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Before you spend another cent on some fancy schmancy anti-aging cream, read this and quit worrying once and for all about wrinkles, fine lines and not-so-fine ones. Because worrying causes wrinkles.
- Become a parent. Get so insanely busy and exhausted that you have zero time to ponder your wrinkles, or much of anything else.
- Consider the fact that laugh lines show you have character. Realize that that is utter crap-ola; character or not, there are still squiggly little lines on your face. Acceptance is the first step.
- Go to the department store or drugstore. Walk past the pricey wrinkle creams —- no potion on the planet can get rid of lines, no matter what the ingredients. The best they can do is moisturize your skin so lines plump up and look less line-like. Pick up a nice, rich moisturizer instead and save your money for your shoe addiction. Wearing shoes has not been shown to cause wrinkles.
- When booking a hotel, ask the following questions: 1) Do you have free internet access? 2) Is breakfast included? 3) Do you have a lit magnifying mirror in the bathroom? If the answer to number three is, “Why, yes, we do!” hang up and find a hotel that does not have magnifying mirrors on the premises.
- Follow the lead of Mick Jagger, who has Grand Canyon-size crevices on his face but firmly believes he is still 25. Walk around humming “Hot Stuff.” Get groupies.
- Drink red wine. Suddenly, wrinkles will seem soft-focus and fuzzy. Glurg.
- If you smoke, quit. Studies show it causes lines around the mouth, which as everyone knows is considerably worse than death.
- Get a publicist. The next time someone calls you “Ma’am,” sick your publicist on them.
- Eat lots and lots of sardines, an excellent source of age-fighting Omega-3 fatty acids. Keep one can in your purse, one in your desk at work, and wear one around your neck. Your wrinkles will never be apparent to the human eye as no human will come near enough to notice.
- Replace your current Facebook photo with one of you at 16. When people comment on how youthful you look, thank them and say it must be your new haircut.
- Try distraction. Wear humongous pieces of jewelry, dye your hair fuchsia or pick up a pet parrot and keep him perched on your shoulder at all times. Train him to say “Pretty girl! Pretty girl!”
- Wear oversize sunglasses at all times -— when you sleep and shower, too. That way, your significant other will never notice any lines, including when you shower together.
- Sleep: An excellent thing. People will notice only that glowy look that comes from getting decent shuteye and pay no mind to your wrinkles. And if do you notice anyone staring, call your publicist!
Original to OwnIt
