The Black Friday Mission.

I am a Black Friday shopper.

To say that I celebrate Thanksgiving is but a part of the truth. Thanksgiving is like Christmas Eve, the moment of great anticipation before you rip into presents the next morning. To the real bargain shopper, it is pay dirt. The BB gun is to Ralphie in The Christmas Story as Black Friday is to pure frugalistas. Everyone else out there on Black Friday is just wearing a pink bunny suit.

Many comment that Black Friday is not worth the $20 of savings. If I only saved $20, I would consider it a great failure. 2002 was my best Black Friday year so far. I became a legend, somewhat in my own mind, when I came home with three shirts, one sweater, and one baby dress for only 15 cents. I saved the receipt in my wallet for weeks, showing everyone that would take a glance. Recounting the story numerous times of the saleswoman saying that she had never seen that before in her life. Apparently she had never met a true bargain hunter before.

There's rules to Black Friday.  First is to know your route and what you're looking for. Lists are made of deals at each store and the time the store opens so you can make a schedule and decide what your true priorities are. If you're standing in line outside a store, make friends with the person next to you and hold their place in line if they need to run to their car. However, if you are in line to pay in the store, no one will hold your place. If fact, they will call everyone they know on their phone and invite them personally to come take your place in line.

 Bed head mixed with the perfect mix of left over mascara is the official Black Friday uniform. You can always tell an impostor just by looking at their shoes first and their makeup, or lack there of, next. Heels will not cut it in the fast pace world of Black Friday. Dr. Scholls may be considered older generation but the perfect foot love will equal greater success. To put it simply, on Black Friday, make up and matching clothes are for sissies. If you have to get dressed in pure darkness and sneak out of the house like a covert operation than you will be a success.

Buyer beware, the Black Friday ads are slowly starting to be released. If you will be shopping in Fort Worth this coming Friday, you better watch out. The crazy woman in the white van that is wearing monkey pajamas and day old make up is one the loose and I've already made my lists.


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