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I write at Rocks In My Dryer, , and I'm a BlogHer Contributing Editor (Mommy/Family). I also write at The Parenting Post.  In February, I traveled to...
 
 
 
 

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Big Families and the Moms Who Blog Them

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I have four children, which is not enough to get me my own Discovery Channel special, but it is enough to cause curious strangers in grocery stores to ask, "are they all yours?"

I'm sure the fact that one of the children is making monkey noises and another is trying to open a box of cereal has nothing to do with the strangers' look of sympathy.  Or maybe that's disdain?

There was never a magical moment where my husband and I decided we were going to have a larger-than-average family, just an ongoing sense that all the little souls meant to join our family weren't all here yet. 

(They're all here now.  Oh boy, are they are ever.)

And despite the extra doses of mischief in the grocery store, the endless laundry, the living space in our home that seems to shrink daily, I would not trade this rowdy lifestyle for all the peace and quiet in the world.  My husband and I both come from small families, and we watch with great joy as our brood never has any shortage of companionship.  Watching the various sibling dynamics develop and evolve is undoubtedly one of the most interesting parts of my parenting journey. 

While news of declining birth rates and a western "population implosion" abound, there are still plenty of families choosing to have a larger-than-average number of children.  (In fact, the U.S. is experiencing a "baby boomlet", according to MSNBC.)  And thankfully, many of these families are writing blogs.  Blogs written by moms of many are among my favorite blogs to read--I love to watch how these women manage their homes with grace and laughter and unbelievably clever organization.

Katherine at Raising Five has written recently about some of the specific resources that have helped her navigate the raising of her crew.

Mary at Owlhaven is a mom to ten, including four biological children, two children adopted from South Korea and four children adopted from Ethiopia.  She gives some practical advice for a common difficulty in large families:

I personally think the hardest thing about having a large family is finding individual time with each child. The youngest kids tend to get the lion’s share of my time during the day, but it is important to remember older kids need time to chat with mom, even when they seem pretty self-sufficient. We stagger bedtimes and let the big kids stay up a little later. which gives us a little chance to chat. I also rarely run errands alone– almost always I take one or two kids along. I’ve found that it is much easier to have a nice chat when there are only a couple kids along with me, and it feels more special to the child as well.

Angie at Larger Families (pregnant with number seven) also writes on teaching her kids to master the mess, noting that

This is harder than it sounds, because I have to factor in resistance, attitude, ineptitude. It is hard work training children. It’s even harder when you have to train yourself first. But the rewards are beyond measure.

Amy's Humble Musings has been chronicling her family's preparation to pack up their six kids and move to a converted Amish farmhouse in Kentucky, in an effort to simplify life for all of them. 

Jenni at One Thing, expecting her 12th, writes her answer to the oft-asked question:  How do you do it? 

This question is overwhelmingly the winner of most-frequently-asked, even though it is vague and largely rhetorical. Do what, exactly? Breathe? Live? Get up in the morning? Make coffee? Wrangle toddlers? Adjudicate disputes? Potty train? Keep my eyeballs from rolling around independently of one another?

I suspect I do it the same way everybody else on this terrestrial plane does, whether they acknowledge the existence of a higher Power or not.

By the grace of God, baby. By the grace of God.

Indeed.

Shannon Lowe is a Contributing Editor (Mommy/Family) for BlogHer.  She also writes at Rocks In My Dryer and Bloggy Giveaways.

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scordoni 5 pts

With four siblings, I'm a child of a large family. And we've experienced the same things you have. Growing up, my parents couldn't take us anywhere without having people stare and ask, "Are they all yours?!" or "How on Earth do you manage?!" They ask these questions as if my mother's running some sort of circus or zoo. And although things sometimes tend to get hectic, it's nothing normal parents can't handle. And if anything, things in our family were less hectic because all of us know what's expected of us and we take care of it before Mom asks. Whereas, it seems, only children tend to be needier because their parents have done everything for them (because it's easier to just do things for your one child than to teach them how to do it; but you have to teach your multiple children how to do things because nobody has time to chase after five or more kids 24/7). I feel as if children in large families tend to be raised to be more independent and responsible, therefore having many children is not quite the nightmare most people think it is.

My blog:

http://www.lifeinalargefamily.wordpress.com

sjcordonier@gmail.com

DETRA 5 pts

ok  while grocery shopping with two of my four children ages 5,1 i was being stared at by a man.  as i aknowledge  this man he said EW YOUR HANDS ARE FULL!!.   now my kids are both in the buggy being very good. so i have no idea what made him say this.  but as i was walking away and he gave his comment i turned and smiled and said this is only half of them.  his eyes bugged out and this man was truley in shock! he was speechless.  come on now he has had to see women with more than 2 kids before.  i think he would have passed out if i told him i am pregnant with the fifth boy!  ne way  i had a great laugh over it.  it was one of those momments you just had to see his face.  for once, it was nice to be  able to laff about it in stead of mopping about how mean people can be.  

mamalegato 5 pts

I think "Why?!" is the strangest question I have been asked when out with my 6?!

I mean, really, how do you answer that!

 I always knew I wanted  a large family, but never had a specific number in mind but when I got pregnant with #6 (he's almost 2 now) I just knew that I was "done"- sounds a bit flakey but I really did just feel that our family was complete.

To celebrate I just ran my first marathon- and that's what my blog is mostly about- training and running a marathon while juggling the demands of a big family.

www.mamalegato.wordpress.com 

 Shannon 

dianer 5 pts

I have six children and I love it. I grew up in a group of 6 and my husband in a group of 9. I get comments all the time too, even if I only have half the team along. People are funny about kids and sizes of families-- everyone seems to care. Since #6 came along my most frequent comment is, "You are done, right?" That I am not sure about. 6 is great, but it makes me sad to think there will be no more babies with sunshiney smiles. On the other hand, there is only one more to potty train at this point, and do I want some one else to puke on me? So I am just giving it time. If I hit 36 and still haven't decided then 6 kids it will be. But deep down inside, I think there will be another.

http://thoserobertsons.blogspot.com/

TellingMom 5 pts

We have seven children. At around the age of twelve, I knew I wanted seven children. When I met my husband {well, he was a friend for a while first ;)}, it just all fell into place.

All the questions above such as: "How do ou do it? All they all yours? Are you their nanny? Are you babysitting?You must have your hands full!" seem to be very common. I wonder if people think they are being original? {lol}

The most common negative question I have gotten was: "How are you going to pay for their University?" My initial thought was :"Are you kidding me? I paid my own way, and hubby did also, so the kids can figure it out by themselves. Hard work is good to learn." But, considering how negative that sounds, I was alwasy at a loss as to what to say.

One day, I mentioned it to my dad and {he's the funny guy}he told me to reply: "Why would I have to pay? They are all brilliant and they will all get scholarships." Ok, this might be over the top, but when I do say this, people tend to stop the prying questions.

What gives people the right to ask these questions just because you are not the "norm" of what society wants? Who decided what was normal anyway? And, normal could be boring! Every quirk we have, every difference the children have makes them special. :)

Pao, you asked the question of how you knew you were done... Although I did know that I wanted seven kids at an early age, I still *knew* I was done after our seventh. Circumstances pointed to me that this was it. 7 kids in 10 years was enough beating up of my body. :) If you are unsure if you are done, it might be *that* your answer?What I mean is that you crave more children, but worry about society, family dynamics, twin possibility, etc... If you were to make a list of pros and cons, which line woul dbe longest? And which of those points are truly important? If you really feel that there is another child (either natural or adoption) for you, why torture yourself with the negative things? And when else in your life could you do this again? At the age of 80, will you look at your hubby and tell him :"I wish we would have jumped in and had the 9 kids we wanted..." If your family feels complete and all you crave is the attention of a newborn, go to playgroups, hold some friend's baby and when you give it back, think about how you feel. Are you relieved? Or are you imagining another one for yourself and hubby?

 All very tough questions, but the answers are buried inside. :) Talk with your hubby, find out what he wants... It is a decision that will change your life, either way. ;)

Good luck!

Pao 5 pts

Hi Ladies!

Thank you for your wonderful posts.  I am a mom of 4 beautiful funny kids all under the age of 8.  They are all two years apart and my youngest is almost 2.  I get all kids of comments when I am out and the most outrageous is " Do you have a daycare or are they all yours?  I laugh and smile when I see the surprise on their faces when I tell them yes they are all mine.

 I do have a question for you ladies.  How do you know when you are done having children.  My husband and I are not sure whether or not we are finished.  There is a part of me that would love another child but then I think we are in a good place right now with the four that we have.  Plus I am at a high risk for twins as well.  We would need a new car because a van would not help a family of 8.

If there is a post already about this topic I would love to read it.

thanks so much.

kbmckinney 5 pts

That one, and "I don't know how you do it!" are the most popular comments from strangers and acquaintances. I don't think that four kids is a particularly large family - but they are 6 and under (including one year old twin boys). I generally just smile and nod.

Life goes on. You still need to grocery shop and go to Target and the doctor's office and to the elementary school. We all figure out how to get it done - me, the big ones, the little ones - we work it out. It's not always pretty, sometimes I silently dare people to say something about the screaming kid in the grocery cart so that I can say something nasty and dripping in sarcasm in reply. Never happens though. Usually the only people who say anything are the moms or grandmas who tell me that the children are beautiful and that I seem so calm and together. It's wonderful to hear that from time to time - especially when I feel so out-of-control.

Thanks for the links! I'm on a Quixotic journey of organization around here...

Kate

Four Funny Kids ( http://4funnykids.blogspot.com )

judy 5 pts

I love having four kids. Although my Blog is more about myself and my inner dialogue, it always comes back to my children..Everything does.
Judy
I love having four kids. Although my Blog is more about myself and my inner dialogue, it always comes back to my children..Everything does.
Judy
http://averyopenbook.blogspot.com/

KellySAHM 5 pts

I have 6 children and we get comments all the time. I hate the comments that lament sympathy! We have had the t.v. comment as in we need one. I responded well tv wasn't as much fun. Bold I know, but it isn't their business in the first place!

Dana J. Tuszke 5 pts

I'm the oldest of four kids. My mother and her sisters (two of my aunts each have five kids) knew they wanted larger families.

When I was younger, I swore I would have 4+ kids. While I just have the one, and I desperately want more (Mom, if you've followed me here, we ARE trying)....I always smile when I see other parents out and about with lots of kids. And the thought of whether they all "belong" to that parent never crosses my mind. I suppose it just seems natural to me.

I am happy for the links to these bloggers. I can't wait to dive in!

Praefish 6 pts

I have six children and I am always surprised by the gasping reaction when I am out and someone is visibly counting them. "Are they all yours?" Or even better, when I am out with the baby and someone asks, "Is he your only one?" I chuckle and say, No, there are 5 more. "Wow, you sure have your hands full." My reply is usually, "Better full than empty." I was told by three doctors that I would never be able to have children. A year after our marriage we began the adoption paperwork, only to find out soon after that I was pregnant. I am blessed beyond anything I ever thought possible. God has been very good to us.

Other comments I get:
"Are you Catholic? Mormon? " No, I'm a Presbyterian, my husband is a minister and we are all for a little Dutch Evengelism. (That one usually shuts up the naysayers.)

It is hard not to get offended when someone asked if I knew how having six happened? I usually reply with a little something like, "Yes, I do and it is sooooo fun. Maybe you need to try it once in a while and mind your own business."

Yes, bold, but so were they.

the SmockLady ( http://smocklady.com/blog )

MamaArcher 5 pts

I am a mother of 8 so far. I really appreciated this posting! I run a blogroll for those who would consider themselves "quiverfull" and I also have a blog carninval for those Qf people who would like to share their testimonies!

Blogroll:

http://www.mamaarcher.com/2007/11/introducing-quiv...

Carnival:

http://blogcarnival.com/bc/cprof_3360.html

More on Large Families:

http://www.mamaarcher.com/search/label/Quiverfull

MonicaB 5 pts

Barbara Curtis, author, speaker and mom of 12, keeps a blog too.

http://mommylife.net/

Kian Yamaguchi 5 pts

I have 7 children. I hear stuff *all* the time. I have 6 boys. I *really* hear stuff all the time. Most people tend to say nice things but I think it's only because I am very good at giving the look of impending death if they do not say nice things.

The most common remark is "You sure have your hands full" and my answer, no matter what vein the question is asked in, is always "Yes I do and I am so lucky"

That usually stops all other remarks.

http://mamafasha.blogspot.com

rocksinmydryer 5 pts

Great response from your mom, Granny Sue!

Shannon @ Rocks In My Dryer
BlogHer Contributing Editor, Mommy and Family
rocksinmydryer.typepad.com
bloggygiveaways.com

grannysu 7 pts

That was my mother's standard reply when people commiserated with her over being the mother of 13 children. "You poor thing!" they'd say. "So many children!"

"You're right," Mom would say in her dainty English voice. " Which ones do you think I should keep, and which ones should I get rid of?" And she'd walk right on.

Being one of that brood (and the oldest girl--any "oldest" out there?-you know what THAT means!) made having five sons of my own seem like a relatively small, easily-managed family. So, like others have commented, I am always surprised when people comment on my "big" family.

Granny Sue
Stories from the Mountains and Beyond
www.grannysu.blogspot.com ( http://www.grannysu.blogspot.com )
susannaholstein@yahoo.com

ehingersoll 5 pts

I have three boys, and it amazes me at how many people think that is a large family. I always get cracks like, "How's the team? How's the crew? Don't you know what causes that?" It's funny. There a 4 of us in my family, and each of my parents had like 8 siblings or something. What's the big deal?

Anyone else amused by your "attention?"