Time marches on and now I have two teenagers and a second grader. There is not a lot of "mommy blogging" left in me. I have considered changing my blog title more than once. A name to reflect who I am now. The laid back mom who deals with the tougher parenting topics? The professional author writing about the ups and downs of writing her first book and the shock of landing an amazing agent? The freelance writer on the hunt for the next article or job? Or do I just let my writing represent who I have evolved into and let the name I have always had stand as the brand I have created over the last six years?
Can you successfully change your online identity? If you are a mommy blogger, can you change your blog name, what you write about and still keep your audience? If you are making money with ads because of your traffic, is it worth the change to have your blog better represent who you have become and what you want to put out there. There have been more than one successful blogger that has been able to do this.
One such blog had a huge following and went for the name change and she seemed to become even more adored. When Chris Jordan went from Big Yellow House to Notes From the Trenches, her audience followed her. Her blog name changed but her stories stayed the same fun and heart warming stories she had always written. It was a name change more than a massive blog overhaul.
Now take another mom blogger who has been around for years and became very well known by her blog name/identity. In fact, it wasn't until recently many of her readers discovered her real name. Many of us read, knew and hung out with Izzy of IzzyMom. In one amazing leap of faith she decided to shed that identity that many readers knew her as and started over. Meet Janet of The Caffeinatrix.
I’ve now reached a point where I’m more willing to self-censor, if necessary, for the trade-off of being who I am and opening a door that has been barely cracked to most of the people in my life. This decision didn’t come easily but it was obvious my passion was starting to wither, that I no longer felt like living up to what was expected of me. So—no more carefully crafted “pieces” on specific topics, no more writing to avoid land mines…
In exchange for my freedom, I’ve chosen to give up steady ad revenue checks every month and a fair amount of name recognition/popularity, as well as the holy trinity of blogging…traffic, page rank and comments.
It takes a special act of bravery for a well known mommy blogger to do that. But for many of us, we have thought of and perhaps dreamed of doing the same thing.
What about the other side of the coin? What about bloggers who blog about infertility and then become moms? Do they lose the following they had gained through shared experiences? What about the community they create around a shared experience?
Many of us have followed Julia of Here Be Hippogriffs.
Julia Litton had four miscarriages over the course of three years before conceiving her son, Patrick, 5. And four years ago, the 35-year-old began trying to have another baby—and entered the dizzying world of assisted reproductive techniques. Seven more miscarriages and multiple fertility treatments later, Julia and her husband conceived twins. Caroline and Edward were born in 2008.
I know I was not alone each time I would log onto her site and read about another heartbreaking miscarriage. Though, I did not know her personally, I wept each time she had another miscarriage. However, after she had her twins, Caroline and Edward, did I stop caring about her? Not at all. Now I began enjoying reading about her adventures with Patrick and the twins.
But could becoming a mom after being an infertility blogger cause a blogger to lose her readers?
I have followed Julie of A Little Pregnant long before she was pregnant. I held my breath with her through all of her trials and infertility challenges. I wept when she became a mom to Charlie who was 10 weeks premature. Her site is an amazing showcase of talented writing and stories that will make you laugh, cry and cheer with her. It may even help you.
This site started as my personal journal during my first IVF cycle. As the days wore on and it became clear that this wasn't going to be a garden-variety pregnancy, I spent a lot of time scouring the Internet to learn more about what was happening to me. But I wasn't always able to find the kind of information that would have helped me.
This led me to continue my journal in a more public way. I don't know that anyone who stumbles across my highly opinionated account of my personal experiences will find it exactly useful, but I suppose it's theoretically possible.
Perhaps there are some who stopped reading these blogs because they were there for the commonality of the topic, but for those who left, there were many who came and read these blogs that were new to them.
Whether it is the former mommyblogger who is no longer writing about her children but about her life in general with no expectations or the infertility blogger who became a mom and is now writing about life as a mother, bloggers grow.
Bloggers change.
And some of us have the courage to do it out loud for the entire blogosphere to enjoy!
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Contributing Editor (Mommy & Family) Jennifer Satterwhite also writes at Mommy Needs Coffee and Parenting and is the founder of Mommybloggers.
]]>The Mom Blogging world gave us Momversation. The Dad Bloggers gave us DadLabs (Taking Back Paternity). If you have not visited DadLabs, you are really missing out on some wonderful videos! I spent ages just going through their archives and watching video after video. Not only were they spot on, they did it in such a humorous and entertaining manner.
What is DadLabs? This is what they have to say about themselves:
The mission of the company is to strengthen families and benefit children by empowering today's fathers. The company provides resources to expecting, new and veteran fathers that will launch them into a more active and creative role in the lives of their children. DadLabs speaks to the corporate executive and the delivery driver with a voice that is authentic and genuinely male, with wisdom and self-deprecating humor of experience. The products and services offered are honest, informative, sometimes off-color, but always dedicated to the spirit of fatherhood. DadLabs speaks guy and presents information through guy-colored lenses.
Their latest video is about taking a hike with your little tyke. When these men say they present the information through guy-colored glasses, they were not kidding. These Dads know how to reach other Dads (and Moms, too!) with their videos.
And, of course, moms have been given BusyMom. Well, the dads have been given The Busy Dad Blog. Here is a fantastic example of The Busy Dad Blog and his humor from his post If Jeopardy Were Written By Parents:
Alex Trebek: Very well. And the answer is: “The opposite of Heaven, this word conveys eternal suffering.”
Contestant Linda: BUZZ! What is Hell?
Alex Trebek: Ohh... that’s not exactly the answer we’re looking for here. Anyone else? Eternal suffering... yes, BusyDad?
Me: What is DORA?
Alex Trebek: Yes! And you’re in the lead with $100 and you get to choose the next category.
Though, it isn't just about blogs that are either similar in name or how they convey messages. There are also many blogs for dads that are great resources for fathers.
There is Dictionary for Dads.
Dictionary for Dad's provides resources and information which are fundamental in assisting men in making informed decisions based on education, research and practical experience all provided by Dictionary for Dad's. In doing so, we strive to reinforce the positive male role model in our society while increasing the social welfare of children throughout our world...We understand that parenting is often complex and confusing with many variables including but not limited to nutrition, medical, psychological, developmental, environmental, marital, social and academic. It is our aim to provide every dad with education, information and resources for all dilemmas when they occur.
I looked through the site thoroughly and there are some great resources available.
I will admit that I really have had a blast visiting the world of dad blogs this week. There are so many out there. Far too many to list here. The tie that binds us all together? Parenting. When it comes to that, we are all in this together.
Related links and awesome dad blogs you should be reading:
Lesbian Dad: "Notes from the crossroads of mother & father"
Dad Gone Mad: "Living proof that it takes balls to go nuts!"
Cynical Dad: "That which does not kill us makes us more cynical"
Mocha Dad: "A Celebration of African American Fatherhood"
Looky Daddy: "Because there's not a single day that goes by that I do not hear those words."
Backpacking Dad: "A blog about my daughter, fatherhood, being an at-home dad, and backpacking dadventures."
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Contributing Editor (Mommy & Family) Jennifer Satterwhite also writes at Mommy Needs Coffee and Parenting and is the founder of Mommybloggers.
]]>"Jennifer, the doctor found a blockage. Dad is going to the hospital. You need to come home."
Just like that everything changes. In mid-December in the middle of the teenagers' finals and the second grader's parties, I got the call and I knew I needed to go to my Dad. Yes, my kids wanted me to be there to help them study, get them to their social events and just be there as Mom. However, my Dad needed me. I am lucky enough to be a position that I can drop everything and hit the road and be back in my childhood home within hours. I have a husband who will step in and pick up the slack and friends who can lend a hand. Most of the time without my ever having to ask for help.
Three years ago today my mom died. The six months prior to that was a nonstop road trip for me as I went from my own home with my children and taking care of them to my mom's bedside being there for her and helping my dad. It was exhausting, emotionally draining and mentally taxing to go from the daughter taking care of the parents to the parent taking care of the kids and back. Somewhere in there, I lost myself. I lost the person in the middle of this sandwich generation. It was two slices of bread with very little substance in between. The woman who knew who she was and what she wanted had become almost unrecognizable. Three years later and I am still looking for her.
When you are thrown into the role of the "sandwich generation" you face challenges that people who are not in that position may not understand. It is not a question of whether or not you will go when the call comes but rather how long will you be gone. It is not the help you may need. It is more about the help you need to give. I am not the only woman who has lost herself sandwiched between parents and children. Many of us have. Most don't say anything about it. Is it because we feel we have to be strong? Do we feel that it would burden others to know how we struggle sometimes? Or is it as simple (and complex) as the fact that we are so used to taking care of others, we forget to take care of ourselves along the way?
I am thankful that the phone call about my dad a couple of weeks ago turned out as well as it did and that he is home and is healthy and as strong as ever. I was blessed. You see, after my mom died, there will never be a "normal" visit to the hospital for my dad. Every pain will send off alarms for me. Every potentially fearful outcome to a test will pop into my head during routine testing. Each time something even slightly abnormal shows up, I will again race to be there.
I know I am not alone.
Elizabeth of Busy Mom went through something similar just a few days ago.
My dad had to go the the ER and I was at home with a bunch of little boys who don't understand anxiety.
Busy Dad took him, so he was away and Busy Girl wasn't home, but I wasn't about to dump that on her, anyway.
Since my mother died a couple of years ago, I get a little skittish when some things happen, and I turned to the Internet to try to distract me and you guys really came through...
She went on to introduce herself as many of us have done:
So, if you're new here, I'm an only child and my 76 year old dad has lived alone since my mom died. He's in good health, teaches high school full time, but when something goes wrong, there's only me.
I work full time and have three young kids, so I remain: The Sandwich Generation Poster Child. But, I'm not alone.
New Midlife Mommy shared so beautifully what her last moments with her mom were like...
On that awful night, as I lay next to my mother, a wonderful thing
happened. Sleep escaped me, but I was bathed in the warmth of one
wonderful memory after another. Memories of just my mom and me, of our
whole lives together. Memories of childhood. Memories of my wedding.
Memories of the last day we spent together, when she held me as I cried
because I was worried about her slipping health. She'd asked me then,
"Do you believe in God?" I told her of course I did. "Well, then
there's nothing to worry about then." I think that on some level, she
was trying to give me one final gift on her last night here on earth.
A gift of love. To let me see that all was forgiven, that in the end,
our true heart is all that matters.
...and then the frustration many of us in the Sandwich Generation share:
Since then, we have just been performing our obligations. Or, actually, I've been performing most of our obligations. My father is feeling lost, because my mother always did everything for him. My brother has expressed no preferences one way or another -- somehow, I find this incredibly annoying. I have often felt overwhelmed since my mother left us. I dread the thought of what kind of funeral she would have had if it were up to the two of them, instant indecision makers that they are. I'm thankful that my mother drilled her history, my history, into my head. It allowed me to answer the funeral home's questions easily.
You may not recognize us when you see us in the grocery store, but you will in a hospital. We may not tell you about the fear of failing our parents or our children but we do fear failing one generation while we are caring for the other. But once you enter our "club" and join the legions of poster children living the sandwich generation, you will begin to recognize the fear, learn the code we speak in and know that we are doing the best we can. For everyone involved.
More bloggers writing about the Sandwich Generation are GenBetween written by Amy Jeanroy (formerly written by Elizabeth) and Sometimes I Feel Like a Piece of Bologna written by Pat.
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Contributing Editor (Mommy & Family) Jennifer Satterwhite also writes at Mommy Needs Coffee and Parenting and is the founder of Mommybloggers.
]]>It was only a tradition — a friendly pre-dawn breakfast hosted by the varsity cheerleaders at Katy's Morton Ranch High School for the girls of the junior varsity squad. This time the "tradition" went horribly wrong. Rather just taking the girls from their homes in their pajamas to be taken out for the early morning breakfast, these varsity cheerleaders took a detour. These seven varsity cheerleader girls are accused of blindfolding eleven JV cheerleaders, binding their hands with duct tape and pushing them into a swimming pool. (Granted, it was the shallow end of the pool and after orienting themselves, the girls could stand up.) However...think about that. Blindfolded. Hands bound. Thrown into a pool.
Their attorneys claimed it was a case of bad judgement on behalf of the 7 varsity cheerleaders. As quoted in Houston Chronicle online, apparently it is also very unfortunate these girls who have been indicted have to go through this during the holidays.
None of the teens or their parents commented Wednesday, but attorneys for two of the girls said their clients are caught in a tough situation and have the full support of their families.
"Do teens sometimes use bad judgment?" asked defense attorney Robert Fickman, who represents Garner, the varsity squad's former mascot.
"Sure they do. We all did. But sometimes bad judgment does not equate to a crime."This is probably a case where teenagers used poor judgment. There's
no evidence anyone was harmed or endangered," Fickman said outside the courtroom.Attorney Jed Silverman, who represents Hayley Davis, said his client just wants to get on with her education and her life.
"It's just very unfortunate for anyone to have to go through this during the holidays," Silverman said outside the courtroom. "She has a
good family behind her 100 percent."
Bad judgement but not a crime. Very unfortunate that these girls have to go through this during the holidays. I am honestly not sure where my mind goes with this.
If I were the mother of one of the JV girls thrown into the pool, I would be outraged. Furious to the point of tears. If I were the mother of one of the varsity girls who used "poor judgement" in this situation, I would not want the rest of her life ruined over this incident. If I were the mothers of one of the girls who came forward after going through the hazing and had to go back to school, I would probably want to transfer her because she is now being picked on, talked about and being shunned. For coming forward for something she felt was unfair and wrong.
Three persectives. Three examples of a mother wanting to protect her child. All of them my personal reaction to what I imagine I would feel if I were the mother to one of these girls.
KHOU TV in Houston, Tx has a good interview with one of the JV cheerleaders who was one of the victims. It is worth listening to the raw video to hear her side of the story.
Blogger Wordjunky who blogs at Sanguine et Purpure also touched on an important point when it comes to this entire incident and the indictments that have followed.
Seriously, this is rather disturbing. Where did high school girls get
the feeling this kind of behavior is acceptable? News reports said this
was the first case in Harris county (Houston) under the Texas
anti-hazing law. The law has been on the books since 1995. That is another issue; if the law has been avaialble for 13 years why
has it not been used before? Surely there have been other incidents. I
don't think authorities did anyone a favor by not using the tools they
have.
I doubt there have been absolutely no cases of hazing since 1995. So what does that mean? Are they using these girls as preventative examples? Is it a matter of having to do something because someone did come forward and the law is behind her? Why now? Why these girls? And what does this mean for the future of harmless initiations and harmful hazing?
This is not a local story gone wrong. ABC news shares more details of the story in a video on their website.
Personally, the entire story appalled me on so many levels. Hazing is wrong. On any level. Was this an act that should be treated as a crime or was a just stupid? Should these cheerleaders have their lives ruined for this or should it have ended with the removal of all of them from the cheerleading squad? I would love your opinion on this.
Poor judgement or criminal act? What do you think?
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For more links on this story see:
Fanhouse: Seven High School Cheerleaders Indicted on Hazing Charges, DuctTaping Girl
Non Sequitur: High School Girls In Prison
Between Us Girls: Hazing - Are Our Kids Going Too Far?
Chron.Com: Former cheerleaders must return to court next month
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Contributing Editor (Mommy & Family) Jennifer Satterwhite also writes at Mommy Needs Coffee and Parenting as well as the founder of the blog Mommybloggers.
]]>I am currently in the process of teaching my oldest son how to drive. Putting a young teen behind the wheel of a tons of metal and steel is a sobering event for even the strongest of parents. If they don't it right the first time, there could be serious consequences.
The first time I handed my van keys over to my teenager a part of me coiled up so tight I am still waiting for it to relax. Before he ever got behind the wheel he had to go through the rules, safety explanations and mild threats to pay attention to nothing but the road and other vehicles. That and that Mom would be really mad if her van-- not to mention her person-- were damaged in any way.
State Farm has an excellent article on preparing your teen to drive.
The purpose of this article is not to give you the "Rules of the Road" or statistics about auto accidents.
It does give you some common sense things to consider as you help prepare your teenager for driving. These topics include:
- Putting Things in Perspective
- Setting a Good Example
- Being Involved
- Talking Facts
- Setting Some Ground Rules
It talks about teaching by example. Showing your teen that speeding is not okay. It is not okay to speed up through a yellow light. And cell phones? What are you teaching your children now about using cell phones when you are driving. If it is okay for you to do these things, they will think it is okay for them. Afterall, you do and are doing fine. No matter how many classes they take, books they read or films they watch, you are their greatest example and teacher.
Take for instance Katherine of Raising Five. She is teaching her teenage daughter how to drive. Though, I am sure the would choose other ways to teach through example, she was given the perfect opportunity at an everyday situation her daughter may find herself in once she is on her own and driving. The "I hit someone but no one saw me so what do I do?" dilemma.
Ruthie was working on her sucker, my mind was on keeping the blowing
papers in order for my next stop, and I climbed up into my truck. I'd
parked my Very Large and Very Tall vehicle up a little too close to the
truck in front of me, so I put it in reverse so I could have enough
room to get around it to pull out.SMACK!
I don't know what was worse: the sound of metal crunching metal, or the
feeling of being physically whiplashed out of my state of
absentmindedness. Yup, in my haste to get on with becoming my
daughter's official driver's ed instructor, I'd failed to complete
Driving 101: Check mirrors before putting vehicle in reverse.
Not that I would have been able to see that brand-new, teeny little
Cadillac, crouching way down there, from On High where I sit driving my
beast. But still.At this point, I am shaking, knowing that every person in Small Town has been watching me. What
is she going to do, that city girl? Does she think she can just back
into whoever she wants and get away with it? She'll never be able to
show her face in this town ever again! The police station was
practically across the street. The owner of the Bead Store, whose
storefront faces the scene of my crime, had probably already called.I stumbled out to survey the damage. Fortunately, having a Very Tall
Vehicle has its advantages. My bumper is up so high, only the empty
hitch holder hit the other car - in the license plate.Oh, the irony! The shame! The pain! On my way - me, the driving instructor - on the way to take my student to apply for her driving permit!
---
Things were quiet on the way to the licensing office as she studied her
handbook. Then she came to this study question: "What should you do if
you damage an unattended vehicle?""Did you leave a note?" she flashed.
"Yep." They just don't tell you how humbling it is to stand there and write the note while a Whole Town watches.
But
it made me feel better, knowing that - even if Allie didn't pass her
exam - hey, at least she would never forget the answer to at least one question!
A great (though humbling) instance of teaching by example.
Sometimes we are not fortunate enough to be the ones who are the first people to allow our young teens to drive. (Which is not always a good thing.) Take for instance when Jeff of Dad-o-matic came home from work early to "accidentally" discover his 13 year old son driving with their housekeeper.
As the car came closer, and I stepped to the curb to greet it, I nearly dropped the stack of mail in my hand.
Mary’s car pulled up alongside me and stopped. Mary was in the
passenger seat and rolled down her window. I leaned into the car to
see my 13 year old son behind the wheel. He turned toward me, with the
biggest, bloated, most excited grin I had ever seen on his cherubic
cheeked face. “Hi Dad! Mary let me drive!” At that moment I was
truly dumbfounded. I looked at Mary with an expression of anger and
confusion that I am sure you can envision. She looked up at me and
meekly said, “I didn’t feel well and he told me he knew how to drive…”
I glowered at her and through gritted teeth exclaimed, “He’s 13!!!!
He’ll tell you he knows how to fly to the moon!!!” I didn’t know what
else to say as my mind was racing with images of Zach driving to the
local Publix supermarket.
Just reading that made my heart skip a beat. There is a legitimate fear of putting your own teen behind the wheel of a car but to have someone else take that responsibility into their own hands without your permission is unthinkable. And at only 13 years old?!
Let's face it: this is a right of passage all teenagers look forward to. From their first set of Hot Wheels to their first bike, they are ready to hit the road and feel the power that driving gives them. But are they ready? That has to be between a parent and their teenager.
Is your 15 year old mature enough to learn or do you think he needs to have some more maturity before taking on such a monumental responsibility. These are questions you must ask yourself and your teen.
More information that was gathered from the State Farm 2008 survey include:
...key findings that indicate the majority of parents aren’t following the safe driving advice they give to their teens:
- 65 percent of parents talk on cell phones at least sometimes while driving; however 94 percent restrict their teens from doing the same
- 68 percent of parents are in a hurry at least sometimes when they drive
- 65 percent of parents drive when they are tired at least sometimes
Think about that the next time you get behind the wheel of your car. What are you teaching your children before they even reach the legal driving age. And for goodness sake, hang up that cell phone or go hands free! Your children are watching!
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Contributing Editor (Mommy & Family) Jennifer Satterwhite also writes at Mommy Needs Coffee and Parenting as well as the founder of the blog Mommybloggers.
]]>
Personally, I no longer feel like I have the right to tell the world about the events of their lives. At least not without their permission and with obvious exclusions. The tide has turned and those adorable mother stories I had have become theirs to own and share if and when they want to share them. I am, however, a mother and therefore I can share how their lives and their experiences effect me.
I will admit to you a lesson learned. There is a fine line there. So how does a momblogger know where that line should be drawn? I believe it has to be a team effort between the momblogger and her children.
Take for example Crystal of Boobs, Injuries and Dr. Pepper. She has written very openly and honestly about her son Devon in her Crazy Chronicles on her blog. Her story and her son's story are so tightly tied together it would be impossible for her to tell hers without sharing his. This is what she had to say about the critics.
There have been many arguments lately about the rights and privacy
of our children and I acknowledge that some of the points are valid. I
do want it to be known, however, that Devon and I have talked at length
about these entries and what he was comfortable with me sharing. He is
fifteen and wiser than many people I've known who are decades
older...and I've known a lot of people. He has whole-heartedly endorsed
these entries and not because he feels he has to, but because he trusts
me and he knows that there are people being helped by these. That means
something to him, to know that what he's been through may help someone.
She took her son into account and talked with him at length about it. I think that is the best way to handle writing about teens. Their story--whereas it may be so intertwined with your own--must be theirs to tell or at least get permission to tell their side of it.
Amy of MamaLoves and DC Metro Moms Blog shares her thoughts in a sweet and simple way to her boys.
Sharing some of your stories with my friends?? It's just that a mamma has to do something to maintain her sanity.
Sometimes we just have to share to know that we are not alone in the parenting of the teens phase.
When it comes to blogging as a mom, you just have to respect the rights of the people you are blogging about. Whether it is your spouse, your babies, and, yes, even your teenagers. In my opinion, especially your teenagers.
For just a few more moms that have teenagers and blog (and this is just scratching the surface):
- Elizabeth at Busy Mom
- Liz at This Full House
- Chris at Notes from the Trenches
- Grace at State of Grace
The bottom line--at least for me-- respect your teenagers and think before you write. It is their life to live and share. Not yours exclusively. Just food for thought.
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Contirbuting Editor (Mommy & Family) Jennifer Satterwhite also writes at Mommy Needs Coffee and Parenting as well as the founder of the blog Mommybloggers.
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Writing? It is hard.
]]>Writing? It is hard.
When I sit down to read a new book, I rarely ponder the hours the author spent writing, re-writing and editing every word. I don't think about the hours of pacing the floor, questioning their abilities or worrying about other areas in their life they are sacrificing in order to get their manuscript into my hands. No. I just curl up and enjoy a good read.
I imagine it must be easy for them. Not unlike my friend and fellow mom and bestselling author Stefanie Wilder-Taylor of the blog Baby on Bored who summed up a writing project perfectly. The questions and comparisons we have when we are going through our own manuscript and wondering...
This book I'm writing is not about parenting. It's not about anything.
But it's about everything. And although it's funny cause I'm a joke
writer primarily, it's not all funny. Some of it is downright
depressing. When I write I will tell you straight out I feel like a
fraud. Will people think these are no more than journal writings?
I ask myself over and over again. I pick up books by some of my
favorite authors; Augusten Burroughs, Cynthia Heimel, Merrill Markoe
and I marvel over how effortless they make it seem - like putting words
on a page is no different than pouring a cup of coffee - like choosing
which sentence which metaphor is the same as choosing a brand of peanut butter.
Now that I, too, struggle with every word and phrase on the finishing touches of my own manuscript, I admit that there are times I am evil and hope that other authors struggle at times, too. Mean? Of course it is. Natural. You bet! Now I appreciate a well written book. The first pages I read of any book are the acknowledgments. Those are the people who helped get this author through the process. The person who talked them off the proverbial ledge when they felt that it was all pointless and WHY did they choose to be a WRITER of all things?!
I know many moms who are writers. I pick their brains for ideas on how to stay productive in both their home lives and their writing lives. How do they deal with the guilt when the kids want attention and the book needs an edit? I ask them when they write and most importantly, do they ever sleep while mothering and writing? They laughed. Laughed. What kind of answer is a laugh?
When it comes down to it, most of the mom writers I spoke to answered the question of why they put themselves through it much the same why I do: They write because they can't imagine not writing.
Motherhood is a full time job. Writing is a full time job. Managing two full time jobs? As I said, it is hard. Even the best writers I know have times when they struggle. On the site Writer's Daily (that has amazing tips, hints and support), I found something that really struck me.
The ONLY reason you hear of writer's making big bucks, is because they have slaved for the craft for many years.
J.K. Rowling was not a hit her first time. Stephen King, not even close his first time out.
It takes a lot of time and patience to do this for a living. Writing will
be one of the hardest endeavors you will ever experience. If you are
not patient you will not succeed.I also hear at meetings and events about writing. "This is hard work." "I can not believe how hard this is."
You thought, bang out a few cleaver words, talk to a few people, sell it
and sitting in fat city. Words are ringing Déjà Vu, I've said this
before.I think you have to look at writing as a JOB, that you LOVE to do.
I have a note taped to the monitor in my office: "You write because you love it...so start loving it!" It takes patience and bumps in the road along the way but it is worth it. When you get that call from an agent that wants to represent you? It is worth it. When you see your words in book form? It is worth it. But it is hard.
Some of my mom writer friends are deep in the depths of the tough times of writing. Rita Arens, editor of the book Sleep is for the Weak and fellow Mommy & Family editor here at BlogHer is going through some of the same "growing pains" many authors go through and shares with us on her blog Surrender, Dorothy.
But I'm sort of weary and down on myself right now. This book
publishing business is HARD, people. Way harder than I thought it would
be. I thought once you published something, that was sort of it. I had
no idea of all of the work that came after the publication date and on
into eternity if you want to make a career out of book writing, or at
least paid writing of some sort intermittently punctuated with books.
I'm kind of scared to try it again, which makes me really sad, because
I really want to do it again. Anyway, this co-worker of mine was all,
"You are the right person to write this book. And you have to, because
I can't live with the last five years of your life being for nothing."
I am not stranger to the fear and the weariness. I imagine few writers are.
Alice Bradley of the uber-popular blog Finslippy shares with her writers this:
...writing is a struggle for me, and always will be. It's the nature of
the game. It's always hard, especially if you're doing it right. You're
always aspiring to be better than you are, so no matter how much
experience you get, it's always an uphill battle. Always, always,
always.
And then she goes on to say...
But everyone does this. This is how the mind works to stop you from
writing. Creating is scary, and your brain wants you to run from scary
things. For some reason it forgets about the rewards that come from
risk.
I read those words and wanting to jump through my computer and hug her tightly. Yes! (Fist raised in the air!) That is exactly what keeps so many of us held back. (Well, that and the many requests we hear from our family to actually let them see more of us than the back of our heads.)
Moms? You have a tough job.
Writers? You have a tough job.
Writing moms? You have a two tough jobs and brass ovaries to take on the challenge. I am honored to be among you all and hope that any of you who are reading this wondering if you can, if you should, if you have the time will remember Alice's words: "For some reason [the brain] forgets about the rewards that come from risk."
Learn from other moms who are doing it and have done it and take the risk.
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Contirbuting Editor (Mommy & Family) Jennifer Satterwhite also writes at Mommy Needs Coffee and Parenting. (And is finally ready to release her manuscript out into the hands of an editor.)
]]>When my older boys were young, I found that online communities got me through the roughest of times. You see, I lived in a neighborhood where the moms fell into two categories: They were either moms to much older children or they never ventured beyond their own home or inner circle of already established friendships. I was the first in my group of close friends to have children. I felt lonely and alone. When I discovered there were other women like me online, I felt as if I had be given an invaluable gift. We chatted about everything from colic to sleep issues. We laughed about husbands and sex (or lack thereof), too. I found a new neighborhood. We couldn't meet face to face for coffee, but these women became my friends and virtual neighbors.
Since those early days online communities have come a long way. Back in the day, many of these communities were self contained. In ways they kept women isolated. It was the mom and her computer. Those people were her neighbors. I fell into that and was burned. My online friends were there when the computer was on but when it was turned off, where did they go? Today many new communites are setting themselves up to encourage moms to reach out and find local moms to find that support not only online but in their personal world. I have found some of these amazing communities and have met real, long lasting friends that I meet in real life as well as on the computer screen. Motherhood communities can be a wonderful resources for mothers.
Take for instance the brand new relaunch of one of my favorite mom communities: The Motherhood. The relaunch was kicked off by celebrity mom Alison Sweeney host of The Biggest Loser and Days of Our Lives. The brain child of founders Cooper Munroe and Emily McKhann, this site is amazing for Moms who want to connect using every mode of technology they have at their disposal. No longer just a community of merely written posts and comments, the interaction has been kicked up a notch. You can connect to this site from your computer, your cell phone or email. From posting pictures and videos to leaving a voice message or post from your phone as well as text messages posted to your favorite circles.
Emily and Cooper describe The Motherhood in these words:
Since time began mothers have turned to each other for just about everything.
Now,
with The Motherhood, mothers can talk, listen, be there for each other
and get awesome ideas and help, whenever you have the time and from
wherever you are.Circles, our version of conversation groups, are the heart of The Motherhood.
Think
circling the wagons, coming full circle, circle of friends, inner
circle, circle of life, winners' circle, sewing circles - you get the
idea.Whatever you might need from a circle of mothers -
a laugh, a shoulder, advice, information, understanding - you can find
it here.
I had fun creating my own circle and circles that I found of interest to me as well as setting up my own home page that I can add my personal (and random) thoughts. It is truly a multi-media mom centered community that reaches moms in all stages of motherhood and all walks of life.
There are also sites that have a more specific focus geared towards moms. Sites such as Work It, Mom! which is aimed at working mothers. This site bills itself as a site geared towards working moms. I know many working women who have found this site very beneficial to them. From articles on how to manage finances, wardrobe choices for the office place, working from home as well as balancing work and family life. The site is narrow in its focus in that it is geared towards working moms, but many women want to find sites where they feel they can relate to the focus. In this busy world, a narrow focus is beneficial to busy moms.
Then of course we have the mom bloggers and their communities. One of those communities is the Mom Bloggers Club. With so many mom blogging, many of them seek out the familiarity of other women who are mom bloggers.
The Mom Bloggers Club is one of the largest social networks for mom
bloggers. With over 1600 members, the Mom Bloggers Club is a place
where moms who blog converge to talk about the latest trends in
blogging and support each other in their blogging endeavors. Moms
can find everything here from discussions about RSS feeds and
sidebar widgets to parenting advice and giveaways.
This site is a great source for parenting advice, blogging advice and community for mom bloggers. This site focuses on the issues of mom bloggers such as how to avoid blogger burnout and how to drive more traffic to your blog. This community is a fantastic resource for mom bloggers who want to connect, learn and network with other mom bloggers.
However, with all of these communities popping up, I have to ask: Are modern moms using online communities to replace real life communities? Some may say having every possible source of support just a text post away is keeping moms more isoloated than ever before. Without the need to reach out to moms in your neighborhood, why should you try to meet them?
On the other hand the argument can be made that online communities are not isolating these moms but are in fact helping them to meet other moms in their area that have similar interests they might not have found if they had not found them through an online community.
Take the sites listed above. The Motherhood has local circles for local cities where moms can connect in many ways. Work It, Mom! has a section where you can search for members by their location. The Mom Bloggers Club has groups that are listed by geographical locations. Through these sites some moms may be able to find that friend that will be with them through thick and thin by using these online sites.
But again, I ask you: Are we isolating ourselves online or bringing ourselves closer to one another by using an online medium?
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For more online mom centered sites visit the following:
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Contirbuting Editor (Mommy & Family) Jennifer Satterwhite also writes at Mommy Needs Coffee and Parenting.
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Today? It is highly unlikely that you will see many kids outside playing without a parent just over their shoulder or definitely within 100 yards. It is rare to see a "pack of kids" outside roaming and just being kids. Which of course makes me wonder how they learn the fine games of childhood? How do you play the most awesome hide and seek game known to man if you aren't outside and have houses as boundaries rather than rooms? What about the old pranks of pretending to hold a string across the street when a car goes by and seeing if it will stop short because of it? Kickball in the street? Chase? Bike races? Are we just counting on the fact that our schools will provide enough physical activity our kids needs? Even if they do, what about the lessons of freedom, independence and self-confidence that comes with having some freedom?
When did our society become one that shelters our children so much that they are afraid to leave the safety of home to just go outside and play? Are we protecting them or are we doing them more harm than good? Can our kids learn how to be self-sufficient and-- just as important-- confident in their own abilities to take care of themselves when we never let them venture out of our sight for more than a few moments?
Do you remember in March, Lenore Skenazy, a New York City mother, gave her 9-year-old
son, Izzy, a MetroCard, a subway map, a $20 bill and some quarters for
pay phones. Then she let him make his own way home from Bloomingdale's
department store -- by subway and bus. She wrote about the experience for the The New York Sun and came under some serious fire and criticism for it? She fought back in a 21st century way, according the the LA Times.
Skenazy responded to the firestorm generated by her column by starting a new website -- freerangekids.wordpress.com
-- dedicated to giving "our kids the freedom we had." She explains: "We
believe in safe kids. ... We do NOT believe that every time school-age
children go outside, they need a security detail."
Good for her! Today parents are sold a bill of good that if we are not hovering over our children 24/7, they will be hurt, kidnapped or suffer some trauma that will all be on our shoulders because we were not with them at the time. I am not denying that there are some instances where we really need to watch over our children. And, I do know that the times? They have changed. But children? They have not. They need the freedom to go outside and play. To live their lives.
From the FreeRangeKids website, this is a brief description of the site and who it is geared towards:
Do You Ever...
..let your kid ride a bike to the library? Walk alone to school? Take a
bus, solo? Or are you thinking about it? If so, you are raising a Free
Range Kid! At Free Range, we believe in safe kids. We believe in
helmets, car seats and safety belts. We do NOT believe that every time
school age children go outside, they need a security detail. Most of us
grew up Free Range and lived to tell the tale. Our kids deserve no
less. This site dedicated to sane parenting. Share your stories, tell
your tips and maybe one day I will try to collect them in a book.
Meantime, let's try to help our kids embrace life! (And maybe even
clear the table.)
One blogger that definitely is raising a FreeRangeKid is SJ of the blog i,asshole. I love how even in the face of criticism both she and her daughter stood by what they felt was working for both of them. Notice...working and for them in that sentence? Isn't that what parenthood is all about. This is what SJ has to say about it.
Flack, there was flack, flack ahoy. Like a responsible netizen (oh yers
I did) I did not tell you that my big kid was walking by herself to and
from school every day. When I moved to this neighborhood, this is
something I thought would be a possibility with the children, along
with running to the store for bananas, to the methadone clinic, etc,
etc....And she went! A little scared on the first day. There was some
hesitancy and some surprise from her teacher, who called me on the
first day she was to come home. "She's here and I'm sending her home
now, right? Okay?" Right, okay. Her teacher is used to the helicopter parenting, which is about 47 times less amusing than a roflcopter.And then it got interesting. The sound of chopper blades filled the
air. People started cluing in to the fact that Franny was embarking
alone daily on a five-minute walk. OMFGBBQ, release the hounds. A
parent told her that she should not be walking home by herself, after
she and I had decided it was okay and that she was ready. Did you catch
that? Another parent told my little fledging independent
so-proud-of-herself kid that what she was doing was not okay. Another
well-meaning parent offered her a ride.
Even when we make a decision for our own families there are times that is rejected by other "well meaning" parents who are "just trying to help" when they see a child showing some independence. What kind of adults are we raising if we wait until they are old enough to leave legally before we trust them with any independence?
I will admit to my moments of helicopter parenting when it comes to my youngest. And I know that my kids have less freedoms than I had at their age. Is this safe parenting or is it overprotective parenting? Are we doing more harm than good? What message are we sending to our kids?
Do your kids go outside and play or are they homebound if you are not with them? Is there a right or wrong answer to this? Let me know what you think. In the meantime, I am going outside to play. (And my kids aren't even home to watch over me!)
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Other sites referencing this subject:
boingboing: http://www.boingboing.net/2008/08/25/kids-cant-go-out-and.html
Daily Mail Online: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-462091/How-children-lost-right-r...
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Contirbuting Editor (Mommy & Family) Jennifer Satterwhite also writes at Mommy Needs Coffee and Parenting.
]]>
So much for getting prepared ahead of time this year!
]]>So much for getting prepared ahead of time this year!
Knowing I would have to hit the stores once again, I began to look at other parents to see what they were saying.
At Kids and Kiddos we are reminded of the joy of trying to shop for and/or with a teen. Here are three important things to keep in mind when preparing for back to school shopping with and/or for your teen and tween. Timing. Your shopping budget and your school's dress code.
First off, timing (and I'm sure you've heard this before) is everything.
But timing also comes with a price. If you have picky kids that really
want to look good, but want to look like another friend or something,
the last-minute shopping idea might have you frazzled. Sure you'll get
good sales, but you'll get a lousy collection of clothes to choose
from. It's like going to a buffet five minutes before it's over. All
the good stuff is long gone.Another thing to keep in mind when shopping for the kids' clothes? What's my shopping budget?
Before you even leave the house, arrange with your kids what the
spending limit should be. This becomes very handy when you deal with
the tweens and teens, who are all about latest styles and fads and
don't really care about costs.Be informed of what your schools' dress codes are, if you have multiple kids going to different schools, especially.
Three great things to keep in mind every year for every child when it comes to back to school shopping.
Speaking of back to school budgets, JB Owen-Sacallis teaches us some tricks of the trade when it comes to back to school shopping over at 5 Minutes for Mom.
In part she shares this bit of wisdom:
Having a plan is the key to success in any business–and the business
of shopping is no different. Take a moment to decide what items need to
be added to your child’s closet for the upcoming season. Imagine
dressing them from head to toe and list which items they need to buy
new.
Start with undergarments then move on to main items,
then jackets, and footwear.
Then do the same for different weather conditions, sparking
thoughts of rain clothes, gloves, thermal layers, rubber boots, or
other outdoor garments.
Consider sporting activities, recreational days, or any other special events your children take part in.
Creating this mental check list will help you focus on what you have and what you need to buy.
I love that last bit of advice. Keep a mental (or in my case written down) check list of what I need to buy. It will keep you from over-buying and getting off track. Which, let's face it, when you are shopping with teens is not that hard to do!
Over at My Daily Dollars, you can read some great stress free ideas for you to use when going shopping--especially with the teen and tween girls. Again it boils down to planning, planning, planning!
So, how to make back-to-school shopping stress-free? Yield
to the twelve-year old desires. We gave each girl a budget and let
them run loose. The day actually went quite smoothly. Each
girl went $5 over budget, but there was no complaining or wheedling.
Since they were in control, they were happy with their choices. Since
they stayed on budget, we were happy with what they bought.Now, we did do a little behind-the-scenes maneuvering to keep them on track. We selected the order of the stores... We also gently steered them to an even distribution of types, colors, etc. When there were three tee-shirts in the cart all in the exact shade of blue, I gave a little advice on which one to put back. Finally, I kept out a pad and tallied up prices as we went. That way, decisions were more neutral.
The day became how to get the best sales or the most for their money,
rather than that “if you love me, you’ll buy me this” kind of emotion.
It’s harder to argue with the numbers.
So, if you have been waiting to do that back to school shopping, first, GET ON IT! You are running late. Secondly, you can use these great tips to make back to school shopping with teens and tweens not only easier, but maybe even enjoyable.
Now doesn't that make going back to school a lot more fun? New clothes and a good game plan?
I suppose this weekend-now that I have a game plan for stress free shopping--I will once again haul the teen and tween back to mall. Because I really do not think that one pair of jeans and one shirt are going to cut it for the new school year. Not only is it not practical for a wardrobe, but there is no way you will find me washing that outfit every single night. Just no.
So, get on it. Get those teens and tweens outfitted for school and do it stress-free now!
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Editor Jennifer Satterwhite (BlogHer, Mommy & Family) also blogs at Mommy Needs Coffee and The Parenting Post.
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Here are just a few of the public responses (using their twitter handles, of course).
@Maria0305 says, "Support and love. I love everybody."
@kristenwright says, "common rules, a common goal and a common understanding of one group who come together in one place"
@AnissaMayhew replied, "I sort of feel like the kid who transfers
into a new school during the 5th grade and all the friends have known
each other forever" and "but you know what? the kids at this school RAWKKK"@sassymonkey chimed in with "NOT a mommy blogger (not a mommy) but consider myself part of the community"
So, it appears that support is important as is one group coming together in one place as well as considering yourself a part of the community. And participation. Most of the emails and DMs that I received stressed being a part of and not standing apart from makes you a part of the community.
One person replied (and asked I do not use her name): "Every community makes its own rules and they evolve. Can a member shun & still be part of it? I'd say no."
It seems that involvement and support are big factors in what makes a community a community. So, then I ask you this. If you are a mom and you blog but you do not comment, support or let yourself become a part of the community can you claim to be a part of it?
Donna, of SoCalMom wrote me an email in response and with her permission I have used part of it to sum up what many other people said.
I think we [mom bloggers] are a perfect example of a blogging community.
New motherhood in the 21st Century is an amazingly isolated period
for individual women, many of whom are thrust out of a workplace (where they
may have spent YEARS) and in to a strange new life that is run by the needs of
this squealing little infant who is basically a stranger. We no longer hang our
laundry on communal lines in our unfenced back yards, where we can chat and get
advice with other women in the community. No wonder we’ve gone online in
droves....
Of course we are a community. We are a community who support
one another even while indulging occasional petty jealousies. We congratulate
every new baby and great achievement and we sympathize every loss (and mobilize
to help when a member is in trouble). We are stronger with each other than
without. I cannot imagine being w/o my community of wonderful loyal mommy bloggers.
Things got a bit ugly in the mom blogging community this week. I stayed out of the fray and watched it unfold. I saw people race to the defense of one of the bloggers they consider a part of their community. I saw others attempt to show the same support and were shot down or ignored. Both sides had things to say. Some were given a platform and others had to create their own, but voices were raised and people were emotional.
People become emotional about things they care about. Moms who consider themselves a part of the mom blogging community do care about it and will stand by it and stand by other bloggers with a fierce loyalty. It is about supporting those women who have come off of the page and become real friends. People we care about. A community.
The reason the whole community question came up was because of the whole "being involved" aspect of community.
Some people have private blogs. They don't want their private lives open up to the world. Are they a part of the overall mom blog community? Well, from the way people are defining community, many of them are because even if they choose for their words to be private, they are still there for other mom bloggers either in comments, emails or phone calls.
But what about mom bloggers who have public blogs and do not allow comments or only allow comments that share their viewpoint to be posted? Where do they stand?
Deb of Deb on the Rocks made this statement regarding that aspect of blogging.
Seriously, though, the mark of
social dysfunction is to voluntarily or involuntarily cut yourself off
from diverse feedback. If people only wants to hear praise, and/or live
in a small dyad or subculture that mutually inforces a skewed point of
view, that's going to be one funky, fragile bubble they live in!
Whether it's a cult or a marriage or a fan club, if you dismiss other
people's "grip on reality" wholecloth, you are going to the be one
slipping into paranoia, fear, and grandiosity. Which is sad for them,
and a trainwreck to watch. Some people like trainwrecks, though, so
huzzah!
One of my favorite comments came from amy on Michelle Lamar's blog White Trash Mom.
...i feel like this is a place where we should all look hard. We should
all think about what a community can be right? I want to come here ( in
this massive place) and find that we are more alike than we really are
different. I am sure I am a sappy idealist, but it is how I feel.
Don't most of want that very same thing? To see that we really are more alike than different when it comes down to it.
I don't care if you get 5 million hits a day or just 5 hits. I don't care if you have been on television 20 times or don't even own a television. I don't care if you update everyday or once a week. If you have something to say and want to be a part of the mom blogging community, then you are more than welcome to become a part of it. Just become a part of it. There aren't even any dues!
A perfect example of a Mom blogger who reaches out to so many other bloggers and supports them when they need it is Karen of Karen Sugarpants. She has been an amazing support for Lisa of Clusterfook. Go read her post and tell me that is not an amazing act of community and support.
ANYWAY, the reason I’m throwing up a post (ew) is because I’m hoping my keeping my big mouth flapping about this issue, someone, somewhere will hear me and help.
Oh it isn’t me that needs help exactly.
Lisa over at Clusterfook
is battling cancer for the third time, and I’m on a letter-writing
campaign to get her some Big Help. Celebrities, doctors, whoever has
the money or resources to help her.
Mom blogger becoming active in the community supporting another mom blogger.
Community. Love. Support. Involvement.
So tell me...what defines being a part of a blogging community? (In this case since I write for the Mommy & Family section for BlogHer, I am using mom bloggers as the example.) What makes you a part of a community? Finally, in order to be a part of a community, do you have to participate in that community or just claim to be a part of it? I want to know what you think.
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Jennifer Satterwhite is a BlogHer contributing editor (Mommy/Family), and she blogs at Mommy Needs Coffee and The Parenting Post and is the founder of Mommybloggers.
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Now if you look it up in a dictionary you would get something like this:
rad·i·cal: adjective thoroughgoing or extreme, esp. as regards change from accepted or traditional forms: a radical change in the policy of a company.
This week, I saw radical mommyblogging. It started with a tweet.
Then it became a flurry of emails among friends and bloggers.
It started showing up on blog posts.
Before the day was over, a very radical act of mommyblogging was well known and her blog entry had received hundreds of comments.
What radical act could possibly cause such a flurry?
One mom blogging.
One heart stopping sentence.
"I have cancer."
Lisa of Midwestern Mommy wrote those words as part of a blog entry that rocked the world of many people who have come to adore her through her blog. Many women who have been to BlogHer have met, laughed with and come to adore Lisa in person as well as through her blog. But when we read those words-- a radical departure from a typical blog post-- our hearts leapt from our chests out to her.
She wrote those words from the oncology ward of the hospital. Think about that. She was not worried about hits, rankings, or who was linking to her. She was writing her mommyblog from the hospital. She was just told she has cancer. And she shared it with us. All of us. She let us in to one of the most painful times in her life.
And we flooded her blog and her email inbox with love and support.
We circled the wagons, surrounding her with support and searched for any possible way to help her and support her.
Lisa? She is a radical mommyblogger.
And she got other moms who blog to think about their own lives.
She forced Julie of Mothergoosemouse to face one of her biggest fears.
This 35 year old woman thought she had an upset tummy, expected to
be sent home from urgent care with a roll of Tums. Instead, they sent
her to the ER, and she hasn’t left the hospital since. We don’t know
when she will....
Considering my own mortality - the idea that something might be
dreadfully wrong inside me and I don’t yet know about it - doesn’t make
me care more about crossing those tasks off my list. Really, if I’m in
the hospital, are people going to come over to my house and criticize
me silently for the condition of my baseboards?Instead, it reminds me that, more than anything else, I want to end each day feeling good about how I spent it.
It is a lesson we all need to think about. Lisa had no idea what was coming her way when she went to the ER. I am sure she probably just thought she was sick as many of us were when we came home from BlogHer.
What would I do? I would be tempted to curl up in a ball, cry and feel sorry for myself and my family. Lisa? She shared it. She blogged it. She took this bad news by the proverbial balls and refused to let it have the power over her. She blogged the hell out of it and had an outpouring of love that blew her away. It blew many of us away.
Because in the world of mommyblogging-- or whatever you want to call us-- if nothing else, we will support "one of our own" who needs us. Underneath any jealousy, competition or cliques, we are a community.
And when one of us stands up, fist in the air being a radical mommyblogger, we stand with her. Because that is what it is to be a radial mommyblogging community.
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Lisa has since updated us on her condition.
From the previous cat scans it looked as if a chunk of colon was
obstructed by a large mass. But today, the doctor performing the
colonoscopy found no such mass. The colon is very, very inflammed, but
no mass. The biopsy results are still out, but the doctor thinks the
odds of cancer in the colon are very small.The doctor who conducted that test then spoke with the oncologist
afterward. And so far, while the oncologist hasn’t ruled out lymphoma
completely, he says my chances of having that are small based on what
results are coming in.I’ll take “small chance.”
She blogged about what her doctors told us. She shared with us her fears and we were there. She now shares that the chance of cancer is small. And we are holding onto the phrase "small chance" tightly along with her as we watch this amazing woman being radically brave.
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Jennifer Satterwhite is a BlogHer contributing editor (Mommy/Family), and she blogs at Mommy Needs Coffee and The Parenting Post and is the founder of Mommybloggers.
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A recent study released by the video game industy's trade group, the ESA (Entertainment Software Association) states that "40% of gamers are women."
Additional findings in the ESA's annual
survey of consumer demographics and usage behaviors indicate that the
average age of game players has risen to 35.Among the survey's main findings:
- 65 percent of American households play computer and video games;
- 38 percent of American homes have a video game console;
- The average game player is 35 years old;
- One out of four gamers are over age 50;
- Women
age 18 or older represent a significantly greater portion of the
game-playing population (33 percent) than boys age 17 or younger (18
percent); and, (emphasis mine)- 41 percent of Americans expect to purchase one or more games this year.
But what does it mean to be a gamer? The term can encompass everyone from the person who enjoys playing the casual games that are readily available on the Wii console (games such as Wii Fit and Wii Sports) to the players who enjoy the hardcore, online MMORPG's such as World of Warcraft and Halo and a few who land somewhere in between with games such as Second Life.
Many more websites are popping up that are geared towards women gamers. They showcase not just the women, but the games we are playing. A great example of one such website is WomenGamers.com. Their mission explains why sites like this one are gaining in popularity.
Our mission is fourfold: first, to provide a fun, dynamic online gaming
site that caters to the interests and needs of different types of women
gamers. To achieve the widest possible appeal, all game genres are
reviewed and discussed. Second, the site serves as a platform or the
dissemination of information about games from an informed,
socially-conscious, female-centered perspective. Third, WomenGamers.com
gathers information from visitors about their gaming preferences,
opinions, concerns, and ideas for the future of gaming, and the
industry. Fourth, WomenGamers.Com offers a suite of services that
includes customized consulting services, market research, and support
services to game companies and universities. Its revenues stem mainly
from advertising.
I am a frequent visitor to this site and it is a great place to find out the latest and greatest in gaming.
Another site that I frequent often-- thanks for my every growing love for the MMORPG (Massive Multiplayer Online Role Playing Game) World of Warcraft-- is Women of Warcraft. We share everything from game skills to how to tweek your charcter at different levels. In other words, it is a one stop shop for all things WoW--for and by women.
But it is not just group blogs and forums that feature women who have turned to gaming.
While at BlogHer this summer, Michele of Sparks and Butterflies gave me a friendly smack (verbally mostly) saying, "It's all your fault that I am now addicted to WoW!" We share a laugh, started talking game talk and guilds and not one man was in sight. She spoke of being a guild leader, her high level character and which server she plays on. And, yes, we did know what we were talking about. Women gamers, baby.
And of course I cannot leave out another of our BlogHer gamer women, Amy of the blog Tastes Like Crazy. She, too, is among the rising number of gamers who "get it" and are out there pwning the teenage geeks. And she is pregnant and raising a family while doing it! She also writes for Ironic Gamer and Sims Gamer.
The point of all of this? Women are gamers. We are here. We play. And we play to win!
The last Wednesday of every month I will be posting about gaming. New realeases, upcoming trends, the latest consoles and women making gaming news. Let me know what you want to hear about and I will try to cover that, too.
Yes, I am usually the one of the editors for the Mommy & Family beat, but after pointing out to BlogHer the lack of gaming representation on such a huge forum for women such as BlogHer, they graciously allowed me to bring my gaming talk to you once a month. (Can I hear a w00t?)
So, are you are woman gamer? Share. From the casual to the hardcore, I want to hear what you like to play when it comes to games.
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Contributing editor Jennifer Satterwhite (Mommy & Family) writes her personal blog Mommy Needs Coffee and is the Founder and Editor of Mommybloggers.
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I loved reading the initial reaction over at A Mother's Balancing Act.
OK, so we're here at BlogHer 2008 (that's fellow White Trash Mom, Michelle Lamar, and I), and I have to say, overall, I am blown away. So far, it's exceeded my expectations...big time. Now, I might temper that with the fact that I really wasn't sure what to expect.
I don't think that anyone who has never been to a BlogHer conference knows what to expect. In fact, those of us who have been to every one of the conferences don't know what to expect from year to year.
She goes on to say how much she does not enjoy going into a big event alone.
Another observation that I would like to relate is that while I am not an introvert (quite the contrary on the whole), I do not enjoy going places alone. That is to say, I do not like to arrive at a party, or
any event, on my own. Never mind that once we are there, I may almost immediately go off on my own. I hate...I repeat. I HATE...arriving alone.
However (and this is the part I loved and want anyone who felt they could not face so much activity to read) she did go on to admit a very important part of her weekend.
I have learned to get along on my own.
And guess what. It's the absolute best thing that could have happened to me...because it forced me to venture out on my own, against my inner self that says, "I don't want to go in alone. I don't want to go up and talk to people I don't even know...they don't want to talk to me...".
Guess what. They don't know anybody either. It has been absolutely
awesome...
And guess what else. I've met the nicest and most interesting people.
That is what the weekend means to so many.Tori over at Baby Bloomr had her own newbie experiences to share as well. She totally got the spirit of the conference. Being a newbie can be hard. Admitting it is awesome because she realized that she had things to learn and people to meet and she left her comfort zone to do so.
Overall, the conference was incredible, and I walked away with a whole lot of
information and inspiration. There were definitely times where I felt a little shy and awkward, which was truly surprising to me; I can’t even remember the last time I felt that way. Maybe middle school. But those moments passed relatively quickly, and anyway, you know what? I AM a newbie at this, I AM just learning the ropes, I barely knew two, count ‘em–TWO people there out of a gazillion, so hey, a little awkwardness is completely appropriate, I’m thinking. I also surprised myself by not jumping into the fat middle of everything with my usual gusto– I was definitely in an observer mode, kind of lurking around the edges, sitting quietly and taking notes. I KNOW, I barely recognized myself! But it was a good thing.
You see, it is okay to go into observation mode at these events because eventually you will come out of it and be sucked into the fun and camaraderie of the group. Just as Tori did.
But the MOST FUN was the second annual
CheeseburgHer party thrown by Lindsay, Y, and Isabel, where a
thundering horde of women all crammed into a hotel suite and ate
burgers and cupcakes. We were stacked up in there, all wearing the
obligatory headgear which was a McDonald’s bag that was handed to us on arrival that we were expected to fashion into some kind of enchanting hat– which, if you saw the elevator photo, I totally did.
Wearing a cheeseburger hat among women you didn't know just days before? That is coming out of your comfort zone. I am so proud of every newbie to BlogHer that found it within herself to do that.
Victoria over at The Mummy Chronicles admitted right up front that it was a crazy blur. (Can I get an AMEN because it was indeed a crazy blur for most of us.) Before going to the conference she heard advice after advice on
how to handle it. But in all honesty, the only way to learn about being at a conference like this one is to live it. And live it, Victoria did!
For me, BlogHer was a very positive experience in so many ways. It was a fun whirlwind of independence from the spouse and family. A place where I am sure many of us women were reveling in the fact that is was just us, being us, for a few solid days. As Lindsay (eek! I got to meet her!) said it best here.
That and it did feel a bit like a women's empowerment movement (I could totally hear the roar.) and a bit like sorority rush but in a good way. BlogHer was a blast. One that I was proud to be able to participate in and felt honored to be recognized as I'm not big fish. I think a good time was had by many if not all and seeing both bloggy friends and real life ones makes the trip across country with stinky toddlers all worth it.
I have to admit having seen BlogHer go from "Wow! We almost have 500 women at this event!" to "We have surpassed 1,000 women!" is mind blowing. I am proud to have been a part of it from the beginning. But I am even more excited to read the words from a newbie to the whole even say that she felt honored to be recognized and that she was proud to participate.
It is good to see what the newbies to BlogHer thought because no matter how much we may try, those of us who have been there from the beginning can lose some of that amazement. Women like these that were new and wrote about how wonderful it was reminds me why I find a way-- no matter how hard it may be-- to get there every year.
Were you new this year? If so, please share your experience. I love reading about it. I love hearing what you learned. Because you newbies who were afraid to go and left feeling empowered and energized (though exhausted) are the ones who keep this community alive and buzzing.
Thank you for coming and sharing your thoughts. It would not have been the same without you.
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Jennifer Satterwhite is a BlogHer Contributing Editor (Mommy/Family),
founder of Mommybloggers.com and writes her personal blog at Mommy
Needs Coffee.
Honestly? It did make me think about what I was and was not doing and how I could live a more "green life" and pass that on to my children. I do a fair amount of my part at home by recycling. When I remember. And I always reuse my water bottles. Sometimes. And my car? A minivan. So far, not so good.
It isn't the pressure from the outside world that makes me want to go green at home. (Not even when it is everywhere you look on ads and on tv shows. Hello? Days of Our Lives? We get it.) It is the pressure from my 7 year old daughter and my 12 year old son that makes me want to learn more. They check bottles for recycle numbers and if one accidentally hits the trash can, I get a lecture. From them. (I can do without that.) And really? I want to help save the Earth and live in a world where this comes naturally and isn't something we have to struggle to do.
So I did what every net geek does: I hit the Internet to see what other Moms were doing.
I came across the blog EnviroMom. The first post I came upon caused me to do a spit take. I thought, "There is no way I can do that with my family!" Which was immediately followed by my conscience saying, "Why NOT?" Here is there challenge:
Have you ever looked in the trash cans scattered around your house?
What's in there? Paper towels and tissues? Food? Plastic packaging?
There is a lot of stuff in our garbage cans that doesn't really need to
be there, and EnviroMom's One Can A Month Challenge is going to help
you reduce the amount of garbage your household generates down to one
curbside can a month. Really!
One trashcan in one month. ONE. I could not imagine how my family could do it. However, I dug through the site and found some great ways to reduce my trash. Now, I don't think we are ready to get down to ONE can a month seeing as we are now up to two cans a week. But I am learning how to cut that down (with help from the family) significantly.
But being green is not just about trash and trying to do your best to recycle and reduce your trash level. Oh. So. Much. More.
Green Mom Finds is an amazing site whose mission is to find products and services that are kinder to the earth and better for our children and families. They help Moms find eco-friendly products and help educate those of us who are clueless on what products could be harmful to not only the environment but to our families. This is an absolutely wonderful site to find everything from safe toys to safe sunscreen. I mean, really, none of us want to bring any poisons into our home. I loved their recent article on recycling old crayons. Because those crayons that haven't melted into my seat are definitely "well loved." (And by well loved, of course I mean broken.) This is a must read site for Moms who want to know more about healthy, eco-friendly, family living.
Finally, I found Eco Child's Play, a site for green parenting for non-toxic, healthy homes. They just had a wondeful article on safe sunscreens. One thousand sunscreens were tested! Seeing as it is mid-summer in Texas, you can bet I need that one. Another great read on that site is how to involving your kids in eco-friendly living and getting them to take action.
Can kids really take action on the environment? Can they influence their parents to reduce carbon emissions?
Apparently so, says Cool the Earth, a new climate-change enrichment
program, launched by a mom in Kentfield, California. The program has
already saved more than 8 million pounds of carbon from going into the
atmosphere and has influenced 6,000 households to take 10,000 positive
actions to reduce carbon emissions.
That is impressive. And fablulous to keep the kids involved.
Of course, I also love the family blogs that are showing how they are going green. Rachel of The Simple Family has always been a favorite read of mine. I love the concept of her blog.
This website is our attempt at transforming our lives from your
“typical” suburban dwellers to one that is much more simple (and
sometimes green, too).
No promises to save the world. Just to live more simply. Now that I can live with. That is an example of a lifestyle I can start with and not feel overwhelmed with trying to do it all.
Because in the end? I won't save the world. But with the help of other Moms, I just might make my little corner of it a bit more eco-friendly.
What are you doing as a family to live a more eco-friendly lifestyle?
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Jennifer Satterwhite is a contributing writer for BlogHer (Mommy & Family), writes her personal blog Mommy Needs Coffee and is the founder of Mommybloggers.
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