I've been thinking about the ways in which birth experiences influences the ways in which you feel about your health care provider and yourself. I heard a great MA Thesis defense recently and during the latter part of the defense there was some discussion about personal birth experiences. This made me think about my two birth experiences with my daughters. Both births required some intervention. And, here I am thinking about them some ten years later.
I did not opt to find out the gender of either of my girls and with both I had a birth plan in mind. I did not follow the birth plans, but I did end up with two baby girls. My eldest was encouraged to via the breaking of my waters and I labored for some 11 hours with her. I was quite thankful that for the epidural and will never forget the excruciating back labor. The next wonderful thing that I experienced were the shakes post-childbirth thanks to the epidural. The rails of the hospital bed were cushioned so that I would not hurt myself, during my seizure like shakes.
The easiest part of my birth experience was breastfeeding. I had no issues with breastfeeding post-child birth. I also have warm memories of that first diaper change with the meconium being released by my daughter. Oh, good times.
My second (and last) child birth experience was traumatic. I started off laboring standing and was feeling pretty good; however, in the matter of 10 minutes I went from laboring standing to the nurses realizing that something was wrong. I was summarily prepped for surgery and had an emergency c-section. I will never forget the moment that I was frustrated on the bed with my arms strapped down and feeling the doctor tug and open me up, then take my daughter out of me. She explained that the umbilical cord was wrapped around my daughter's neck twice and this explained the fetal distress. I shed tears of joy and relief. I also felt guilty that I every contraction had strangled my poor girl.
I did not feel guilty about the interventions, then, I do not now.