In the most uninspiring season ever.

Featuring the least stylish designers ever.

Well, here I am, bravely continuing my recaps, even as the ennui invades and threatens to completely over-take my soul. There's been no one to love...although Shirin had a shot at capturing my support...and there's not even anyone to really hate. Irina is catty...we've seen that a million times. But there's no Wendy, no Santino, no Jeffrey. People that give you shudders.

And really, worst of all, there's no one with a clear and creative point of view. Actually, not true: Christopher might actually be the only one that has that recognizable POV, it's just that the judges don't like it.

Anyway, this challenge started at the Getty Museum, where the designers were joined by their models (to acts as "muses") and given 30 minutes to tour the museum and its grounds, looking for inspiration.

They were inspired as follows:

Gordana: By a Monet painting of the cathedral at St. Reims. She is very moved by the painting. I feel like telling her that it reads a bit drab and gray on my TV screen (sort of like her last design that was savaged by the judges) but she can't hear me.

Christopher: A rock fountain. With algae. Actually kind of promising, at least it can't be literal.

Irina: A painting featuring "fleshy" ladies in diaphanous gowns. Don't think her model could have been much of a muse on that one.

Althea: The architecture of the place itself.

Carol Hannah: An ornate, baroque, overdone canopy bed. I am not hopeful.

They make their final trip to ErsatzMood, where they can spend 30 minutes and send $300. The most hilarious moment being when Irina is considering this large fur pelt and wonders if it's rabbit fur. Yes, Tim say, a giant, giant rabbit. (I think you had to be there: It was a big pelt, and Tim was so cute as he mocked her.)

Thank you Ersatz-and-soon-to-be emptied-out-and-abandoned-Mood.

With four women and only one guy left, we've got scenes featuring catty women and a lonely boy. I particularly liked when Gordana showed a little gumption and told Carol Hannah to back off when she was trying to stop Gordana and Irina from engaging in a little friendly bickering.  "I'm not here to serve you." Oh, SNAP.

In the workroom we have what looks like it's shaping up to be the worst runway show ever. Irina is creating some weird disco-Thunderdome concoction. Althea's dress is just a mess of puckering, and ti's hard to imagine she can fix it with a little steaming. Carol spent hours mesmerized by the ornate bed, and is creating a sleek gown. Go figure. Gordana is so inspired by her shapeless, drab sack, she doesn't notice it's a drab, shapeless sack. Christopher is into full-on martyred odd-man-out mode. Bo. Ring.

Let's just get on to the show.The judges are Cynthia Rowley. ninagarcia and Cindy Crawford.

As always, click on the link under the designer's naem to see their look:

1. Althea 

Appalling. A puckery gold skirt. Yet another tank top, this time in gold and pewter and somewhat diaphanous. Still no thought of having her busty model wear a bra. (Nice to see a busty model, though.) Strings hanging from the hem (check out the back view). And a bunch of criss-cross pleating does not emulate the architecture of the Getty. I'm pretty sure it emulates a whole bunch of other stuff we've already seen. Hated it. And have pretty much hated most of what Althea's done, even when the judges love it. Don't get the Althea-love.

2. Carol Hannah 

OK. Nice enough, elegant gold Grecian-style gown. A bit of a Christopher bed-sheet effect coming out of the bottom, but undeniably better-proportioned than Christopher's similar efforts. My problems with this were two-fold. 1) Hello? Lots and lots of pulling and creasing. Not quite puckering, but I thought it made it look ill-fitting. 2) Double-Hello? What did this gown have to do with her inspiration piece, the ornate, baroque bed with feathers and brocade layers and layers of fabric? I'll answer my own question: Pretty much nothing. They regularly auf people for not "getting" the challenge. but not this time.

3. Christopher 

Christopher created a very familiar high-neck, sleeveless top in a shimmery green-ish fabric, paired with a stiff silvery long skirt, with a long-torso'ed silvery corset over both pieces. There were some odd green designs applied to the skirt (dye or applique?) which you can see best in the side view. Actually, I liked this. It was sleek and well-made and different. Best thing he has done in a few weeks. I get that the stiff skirt didn't flow well as she walked, but I liked it anyway.

4. Gordana 

Gordana created a simple, elegant, flowing strapless gown. She used delicately shaded fabrics to emulate the peak of the cathedral. It was quite lovely, although quite simple. But the nicest, most cohesive piece of the night iMHO.

5. Irina 

Irina sent a shockingly hideous dress down the runway. This thing is a 70s disco dress, styled to be appropriate for the Golden Girls. She managed to make model Kalyn look both old and fat. That's quite a feat. All in a drab green color that was way too opaque. Basically a green sack tied with a gold rope. The back view is equally hideous, because the drop waist makes the model look freakishly long-waisted. And short-legged. Again, quite a feat. Totally appalling.

So, let's cut to the chase, shall we. After lots of yammering and making each designer pick who should go to Fashion Week with them, we realize that the judges didn't love any of the looks and had problems with them all. I agree: Horrible final week.

That being said, it was clear to me that Christopher and Gordana had the best looks of the night, their small problems aside...because the other three looks were bad, unoriginal, or not at all related to their inspirations.

So, naturally, Christopher and Gordana were cut, and the three little pipsqueaks, Althea, Carol Hannah and Irina, are in the finals. I'm guessing (form having peeked at the collections online) that Irina may win. 

So, am I the only one limping to the finish line here?

So, how'd that turn out?

Last night the Top 6 were asked to create a companion piece "inspired" by their "winning look", oh wait, no. We better call that their "best look", seeing as poor Logan, he of the hipster skinny jeans and disaffected voice, has never won. Or even been in the top.

A fact you'll hear quite a few times throughout the episode, not only from him, but from the other designers. Yes, folks, finally some claws (other than Irina's) start to come out. And the somewhat surprising source: Althea. She, the refugee from the 70s, has started to get her ego on.

At least, lucky for Logan, they do pick his early Red Carpet gown for the challenge, which was a very good effort.

They will have 30 minutes to sketch and $100 to spend at Moon, and it's a one-day challenge. (Which always really means one and a half days.)

What did we learn this week?

-That apparently Malvin's diaper pants can get rave reviews if...well, I'll be honest, I'm not sure what was better about Althea's diaper pants, other than that they were in black not white. Which is pretty significant, I guess. I mean nothing will make diaper pants look more like diapers than being diaper-colored, I guess.

-That Gordana's lack of self-confidence is pretty deep-rooted. I mean, listen to her talk about her humble roots and her parents who were "just farmers". ouch. No wonder her idea of "standing up for her design and herself" is to say, "Well, I like it." Oh. Well, in that case.

-That Irina's nickname is "Mean-a Irina", which is pretty funny.

-That Althea can be Mean-a too.

-That Althea's crossover to the dark side might be inspired by Mean-a Irina, given Irina was sitting next to her like a devil on her shoulder, egging her on, into some of her best catty work.

-That they're all getting a bit paranoid, which isn't surprising given they're in this high-pressure and isolated bubble of existence right now. Althea thinks Logan stole her zipper collar idea from her. Irina thinks Althea stole her oversize sweater idea from her. Because nobody has ever made oversize sweaters before. They were both similar drab colors, which made the resemblance more striking, but come on.

Let's move on to the show, where former contestant Nick Verreos is now a judge in MK's stead (and a teacher somewhere too), joined by ninagarcia and, randomly, actress Kerry Washington.

And if I may digress for a moment: They really shouldn't script Heidi to say, "This is the hardest decision we've ever had to make this season", when she's talking to a panel of judges for whom it's the only decision they've ever had to make this season. Because then it sounds like the royal "we", and that's just lame.

Moving on (and as always click on the designer's name to see a picture of their outfit):

1. Carol Hannah designed another cute dress, big surprise coming from the dressmaker. Actually, it's no surprise, btu what is a surprise is that no one said: Hey I think I've seen about 100 dresses exactly like this shorter, black version of the Marilyn Monroe Seven Year Itch silhouette. Sure, this one may use some sheer overlay on the skirt and some piping on the halter bodice, but this is not only the only thing Carol Hannah has ever done (dresses) it's something that's been done many many times before. In other words Bo. Ring. But no one said that.

2. Althea, I clearly just don't get her. I hated the "winning look" by which this look was to be inspired. So, nu surprise, I don't understand how Althea's look last night garnered the kudos. Totally unflattering black paperbag waist capri pants. I thought the combo of the volume around the stomach and the capri length was massively unflattering. Look at the back view! hideous. Then there was a white tank top with lots of stripy straps. We're back to no bra wearing, or maybe there's some construction going on in there, but it makes the model look floppy. Finally a big old gray kimono-sleeved cardigan. So what? Cannot believe this won. [Spoiler alert.]

3. Logan went overboard with a fairly good idea. This was basically a black mini halter dress that used zippers to create seams, hems, collars. I jot the judges' Judy Jetson references, but I actually didn't mind this that much. At least it was interesting, and not just a boring black dress or another ill-fitting tank top and diaper pants.

4. Irina was a little too literal for my taste. OK, I know the point was to be inspired by your winning outfit, but is it really OK to just create a Frankenstein love child out of it? Irina basically took the fabric of her cowl sweater and made it the shape of her vest, adding sleeves with the trim from that vest and voila!! Oh, and under it there was this short, tight, "The Real Housewives of Aspen" brocade dress. Which fit like a glove and was well-made, I'll certainly give her that. I just didn't think it was a very seamless connection between the pieces, nor that it was all that creative.

5. Gordana made an error in styling more than anything else. She created a black skirt with horizontal pleating and gray jacket with an unconstructed collar, rough seams and many, many darts and seams. I might actually wear these pieces. But the way she presented it made it look like she was thinking a little too hard about her drab, poor upbringing in the Soviet Bloc. No jewelry, no hair style, limited make-up. I didn't think the outfit itself was sad, so much as the utter lack of drama surrounding it.

6. Christopher should have stopped at the knees. He had a simple, elegant black halter dress that included some of his signature petals around the hem and across the back. And then he had a big, long petticoat underneath. He also had these rosettes hanging down the model's back like a pair of fuzzy dice. Take away the petticoat. Take away the fuzzy dice. You might have something there.

So, since there are only six, they all stayed on stage.

The judges praised:

Carol Hannah for a basic black cocktail dress

Althea for a hideous bunch of separates

Irina for copycatting herself

Althea got the win, but honestly last night's efforts were bad all the way around. This is not the most inspiring bunch. Not. At. All.

They ripped:

Logan for sending Judy Jetson down the runway

Gordana for sending a Eastern bloc prison matron down the runway

Christopher for sending someone who got dressed in bed and took the bed with her down the runway

And Logan was out. (I was a little surprised. I thought either Gordana would go. BUt it was all so bad, it was hard to predict.)

But. What did you think?

...But it is never far enough.

Last night, the intrepid Top 8 were given the license to thrill, thanks to the presence of Bob Mackie, legendary feather and sequin man, as guest inspiration and judge.  Nicolas in particular nearly fainted at the idea...which makes sense, him being the "Feather Prince of New York." For, if he is the Prince, surely Mackie is the KING. 

To make matters even more thrrrriling, with 4 'r's, the Bob Mackie-inspired gown should be for singer Christina Aguilera. That was a bit of a needle-scratch-record moment for me (side note: when will we have to stop using that reference?) since I stopped following Aguilera right around her dirrrrty (read: skanky) phase, when sequins and feathers would have been sorely out of character. In fact, most of the time if someone mentions Aguilera (which doesn't happen often in my world, but still) I actually picture Sarah Michelle Gellar (yay, Buffy!) on Saturday Night Live as Aguilera in a particularly dirrrrty phase.

Still, I understand she's done more upscale stuff since her dirrrrrrrrty days, and apparently the designers are well aware of this too.

They are given 30 minutes to sketch, $300 to spend at ErsatzMood, and two days this time...which the designers appreciate very very much.

So, what did we learn in this episode?

-That Irina just continues to be the queen of talking smack. She's got the talent to back it up, but for once I was agreeing with Nicolas's whiny ramblings

-That Nicolas has a lot of nerve rambling whinily about how much he wishes Irina would be nicer to people, considering his own prodigious smack output in previous episodes

-That Carol Hannah is hot for Logan, and Logan thinks of her like his little sister

-That Gordana is not above taking advantage of immunity to totally give up for one week

-That Shirin can't always pull it out last minute as she did last week

-Finally, that Lifetime probably edited out a confrontation over fur between laconic cutie Logan and friend of animals (and BlogHers) Tim Gunn. Evidence: Check this comment on last week's recap where Haley, aka CheatyMonkey, talks about talking to Tim Gunn about a confrontation he had on the show re: one of the designers using fur. And I quote: "But, Tim told me that there's an episode where one of the designers attempts to use fur, and Tim goes bolistic [sic] on him.her. He told me for sure they edited most of it out because it was tres intense."  Then note that Logan was indeed using fur (which Irina theoretically shot him a dirty look for). Then, note the go-to-commercial clip of Tim saying "What is that?" with a look of horror. BUt did that clip ever come to fruition when they came back from that (or any other ) commercial? No, it did not. So, I believe the fur flying over fur was left 100% on the cutting room floor! Boo, Lifetime!

Oh, the non-drama! And between us...isn't this season so lacking in drama that it could have used a good Tim bitch-slapping over fur?

Anyway, on to the show, where the judges are Bob Mackie, Xtina herself, and yes! ninagarcia is back, and she's better than ever!

As always, click on the link with each designer's name to see their creation.

1. Althea created a silver sequin halter dress that was patterned by alternating the use of the front and the back of the sequin strips. The gown on its own was quite nice (although not mind-blowingly original, IMHO) but the feather bolero jacket was just kind of big and fluffy and messy. Would have been better off without it.

2. Logan, despite is terrible fur caveman stole, actually made a relatively fun silver tiger-striped sequin mini dress with one shoulder and a chain spaghetti strap on the other side. The sides were actually fastened by a series of hook-and-eyes all the way from hem to hem. Looks fabulous in still life, but not so good in motion. Not sure I thought this was Bottom 3-worthy.

3. Shirin exhibited apparently unforgivable bad taste with this dress, which featured the recurrent "pooping fabric" theme that Heidi loves so much (even if she didn't say it...I said it for her!) I black strapless and drop waist tight-fitting bodice was paired with a black skirt featuring lots of random and sloppy-looking panels of other fabrics and colors. It was bad. I agree. but still...

4. Christopher created a black jacket with a corset top and bloomer bottom that was removed to reveal a tinier black corset and silver sequined boy shorts underneath.I actually didn't think this was that bad. At least it was different than everyone else's fancy dresses. And is everyone just forgetting that Xtina hasn't always been tackling cover songs with David Foster? Sure, it was a little slutty...so is she, what's the big whup? Still, Three weeks in the bottom 2 should have bought him a ticket home vs. the eventual loser.

5. Sure, Nicolas sent a hot little strapless white mini with a feather skirt down the runway. Cute, no doubt about it. but it was just a mini version of his winning design from a few weeks ago. I did think it was better than the winning design, though, I admit.

6. Gordana, let's be honest, was only saved by her immunity. Heidi said as much, and I believe her. She sent this ivory strapless gown down the runway with an ill-fitting bodice, an unflattering sequin belly/butt panel and a boring chiffonskirt. zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz And did I mention the ill-fitting unflatteringness?

7. Irina sent a nightie down the runway. Granted it was a pretty midnight blue one with a matching velvet shorty robe over it. Nice color, basically very well-made. But a nightie and robe nonetheless.

8. Carol Hannah created a strapless black sequined gown that also incorporated matte fabric and feather overlays. Personally, I thought it was a bit dull and a bit been-there, seen-that. I mean, what was special about it? Moreover, the back side wasn't that well-crafted at all, so I thought the judges gave her a bit too much credit.

Bottom line:

The judges went for:

Carol Hannah

Althea

Nicolas

With Carol Hannah the surprise winner for a basic black evening dress.

The judges couldn't go for:

Logan

Christopher

Shirin

Now, I thought for sure Christopher would get the boot. This was his third time in a row in the bottom, and he seems to have lost something that led him to win Week 1 and for me to feel like wuz robbed or near robbed when it was the Top 12 and the Top 11. Meanwhile Shirin wuz robbed Week 1, won Week 2, was in the Top 2 two weeks ago and last week and was never in the bottom until this week.

I don't get it. Unfair and a mistake :(

But what did you think?

You'd be blue too if Michael Kors came back, only to mock you! Ah, MK. How we missed you :)

Last night Project Runway did one of their "Oh yeah, eventually you'll want to sell the clothes you make" challenges. Tis time the idea was to design two outfits for Macy's INC line, both in blue. And the winner would not get immunity, but would get to design a holiday dress that Macy's would sell. It was a team challenge, so all ten had the opportunity to pitch designs at an ONC person. She chose the five she liked, and then those five got to choose who they wanted to partner with.

The teams were:

Team Leader Althea chose Logan

TL Christopher chose Epperson

TL Louise chose Nicolas (Which sucked for her, because he had immunity, o any failure would be all on her)

TL Irina chose Gordana (or rather she let Gordana choose her...which was oddly passive)

TL Carol Hannah was left with Shirin

It seems like Shirin and Irina get no respect from their fellow designers, but I've mostly liked their respective work. Is it just that I'm naive and (extra points for recognizing random movie reference) entranced by "crowd pleasing" design?

So, what did we learn this episode?

-That ruffles make Nicolas sick. Feathers, on the other hand? Totally classy and not at all over the top or overly feminine.

-That Louise is scatterbrained, and that for some reason ErsatzMood is not nearly as interesting as RealMood.

-That Epperson may be quiet, but he is quietly back-stabby. Like yeah, we got the point that you and Qristyl didn't get along. No need to bring it up again and dis her again. Stay classy, Epperson.

-That teamwork is hard. Seriously, I would like to know what kind of isolation chamber these people all reside in in their regular lives. It's like they've never had to interact with other people before.

Anyway, on to the show, where we see that Heidi can wear an fugly outfit...two weeks in a row!!! I mean, that is something I would wear to bed. And only if my S.O. was away on travel. We also joyfully experience the return of MK, if not ninagarcia, and we experienced great gladness.

1. Irina and Gordana

Look #1 was the dress that everyone loved except me. I called it a schamtte. It was a sundress with a dark navy bikini-style top and a chevron-striped billowy, flowy, long handkerchief skirt. It made the model look both flat as a board and like she had a huge ass. It would definitely be a great maternity dress for a boho chic devotee...in fact someone should check whether this is just a knock-off of something Nicole Ritchie recently wore.

Look #2 was a navy pencil skirt with a kick pleat paired with a light blue sheer-ish short-sleeve top with a plunging vee-neck.  And an even lighter blue sheer chiffon as a sash and trim on the neck. It was really quite elegant and lovely.

2. Althea and Logan

a. Look #1 was a teeny-tiny navy blue suit with a silver top. Gee, that looks familiar. Did Althea think if she just copied most of her winning design from a few weeks back, no one would notice. Or that they wouldn't care adding a slit to an already too-mini skirt was asking for trouble? This was just trampy.

Look #2 was so boring I almost can't bear to write about it. And where was the blue, by the way. This was a symphony in gray. hence the boring. First there were dark gray flat-front pants with a wide waistband. These pants made the model look even less curvy and womanly than she already does. Absolutely no curves allowed. including no ass. Absolutely no ass allowed. The top was a lighter gray sleeveless tank with ruffle things around the armholes and vee neckline, with extra ruffles hanging from the front. I began to feel Nicolas's loathing for ruffles myself.

3. Lousie and Nicolas

Look #1was a pale blue shift dress with a navy blue ruffled happy trail, starting with a big tribble of blue ruffles on her let shoulder and bosom and leading straight down the middle of the dress...to infinity and beyond. Yes, it's as bad as I'm implying, look at the picture!

Look #2 was a navy shift dress with a navy and light blue clown ruffle effect down the front.  Not really a full-on rosette ruffle, more like Leanne-style folds and ripples. This seemed kind of flight attendant-y, but mostly the fit was horrible. Every seam was just a mess of pulls and creases. Make sure you look at the back. Awful.

4. Carol Hannah and Shirin

Look #1 was basically a flight attendant outfit, only no one, not even MK, said so. There was a high-waisted navy skirt and a peacock blue sleeveless bodice with an asymmetrical neckline. And a blue kerchief tied around the neck. Total flight attendant. From the 70s. I guess they were going for Mad Men, not flight attendant, but other than a giant keyhole back, which was kind of sexy and unexpected, I thought this was oh-so-very-coffee-tea-or-me.

Look #2 was another outfit (like Irina's dress) that I did not get why the judges liked it. Think Olivia Newton John in the climactic carnival scene in Grease. Dark capri leggings. Big wide leather obi sash over a peacock blue sweater tunic with more ruffles and floppy short sleeves. Sorry, outfit, you are not the "one that I want". Woo hoo hoo, honay!

5. Christopher and Epperson

Look #1was basically a big, oversized striped Oxford man-shirt with a sash. There was some shimmer. But that didn't do enough to make this anything other than really plain, boring and looking like it was thrown together without much thought.

Look #2 was a trainwreck headed for the circus. Dark capri leggings (seriously, how are capri leggings in so many of the outfits this year?) topped with a teal bubble tunic with a clown ruffle collar/neckline. Not only was it stand-alone dreadful, it had no relation to Look #1. Bad idea+Bad execution=Christopher crying all over the runway.

Althea and Logan were sent to safety, so that mean the judges no likee:

Louise and Nicolas

Christopher and Epperson

But they likee:

Irina and Gordana

Carol Hannah and Shirin

Irina took the win for her schmatte, but you know, that there wasn't anything much better on display last night, was there?

After much big-eyed gulping (from Louise) and wimpy weeping (from Christopher) and inaccurate foreshadowing about two designers going home (from Heidi), Louise was auf'ed, as she should have been last week. 

So, I'm sure you're gathering that this was not a stellar week for the designers. Which was disappointing after two straight weeks of creativity and innovation. The lack of appealing designer carried over...I mean, check out the dress Irina designed for Macy's as the winner this week. Looks like a 70s disco dress with a big butterfly applique. Feh. And Meh, for that matter.

But what did you think?