Beneath the Fear is....Sadness
Hello Beautiful People,
Last night, I was reading a book by Elizabeth Lesser called "Broken Open", and came to a realization. Well, really, she did the realizing and before her, it was Chogyam Trungpa, her teacher, but yesterday, with their help, I realized it too.
That is that underneath fear, is sadness. There is a strong response to the sadness when we refuse to feel it, and that is what makes us feel fear. According to Chogyam Trungpa, it is important to feel the sadness beneath the fear in order to reach fearlessness.
“The ideal of warriorship is that the warrior should be sad and tender, and because of that, the warrior can be very brave as well.”
― Chögyam Trungpa
Recently, I have had troubles with fear. It is something that arose out of heartbreak. Last summer I experienced isolation alongside the end of a relationship that I belived in, as well as the sudden and tragic death of a young woman close to me. Somehow, my mind switched into a mode where all I could feel was fear.
It seemed as though I had lost my marbles completely. Instead of moving on, I began to fear the crows in the sky and the wind in the air, the changing of weather patterns. I began to fear a lot of things. When I sat quietly though, which I had to do to get through, what happened were tears. When I sat quietly, and allowed myself to feel, I felt incredible sadness.
These fears, they were of things happening over which I had no control. They were of harm done to me, or near me, in my presence, without my being able to stop it. I felt weak. It was as if all my power was outside myself, and I couldn't use it.
Which is something I could see with my rational mind, but I couldn't feel. In the book, they speak of the strength and the fearlessness that comes out of allowing oneself to feel sad. Instead of feeling sad, one can feel fearful, but this is no use to the Spiritual Warrior (or anybody). When I let it sink in more deeply, I realized that this is true for me. Instead of feeling the depth of my heartbreak and sadness, I felt fear. Instead of acknowledging this feeling, I tried to give it away, to make something outside myself responsible.
Sadness is mine. Fear may be caused by something outside me, out of my control.
This connection, which I have experienced but was not conciously aware of, is one I will continue to work with, and one I felt was worth sharing, in case there is somebody else out there struggling with a hearbreak that looked something like mine.