If you are afraid to make a move because you fear failure, get over it. I'm here to tell you that you will fail, at something. It may be big, it may be small, or it may be colossally big front page of the news screw up, but at some point you will. Unless you're living your life so small that you're living only to arrive safely at your death, you're going to make a goof somewhere. So embrace failure and you'll be far more likely to succeed on the whole, where it really matters. This quote from Mary Pickford sums it up nicely:
If you have made mistakes, there is always another chance for you. You may have a fresh start any moment you choose, for this thing we call "failure" is not the falling down, but the staying down. ~ Mary Pickford
FailCon is a conference that focuses on just that - failure and the lessons learned by those who failed and fixed it. Think about it. What could be more valuable than gleaning the lessons learned from a failure and then passing on those lessons to others so they can avoid the same pitfalls?
In Epic Fail: Startup Lemons Turned to Lemonade, Dana Oshiro details the premise behind FailCon. I particularly like Gnip founder Eric Marcoullier's comments:
"Misery is nature's way of telling you you're doing it wrong...Since we've changed directions, we're currently working on a new platform and we've released more features in one month than we had in the previous 6 months. I don't know if we're going to succeed, but we're going to find out a lot faster now."
Listen to the nudges from nature, the voices of wisdom, and signs from the Universe. I can remember when I first had the inkling to start my own business and was petrified of failing. My mentor coach at the time suggested I read the John Maxwell book Failing Forward. I really liked the book because of the spin it puts on failing (and failing quickly) as a way to learn and move you forward. Get Rich Slowly has this to say about the book:
But what I eventually learned was that failing at one thing is not failing at all things. And, in fact, failure is a necessary part of growth. Life is filled with trial and error. In order to walk the path to success, you need to make some wrong turns along the way.
Wrong turns are totally ok. They give you perspective and make you aware of what path isn't the right one for you. You can look at them in trepidation or with a sense of exploration and adventure. The former keeps you paralyzed or digging a deeper hole and the second allows you to be malleable in a way that allows you to transform failure into future success.
Hand in hand with failure is learning when to call it quits. Seth Godin's book The Dip was all about knowing when to quit and when to stick. Kirstin Carey has a great post called "Rudy Should Have Quit - Maybe You Should, Too!". She asks the golden question:
Where is the line between when you should give up and when you should push forward towards your goal?
I'd add to that - When should you bag what you're doing, learn from it, tweak it, trash it, whatever, and then come out of the gates again on a clearer path to success? You need to be able to answer this for yourself and your career or business. Otherwise you become one of those people who end up stuck forever but with that perseverance always wins at any cost attitude. Yes perseverance is important but sometimes other, wiser messages are telling you to fail and then move forward.
You need to show up and take a shot at what you most want. Failure is part of what it means to be a success. This quote from basketball great Michael Jordan puts it in perspective (after all if the greatest men's basketball player ever can fail this much...):
I've missed more than 9,000 shots in my career. I've lost almost 300 games. 26 times I've been trusted to take the game winning shot and missed. I've failed over and over and over again in my life and that is why I succeed. ~ Michael Jordan
Some other thoughts on failure and learning from it:
So get out there and prototype your life a little faster by being willing to embrace failure as a natural part of the journey.
Paula Gregorowicz, owner of The Paula G. Company, offers life and business coaching for women to help you gain the clarity, confidence, and courage you need to up-level your business and life. Get the free eCourse "5 Steps to Move from Fear to Freedom" at her website
]]>In the BusinessWeek article "Can being laid off really make you better off?" Michelle Conlin reports on research from Boeing over the span of ten years showed that axed workers were healthier than those left behind. In a study from 1996 to 2006, a tumultuous decade when Boeing laid off tens of thousands, research shows that the survivors suffered just as much, if not more than colleagues who got laid off.
"How much better off the laid-off were was stunning and shocking to us," says Sarah Moore, a University of Puget Sound industrial psychology professor who is one of the book's four authors.
What is the cause of this? Consider this familiar scenario to anyone who has ever survived a round of layoffs.
With each round of layoffs, the survivors hustled to reinvent themselves. They re-proved, re-auditioned, and repositioned, only to watch yet another new manager — pushing the fad du jour — parade through the door. Employees who had once seen themselves in every plane that flew overhead were now trading in gallows humor. As in, "Dead worker walking."
Human resources specialist Frank Zemek was the researchers' main contact. In an interview, he recalled "the survivor's guilt of the people who were left, who were waiting and not knowing if the hatchet was going to fall on them. They experienced the worst stress."
As someone who has both survived numerous layoffs and has been laid off, I have to say that being a survivor isn't without its grief. Who in the workforce in the last ten years hasn't been told "we'll just have to do more with less". I mean really. By the time you are doing the job of two, three, four, five, ten other people, it is literally impossible not to burn out or have health problems unless you are extremely resilient and adamant about your personal boundaries.
This is not to say that being laid off is not without its challenges. For those unable to find work or in financial distress, no one is going to convince you that your layoff had a silver lining. Just check out the disparity of comments on getting laid off being a blessing in disguise. (the "hog" comments are a whole new form of venting). Yet, no matter what happens in life, it is what we do with it that determines our current experience and future possibilities. This holds true for the surviving employees as well, but the environment can be wildly toxic.
In "After the Ax: As layoffs hit the in-house bar, lawyers struggle but stay hopeful" Lauren Williamson speaks to the plight of in-house lawyers.
Since law departments are so thinly staffed to begin with, letting go of just a few attorneys can have a big impact. Vidal says there aren’t too many options to fill the gaps. "It’s just old-fashioned hard work, and you have to take on more than you had in the past," she says. "It’s a difficult proposition."
If you're struggling to find work, I'm sure you find yourself saying to those you know who kept their jobs, "But at least you still have a job." Yet those very words only add to the stress of those who stay. "Layoffs Also Difficult for Those Who Stay" offers a good reality check for those who feel pollyannaish about those who kept their job:
Yes, those who survive the all-too frequent layoffs these days are grateful for their work, but studies show the stress from all the upheaval can wreak havoc on their health, morale and productivity. And don’t expect them to work harder out of sheer gratitude, a recent survey suggests.
Deborah Dunn, a stress-management counselor who worked with survivors of the shootings at Virginia Tech and Hurricane Katrina, says dealing with the recession and ongoing fears of being laid off can be as difficult as dealing with a disaster. “It’s a killer,” she says.
These people have lost good friends, vast quantities of institutional knowledge, pay raises, benefits – plus, they’re being asked to add other people’s work to their own load. And they’re expected to be upbeat about it.
“There’s that low-level anxiety, vulnerability to colds and flu, aches and pains, sleeping difficulties. When you’re anxious, waiting for that next shoe to drop, your body stays in a kind of fight-or-flight mode,” Dunn said. “…your body is overproducing adrenaline, cortisol, the hormones you need to sustain yourself during a crisis. .. Those substances your body is producing are very toxic.”
Let's face it, those left behind have no security either. You might be as secure as your next paycheck, if that. So it is like living in a triage area and it comes with all the rah-rah motivation of executives trying to keep the ship afloat. I know in the experiences I had, when the top brass said "We're all in this together" there was a collective eye-roll.
It's not just perceived stress either. Psychology today talks in depth about layoffs and the stress response. That fear-based management technique running rampant? Well, it actually backfires.
It is a management fallacy that keeping people anxious about keeping their jobs, motivates them to perform better. The evidence shows the reverse is true. Researchers have shown that people exposed to prolonged job stress face twice the risk of having a heart attack as non-stressed workers.In companies where layoffs have been implemented, there is a tendency by leaders to assume the survivors need little or no attention, and should believe they are "lucky to have a job."
You got that right -- twice the risk of a heart attack. I don't know about you but those odds are not inspiring.
The bottom line message here is that if you have survived a round of layoffs, you need to practice as much self-care as someone who has been laid off. Sure you need to still perform at your job, but you also need to realize you are still human. There is only so much one person can do. It really is impossible to just "pick up the slack" no matter what anyone thinks. So if you're one of those left behind after a layoff keep it all in perspective. Succumbing to the stress doesn't serve anyone.
Paula Gregorowicz, owner of The Paula G. Company, offers life and business coaching for women to help you gain the clarity, confidence, and courage you need to succeed on your own terms. Get the free eCourse "5 Steps to Move from Fear to Freedom" at her website
]]>This is more than just having your social networking cease at the drop of the hat. It comes down to who has access to what and how you would want things handled. I don't know about you but while I have the care of my cats written into my will, at the time I had it done I never even considered the state of my online affairs. Now that I own a business, I really need to create a some sort of manual or protocol if something were to happen to me. Sure I have business systems in place, but my next of kin wouldn't have a clue where to start. Something as simple as a minor accident or illness needs to be addressed via some sort of business manual. (More on the details of what goes into such a thing another time.)
I was reading an article in Time magazine about "Managing Your Online Afterlife" (a link to the main article which I can't find) and it really got me thinking, what DOES happen to all this stuff? In fact last year a colleague of mine died suddenly. No one even knew for weeks. Yet months and months after her death all her online materials were going strong. It was sort of eerie if you ask me.
Now, I know with all of it it likely comes down to the terms of service of each online account. I can almost hear my editor Denise saying "Did you read the Terms of Service?!?" Most people don't, and of course even if you did, if you die, you're not around to have a say in the matter!
Of course we're not just talking about only elderly issues here. People of all ages die every day. In fact the article I read was informed by a grieving mother who turned to Facebook when her teen daughter died. So, what happens to your accounts and who can get access to them when you die? Time magazine does have a set of articles on "Tools for Managing Your Online Life After Death" which has some brief snippets as it relates to e-mail (webmail), social networking, photo sharing, and passwords. Let's take them one by one and hit the biggies.
E-mail
According to the Time article above, Hotmail will give someone access to your account only after providing a certificate of death and also proving they have power of attorney for your matters. Gmail has similar requirements to gain access to the deceased person's email: proof of death and proof that you are the lawful representative of the deceased. I had poor luck getting exact detail from Yahoo's site other than this answer in Yahoo Answers. eHow has some good tips in general on how to access a deceased person's email.
Social Networking
This at least is a little more straightforward. Facebook will not honor requests to close the account completely. Instead they say:
Please report this information here so that we can memorialize this person’s account. Memorializing the account removes certain more sensitive information like status updates and restricts profile access to confirmed friends only. Please note that in order to protect the privacy of the deceased user, we cannot provide login information for the account to anyone. We do honor requests from close family members to close the account completely.
The Time magazine article said nothing about Twitter. I searched for some time and came up empty on an "official" answer. If you know - post the link in the comments below. I did find one answer on what to do with dead person's account on Twitter from Get Satisfaction.
MySpace is similar to Facebook in that you need to provide proof of death but the account is not deleted, only objectionable content is removed.
LinkedIn offers a procedure for removing the profile of a deceased connection.
Photo Sharing
Flickr keeps accounts up and open to the public, but again proof of death may assist you in adjusting more settings. What I was able to find on the help forum was this:
Flickr works with the Yahoo! Legal Compliance team to resolve these types of situations. You'll need to send them a copy of the death certificate in order to have the Flickr account closed. Please include the URL and screen name of his account. Compliance can be reached at 408-349-3687.
Sounds similar to the other courses of action discussed this far.
Passwords
Of course survivors with the user accounts and passwords are in a much more powerful position with a lot less red tape. Companies like Legacy Locker hands over the keys to your online life after you die. It is one way you could streamline things.
The shame in all this is that there really isn't much of a standard procedure in the industry of what to do with someone's online accounts after death. The best protection you can have is to have a clear plan and documentation in place for your digital assets much like you do for your tangible assets. Web 2.0 is so much a part of our lives and businesses that it truly warrants consideration in business and estate planning.
Some good resources:
Anyone have any stories, tips, or additional resources on this topic? Please share in the comments... A valuable service to all since there was truly very little in the form of consolidated information on the web for this topic.
Paula Gregorowicz, owner of The Paula G. Company, offers life and business coaching for women to help you gain the clarity, confidence, and courage you need to succeed on your own terms. Get the free eCourse "5 Steps to Move from Fear to Freedom" at her website
]]>I recently read "The Self-Employment Catch-22" in New York Magazine and it practically made me spit up my perfectly good weekend brunch. I realized the rules were challenging but this statement stopped me in my tracks:
They’re freelance workers, of whom there are around a million in the New York and who constitute about 25 percent of the city’s mortgage market. Strict new rules, established after bad mortgages crippled banks, have made obtaining financing nearly impossible unless the borrower can show a regular paycheck. “Now you can be ready, willing, and able to buy, but you can’t get the money,” says Sara Horowitz, executive director of the Freelancers Union, which has 75,000 members in New York.
The glaring challenge for the self-employed and freelancers among us beyond the usual how to qualify for a mortgage loan exercise is the lack of paper trail proving income. Without that W-2 you are required to find another way of offering a clear, well-documented picture of your income that makes the now gun-shy lenders feel confident that you can pay your mortgage. Anyone who has spent more than 12 months self-employed knows that monthly income fluctuates, sometimes wildly. Lenders don't like see-saw numbers.
In the past, low or no documentation type loans and other creative financing was the answer. No longer. In the UK, the self-certification mortgage is a thing of the past. In the US, entrepreneurs took a real hit with foreclosures bearing a large brunt of the bust since many took out risky mortgages to make the dream of home ownership happen. According to the Wall Street Journal Blogs:
Foreclosures bite entrepreneurs hard. Many self-employed took out risky mortgages (such as “interest-only” and option adjustable-rate) that will reset at much higher interest rates starting in 2009 and coming years. An analysis by the National Association for the Self-Employed found that about 23% of the self-employed — or about 3.7 million of them — hold these “toxic” mortgages.
On the ironic same side of the coin entrepreneurship has been on the rise as traditional employment undergoes radical changes through layoffs, re-organizations, and a changing business climate. As a result, even more people are going to be facing this double whammy of stricter mortgage requirements and the inherent fluctuations of being your own boss. To add more insult to injury the very techniques that benefit the self-employed like home office and other deductions are the same things that can make even a successful business show far less net income than a similarly successful employee with a W-2. The idea of payday loans are becoming an option for self-employed professionals but only those in truly difficult financial circumstances.
Here are some fundamentally good articles on taking that leap toward home-ownership:
I had a bit of a hard time finding links out there on personal experiences from freelancers buying homes both before and after the lending crisis. If you are a freelancer/self-employed, what has been your experience with proving income stream and obtaining a mortgage? Whether it was pre or post banking bust, please share your stories in the comments...
Paula Gregorowicz, owner of The Paula G. Company, offers life and business coaching for women to help you gain the clarity, confidence, and courage you need to succeed on your own terms. Get the free eCourse "5 Steps to Move from Fear to Freedom" at her website
]]>Sylvia Ann Hewlett writes an excellent article called "Are Your Best Female Employees a Flight Risk?" at the Harvard Business Review. It seems women are more than twice as likely as men to be seriously thinking about jumping ship:
In researching my forthcoming book, Top Talent: Keeping Performance Up When Business Is Down, we found that in the wake of last year's financial crash, high-powered women were more than twice as likely as men — 84 percent compared with 40 percent — to be seriously thinking jumping ship. And when the head and heart are out the door, the rest of the body is sure to follow.
Women are falling victim to two types of attrition: they're being disproportionately let go and they're disproportionately quitting. Yet whether they're jumping or being pushed, figures show that a female exodus is bad for business.
We already know that women-owned businesses have been growing. In fact according to the SCORE Small Business statistics, "The number of women-owned firms continues to grow at twice the rate of all U.S. firms (23 percent vs. 9 percent). There are an estimated 10 million women-owned, privately-held U.S. businesses."
That's a lot and many of those talented women came from the ranks of companies large and small. Their departures can have real bottom line impact as well (and not on the upside). In the Harvard Business Review article, several studies are cited that drive home the facts that smart women equal stronger companies. You can read some of the studies for yourself at Catalyst, McKinsey, and Ceram. It's really great to see actual hard numbers associated with what many of us already knew intuitively: women having a place at the table makes for better business.
Women often need greater flexibility in the workplace, yet that same flexibility is being axed just as people need it most. This could account for one more reason why talented women decide they are not going to take it any more and become their own boss. In the New York Times Parenting Blogs, "Flexible Work in a Recession" throws some meat behind this hunch.
The American Society of Human Resource Managers found that while the number of companies offering things like flextime, part-time and telecommuting schedules had been increasing steadily leading up to the down-turn, the latest measure showed a drop of five percent.
A while ago I wrote a review on Why Work Sucks and How to Fix It and so many of these same annoyances may be the very tipping point that is showing itself now with the top talent exodus, particularly women. Attrition is poorly thought out and those left behind have had their chains pulled one time too many.
Sean Silverthorne gave his article a decidedly male spin in "Why Are Women So Unhappy At Work?" . I think the thoughtful question he poses at the end of his post along with the comments discussion are worth considering:
If you were creating a company from the ground up with an explicit goal of attracting, rewarding and best utilizing the talents of female employees, how would that company look different than today’s traditional firm?
I think it is a good question because when we toss around generalities even with statistics attached, it doesn't do much to create a solution to the problem. Of course part of the challenge with designing a solution is that women don't have one general set of needs. As a group we're as diverse as they come. What is one woman's dream perk is another woman's nightmare. That being said, what is your take on this conversation? How would you answer this question? Love to hear what you have to say in the comments...
Paula Gregorowicz, owner of The Paula G. Company, offers life and business coaching for women to help you gain the clarity, confidence, and courage you need to succeed on your own terms. Get the free eCourse "5 Steps to Move from Fear to Freedom" at her website
]]>Her contention is that what these people are doing is illegal. After all, when you are collecting unemployment you have to answer all those questions like "are you able and available for work?" "did you decline any suitable work offered to you?". You agree to answering them truthfully under penalty of law. I guess the gray area comes in the interpretation of suitable work for you.
Of course the definition of this is unique to each individual and is a combination of factors such as someone's current financial situation, skills, and willingness to do different kinds of work for different pay than they may have been doing before. Before I share what I want to say next let me be clear that in no way do I advocate committing fraudulent acts. You need to be in integrity with the choices you make and obey the law. That said, sometimes it is better to say no to the wrong job. It doesn't serve you or the potential employer to accept a job that you're going to quit after a few weeks or show up and check-out at rather than contribute.Some might think this heresay in an environment where job seekers outnumber open jobs 6 to 1 (link via Susan Ireland). For many living month to month any job offer is better than none at all. I understand this because if your basic needs are not being met or are being threatened, than you must do whatever you can to ensure you can meet them. Yet, if you have some leeway and can feel like you're more at choice, then it behooves you to jump into a situation that could backfire on you. The silly saying that beggars can't be choosers is only a limited mindset telling you to repeat the same horrible cycle over and over and over... because you don't get a choice, right?
Not everyone would agree with me of course. And the article "Unemployed? Any Job is Better than No Job" does just that.
If I lost my job I would be willing to take just about anything to help pay my monthly expenses and stretch out my emergency fund. If this meant working at a home improvement store for $10 per hour I would do it (and work 80 hours per week!). If it meant joining a landscaping crew and working out in the heat I would do it. You should have the same mentality.
I'm not talking about turning down jobs to sit home, drink beer, and eat peanuts though. I'm talking about using this time of transition (where, let's face it, things are and will continue to be different at least for the foreseeable future) to create something new, to invest in your growth (skills and personal), and consciously choose your actions. Those choices may indeed include working full or part-time in a position that helps you get your needs met or protect your capital/emergency fund for the short-term, but recognize the choices for what they are and don't turn into a martyr and a victim who wakes up 5-10 years from now miserable because you followed the crowd of lemmings.
Many job interviews entail a great deal of work and preparation. Some require candidates to complete projects as part of the interview process and you can't really decline projects that are part of the interview process because it is essentially telling your potential employer, "no I'm not willing to do what is necessary to work here". So again, make sure it is a job you would actually entertain before you put forth the effort and expend your and other people's time on an interview.
What do you think? What has been your experience? Taken any jobs that you regret? Would you turn down a job that doesn't fit you? Share your thoughts in the comments...
Paula Gregorowicz, owner of The Paula G. Company, offers life and business coaching for women to help you gain the clarity, confidence, and courage you need to succeed on your own terms. Get the free eCourse "5 Steps to Move from Fear to Freedom" at her website
]]>One of the best ways to be seen as an expert in the eyes of others is to be quoted as an expert source in some form of media. If you're like me and crawled from a cube devoid of marketing savvy when you first started, you probably figure it'd be easier to understand how electricity works than to figure out how to get good PR. You don't have to go it alone, though, as there are some great resources you can tap that already have the answer.
One that stands out is called HARO: Help a Reporter Out. Melanie Nelson recently covered the basics of how to use HARO in "What is HARO & How Can I Use It?". Essentially for free you can sign up to receive queries from reporters who are looking for experts and if you see a fit you can contact them directly to pitch yourself as the perfect expert for them. Melanie has listed excellent advice for how to get the most from this tool including how you can most effectively respond to HARO Queries so you get chosen. Responding is an art form unto itself. These reporters get hundreds of responses so to stand out, you need to take this advice from Build Buzz
:
I noted that responding to these queries is an art form. It's not enough to be an appropriate resource for a story or segment -- you have to demonstrate your expertise in a pithy response that makes the journalist think, "She's exactly the person I'm looking for." Your answer has to show you understand what the reporter needs but you have to do it in a way that makes a tired, dullwitted or overworked reporter see this quickly and easily, without doing any more work than is absolutely necessary.
Besides the obvious fact that you need to learn the "Do's and Don'ts for Responding to Haro" (and media queries in general), you need to embrace the fact that you are an expert. That's right, cultivate the unshakeable confidence you need to stand tall in who you are and what you offer. Without this foundation you are sunk from the start. If you don't claim it, you either won't put yourself out there or you will do so in a way that feels icky to both you and the recipient.
Jessican Stillman shares five confidence building tips for the self-promotion phobic. At the core of this is the needed inner work required if you are going to put your personal/business brand out there. one of those tips is:
Use your story - One of the very best assets you have is your own story. That’s what makes you unique. Forget about “fitting in.” Use your story to talk about what matters to you, in the ways that make sense to you.
As Copyblogger puts it (and he is writing specifically about blogging, but this holds true for all business owners):
It takes confidence and guts to ask the big questions of yourself, and even more confidence to put your experience and life out there for the whole world to see.
Getting known as an expert is, like most things in business, a distance run. You start small by sharing your expertise online, responding to queries, interviewing and being interviewed by others, and getting your message out there bit by bit. There are lots of resources you can tap (see a few of those below) to get started. Just remember that they all require a strong personal foundation in order to be effective. If you don't embrace your expert status, no one else will.
Paula Gregorowicz, owner of The Paula G. Company, offers life and business coaching for women to help you gain the clarity, confidence, and courage you need to succeed on your own terms. Get the free eCourse "5 Steps to Move from Fear to Freedom" at her website
Get the latest word on personal finances from an LGBT perspective and Paula's practical coach approach to the topic at Queercents http://www.queercents.com.
]]>
The power of this question was first posed to me by Debbie Ford while I was in her coach training program. It comes from her book The Right Questions: Ten Essential Questions to Guide You to an Extraordinary Life. Every choice we make either comes from a place of faith or fear. We don't gain fifty pounds as the result of one all you can eat buffet, but rather because of the way we make choices every day. Same holds true for debt, career, etc. It is the string of choices that create our reality. Making choices is always either an act of faith or an act of fear.
Unfortunately lately a lot of people have been acting purely from fear. Fear cuts us off to possibility. It keeps us frozen in place (usually in a place we don't like very much either I might add). Leah Grant talks in depth about "The Danger of Buying into the Recession". It is the ultimate act of fear and is a recipe for entrepreneurial disaster. Whether real or perceived, fear can invade our minds just from listening to everyone else blathering on about it. As Leah shares:
It seemed every interaction screamed "Recession, recession!" I ended my day with a nagging feeling of worry that I couldn't quite define.
After thinking about it some more, I realized that I was feeling worried about money which made no logical sense. I have had a profitable year, even more profitable than last year so I knew I was falling prey to fear.
What you focus on expands. Law of Attraction 101. Even if you don't buy into the law of attraction for whatever reason, simply consider this. If I tell you not to think about a hot fudge sundae, just notice how much hot fudge sundae will be on your mind all day no matter how hard you try to shake the thought. Ok, I'll wait now while you sprint to the ice cream parlor to satisfy the obsession. Not too far from the truth, right?
The problem is that fear and misery sells, stories of abundance don't. That means you have to cultivate your own abundance mindset. As Rev. Christine Green shares in "Choosing faith over fear":
We are told minute by minute how many people are without homes, jobs, food and health care. We don't hear about the shared housing program that matches people needing a place to live with a family that doesn't want to lose their home. We don't hear about students making a difference in their community.
We don't hear about the businesses that are thriving, only those that are tanking. And, even if we did hear about those knocking the ball out of the park we tend not to rejoice in their success but rather immediately label them as bad or greedy. Sure, some companies have a culture of unscrupulous and untethered greed, but most, especially smaller businesses are simply doing things they need to do to succeed. The jealousy their success triggers in us simply is a mirror into our own psyche (and more fear).
You see, as Julie Roads shares in "Fears Have Ears"
:
We hear what we say about ourselves -somewhere inside it gets internalized, and we believe it.
The fears have ears.
Are you feeding yours? Or blasting them out of the park?
The best way to stop feeding them is to disconnect from that tape you keep playing in your head. That looks like:
This holds true whether you are experiencing great success or utter ruin in the present day. Remember you're in charge of what thoughts you choose to dwell on, the messages you listen to, the people you hang out with, and the choices you make. Choose wisely because today is a reflection of the string of choices you've made in the past and if you would like a different future (large or small ways), start choosing wisely today for tomorrow depends on it.
Paula Gregorowicz, owner of The Paula G. Company, offers life and business coaching for women to help you gain the clarity, confidence, and courage you need to succeed on your own terms. Get the free eCourse "5 Steps to Move from Fear to Freedom" at her website
Get the latest word on personal finances from an LGBT perspective and Paula's practical coach approach to the topic at Queercents http://www.queercents.com.
]]>
Are you afraid of the silence?
If you were to get very still and quiet, would you be willing to listen to the messages that showed themselves?
We aren't used to quiet. We have Internet 24/7 and we're tweeting away from the boardroom, the train, and the bedroom. There is noise everywhere. Silence and presence is hard to come by and something most people avoid unless it is thrust upon them. Besides the utter tragedy of 9/11 and the deep emotions it evoked for everyone as mortality and meaning became an around the water cooler topic (perhaps for the first and only time), one thing it also did was bring us a measure of uncommon silence.
I personally can remember being dismissed from work early (suburban Philadelphia) and going for a bike ride. It was eerily quiet without planes in the air and rush hour traffic. For those closer to the scene, they describe the strange quiet on the streets of NYC and time standing still in silence. In the silence, whether tragic and unexpected as in 9/11 or simply by choice as in meditation or retreat, we can no longer avoid what is right in front of and within us. Our senses are heightened and we are right here, right now.
For people who vowed eight years ago to live each day more fully, take more time for the things that matter, or stop suffering in careers that don't fit them only to find themselves today essentially in the same mode of operation as pre-9/11, it is because they forgot the whispers of wisdom they heard in the silence. The powerful and often very fear laden experience of truly claiming what matters most to you and then acting in alignment with that.
I came across Lissa Rankin's post "Owning Silence: My Meditation Retreat at Spirit Rock" and just love the depth of what she shares. There are so many excellent points in this article, yet I love this simple statement on silence:
One day of silence positively transformed me – I can only imagine having that gift for a few days or a week). I could barely lift my head to watch Jack as he spoke. “You might feel tired,” he explained. “This is probably the first time in awhile many of you have stopped to just be, and your body is thank you for listening to it – for resting it.” Oh yes, agreed my body. Listen to the man. Listen to ME.
Silence is transformational and you don't need a catastrophe to happen in order to befriend it. In fact silence is critical for tapping into your intuition which is an integral component for success, happiness, survival, and living your life in a way that is on track for you. Silence is deep communion with yourself and all other living things. It doesn't come naturally to us but you can learn how to practice silence. Here are 7 reasons why we should practice silence and how you can do that in under 15 minutes a day from Tatyana.
So whether you are a devotee of creating silence in your days or someone who just wants to get a better grip on what is most important to you so you can seize your life the best way you can, you can do that in a moment of quiet no matter how busy your life may be. I'll don my coaching hat and make a request to you: take a moment of silence this week in honor of 9/11 and just notice if you are following through on the commitments you made to yourself that fateful day. If you don't like the answer you hear, today is the perfect day to re-commit and do things differently. There's nothing more powerful or triumphant than that.
Paula Gregorowicz, owner of The Paula G. Company, offers life and business coaching for women to help you gain the clarity, confidence, and courage you need to succeed on your own terms. Get the free eCourse "5 Steps to Move from Fear to Freedom" at her website
Get the latest word on personal finances from an LGBT perspective and Paula's practical coach approach to the topic at Queercents http://www.queercents.com.
]]>
As social media becomes the latest branding strategy, networking technique, job seeking tool and recruitment vehicle, it's also becoming the latest way for people to get job offers rescinded, reprimanded at work and even fired.
While I am all for expressing oneself and acknowledge that for many of us our online friends are as valuable as any person we know IRL ("in real life"), some of the examples I read about are really eligible for the Darwin Awards. Like the offhanded "my boss is an idiot" type remarks on Twitter and Facebook or the "I'm doing something illegal, immoral or against company policy right now at my desk" sort of fare that really makes you wonder whether the author thinks that no one is really going to read it? Unless you are working in a cave, chances are your boss, co-workers, employer, or someone is going to have something to say about your comments. Remember the 6 degrees of separation that makes social networking such a powerful tool? Well the power saw cuts both ways.
Of course what is and is not appropriate is in the eye of each individual. Yet when it comes to professional life you really do have to get that you should never put anything in print (and these days that includes tweets, status updates, etc.) that you (or your mother) would be embarrassed seeing on the front page of the newspaper (or say the front page of CNN.com). "How to Get Fired on Facebook" highlights a beautiful example of both employee and employer acting inappropriately. It might be easy to judge and think it is a total anomaly but in "why facebook is sooo gonna get you fired" you've got a few real-world examples of dumb Facebook moves. Then you have 160+ comments where many of them are people throwing out crazy opinions and judgments of the people in the examples only to appear just as unsavvy as the folks in the exhibits! Does pointing your finger and inventing new off color words while spouting bigoted remarks somehow make you a more enlightened social media user than the very people you're pointing at? (insert me scratching my head here...)
Of course awkward social media meets hiring manager moments aren't limited to the online space. "A hiring manager asks a woman to show him her Facebook page in an interview. What should she do?" presents a host of uncomfortable issues. The poll results are really worth a read. Only 11% said they would agree straight away to show their page. Over 53% said they would ask why and then decide whether or not to show it. What you choose in the moment is one thing, but the reality is that employers are looking anyway.
“Forty-five percent of employers reported in a recent CareerBuilder survey that
they use social networking sites to research job candidates, a big jump
from 22 percent last year. Another 11 percent plan to start using
social networking sites for screening. More than 2,600 hiring managers
participated in the survey, which was completed in June 2009.[1]“
Ask a Manager has a good middle of the road take on complaining about work on twitter. Tweeting at work can be ok (in moderation of course, unless it is your job description) but there needs to be a level of common sense and professional judgment. The challenge with that is, however:
As many others before me have observed, this generation is so comfortable with social media and so used to living their lives on it that they don't always understand the need to censor themselves in public spaces where they might be observed and judged by people they want something from (like a job, professional respect, etc.).
Social media has become so ingrained in what we do that it is so easy to slip into being unconscious about it.
In the poll about the Facebook page post I reference above, the author makes a very salient point:
So think of this for example: A hiring manager cannot ask a woman
if she has children, but can see it on her Facebook and can apply a
still very common prejudice that this woman may not be entirely
dedicated to her work. While it has become harder to openly
discriminate, is it getting easier to do so tacitly?
Given that employers use their social media digging more to exclude candidates (35%) than find something stellar about them (18%), is there a bigger act of profiling churning in our midst? (Check the stats and what made employers exclude or hire candidates in this Careerbuilder article).
So, if you thrive on social media like so many of us do, what can you to do so you can use it both personally and professionally in a way that feels authentic and "in the moment" without committing professional suicide?
I believe it is possible. Sure there are always going to be managers that hate the fact that you are human, have a personality, and a life outside of work (I know I've worked for some), but for the most part like everything in life you need to choose how you show up and present yourself. Here are some excellent tips on what to do to keep a positive image online as well as some social media don't s:
Some little known tools to check out your online reputation:
So, tap into the power of social media, just remember that you're wielding a power tool so take the proper precautions when making decisions. Like they say when using a circular saw, measure twice, cut once.
Paula Gregorowicz, owner of The Paula G. Company, offers life and business coaching for women to help you gain the clarity, confidence, and courage you need to succeed on your own terms. Get the free eCourse "5 Steps to Move from Fear to Freedom" at her website
Get the latest word on personal finances from an LGBT perspective and Paula's practical coach approach to the topic at Queercents http://www.queercents.com.
]]>
In the book he covers the gamut of curiosity from the benefits to its dark side in all areas of life. What really resonated with me, however was the role of curiosity in professional success. From the role of curiosity in innovation to its ability to stave off boredom with mundane tasks, the point is - curiosity really matters. While the author doesn't reference the Pike Place Fish Market and the famous Fish! Philosophy it certainly reminded me of it. While curiosity is not one of the four Fish! principles, inherent within play comes curiosity. It's not all about just having fun, however, curiosity can be serious and powerful stuff.
Being a cat person myself, I really liked the article "What You Can Learn from a Kitten". Besides investing four minutes of my life watching a video of a kitten attempt to kill an electric toothbrush, it does illustrate how well cats do the curiosity thing and how we might learn to tap into our own inner-kitten.
Dr. Lois Frankel has this to say in "Curiosity Killed What Cat? When? Where?":
...one of the key factors we use to assess the likelihood of a potential client actually meeting his or her goals is curiosity. In initial interviews we’ll ask questions like:
* What was the last book you read?
* Is it important that what you read have practical applications or do you just like to learn new things for the sake of learning new things?
* What was the last thing you did that took you completely out of your comfort zone?
* Given your experience, education and work history, what are some insights you’ve gained about people in general?
* What questions do you have for us/me?If the person hasn’t read any kind of book in a long time, opts for practical over learning new things, rarely goes outside of his or her comfort zone, has no insight about others or has no questions, then we’re not confident about their ability to engage in behavioral change – a factor critical for career success.
It's so true. If you plod along in your comfort zone, never ask questions, and don't seek to learn, your curiosity (and your chances at success) are kaput. My motto is that when you stop learning, it is time to die. There is always something interesting to do, experience, or learn. Even one of the most serious and successful businessmen of our time (even if you don't like him very much, you can't deny his power and influence) has a great deal to say about the important role curiosity plays in business.
Curiosity also provides a starting point for discovery. It’s a bit like research--once you find something of interest, the natural inclination is to learn more about it. Sometimes it may not have anything to do with your current endeavor, but it can broaden your understanding. I don’t believe any knowledge is wasted. My interests are diverse largely because I’m curious, which has certainly helped me as a businessman.
In trying times curiosity is even more important. There is meat behind all this. In "What Psychological Science Says About Obama and What Makes Him an Effective Leader in Trying Times":
Be wary of so-called experts who approach new problems with the old tools of past solutions. When we carefully observe other people and situations with an open, receptive attitude, our attention is broadened, we draw a greater number of connections between ideas, resulting in flexible and creative thinking. As if this weren't enough, when we are open-minded, negative emotions fail to linger or derail us from making progress toward our goals.
While we all had curiosity as children, for many of us, this skill has gone lacking. So if it is so important to your success, what can you do to bolster your curiosity muscle? Consider these "12 Tips to Learn How to Be Curious". Here's number two:
Ask questions: just like a little kid, if I see or read something that peaks my curiosity, I’m thinking, “how?” or “why.” Asking more questions is like turning over more rocks. You never know what you’ll find. Perhaps it’s something amazing or it’s mundane.
Sounds simple and that is because it is. Questions (spoken or silent) are at the heart of curiosity. Play a bit, make a game of things, don't take life too seriously. Because in the end the more curious person gets more success and goodies along the way.
What has been your experience with the power of curiosity to propel your career or business forward? Have you been creative with curiosity to make a mundane job more interesting? Love to hear your thoughts...
Paula Gregorowicz, owner of The Paula G. Company, offers life and business coaching for women to help you gain the clarity, confidence, and courage you need to succeed on your own terms. Get the free eCourse "5 Steps to Move from Fear to Freedom" at her website
Get the latest word on personal finances from an LGBT perspective and Paula's practical coach approach to the topic at Queercents http://www.queercents.com.
]]>
Unfortunately for so many people, employees and entrepreneurs alike, we are still waiting to be rescued. We do our best to "stay afloat" with the unspoken rest of the sentence that goes something like "until someone comes and saves me". I was reading Christine Kane's post "The Top Ten Mistakes Solo-preneurs Make in Business" and loved that #3 on the list was:
3 – Waiting for rescue.
Book deals. Hit records. Getting on Oprah. A huge IPO.
Hey, great things can and DO happen all the time in life. However, waiting for something to “sweep you away” is a surefire path to frustration.
Having a business is an on-going relationship. It can be remarkable! But like any relationship, it requires attention and action. Hoping for rescue is a sign that you’re afraid of the potential of your own power!
Ah yes, the holy grail, waiting for that BIG BREAK to come in and make everything perfect. I feel a similar vibe when I read people share in response to fear in the workplace that they are stressed to the max and overwhelmed with insecurity. Here's the thing. The face of the workplace, the face of business has changed. There are zero guarantees. What is called for is for us all to loosen our grip on expectation and release the pipe dream that someone is coming to rescue us.
I love the way Amanda Linehan shares her epiphany in "Waiting To Be Rescued?":
And then I realized that no one was coming.
In this moment of mild despair, however, was the realization that I could rescue myself. When I stopped waiting around for the “easy” rescue, in a funny way, my life actually got easier.
I had to figure out how I was going to get around my own problems, and that was certainly harder than sitting around, but things started to happen that I wanted, and that made my life easier.
While somewhat paradoxical, it is absolutely true. Once we stop sitting around waiting for someone to save us, the path opens up to us and life actually gets easier. Business decisions get easier. Career choices get easier. We have breathing space in which to create and choose for ourselves.
This realization and responsibility doesn't mean we become a martyr and try to be so self-sufficient that the plan backfires. What it means is that we take responsibility, get into action, and allow ourselves to get the support and help we need along the way.
I love this story that I've heard many times that is retold on the Seeing Miracles Every Day blog.
It had been raining for days and days, and a terrible flood had come over the land. The waters rose so high that one man was forced to climb onto the roof of his house to avoid the floodwaters, faithfully praying to God to save him.
As the waters rose higher and higher, a man in a rowboat appeared, and told him to get in. “No,” replied the man on the roof. “I have faith in the Lord, the Lord will save me.” So the man in the rowboat went away. The man on the roof prayed for God to save him.
The waters rose higher and higher, and suddenly a speedboat appeared. “Climb in!” shouted a man in the boat. “No,” replied the man on the roof. “I have faith in the Lord; the Lord will save me.” So the man in the speedboat went away. The man on the roof prayed even harder, knowing that God would save him.
The waters continued to rise. A helicopter appeared and over the loudspeaker, the pilot announced he would lower a rope to the man on the roof. “No,” replied the man on the roof. “I have faith in the Lord, the Lord will save me.” So the helicopter went away. The man on the roof prayed again for God to save him, steadfast in his faith.
The waters rose higher and higher, and eventually they rose so high that the man on the roof was washed away, and alas, the poor man drowned.
Upon arriving in heaven, the man marched straight over to God. “Heavenly Father,” he said, “I had faith in you, I prayed to you to save me, and yet you did nothing. Why?” God gave him a puzzled look, and replied “I sent you two boats and a helicopter, what more did you expect than that?”
I love this story every time I hear or read it. "I sent you two boats and a helicopter - what else do you want?!" What the story illustrates in a humorous manner is that - no one is coming to rescue you, but you do need to be open to possibilities and willing to receive help that is offered to you along the way.
What are your thoughts? Have you ever fallen trap waiting for someone to rescue you? Are you still in that trap? Start the conversation with some comments...
Paula Gregorowicz, owner of The Paula G. Company, offers life and business coaching for women to help you gain the clarity, confidence, and courage you need to succeed on your own terms. Get the free eCourse "5 Steps to Move from Fear to Freedom" at her website
Get the latest word on personal finances from an LGBT perspective and Paula's practical coach approach to the topic at Queercents http://www.queercents.com.
]]>
I was recently speaking with a prospective client who is really interested in taking her career in a new direction. Let's call her Sue (not her real name). She's been in the same career for a long time and while she has thus far avoided the pink slip brigade, things are volatile at her company in terms of reorganizations and layoffs. To add to her conundrum, she really wants to do something different with her professional life whether it is opening her own business or entering a different field. Problem is, Sue is stuck in analysis paralysis with some whipped cream and a dash of fear on top. Her current job and work environment doesn't align with her values but she is afraid to rock the boat.
If I hear "afraid to rock the boat" one more time I could scream. I understand being judicious and professional in your career, that is a sign of strong character. Being afraid to ever take a stand, speak up, or walk to the beat of your own drum because you have bought into the illusion that making no waves will keep you and your job "safe" is, well a fantasy. This fantasy plagues many people and lately it has gotten epidemic.
Back in January the NY Times blog ran a piece called "Fear Factor in the Workplace". Six experts from various disciplines weighed in on the matter. Words used to describe employees during this time include jittery, compliant, risk-averse, fearful, anxious. Mitchell Lee Marks described the irony well:
The irony here is that this risk aversion comes just at a time when creativity is needed in the workplace.
Myra S. White takes a more personal angle on it:
A little anxiety increases performance and is useful. You feel the pressure to show up on time and do a good job. But too much anxiety kills performance. What happens if this is a collective contagion the workplace? Or when the whole society has caught this flu?
It becomes every man and woman for themselves, attention is narrowed, and people focus on how things will affect them. They don’t have anything left over to be compassionate and caring about the people around them.
Fear is toxic when not used to inform and channel your choices from solid ground. "Driving Fear Out of the Workplace" talks about how fear prevents people from doing their best work.
Earlier in the the last century W. Edwards Demming wrote that quality is impossible where people are afraid to tell the truth.
I would like to extrapolate this statement to say that quality of life (not just on the job) is impossible when you're afraid to tell the truth to yourself or to make the changes you most need to make.
It is never easy to make a big life change or go against a seemingly insurmountable tide (of work, obligations, fear, threats, broken promises, etc.) yet it is these moments when we take a stand for what we really want that set us on a more meaningful path. You just need to know how to manage your fear and stress during a career transition (voluntary or forced).
So the extra heightened state of fear in the workplace (code orange at least) need not be the thing that shuts you down. You really can use it as a launching pad for creating something new and ultimately more satisfying.
Paula Gregorowicz, owner of The Paula G. Company, offers life and business coaching for women to help you gain the clarity, confidence, and courage you need to succeed on your own terms. Get the free eCourse "5 Steps to Move from Fear to Freedom" at her website
Get the latest word on personal finances from an LGBT perspective and Paula's practical coach approach to the topic at Queercents http://www.queercents.com.
]]>
The article featured an interview with Carol Smith, senior vice president and chief brand office for the Elle Group. She shared her thoughts on leadership. Everything from how women make better managers because we make grocery lists (what kind of conclusion is that?), are better at building relationships, and don't waste time talking about football. Well in some cases that might be true yet the examples given feel weak to me (and the many that commented on the story). Not to mention her earth shattering trick for managing her time is to spend every Sunday working. Perhaps it is the life and business coach in me but how is that managing your time better? It is simply dedicating more time to work. If spending four hours checking emails every single Sunday is what gives your life meaning than by all means knock yourself out, but if you're seeking a legacy with more substance, then perhaps this is not the success secret you were seeking.
As expected the story generated a bunch of debate. Specifically the question "Do Women Make Better Bosses?" posed by the editors of the Room for Debate blog on NYTimes.com. There are some excellent viewpoints in the article (and of course no real conclusions).
In the article Joanna Barsh shares a very interesting distinction that I think holds merit:
In a word, women have an edge over men in terms of what we call centered leadership. Women tend to look for meaning more than men at work (no surprise, men go for pay and status more often).
Of course any gender can exhibit centered leadership with a more conscious approach, but in her expertise more women than men exhibit this. The whole debate to me is more about leadership qualities than gender but because leadership roles are male dominated the conversation it gets a little skewed.
I know I personally worked for many male managers and only a few female managers. As expected I had some I loved of each gender and some I truly loathed (again each gender). It had far more to do with who they were as people and how they handled things than what chromosomes they had.
So I started searching to see, what makes a good boss? What do real people in the trenches say. HeatherB had this to say:
It was on my last day at the DNC when I realized that what you want in a boss isn't just someone who tells you what to do and how to do it but also someone who genuinely cares about you as a person and the job that you're doing. Someone who really tries and takes his falters with grace and attributes his successes to all of those around him.
Empowerment group shared that the best bosses she's had had two main strengths: vision and implementation.
There are more management books on the shelves than you could read in a lifetime so certainly there is no one conclusion to any of this. I say the best boss is one that acts from a place of integrity, knows how to treat people with respect, and is effective. Truly qualities shared by both genders.
Perhaps the endgame in all this is that the raging debate will never end and that is OK. Different management styles resonate and work for different people (both as leader and employee). I know I've had managers that I didn't really like that co-workers totally loved and vice-versa. Susan Pinker shares in her contribution to the room for debate blog a fitting summary of the whole affair:
Which shows that Carol Smith is wrong about her blanket statement about women being better managers. But she’s right about something else. Whether we’re talking about mentoring, managing or office politics, the research is clear: “Men and women together are the best.”
Imagine that...more parity among genders in leadership. Now THAT alone would make for better bosses everywhere.
Paula Gregorowicz, owner of The Paula G. Company, offers life and business coaching for women to help you gain the clarity, confidence, and courage you need to succeed on your own terms. Get the free eCourse "5 Steps to Turn Fear to Freedom" at her website
Get the latest word on personal finances from an LGBT perspective and Paula's practical coach approach to the topic at Queercents http://www.queercents.com.
]]>
Have you ever left a powerful event feeling all inspired and excited about the wonderful people you met? Then, you went home and absolutely nothing happened. Life got in the way, you were backlogged on emails from being out of town, or you suddenly had projects on deadline. Either way, the connections and event become a distant memory and opportunities go by the wayside. It is a sad reality for so many. As people we really do want to help one another and cherish the connections we've made but somehow it slips away.
It doesn't have to be that way. Have a follow up strategy in place before you go to an event (and it helps to have one in place at all times for that matter) and then execute when you get home. Larina Kase calls this networking issue #3 in her post "Is Networking a Waste of Time?". The solution she offers:
Only attend if you can commit to following up. Schedule follow-up time on your calendar before you even arrive at the event. Adopt a less is more mentality. It’s often better to meet fewer, higher-quality contacts than to leave with a stack of business cards. Don’t count on others to follow-up. Make it your responsibility.
Now remember I said strategy for follow up not cookie-cutter crapola. I can't tell you how many times I have gotten an email from someone I met that either:
1) Was a total copy and paste boilerplate that had nothing to do with me or the connection we made.
or
2) Never included a personal email but instead automatically signed me up for their newsletter (yuck! - invite me personally to sign up and leave the decision to me, ok?).
Sure you may have some common language you use in your follow up emails but for goodness sake honor the person you connected with and re-activate that connection.
Ilise Benum at Freelance Switch has a good post with a simple formula for what to say when you follow up. It doesn't have to be rocket science but it can't be generic or insincere. The post "10 Networking Tips for Tweeters" has similar follow up advice. My golden rule is to think of what you would like to receive from someone else in a follow up email.
Networking is about momentum and you need to schedule time for it regularly. Again, this includes post-event as well. The Glass Hammer has some good tips on making time for networking and follow up in "Ask a Career Coach: How Do You Maintain Career Momentum?".
While I am still of the physical business card ilk because I don't have all the latest tech toys, there is more than one way to track your contacts. Whether you keep physical business cards, scan them into a database, or shun them altogether and instead swap contact information electronically, you need a system and a plan.
You need to follow up timely. Now timely means different things to different people. Personally I like to do all my follow ups within 24-48 hours (business days) of meeting someone. However, sometimes it isn't practical. For instance I tacked on three days of vacation at the end of my trip to Chicago for BlogHer '09, so my personal follow up goal of within 1-3 business days didn't start until several days following the event. My personal advice is to take follow up seriously but don't pressure yourself so much time-wise that you either freak out or give up. Pace yourself and make the follow up timely and relevant. In other words have a plan, be authentic, and cut yourself some slack. Building relationships is a distance run. Just make sure you get out of the starting blocks and keep putting one foot in front of the other.
What is your follow up strategy and system? How does it differ from attending say a small networking event versus a large multi-day conference? Would love to hear your experiences and suggestions.
Paula Gregorowicz, owner of The Paula G. Company, offers life and business coaching for women to help you gain the clarity, confidence, and courage you need to succeed on your own terms. Get the free eCourse "5 Steps to Turn from Fear to Freedom" at her website
Get the latest word on personal finances from an LGBT perspective and Paula's practical coach approach to the topic at Queercents http://www.queercents.com.
]]>