- Share This Post
- submit
- 2
-
Sparkle (0)
On the heels of Blog For Choice Day, it seemed the right time to point out that an increasing number of women are making the choice to become single mothers. It’s a planned, pre-determined act -- a decision made by women who know they're ready to take on the care of another individual without the help of a partner.
If I’d gotten pregnant in my teens, or even up until the time I was 25 or so, there’s almost no hesitation on my part that I wouldn’t have kept the baby in the event of an unplanned pregnancy. I wasn’t ready; I didn’t know where I wanted to be or what I wanted to do. It’s not that I’ve had a life-epiphany in the past few years or suddenly become “more ready” to take on the care of another individual, but, at least in my case, just being in my late 20s has made the prospect of an unplanned pregnancy something that would require a lot more thought.
It’s not that I feel external pressure – after all, a recent statistic said a majority of women who have abortions are over the age of 25. But if was going to consciously decide to have a baby, if I was able to plan it and work it around my own timetable, becoming a mother wouldn’t happen for at least another few years.
It’s just that, since I know I'd like at least one biological child, and being 27 years old (28 this summer), I have to think about the fact that my time-window for conception narrows every year. If I were to get pregnant unexpectedly at 27, or 28, or 32, that could be the one. You know? That could be my child. What if I’ve been given just one shot at this motherhood-thing and I decided to throw it away, not knowing it was my only chance?
Don’t get me wrong; this isn’t something I’m stressing over. I know (or at least I’m pretty sure) I have a number of years in front of me to have this child. (There’s still…what? Another 10 or 12 years, at least?) It’s just something that I think about sometimes.
So the next question is, would I make the choice to be a single mother on purpose? Well, if I was ready for it; if I had the resources and support I needed -- sure, I wouldn’t be opposed to it.
There are an increasing number of women who purposefully make the decision to take on single motherhood, whether by having a baby biologically or going through the adoption process. They know it’s their time, and they're not going to be dissuaded just because they happen to be single.
I can only imagine, though, how difficult that decision must be for some people. There are plenty of mothers who are forced to take on larger parenting roles in the event of death or divorce/separation from their partner – but to start off that way, knowing from the beginning you’ll bear the lion’s share of the responsibility, seems to me a very brave thing to do. This isn’t an easy decision, and there must be resources in place – money to pay for extra help, and/or friends and family members who can lend a supporting hand.
Mikki Morrisette is the author of Choosing Single Motherhood: The Thinking Woman’s Guide, with a companion website that has resources and advice for women thinking about becoming single mothers. (And for anyone worried about not being able to find a man after having a child on their own? She even has a list of reasons why Single Moms Are the Ultimate Catch.) Mikki had two children by a donor father, and refers to herself as a "Choice Mom."
[…] I am Choice Mom to two kids. As a NYC writer/editor for 18 years, I saw a need among Choice Moms that I could help to fill. So I relocated to my less expensive home state, spent a few years doing research, and started to develop a toolkit for Choice Moms. I've now talked with hundreds of Choice Moms and Choice Moms-in-the-making to learn more about what we need as a community.
Aileen, a single woman over 40 who lives in DC, asks "We DO need men...don't we?"
I'd certainly like to think so.
But I am noticing an interesting phenomenon. I have
