtimes.
Several years ago, my husband and I went from a two working-outside-of-the-home parents to one stay-at-home parent (my husband). Prior to that, the kids had to be woken up at 6:30am to get ready for daycare. Those days were filled with strict schedules and grueling bedtimes. With an energetic toddler and a nursing baby, it was nearly impossible to get everyone to sleep at a reasonable hour. We'd start at 8pm, but inevitably, bedtime stretched beyond 9pm. Every night, we were exhausted getting them to bed, and the kids were tired when they were woken up the next morning.
With the changing of the guard, the kids no longer had to get out of the house at a set time. Which meant that they could sleep until they woke up naturally. And since we no longer had a strict morning schedule, their bedtime schedule also relaxed. Suddenly, we were not exhausted fighting with them every night and the kids were miraculously well-rested in the morning. At first, we were aghast that the kids were going to sleep after 9pm and even up to 10pm. But since they were waking up naturally around 7:30am, they were getting enough sleep. Our own waking schedule also shifted to around 7:30am, so we ended up going to sleep later as well (luckily being a software engineer, it is "normal" to come in late to work).
Basically, we allow our kids' natural sleep rhythms and needs to govern their sleep schedule. This requires constant monitoring and adjustment of bedtimes according to their energy levels and the time they wake up. It sounds like more work than having a set bedtime, but it is actually easier to "go with the flow" and make adjustments when necessary.
In practice, we usually call bedtime around the same time every night, but we don't insist on an exact time. If we know they've had a particularly active day, we usually call bedtime earlier. If one of them takes a long nap during the day, we let their bedtime be a little later. And we know it is working as long as we don't have to wake them up in the morning.
When grade school started for my son, we were once again faced with having to get him ready at a set time every morning. We simply adjusted his bedtime so that he woke up naturally with plenty of time to get ready for school. This shift in bedtime is akin to the shift for Daylight Saving Time in the fall.
(Of course all this is good in theory, as my daughter is melting down before bedtime as I type this. She is obviously overtired!)
In the end, bedtimes are whatever works for your family, as long as it maintains the childrens' health and the parents' sanity. How do you handle bedtimes?
Contributing editor Angela is mostly sleepless herself at mommy bytes.
