BIKINIS: NOT JUST FOR GROWNUPS ANYMORE!
By Whorrified on September 13, 2012
MOTHER of the YEAR
"I sure hope it's a girl because
I've already bought her the
pink stilettos and thongs!"
I am shocked. Appalled. Disgusted. Whorrified. Not just by the photo Jessica Simpson put out there for the whole world to see on Katie Couric's new show, but because I actually give a rat-bat's ass. (I just learned this week that there is a creature called the rat-bat. I have no idea what it looks like but I can certainly imagine, and now I'm obsessed with it.)
So the deep thinker that is Jess debuted her recently deblubbered post-pregnancy physique this week on Katie, because that's the kind of thing America needs to worry about right now. All things considered, she looked good, no doubt thanks to the doubled-up Spanx she reportedly wore for the occasion (and I'm not judging because if I owned a pair of Spanx, I would wear the HELL out of them). I still couldn't muster up the expected astonishment and gushing, but whatever.
And then she trots out "the baby pic."
Which was either shrewdly calculated controversy bait or just another Simpson-ism. I totally can't decide which.
Either way, Jess paraded her adorable four-month-old daughter, Maxwell Drew, down the worldwide runway in a string bikini. That's right. A bikini. Within minutes, the debate as to her mothering abilities had erupted: "WTF? Toddlers and Tiaras much?" versus "Oh relax, it's just a baby pic."
And now all of America has splintered into two camps so fiercely divided even Michele Bachmann and her incessant praying may not be able to save them.
So I beg of you, help put an end to the suffering. Take a moment from your harried lives, stop worrying about the mounting tensions in Cairo and Iran or whether or not Mayor Rob Ford really is made of butter, and cast your peepers on the photo of Jess's infant. Then ask yourself: Appropriate or Gross? After that, you may return to your regularly scheduled thinking.
Here's the link: Baby Bikini
Visit me at Whorrified for more whorrors! http://www.whorrified.ca/