On Being a Woman Today

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This afternoon, Justin2 (my boyfriend...my brother is also named Justin) came to visit me.

First sweet thing he did: he brought me lunch.

Second thing he did: My brother was here having lunch before he left for class. He had on some sitcom and during a part of the show they were talking about surrogacy because the wife couldn't get pregnant, and Justin2 covered my eyes so I wouldn't watch it.

After lunch, Justin2 and I spent the afternoon together. We snuggled and cuddled, and as soon as my painkiller kicked in, we headed up to my room.

I felt...right.

I felt...like a girl.

He caressed me. He played with my breasts. I rode him. He covered me with kisses and I called out his name as he was on top. We collapsed next to each other. I whispered my love for him as he dozed off.

Later he was having an allergic reaction to Alex. I immediately offered him a variety of allergy meds, wanting to take care of him.

While watching tv on the couch, he held me. I snuggled into him, rested my head on him, wrapped my arms around him. I told him that I was sorry for not feeling well, that I hoped he wasn't resenting me because I couldn't go out as much as I did before, how I didn't want to lose him because of my health. I never wanted him to let me go.

It may be silly of me, it may be un-feminist of me, but I don't care. Him holding me, listening to me tell him how I'm feeling and my irrational fears, and not responding with any words, just holding me tighter. Taking care of me. I didn't even care that he took the remote. Him being concerned that if we have sex that it would hurt me too much. Knowing exactly what to say to make me laugh. He took the hard drive out of our desktop computer to backup my files, and then we can fix it. Maybe this is stereotypically the male-female relationship, where he's taking care of me, but it really doesn't matter.

It's what's working for us right now. It's what working around my pain.

Maybe...that's the real part of being a woman. Being able to be flexible and adapt to different situations. Knowing when to be strong, knowing when to ask for what's needed, and sometimes knowing when do both at the same time.