pookielocks's blog

Jane Doe Rape Kits: Coming in 2009

2008-05-14T08:07:54-05:00

According Rainn statistics, 1 in 6 women (and 1 in 33 men) will be assaulted in their lifetime. Sadly, these statistics are only based on the number of assault cases actually reported to police agencies. Many assaults, like my own incident, go unreported, because for one reason or another, victims are afraid to come forward. The new Jane Doe Rape Kit, coming out in 2009, provides adult victims with a way to collect and store evidence without initially involving the police.

Federally required Jane Doe Rape Kits are designed to eliminate one of the biggest obstacles in prosecuting rapists in rape cases: Some women are so traumatized by their assault that they don't come forward until it's too late to collect adequate DNA samples. The Jane Doe Kit allows victims to have their evidence stored anonymously until, or if, they choose to eventually report it to the police. The sealed kit is only identifiable by a number on the outside that corresponds to a victim's confidential identity.

Up till now, victims who went to the hospital to get a rape kit completed were immediately contacted by the police to make a report of the incident. This deters a lot of scared women at a distressing time in their lives.

I, like a lot of women, was too upset following my assault to go to the police. I didn't know if I was ready to talk about what happened, expecially to an officer. By the time I ended up telling anyone, a month had passed, and I had no way of proving what my rapist had done to me. A couple of years later, I was emotionally ready to prosecute and go after this abuser, but I couldn't. No evidence was collected. My word against his would not have sufficed.

In 2009, states will be required to pay for Jane Doe Rape Kits in order to continue to receive funding under the Violence Against Women Act. This Act provides states with federally funded money to fund women's shelters and law enforcement training. States will have the ability to choose which locations offer the kit and how long the evidence will be saved.

With the addition of this kit, I believe the number of women assaulted will ultimately be more accurate than the current 1 in 6 statistic. That number may seem like a lot to many people, but after speaking with so many survivors, I have a feeling the number is more like 1 in 4.

Report It Now A Success!

2008-04-30T09:45:41-05:00

Tues, April 29th was "REPORT IT NOW" Day in honor of Sexual Violence Against Women Advocate, Angela Shelton in conjuction with PAVE!

April is "Sexual Assault Awareness Month" and a time for Survivors to band together and Educate Men and Women about the dangers of sexual assault and domestic violence!

What is it all about?

The Report IT Campaign is a nationwide state-to-state rally to Report sexual violence and abuse on the same day! It was created to raise awareness on the vast under-reporting of sexual assault including rape, incest, and abuse.

Report IT exists to showcase solidarity in the movement to end sexual violence as well as a call to action to stop the systemic revictimization of victims that discourages reporting. This campaign is inclusive of men, women, children, trans-gendered and trans-sexual individuals and everyone who has ever been affected by sexual violence or abuse. You do not have to show up if you were a victim - show up if someone you care about was a victim too!

The Report IT Campaign features an anonymous online reporting system to gather statistics on the occurrences of sex crimes.

The online form is anonymous and is strictly for the Report IT campaign and will not be shared with the authorities. If your case is open, please do not share your real name and fill out the form under "Anonymous."

Although Report it Now Day is over, you can still REPORT IT NOW in this ANONYMOUS online form. Many of us (including me) have never reported our assaults, for fear of repercussions or fear of the judicial system. Now is our chance! Do it PROUDLY and LOUDLY and ANONYMOUSLY!!

Why Did We Rally?

It has been shown that over 80% over sexual assaults go unreported. Moreover, sexual assault survivors across the country are often re-victimized upon reporting the crime to the authorities.

My Rally Experience:

Yesterday, at noon, about 15 of us gathered at the courthouse in Columbus, OH! I got to meet many wonderful Survivor Advocates as well as have my voice heard. NBC 4 news was there and showed us on the 5:30 news. I was very proud that my poster made it onto the news 3 times! I guess it helps when you make friends with the camera man! Hehe.

Here's a picture of me in all my rallying glory!

Sexual Assault Survivors Credo

2008-04-22T07:04:23-05:00

We are Male
We are Female
We are African American
We are White
We are Asian
We are Hispanic
We are Latino
We are Native American
We are European
We are Tall
We are Short
We are Thin
We are Overweight
We are Straight
We are Gay
We are Bisexual
We are Transgendered
We are Left-Brained
We are Right-Brained
We are Single
We are Married
We are in a Committed Relationship
We are Dating Around
We like to have Sex
We don’t like to have Sex
We Drink
We don’t Drink
We Smoke
We don’t Smoke
We do Drugs
We don’t do Drugs
We went to College
We didn’t go to College
We Work
We are unable to Work
We have Children
We don’t have Children
We are unable to have Children
We have Pets
We don’t have Pets
We own a Home
We rent a Home
We live with our Friends/Parents
We like to Eat
We are Anorexic
We are Bulimic
We are Self-Injurers
We don’t Self-Injure
We have Support
We don’t have Support
We Feel
We are Numb
We have been Beaten
We have never been Beaten
We have been Assaulted
We have been Weak
We have been Strong
We have Lied
We have told the Truth
We have kept our mouths Shut
We have Spoken
We have felt Alone
We have been Lonely
We are just one person
We are many

Together, we are Strong
We will not be Silenced Anymore
We are Survivors
And you can be Too.

Label Me "Done"

2008-04-16T12:10:13-05:00

Labels. We all have them. Our family calls us "Daughter" or "Sister", our friends "Friend." Those are the positive labels we ought to have, the ones we ought to identify with. Unfortunately, it's the negative labels that often leave a bad taste in our mouths and echo in our minds ad nauseum.

I'm only 30 years old, but in my lifetime, I've been called "Lazy", "Stupid", "No Skinny-Minnie Anymore", "Too Shy", "Over-reactor", "Depressed", "Rape Victim", "Someone Who Abuses Alcohol", "Anorexic", a "Compulsive Exerciser", a "Bad Seed", a "Hard Child to Raise" . . . the list could go on and on.

Those labels aren't even mentioning the things that have not been said, but inferred. Some of them came from my mother, some from my peers, some from professionals, some from ex-boyfriends.

At an early age, I started assuming the personality of those labels. I was "lazy" so why bother cleaning my room? In college, my mother told me not to go out with my friends the night I was sexually assaulted, so I must have deserved to be raped. Right? I was a "Rape Victim" not a "Rape Survivor." I had anorexic tendencies, so why not stop eating? My new psychiatrist told me I was "Bipolar" so why not have violent mood swings whenever I felt like it?

This labeling stuck on my by others, soon turned into the worst form of labeling: I was now labeling myself.

I decided I was depressed, bipolar, anorexic, an exercise bulimic, fat, lazy, dumb, useless, hopeless, shameful, a victim . . .

Here's a poem entitled "Labels" that I composed in 1996 at age 19.

So I'm abnormal, you say, like a Jeopardy answer.
"Who is Nikki?" you ask without hesitation.
Why are we so different, friend of mine?
"Afterall," I say, "We both agree I'm abnormal."

I dress how I feel, and how I feel is black.
What a contrast to my pale skin, you say.
I'm leaving this earth and never coming back.
"Selfish," you retort. No, just plain smart.

In an unfeeling, uncaring world,
I feel. I care. I worry.
I don't understand why this blind world doesn't read the signs.
If that makes me abnormal, then so be it.

My blue eyes analyze the gray of your outlook.
My heart mourns your absence of emotion.
It's taken over you too.
You've been without reality for too long.

I'm abnormal to you, because I am the only real person left.

After my assault, I let this self-labeling consume me for 7 long years, until I'd had enough. I was 28 years old, and I wanted to find out who I really was, to learn just to be me. That would finally be enough.

After two years of intense counseling and hard work, I have come out the other side of the dark Label Tunnel. I've learned to create boundaries around those who have labeled me in the past. Now, when I hear my mother tell me how I am, I let it in one ear and out the other. I nod and I smile and I move on.

I became a Survivor during those two years (one of the few positive labels I allow) and started my own Survivor Website in order to help others with their healing. One of my most powerful messages to those on my message board is that "You can be anyone that you want to be. Being 'Just You' will always be enough."

Dear The Body,

2008-04-16T11:35:08-05:00

Why do we have to be connected? I don't understand. It took me many years to even realize that we were connected, that you and I cannot live without the other. I had to stop killing you so that I could live.

Here we are three years later, still struggling. You are bigger than you have ever been before. If I put you on a scale, I fear you would be 150 lbs.

None of your pants fit. Your belly fights for freedom from the constricted space in your jeans. A roll goes over your jeans top when you sit. It was never there before. Even your bra is too tight. A 36 is no longer sufficient.

All of this happened, or got worse, because I decided to make you eat food. I decided that you needed a metabolism for once in your life. And what happened? Your stupid body stored everything you ate, because it was starving for so long.

Now, look at us. We're disgusting. And I'm stuck inside you, a prisoner.

God help us get through this.

Regards,

The Mind

Calling All Survivors: Report IT Now! April 29th

2008-04-14T09:46:17-05:00

Tues, April 29th is "REPORT IT NOW" Day in honor of Sexual Violence Against Women Advocate, Angela Shelton in conjuction with PAVE!

April is "Sexual Assault Awareness Month" and a time for Survivors to band together and Educate Men and Women about the dangers of sexual assault and domestic violence!

What:

The Report IT Campaign features an anonymous online reporting system to gather statistics on the occurrences of sex crimes.

On April 29, if you have EVER been sexually assaulted, abused as a child, or a victim of domestic violence, REPORT IT NOW! This is an ANONYMOUS form that let's legislators know just how many of us Survivors there are out there! Many of us (including me) have never reported our assaults, for fear of repercussions or fear of the judicial system. Now is our chance! Do it PROUDLY and LOUDLY and ANONYMOUSLY!!

We will all show up together at our local courthouses on April 29, 2008! Whether you officially Reported IT or not - please show up at your local courthouse.

Why:

It has been shown that over 80% over sexual assaults go unreported. Moreover, sexual assault survivors across the country are often re-victimized upon reporting the crime to the authorities.

April 29 Rally Locations:

Albany, Georgia
Albany, NY
Albemarle, NC
Anderson, IN
Asheville, NC
Athens, Ohio
Barrie, Ontario
Blacksburg , VA
Boone, NC
Brownsville, TX
Carbondale, IL
Chicago, IL

Columbus, OH
Fort Worth, TX
Harrisburg, PA
Hollidaysburg, PA
Las Vegas, NV
Lincoln, NE
Lorain, OH
Los Angeles, CA
New York, NY
Olathe, KS
Omaha, NE
Philadelphia, PA
Phoenix, AZ
Rolling Meadows, IL
San Diego, CA
Southern Missouri
Tallahasee, FL
Tuscon, AZ
Washington DC
Wheaton, IL
White Plains, NY

Columbus, OH Rally!

I will be there! Please email me if you'd like more information on attending! edensurvivor at yahoo dot com

Location of Columbus Rally:

Franklin County Court House
373 South High Street
Columbus, OH 43215

The Key

2008-03-18T07:50:30-05:00

As humans, we go through life searching for the key to happiness, the key to a long enriched life, the key to a successful career. Focusing on these long-term goals, these far-reaching ideas, takes us further away from actually obtaining them, because we are missing the point.

These is no one "key" to everything. Life is a series of tiny keys for Alice in Wonderland doors. Each upset, each minute struggle leads us through another door to another lesson to learn. Along the way, we are given new keys to understanding ourselves and the world around us. The small victories lead us to larger victories. Small lessons lead to bigger lessons. Small successes lead to large successes.

And what do we do with the keys we've already used? We pass them onto others who need them. Advice from knowing circumstances and past experiences can be given to others who are in the midst of a struggle we've already conquered. Why not pass that key on and give them a head-start on beating the next level?

So, the next time you are intent on reaching a key to an all-knowing understanding, remember that Alice had to go down many holes, through many doors, and change into many sizes to make her way home.

Conquering Your Trauma "Anniversary"

2008-02-06T07:46:07-06:00

Each year, as February 15th rolls around, I begin my cycle of reaction: Nightmares. Flashbacks. Anxiety. Irritability. Hypervigilance. Anorexic tendencies. Picking at my skin. Crying easily. Constant frustration. Driving recklessly. It's all so familiar, yet there's little that I can do to stop the array of reactions from worming their way into my functioning life.

As February 15 approaches, I long to be Proactive. "This year," I tell myself, "will be different. I will gain control of myself in only positive ways." Then, as if right on schedule, my post traumatic stress symptoms march inward to the beat of yearly repetition. Once again, Proaction has become Reaction.

If you are a survivor of any type of traumatic event, whether it be a natural disaster, a sexual attack, a violent relationship, even the loss of a loved one, you and I are kindreds. We may have different symptomology, but we are inherently the same. We must fight every year to try and win the epic battle we lost on that fateful date that binds us to it forever.

Over the years, I've discovered some small but significant ways to lessen my reaction to my anniversary date, and I'd like to share them with you, in hopes that one or more of them might work for you. I'm not a psychologist or a doctor or a person with any professional qualifications. I am simply a survivor, and in this case, I believe that's enough.

Try 1 or more of the following ideas to help you get through the preceding weeks up through the inevitable day of the anniversary:

1. Find a trusted friend and tell them how you're feeling. Tell a doctor, a friend, a counselor, a neighbor. DO NOT let youself go through this alone.

2. Find positive coping techniques that work for you and use them when you are in distress.
For example:
a. Wrap up in a comfortable blanket; put on soft pajamas
b. Light a candle and drink some hot tea
c. Carry a smooth rock in your pocket. When you're feeling upset, reach in and feel it's strength.
d. If you feel yourself mentally "leaving the room" try naming the objects around you (ie. lamp, vase)
e. Carry a small notebook everywhere you go. Write down those negative, scared feelings.

3. Make sure you are eating at least 3 times a day and are getting enough rest. When we are emotionally upset by a traumatic event, our body's resistance wears down. It's a lot easier to catch illnesses that way.

4. Plan to do something positive for yourself on your anniversary date.
For Example:
a. Get a new haircut
b. Get a massage or a facial
c. Take yourself shopping
d. Stay home with a friend and watch comedies
e. Have a friend "kidnap" you for the day and keep you busy with fun activities

5. Write yourself or your anniversary date a letter. I promise this helps. I've included my own below as an example.

“Dear February 15th,

I can feel you looming. I can feel you in my bones. You're a part of me now. You have been for 7 years.
I used to be terrified of you. I used to cry and bawl and shake and fear you. The terror would start months before you were even in sight. I consciously knew you were coming and I waited for the worst.

I used to be angry with you. I was pissed that you even existed. I was mad that you had such an effect on me and my life. I subconsciously knew you were coming for months ahead of time, and was very conscious of you beginning January 1st. With fists clenched, I waited for you.
Now, I vaguely think of you on and off. It started in mid-January. With less than a week to go, I just feel sad. I'm not even sad in the sense that something so horrible happened to me. I'm more in mourning for the innocent girl I used to be. I'm sorry that she ever had to feel such a loss of control and the feeling of having her safe world disintegrate before her eyes.

It's not your fault that you exist, just like it wasn't her fault it happened to her, just like it's okay to admit that I am her."

Please always remember that although you may feel alone as the sole survivor of a horrible day, you are never alone. Family, friends, and other survivors can be there for you if you let them.

Eden (edensurvivor at yahoo dot com)
http://www.taking-back-control.com

Sexual Assault Survivors: SPEAK OUT! Together We are Strong!

2007-10-02T08:22:14-05:00

It amazes me that even in the year 2007, we, as a society, are still "not speaking" about Rape/Sexual Assault/Child Abuse as if it remains a taboo topic! We women as a whole have fallen into the unstated mentality that if we don't speak of it, or if we pretend it doesn't exist, it will never affect us or a beloved family or friend.

Not true!

According to RAINN, the nation's largest Anti-Sexual Assault association:

*Every 2 minutes, in America, someone is sexually assaulted.
*1 in 6 American women are victims of sexual assault, and 1 in 33 men!
*About 44% of rape victims are under age 18 and 80% are under age 30.

This is a societal epidemic that needs to be stopped! While the previous statement is obvious to most of us, many of today's women wonder what exactly can be done to lower those statistics.

It's easy! SPEAK OUT!

If you are a sexual assault survivor, SPEAK OUT! Tell your story! It may not be something your friends and family and coworkers want to hear about, but what you say may be able to help them in a similar situation. As a survivor, you have an obligation to protect others from the harm you have come under. Just by sharing your story, someone else may pick up a tip that may save his/her life at a later date!

If you are not a survivor, you can still SPEAK OUT! Get on the internet or call a local Rape Crisis Center and get information about preventing sexual assault, then share them with every woman you know! Education and knowledge are a key to preventing others from becoming a statistic.

If you are interested in learning FREE Safety Tips, please visit the following websites for more information.

RAINN
Vday
National Sexual Violence Resource Center

If you are interested in SPEAKING OUT, you can be a part of any of these activities!

Take Back the Night
The Clothesline Project

If you're a Survivor and are interested in getting support from other survivors, feel free to join my online message board community located here at Taking Back Control MB or visit my Survivor Website here. It is a password protected community that will allow you to commune with other survivors in a safe, respectful environment. All you have to do is register, and I will approve you for same-day posting rights!