I have a couple of times the last weeks got the question: Do you have kids?. It was even a question when I signed up here at Blogher, only that Blogher made it a bit easier for me with adding: "who live at home". The answer to the question if I have kids is a bit complicated and to just make it easier for everyone I say no. But that is not true. I do have a child. I have a son, only that he do not live with me. He is in Heaven.

I gave birth to a my beautiful baby boy less then 2 months ago. He was born on August 6th. He was just perfect to me and his daddy, but he was also born with so many complications so when I say that he is in a better place now I do really mean it. He stayed with us for 4 days. 4 wonderful but short days.

We knew when I was pregnant that he would have problems and I have now afterwards thought a lot about modern medicine. My mum was totally in awe when we told her about all the scans the doctor did and how much they could find out with Sami still in my belly. She never got any scans when she was pregnant, not even a listen to the heartbeat with a Doppler.

Now I have been thinking and wondering, would it been better to not have any scans. To not know about Sami's problems. It would for sure have made it a easier pregnancy, but then on the other hand the scans did prepare us for expecting the worse. I think I am leaning towards that having scans is a good thing. It might possible also made our loss a bit 'easier' (if you can use such a word) as we in a way already had started the grieving process before Sami was born.

So yes I am a mother to a beautiful Angel.

Dina
http://dynam1tt.blogspot.com