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When one door closes another door opens; but we often look so long and so regretfully upon the closed door, that we do not see the ones which open for us. ~Alexander Graham Bell
An article in the New York Times Science section quickly rose to the top of the most email list today. "The Advantages of Closing a Few Doors" looks at the work of MIT behavioral economist, Dan Ariely, in his new book Predictably Irrational. Given that economics is not generally the hottest of topics, what is driving the interest in this piece? My guess is that it talks about choices and emotions that are familiar to each of us.
Apparently they did not care so much about maintaining flexibility in the future. What really motivated them was the desire to avoid the immediate pain of watching a door close.
“Closing a door on an option is experienced as a loss, and people are willing to pay a price to avoid the emotion of loss,” Dr. Ariely says. In the experiment, the price was easy to measure in lost cash. In life, the costs are less obvious — wasted time, missed opportunities. If you are afraid to drop any project at the office, you pay for it at home.
“We may work more hours at our jobs,” Dr. Ariely writes in his book, “without realizing that the childhood of our sons and daughters is slipping away. Sometimes these doors close too slowly for us to see them vanishing.”
Who among us has never held on too long, refused to close a door or to make a decision even when moving forward and making a choice will be freeing, liberating, expansive and life-changing in positive ways? I certainly don't have the answer but I think it is a lesson we can learn. We can build the muscle by saying no more often, by making snap decisions more often, by not lingering and inviting the possibility of regret. The more we live, the more we continue to move forward and make choices in love, the more we will lose the fear of closing a door or two and our lives will be the richer for it.
Beth McCain says that it is a matter of trust:
For every door that closes, there are hundreds that have just open to you. So after getting over the sting, go out and celebrate because right around the corner is something much better. The Universe really does have your back.
Susanne is closing a door and taking a leap into the unknown:
The reason why I post is that I’m going to be leaving the UK for some time; I haven’t decided when I’ll be back but I’m going to check out where the adventure takes me.
Goodnight Entrepreneur suggests making sure the door is really closed before moving on:
If a door (opportunity) closes - first bang on it to see if it won’t open. Don’t just accept that it is closed.
Colette Copeland at A Bird In The Hand wonders if a closing door is a signal:
But -- downsizing respects no one.
Is this a push from the cosmos to go in a new direction? I don't know. Yet.
Kyran Pittman at Notes To Self found that closing one door and opening another caused some release:
Tomorrow, our real estate agent will drive a stake in our yard that will make it official: this home is for sale.
We came to the decision shortly before Christmas, and I am (mostly) at peace with it. The minute we signed the realtor contract, whatever energy that had been jammed up around money for the preceding year came dramatically unstuck.
Ariane Benefit notes that success comes when you find balance:
The more successful you become, the balance of YES to NO has to shift. In the beginning. you say YES to every opportunity. To remain successful, it's all about the art of staying focused and figuring out what to say NO to even if they are great opportunities.
StayAtHomeMom wonders why she has difficulty closing doors or saying no (hint: fear plays a big part):
Second, I do not want to lose business. I'm afraid if I don't join this person's group that they may choose to invite a competitor, or I might offend them for not joining and may lose their existing business.
And Mira Kirshenbaum, writing at Revolution Health, finds that the article speaks to things she's been saying
