On Being a Mom: X-ing the "Experts"

Yesterday as my daughter Timoni and I were getting pedi-manicures at the local mall I was forced to watch the TV that was blaring in front of my face. (It was not the place to go if you want a nice soothing mani-pedicure; I'll never return). On CNN there was a report on how woman's lives are not enhanced or improved or made "happier" by having children. I was watching this as my four-year old granddaughter Alexys (Tara's daughter) ran around the spa "helping" the attendants. She also got her nails painted. She gave joy to everyone in the place.

I am always leery of these so called surveys-studies-reports. So many times, years later, they are proven invalid or false or simply hogwash and a good waste of tax payers money. Of the woman interviewed, I thought for the most part, that they sounded like a bunch of childish whiners. It really clarified, in glaring full screen images, just how spoiled we have become as a nation when we can't even comprehend the idea of what it is to be a full and complete human being through the simple acts of giving to and serving our families without expecting something in return.

You can read about the studies in Newsweek and New York magazines and disagree with me all you want but I was seriously perplexed by these women, who seem to have totally "missed it". The New York magazines author Jennifer Senior sounds like a real "I, Me, My self-absorbed complainer" for the most part.

There is so much focus on the self serving mentality, that we have come to believe and at times even worship in our culture, that happiness is everything and it simply is not. Heaven is not on this earth. Work is not a dirty word. The notions of giving, serving, helping, teaching, sharing, et al was never mentioned. The articles and interviews were all about "am I happy?" I don't know the ages of those surveyed but seriously, I wonder what these childless by choice couples will really be thinking when they are in their 70's and 80's, and alone.

I also wonder if this is why even the right wing evangelical Christian Church seems to believe that social justice issues - those that feed the poor, want health care for the sick, etc. are viewed as ungodly and sinful? Just a thought and I'll leave this idea for another post.

I also don't understand the idea of "my children give me joy but I am not happy raising them?" Joy, happiness? Are they not synonyms? Several women mentioned the monotony of the everyday chores: the feeding, changing diapers, spending time with them, playing with them, etc. I personally thought they sounded pathetic and lazy as a whole.

I can't imagine what these women would have been like in the days before disposable diapers. Frankly, Mom's have it pretty easy today. Most don't even raise their children full time. They have nannies, babysitters or daycares who do most of the work for them.

What most of these mothers don't realize, in my humble opinion, is that children are a blessing, they give joy AND happiness, they are precious beings worthy of the best we have to give them, AND they take a lot of work. Duh!

I always knew I would have children and I expected my life to be enhanced by having children, for the better. And it was. I knew it would be hard work. My Mom was a stay-at-home Mom and she worked hard raising her five children and I admired her for it. Our house wasn't always clean, mom was at times stressed but that didn't stop me from thinking, "I'd rather have a spotless house and think about me all day and what I want so I think having children is not in my future". Selfish thinking in my opinion. People really miss what having children is truly all about and this study in my opinion proved nothing. There were simply too many variables left out. Those variables: thoughts, ideas, emotions that are so hard for the average person to put into words, which is why we have poets, creative writers, artists and musicians, who are able to "say" those important things that normal words can not convey.

My children have made me a better person. They have made me think outside myself. They have taught me to give, to think of others, to put others first,