Bi polar meditation

Sitting in the sun.  You know I really love the sun, I really do.  When I was younger like a teenager, I was like one of those goth chicks that would have like, an umbrella in the sun and l hated it.  I think I just hated the heat more.  But lately the summers haven't been getting so hot.  I really don't like the cold weather.  I'm just waiting for the Sun to come out when it's grey.  You see my bipolar it calls for the sun.  My brain my body my soul it needs the vitamin D.  A lot of people with depression are just like me.  Some people even have to have this special expensive light box in their room.  I really want one of those.

One afternoon, I can't remember what time it was, but I think I remember to tell myself that I should remember what time it is, because I wanted to do it every day daily, because what happened was, I sat in a chair, the nice patio furniture, and the sun was so bright and hot, I just sat there, and I left my body.  Now I've never been able to meditate.  I've tried.  But that day the sun totally made me pass out.  I said to myself now when I am on my deathbed I'm going to tell whoever is with me to take me under the sun and just leave me there, because I don't want to see the dark in the end. I say that because, I have seen the dark before, near death experiences, I don't ever want to experience ever again.  And the sun that day I guess made me feel like I was dying.  Is that what meditation feels like?  Because I don't think I want to meditate again.  Although it did feel really Dam good that sun.  It should've energize me though, I thought that it, did but you know what, it didn't, now that I think about it.  I walked away happy though.

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