When I began my interview with Bart, he asked upfront, "Are you a believer?" I responded in the negative (to the Rapture, specifically) and we begin to chat. After hanging up, I realized the conversation would have been very different if I had answered in the affirmative.

Bart Centre is a devout atheist and is, in fact, the author of "The Atheist Camel Chronicles: Debate Themes & Arguments for the Non-Believer (and those who think they might be)" which is currently #6 on Amazon for atheist titles. Not bad for a self-published first-time author. "It's been quite an amazing ride," said Bart, who used the pseudonym, Dromedary Hump.

The book published this past June and a month later, his buddy, Brad, sent Bart a news link about a UK woman who promises to care for cats post-Rapture. They both had a good chuckle over it but it got Bart to thinking.
 
One of his book chapters talks about the End Times and that looming Mayan calendar date of 2012. "I realize a lot of Christians are jumping on that boat," said Bart, "and asked myself, ‘What can I do that can help ease the concerns of Christians and make some money?'”

And so, Bart and Brad teamed up to launch Eternal Earth-Bound Pets USA in July. Their tag-line: "The next best thing to salvation in a post-Rapture world."   (Brad, a Minnesotan who doesn't want to use his last name, handles the Western US, while Bart oversees the East.) Bart believes it comes down to a Christian asking themselves a few questions: "'Do I believe in the Rapture?', ‘Do I believe my pets won’t go to heaven?’ and ‘Can I trust these atheists?’ If the answer to these three things is ‘yes’, then this will help."

Here's how it works: A prospective customer submits a contract via the site and pays $110, which covers one animal for a 10-year period. (An additional animal in the same household is an additional $15.) Bart and Brad review the contract and determine if they can truly execute the contract within 18-24 hours of the Rapture.

The company has 16 'representatives' located through the US, committed atheists who have actively blasphemed the Holy Spirit (Mark 3:29: "But whoever blasphemes against the Holy Spirit will never be forgiven; he is guilty of an eternal sin.") and therefore, won't be going anywhere on Rapture Day. Bart or Brad will confirm with the reps in the region whether or not they would be able to adopt and care for the animal listed in the new contract. (Both customers and reps remain anonymous; no contact is allowed.)

Let's face it, for many of us heathen types, the concept is ripe for comedy. In fact, the first question on the site's FAQ page asks, "Is this a joke?" Bart confirmed that this usually the initial reaction:

"We’ve gotten about 4,000 emails through the site. The largest percent are atheists who think this is the funniest thing they’ve ever seen and also, they want to be pet rescuers. Then, there are about 10 percent Christians who also think it is funny but don’t believe in Rapture and wish us well. We also get a few Christians who are really, really angry and use some rough language …Then, there is a small percentage, about 1 percent, who take us seriously and confess that this has been on their minds. They explore it with us and see that we are for real. Considering that most Christians don’t trust atheists far as they can throw us, these are people who recognize that we will to exercise our contracts should the Rapture occur."

Though Bart would not confirm how many customers they have signed up, he did say it was a double-digit number. Not bad considering the highly specialized business is just four months old.

"It doesn’t make a difference what we think. Do we have the resources to take care of the pets? That’s what matters. What we believe is superfluous. In fact,  just because we don’t believe the Rapture won’t happen, doesn’t mean it won’t. I’m not an absolutist on anything.

I am not 100 percent set in my non-belief.  I reserve approx. 0.000000000001 percent possibility that my non-belief is wrong, that a god may exist. That’s about the same percentage of possibility I reserve for Evolution being wrong and Creationism being right. It's the same degree of doubt I'll save for Big Foot, and alien abductions existing.
 
It is the fundamentalist religionists who are absolutists.  They put 100 percent belief in a God; 100 percent belief in anything is absolutism and is indicative of unyielding commitment to a single thought with no room for evidence or input that could devalue it." 

--Bart Centre, co-founder, Eternal Earth-Bound Pets USA

It's worth noting that Bart's wife is Christian ("more like Episcopal Light going on agnostic") and that he resides in New Hampshire, the second least-religious state.(Vermont is #1). About 42 percent of New Hampshire residents are non-believers.

In an effort to humanize this story and bring it back to Earth, I interviewed two close friends on the matter, women I trust implicitly and love wholeheartedly. These are not acquaintances - they have either seen me drunk, sick, crying or actively playing with Barbies. As animal lovers, devout Christians and believers of the Rapture, I asked if they would consider using this service:

From my sister-like pal, Diane Drake-Laing:

"No. Absolutely not. God loves Kimba (her late kitty) but she’s an animal. Lots of people are upset about the idea of pets not being in heaven. Some people love their pets like children, it’s just that animals don’t have a spirit like humans do.

Someone is going to make a lot of money off of this. I’m not saying it’s not legitimate but what are the chances of it happening? Only God knows. If Heaven is our idea of perfection, then maybe our pets will be there.

It’s going to be Hell on Earth - they’re only going to be worried about their own survival. You think they’re going to be worried about their own pets? Let alone somebody else's? There’s not going to be food and water. There are going to be different priorities. 

If it buys someone piece of mind, then I guess it’s worth it. People want to believe that they are going to see their animal in heaven. I hope I see Kimba in heaven, I really do."

From my very First Friend, Cindy Russell:

"I think it’s a crock. It’s a way to steal money from gullible people. Because for me, if I’m in heaven, I’m not too concerned about where my dog is. I love my dog but I just don’t think it’s that important of a thing. It kind of sounds cold-hearted doesn’t it?

It's an ingenuous idea for people that are trying to make money off of people that are heaven-bound. I wouldn’t pay for it.  I guess I don’t believe that they have souls like us.

If they do have souls, they don’t have capability of sinning. They can’t lie. The only sin they could commit would be stealing food, but that's survival. They couldn’t confess. They couldn’t repent …Wow, I never really thought about it!

I don’t think there’s anything in the Bible that talks about animals, other than a sacrifice as a tool for atonement, like an unblemished a lamb. You don’t see animals as pets in the Bible.

The people who are left behind are not going to care whether the dogs are eating … 'Hey, where did all the people go? Oh my gosh, what I didn’t believe has come true, now what?' They will be more concerned about their own eternal soul rather than worrying about animal care."

I also corresponded with Terry James, editor of RaptureReady.com and author of "The American Apocalypse:  Is the United States in Bible prophecy?", who offered his perspective on the post-Rapture pet service:
 
"Pets will stay behind when the Rapture occurs, because they are not human, and only humans --those who have accepted Jesus Christ as Savior-- will go to be with Christ when He calls them in the Rapture. This is found in 1 Corinthians 15: 51-55, 1 Thessalonians 4: 13-18, and is implied in other passages in the Bible.
 
It's understandable that those who love their pets  would feel sad, worried, even panicked about their pets being left behind on a world that will be Judged with the very Wrath of God. This 'service,' as presented in the website to which you directed me, however, is, I believe, a sham. It is actually a tongue-in-cheek mockery of those who believe that Christ will Rapture His believers. It is a scam at best, and a scam cleverly laced with scathing sarcasm  intended to bilk the gullible at worst.
 
When the people of the Rapture are gone the Bible says in 2 Thessalonians Chapter 2 that God the Holy Spirit will remove as Restrainer of evil. That means that mankind will lose its conscience --individually and collectively. The most horrendous kinds of vile activity will take place. With absolute chaos and fear causing panic around the world, the last thing the people who offer this so-called 'service' will want to do is go around rounding up 'insured' pets left behind. They will just be trying to take care of themselves as best they can. My advice: don't be a sucker.
 
The other thing --the most important advice anyone can take: Accept Christ for Salvation now, while there is opportunity. One does that by confessing sin to God, asking forgiveness, and asking that Jesus come in to save one's soul."

Bart made an important counter-point about this:

"Some of those irate Christians say, ‘You are taking advantage or making fun.’ We did not invent concept of Rapture. We do not promote the Rapture. The people that promote it are Christians themselves. All I’m saying is, ‘If you’re right, what’s going to happen to your pet?' If your wrong, we’ll never know. I’m only offering something to people who believe it already."

I keep thinking about what my pal, Gins, said when I described the business model: “Hmmm. That’s religion right there, accepting things that are unacceptable.”

Honestly, I got way in over my head on this one but ultimately, it doesn't come down to belief or non-belief in the Rapture but the question of whether or not animals have souls. And that, my friends, is a blog post for another day …

***
Canadian Pastoral Minister Murray Lincoln posted a meaty think-through on his blog and ended up engaging Bart in the comments sections - verrrry interesting:

"When the Rapture takes place the people go and the animals stay behind. In one quick twinkling of an eye the people that are ‘Born Agains’ are exiting earth… and their little puppy will be staying behind in that big old lonely house. The thought of that happening almost makes me choke up with sadness. Worse yet – isn’t it almost animal cruelty for a ‘Born Again’ to own a pet if they all are not going to be looked after when they are gone?"

Daniel Florien opines on his blog, Unreasonable Faith:

"It’s very similar to the church business model — take people’s money on the basis of a future promise that’s most likely bunk."

Finally, Max Pearson over at The Progressive Puppy has a few thoughts relating to the business venture above but most of all, he's concerned for his own dog:

"I raised Little Brother, pictured above, in the Unitarian Universalist Church.  But then last year he converted to Buddhism, hoping in the next life to be reincarnated as a show dog.  Kids. They always break your heart."

~ClizBiz

(Image Credits: Top - TheBooch; Middle - ThePitchBlog; Bottom - AbsolutelyEverythingElse)
 

\

Pet Poison Hotline (PPH) is a Minneapolis-based 24-hour hotline (1-800-213-6680) for humans panicking over a possibly poisoned animal - dogs, cats, birds, horses, lizards - you name it.  PPH is one half of the world’s largest industry poison control center so their phone number is listed on various product labels: “If your child or pet ingests this product, please call ...”  (The office is divided - one side for human poison emergencies, the other side for animals.) 

I chatted with Dr. Ahna Brutlag, assistant director of veterinary services of the PPH, who described the average PPH caller. "The calls are about 70 percent from pet owners, the rest from vets. Usually, the owner just came home from work and a bottle of medication has been chewed on and may have been ingested by their pet.  About half of pet owner calls can be managed at home, other half need to be referred to by vet. We talk to a lot of frantic pet owners, many who didn’t know that certain things were poisonous."

The PPH does have a $35-per-case charge. This means you can call back as many times as need until the issue is resolved. I'm told some cases are resolved quickly while others drag on for weeks. 

"Chewing gum - the problem is xylitol is a sweetener in sugar-free gum. It’s a natural sweetener but in gum, it becomes a problem. In dogs, it makes their blood sugar drop, sometimes to life-threatening levels, and can also cause liver problems. The most dangerous gums are ones that contain 100 percent xylitol. If it lists xylitol as first ingredient - those are the ones to be most worried about." 
--Dr. Anna Brutlag, Pet Poison Hotline

Of course, every holiday brings certain pet risks (4th of July, anyone?) but there are specific dangers with Halloween. "A lot of pets love Halloween but the #1 problem is candy and candy wrappers," said Dr. Brutlag. "We also tend to get a lot of calls for glow sticks - cats they love to chew on them and that oozy material can cause a lot of irritation in their mouth. It can look very dramatic - lots of drooling." (I'm picturing glow-in-the-dark cat mouths - freaky.) Not surprisingly, lit candles are also a big problem, especially kittens, puppies and dogs with wagging tails.

Dr. Justine Lee, associate director of veterinary services at PPH, and author of two humor pet care books, (It’s a Dog’s Life… but It’s Your Carpet' and 'It’s a Cat’s World… You Just Live In It') offers up her thoughts on Halloween costumes for pets: "I don’t recommend dressing up pets, they generally don’t get it." 

Species-specific toxins: 

DOGS:
  1 Chocolate
  2 Insect bait stations
  3 Rodenticides (i.e., mouse and rat poison)
  4 Fertilizers
  5 Xylitol-containing products (i.e., sugar-free gums and candies)
  6 Ibuprofen (Advil® or Motrin® in brand name or generic form)
  7 Acetaminophen (Tylenol® in brand name or generic form)
  8 Silica gel packs
  9 Amphetamines, such as ADD/ADHD drugs
 10 Household cleaners
 11 Grapes and raisins (Dr. Brutlag says: "There is some individual sensitivity there with grapes and raisins but since we don’t know which dog will be affected, you have to treat them all conservatively.") 

CATS:
  1 Lilies (Easter, Asiatic, Day lilies).
  2 Canine permethrin insecticides (topical flea and tick medicine designed for dogs but erroneously placed on cats)
  3 Household cleaners
  4 Rodenticides
  5 Paints and varnishes
  6 Veterinary non-steroidal anti-inflammatory medications (Rimadyl®, Deramaxx®)
  7 Glow sticks/glow jewelry
  8 Amphetamines (such as ADD/ADHD drugs)
  9 Acetaminophen (Tylenol® in brand name or generic form)
10 Ibuprofen (Advil or Motrin® in brand name or generic form)

Seasonal Pet Threats:

Mothballs: Those benign little buggers usually contain either paradichlorobenzene or naphthalene - both can be deadly. Symptoms include: vomiting, severe abdominal pain, tremors, weakness, possible kidney or liver failure, and severe abnormality of red blood cells. 

Mushrooms:  While most 'shrooms are harmless, certain types can be life-threatening, such as the Amanita phalloides or 'death cap' mushroom, which is all over the U.S. Assume that all mushrooms as toxic until proven otherwise and only trust experts to make an accurate mushroom ID. Toxic mushroom symptoms include: vomiting, diarrhea, abdominal pain, depression, tremors, and seizures, with liver and kidney damage occurring later. Scour your yard frequently to get rid of any mushrooms.

Antifreeze:  As folks gear up for winter, pets may inadvertently be exposed to antifreeze. It only takes one teaspoon to kill a cat; two for dogs.  Signs of early poisoning include acting drunk or uncoordinated, excessive thirst, and lethargy. While signs may seem to improve after eight to twelve hours, internal damage is actually worsening, and crystals develop in the kidneys, which result in acute kidney failure. Immediate treatment with an antidote is vital.

Rodenticides (mouse/rat poisons): Make sure to place poisonous baits in areas where your pet can't get them.  "We see a lot of these cases, especially in dogs. People put out blocks of poison and the dogs are following along behind them, eating the blocks of poison," said Dr. Brutlag. Also, if your dog eats a rodent that has been poisoned, they can also suffer secondary effects. 

Compost: As much as you love your decaying organic matter, be aware that compost piles have may contain ‘tremorgenic mycotoxins’, meaning molds which cause tremors. Even small amounts ingested can result in tremors or seizures within 30 minutes to several hours. And we know how much dogs like to sift through garbage …

Red Maple Leaves: Sure, they make great photographs but horse lovers, beware. As little as one pound of dried maple leaves blowing into your horse’s pasture can be toxic. If your horse eats these leaves, it can result in severe hemolytic anemia (rupture of red blood cells), causing weakness, pale gums, an elevated heart rate and shock. Just stick to hay, oats and grass. 

****

Peg posted over at ThriftyFun about her own experience with pet poisoning: 

"Last night we had a terrible scare. Our 1 1\2 year old chihuahua, Bruiser, came out of the garage with a forgotten rat bait. We thought we had thrown them all away. It didn't look like he ate it but just carried it in to show us. We immediately called the emergency vet. We were told to induce vomiting with either hydrogen peroxide or salt." 

Lindsey Wolko at the CanineCommuterBlog offers some additional tips for calming the family pet on Halloween Night: 

"Ringing doorbells and costumed children can also cause stress in the family pet.  If your dog barks at the doorbell, like mine do, you will want to confine him on Halloween night.  This will allow the pet to feel safe and you can rest easy knowing that he won’t run out the front door or jump on the neighborhood children.  Place your pet’s crate in a quite room with a distraction, radio or television work well.  For those pets that are full of anxiety, you can partially cover the crate to create more of a den.  Soft lighting helps calm them as well.  Reassure your pet with a calm, soothing voice.  As a responsible pet owner, you must also know that if something causes that level of anxiety in your dog, you may want to forego the events altogether.  There is nothing wrong with turning out the lights and deciding not to participate in Halloween." 

Amy at LoveMeow offers additional tips on dangerous plant life for your kitty: 

"Outdoor plants can also pose much of the same risks and some of the indoor plants. Symptoms can include, but are not limited to diarrhea, vomiting, dehydration, pain, and weakness, breathing difficulties and seizures and convulsions. Some of these plants and shrubs include larkspur, skunkweed, daffodils, foxglove, castor bean, almond plants, wild cherry, English holly, spinach, rhubarb, Jasmine, and pigweed. Other plants that can cause your cat to experience hallucinations include marijuana, nutmeg, peyote, and morning glories." 

~ClizBiz 

(Image Credits: Top - Good Housekeeping; Middle - SpoilUrPets; Bottom - GoToGails)

(It's worth noting that in the remote Andaman Islands, of the six native tribes only the Nicobarese, who had converted to Christianity, taken up agriculture in place of their previous hunter-gatherer ways, and adapted to a more Western lifestyle, suffered significant losses. The aboriginal tribes that had retained their ancient ways quickly evacuated and suffered few or no losses.)

It's too early to know if the same phenomena occurred in the Samoas but it does raise  interesting questions: What can animal behaviors tell us about the future? Enough to save us? Maybe just enough to keep us dry?

The concept certainly isn't new to us. After all, we play the well-worn shadow game every year on February 2, Groundhog Day. (Whether Punxsutawney Phil sees his shadow or not determines how much longer winter will last. If he does, it's six more weeks of winter and Bill Murray.)

And speaking of bad weather, here are some animal behaviors unscientifically proven to predict a storm before it hits the horizon:

• Birds fly lower to the ground.
• Dogs and cats act up and eat grass. 
• Roosters crow later in the day.
• Pigs squeal more and collect nest materials.
• Fish jump out of the water to snack on low-flying insects.
• Frogs croak longer and louder than froggy-normal.
• Cows lay down in the field to make sure they have a dry spot ahead of the storm. Otherwise, they might scamper around, tails raised high, swatting flies.
• Bees and butterflies go AWOL and spiders leave their webs unattended.
• Ants will build up protective 'walls' around the mouth of mounds, possibly even covering them.
• Dolphins hang out in sheltered bays.
• Seagulls come inland.
• Humanoids have pain in their joints, clogged noses, require hot cocoa and 'Twilight Zone' marathons.

Then there's Oscar, the cat featured in the New England Journal of Medicine for his uncanny ability to predict the death of patients at a Rhode Island nursing home within hours. Various human explanations abound but nevertheless, a new protocol has been put in place for the staff: When Oscar naps with a patient, call the family.

"Within a half hour the family starts to arrive. Chairs are brought into the room, where the relatives begin their vigil. The priest is called to deliver last rites. And still, Oscar has not budged, instead purring and gently nuzzling Mrs. K. A young grandson asks his mother, 'What is the cat doing here?' The mother, fighting back tears, tells him, 'He is here to help Grandma get to heaven.' Thirty minutes later, Mrs. K. takes her last earthly breath. With this, Oscar sits up, looks around, then departs the room so quietly that the grieving family barely notices."

-- David M. Dosa, M.D., M.P.H., The New England Journal of Medicine

And what about seizure dogs? These are dogs that have been specially trained to hone their unique canine abilities and predict an oncoming seizure in their two-legged partner. Nobody knows how or why, only that this is increasingly becoming a lifesaving solution for many.

"Nobody knows how the dog is able to detect an oncoming seizure. Some people have suggested that there may be a change in the owner's behavior or scent before a seizure happens and that is what the dogs are responding to, but it's still a mystery."

--Epilepsy Foundation

Well, I tell you what. No matter what is coming at us down the road, I'm keeping my eye on the furry, feathered, buzzing ones. When they hit the road, I'll be right behind 'em. No questions asked.

***

Blogger Ai Shiang has a ladybug tip over at It's Raining Ice Cream:

"There are over 5000 species of ladybugs and the most capable of them all is the orange ladybug….When the weather begins to turn cold, these ladybugs will look for the best shelter. Sometime you might see over 100 bugs choosing the same spot. The ladybug is the first insect you'll see when the cold winter is over."

Read the moving story of Turk, a special doggie being trained for a special purpose at Seizure Alert Dogs For Life:

"His name is Turk. He’s a seven-month old Newfoundland puppy and his purpose in life is to save Ruth Ann Goodfield’s life."

Meanwhile, James, over at Cubik's Rube, is quite skeptical about Darren Brown's ability to predict lottery numbers using sea lions:

"This isn’t some quirky thing about zoo animals telling people’s fortunes, so that the punters can chuckle to their friends, 'Ooh, Tarka says I’m going to meet someone tall, dark and handsome this weekend, I hope he’s right!' And it’s not just that these sea lions are interacting with people in a way that makes you feel like there’s a 'real connection' there. Lottery numbers are an objectively measurable thing. And you’re saying that Biffo and Max can predict them. And they are 'rarely known to be wrong'. I just don’t get it."

~ClizBiz

(Image Credits: Top - Charles Pertwee/Getty Images; Middle - Louis Goldman; Bottom - Canadian Christine)

Male chicks are targeted because they don't lay eggs and don't grow big enough to produce meat so ... off they go. At the Hy-Line Hatchery, 150,000 male chicks are ground up every day - 130 million a year. This daily butchering is just business-as-usual to get those cheap eggs to market. Exhibit A:

Average price of a dozen eggs in 2009 - $2.89.
Average price of a dozen organic eggs in 2009 - $4.89.

"Since the undercover video by Mercy For Animals, a vegan advocacy and animal rights organization, was made public, many have expressed shock that male chicks, considered non-profitable to the egg industry, are killed shortly after hatching. The practice, however, is not news within the agricultural industry where 'instantaneous euthanasia' is carried out daily. Rural experts contend that most Americans are too far removed from family farming, much less the agricultural industry, to know and/or understand why certain practices which appear cruel are continued."

--Lynda Waddington, Iowa Independent

The video also shows a debeaking machine where surviving female chicks are inserted, dangling by their beaks, into a laser cutter where burns are inflicted to make the beak fall off in a week. Now that the video has made the rounds, feathers are flying.

While I knew intellectually that this type of thing went on, seeing it on film is a whole other matter. I couldn't get over how the workers roughly handled the baby chicks like they were apples or potatoes. There is a specific position called a "sexer" that separates the boys from the girls - flipping the boys (I assume) by their heads into a giant metal chute. I'm sorry, but if you can't empathize with a newborn baby - a baby anything - then I have to assume a bit of your soul has died somewhere along the way. The video did not make me proud of my species, to put it lightly.

But it does no good to demonize the workers, who are merely doing a job to provide for their own families. Nor does it help to crucify the egg producers who are in the business of providing what the market (me, you and that guy over there) demand: Cheap eggs. This is the ugly side of corporate agriculture and .... actually, I have yet to find a pretty side.

Since the video's release, an independent audit commissioned by the corporate owners of the Spencer hatchery has concluded that some of the practices depicted by an undercover video are, in fact, not standard operating procedure and are in violation of the company’s animal welfare policy. The (nameless) auditor's concluding statement:

"In conclusion, I am impressed with the commitment to animal care by Hy-Line and its employees here in Iowa. The equipment, practices and handling of chicks at the Hy-Line hatchery in Spencer, Iowa are consistent with customary industry husbandry practices and exceed animal welfare standards in a number of areas.

However, these independent audits confirm that some of the practices at our Spencer, Iowa facility depicted in the undercover video did not reflect the standard operating procedures of our company and are in direct violation of our animal welfare policy. One scene in the video depicted a bypass of the instantaneous euthanasia process and was a direct and clear violation of both the authorized animal handling procedures and our welfare policies."

Yeesh.

So, while the industry deals with being naked and exposed, what can consumers do on our end? As Americans, we all know that money talks. What are our options here?

#1- Go Vegan: While I get lots of help from my own garden, the amazing SusanV, Trader Joe's Vegan Trail Mix cookies and Cafe Gratitude - I can't see myself taking this road until I fully conquer the vegetarian thing. If you are looking for info, check out GoVeg - a fantastic resource. I'm always surprised how many yummy options there are.

#2 - Know Your Egg Source: Next time you pick up some eggs, try reading beyond the price and check out the label. Where did the eggs come from? Organic? Cage-free? Once you determine the company, call or email them asking about the hatchery source. You might find, as egg sleuth Beth Terry did, that just because you are buying something labeled "humane" does not mean you don't have beak blood on your hands. Ask questions. I've started doing this already and there's a lot of squirming going on - a healthy sign.

 

"What I learned is that Glaum Ranch doesn't engage in this practice because it doesn't hatch its own eggs. In fact, few egg producers do. They buy their eggs from pullet producers which buy their eggs from hatcheries. Which means that humane egg producers may be inadvertently supporting this practice through the chicks they buy!"

--Beth Terry, FakePlasticFish

#3 - Write a letter:  Further along in her egg adventures, Beth suggests writing a letter to the Secretary of Agriculture, Tom Vilsack - who is a pretty cool open-minded guy, from what I hear:

Honorable Tom Vilsack
U.S. Department of Agriculture
Room 200-A The Whittenberg Building
Washington, DC 20250

Dear Mr. Secretary:

I am appalled by the practice of live male chick maceration that is routinely practiced in hatcheries. There is promising research on sexing embryos which would eliminate the current methods of male chick euthanasia. The USDA can help end this inhumane practice by putting funds toward research into sexing embryos. I would like to see this procedure developed as soon as possible to end the suffering and waste created by the painful destruction of so many live birds.

Sincerely,

Beth Terry

Feel free to follow Beth's lead on this, dovetailing on her suggestion or offering up your own.

Meanwhile, MFA has been writing letters of its own and asked the nation's top 50 grocery chains to post a label on their egg packages stating: "WARNING: Male chicks are ground-up alive by the egg industry."

Unfortunately, the wording makes it sound as if there are health risks to the product when this is not the issue at all. However, MFA's letter by Executive Director Nathan Runkle makes the case for humane handling. An excerpt:

"The violence that you will see is standard and acceptable within the egg industry, and consumers have a right to know about this cruelty so that they can make informed and compassionate purchasing decisions ...Chickens' cognitive nervous systems are fully developed at the time of hatching, as a fact of neurophysiology, the young chicks are likely suffering extreme pain as they are being cut up alive by the grinder blades. Yet, the public has been kept in the dark by the egg industry about its painful disposal of male chicks. If egg producers threw, mutilated, and ground up puppies or kittens in the manner that they do baby chicks, they could prosecuted for cruelty to animals."

(You might recall that the issue was widely explored last November when Californians overwhelmingly passed Prop. 2, the Prevention of Farm Animal Cruelty Act, an animal welfare measure that polices humane issues in the state's agribusiness.)

We all have our conscious to deal with on this but at the very least, make the effort to know where your food comes from and try to understand the long and often sordid road it takes to your plate. It's a real eye opener.

****
Mark Hawthorne runs a terrific blog (well-written, sane, resourceful) over at Striking The Roots, which follows animal activism around the world:

"One of the agribusiness cruelties that has always made me shudder is the practice of killing newborn male chicks, whom egg producers deem as having no monetary value. Each year in the US, 200 million male chicks are killed shortly after hatching, and many of these birds are ground up in large machines called macerators while still alive. Taking these innocent babies, fresh from their eggs and searching for their mothers, and subjecting them to such a callous execution is one of the dirty little secrets of agribiz."

Meanwhile, Reenee, over at Hasta Los Gatos Quieren Zapatos, isn't exactly won over by Runkle's arguments:

"People are going to eat eggs, no matter what. If Runkle doesn't want to eat them, then so be it, but he has no right to try to bully people into refusing eggs with scare tactics. He's as bad as those right wingnuts with their bullshit tactics."

Meet Kelly, an omnivore who blogs at How My Garden Grows, who could not even bring herself to watch the actual video but makes a great point about wasted food:

"I am not a vegetarian, nor will I ever be. (Though sometimes I want to be.) I read this and wanted to post it, I have read many horrific scenarios about the chicken industry. As a result I try to make better decisions as to where my food comes from, but this I was unaware of. Please read and form your own opinions. Mine are that I am so thankful I can buy eggs from local farms, that we as a human race are the most cruel creatures on earth, and that there are people dying from starvation around the world and we grind up chicks like unwanted yard waste because when pumped with artificial growth hormones they don't grow fast enough. Oh, and these ground up chicks are probably then fed to their own species. Nice."

~ClizBiz

(Image Credits: Top - Moyers Chicks; Middle - Fueled By Eggs; Bottom - Mercy For Animals)

So, Matthew, what's your problem with cute animals?

I don't have a problem with cute animals on their face. I just think that there's a certain way that cute animals should carry themselves that shows a certain level of respect to the person that is looking at the cute animal. If an animal is interacting with me on a normal level where, say we can discuss intellectual viewpoints on the geopolitical climate, then that's fine. But if they are going to just roll around on the ground and show me their belly, then I have I problem.

Are you not cute? I heard you were handsome, which is not even remotely the same thing.

I've gotten my share of compliments ... from made-up interviewers. The blog isn't about me, it's about what I've done for the world, which is the blog.

The blog is what you've done for the world?

Did I need to do anything else?

Does your entire human family have a heart of stone or just you?

I guess I should probably take offense to the idea that I have a heart of stone. I love animals and I love people. Just as there are good people and bad people there are good animals and bad animals. For example, I love krill. Krill are hardworking and trying to make their way in the world and penguins come along and eat them. Also, penguins love pyramid schemes.

Did you always have a potty mouth? Did you eat a lot of soap as a kid?

I try to keep the blog as clean as possible but the animals make me upset and I lose control. At a certain point, it becomes so ridiculous that I can't help myself. When you are dealing with something that is so dark and depraved, you really have to fight with fire.

Have you received any threatening letters - perhaps with hearts over 'i's' and smiley faces in the margins - from pro-cute sites like 'ICanHasCheezburger' and CuteOverload?'

I did have a brief battle with Cute Overload but that played out mostly in the comments section. I did, at one point, compare them to Nazi Germany but it's all in good fun.

What animals pisses you off the most? Who is the most manipulative? Is it indeed the penguin?

I named the site obviously after the penguin but after I've receiving lots of emails and looking through my own collection, I've concluded that it may be the panda, ultimately, because they are so entitled. They just sit around all day, eating bamboo while they wait for us to set them up with attractive women to have sex with. I don't appreciate it.

Yeah, it does sound like a pretty sweet deal. And what about the Red Panda?

Red panda is a complete farce - it's not even an actual panda. Its other name is the Firefox and it is not actually a fox so I don't understand what the panda is going for there. If there is one thing I'm not looking for in my pandas, it's a smaller version of them.

Are some animals more uppity than others?

The #1 uppity animal is the dolphin. It thinks that it's better than everybody else. It will never hesitate to point out that you are not shooting that basketball the correct way or bouncing that beach ball in the correct way. I just don't appreciate their attitude.

Also, they do seem to have a permanent smirk ...

Absolutely. Overall, think that they are better than us. Even though it is probably is true, they should keep it to themselves and be more discreet. After all, I don't go around to a sloth telling him all the things I did today.

Thoughts on cross-species canoodling?

I am opposed to it. That's all I have to say on the matter. A lawsuit is still pending.

Do you think there is an evolutionary reason for cuteness? Do you even believe in evolution?

Yeah, I believe in evolution although I never really thought about it. Reason? I guess so in the same way that there an evolutionary reason for lying. It's not that I don't respect the effort that these animals are putting up. I understand.

For example, I like cookies, I'm a big fan. I will do pretty much anything to get a cookie. When I see a puppy roll around on its back to get a cookie, I'm thinking, "Touche" but that doesn't mean I'm going to accept that from the puppy. I would hope that if I were in that situation I wouldn't resort to that. Then again, if the situation were reversed, I would hope that that were someone as equally as wonderful as me to set them straight. I'm here to keep the animals honest.

I notice in the book (pp. 96-97) that you were basically won over by the incredibly plump prairie dog, admitting that his fat folds were "as cute as shit" and you go on to say, "Damn you and your scheming ways." Is this a crack in your steely snarky armor?

I think occasionally an animal will get to me for a moment but I've shown time and time again and that I will return to where I am firmly in control of the situation. I think that's why people come back to reading the site because they know they can trust me because they know that it is 100% literally how I feel.

Do you know any cute animals personally? Do you live with any?

I don't live with any cute animals. I have known a few on occasion. Recently, I had a puppy stay with me but it left to go back to its owners and it's okay. I've moved on ... kind of. Things have been hard in life but I'm putting the pieces back together.

I'm looking for a dog right now and I've met a few applicants but I haven't really found one that has clicked with me on an inter-personal basis. I mean, you want a dog that you can walk up to, shake hands with and say 'How do you?' and I think people have stopped demanding that from dogs. People have really lowered their puppy standards.

It's almost a dumbing down of puppy-dom.

Yes, and I really think that the TV and the Internet are to blame. Most of the kids these days can't even spell cheeseburger, which is really strange.

Especially considering it is a major food group for them.

Very odd.

Do you ever visit zoos or circuses just to yell at animals in person? It seems kind of cowardice to only insult them online.

I haven't left my house in awhile so .... but sometimes I take virtual zoo tours online which is basically the same thing.

Isn't your book just a republish of your blog? Is there anything new here?

There actually is. 1/3 of the posts are new and I've spent years in the field doing research coming up with nano-facts for each animal. There's cold hard truths about penguins. There's also a whole suggestion section for domestic animals - a 'Try this at home' section. It's a how-to on the proper way to raise an animal. There's pitfalls that the conventional books don't teach you and I want to make sure you don't fall into those traps.

To make sure you don't have an asshole for a pet?

Absolutely.

****

(The rest of the interview Matthew kindly conducted out of out-of-character.)

How much time per week do you spend on your FU blog?

When I first started, it was every day. Some posts will take 5 minutes and others will take an hour and half, including moderating comments, answering emails and such. I probably spend two to three hours per week on the blog, maybe four.

Do you have a day job?

Yes, I do film market research. I even called myself a 'soul sucking vampire' today.

Where do you get the photos for the blog?

I pull them off web for the blog but for the book, everything was cleared. I've been using a stock photo house that's been pretty good to me. All the domestic animals are from people - readers send them in, pet owners - and you'll notice I call those animals by their real names. These days, about one-third are specific photos sent in from owners.

How many readers?

It ranges - somewhere around 10-20,000 hits a day.

Can you quit your job?

No! I don't see myself quitting my job. It's a nice thing to do but ...

Here's one piece of advice to anyone thinking of starting something like this: Use user-submitted material! Cheezburger posts 200 times a day - all from readers. It's a lot harder to keep it fresh when it is all you. Fortunately, I still producing funny work and people seem t like it but who knows when it will no longer be funny? I want to make a good site but I don't want to make a career out of it.

Where do you see you and the blog a year from now? Do you expect to run out of annoying beasts to vilify?

I have no idea. I didn't think it would last this long, to be honest. When I was approached about a book, I didn't think the blog would last through all the way to publication. I don't know where any of this comes from so I don't know how long it will last.

When did you know it was big?

It all happened really really fast. The blog started last October and the book came together in late January, when I was approached by publishers. It got popular in early December. The first big thing was being linked by VeryShortList. It was building before then but that day I got 80,000 hits or something ridiculous. That's when I realized. Agents and publishers started contacting me - which was weird and silly. Being on Jezebel and in WiRED! You're thinking nothing else big is going to happen and then something else happen.

Why do you think it is so popular?

People like cute animals and cursing - two of the most popular things on the Internet. It does seem like this weird combination of things. I didn't know that there were so many people out there who share that sense of humor and to see it on a website was exciting.

Is it the same people who love Cheezburger and Cute Overload?

It's a sliver of those people who like that kind of stuff but also have this other side to them that is snarky. There's also people who read my blog who hate that kind of stuff and they see it as a response to that. As long as people are laughing, it doesn't really matter.

Have you heard from PETA?

It was funny - I got followed by PETA on Twitter, that was surreal, but I haven't heard from them. I have received submissions from people who work in other animal rights groups. I think they are in on the joke.

Matthew Gasteier, 27, lives in Massachusetts with his wife. He also wrote another book, this one about music: "Nas' Illmatic" Evidently, Matthew was a hip-hop music critic for awhile and the book is part of a series on classic hip-hop albums.

'FU, Penguin' can be purchased at Amazon, Barnes & Noble, Borders and Indie Bound.

~ClizBiz

(Image Credits: Top - CuterByTheHour; RedPanda - Rolf Hicker; Beaver - FU Penguin; Bottom - Villard Publshing)

When Vick was recently signed to the Philadelphia Eagles, another wave of rage was unleashed. (I say let the man play - if nothing else - so we can keep an eye on him.) All the public anger was revived, rehashed and Vick was roasted anew for his crimes. Then, the apologizing began. (Check out Sarah's recent sports-perspective post on Vick right here on BlogHer while Elana Cantor posts from the jobs/career perspective.)

Still, all the calling-for-his-head made me wonder just how long someone - anyone - should pay for their mistakes? None of us are saints and we all make small, medium and large messes in this world. If you know anyone who claims a life that is fuck-up free, they are either lying or very, very boring - a crime in and of itself. At this point, we're only holding up ourselves.

Vick recently issued a blog post apology on Global Grind - bad grammar, misspellings and all - for the world to ponder. An excerpt:

"Sitting in a prison cell didn't make me feel remorse. It was meeting so many animal lovers, speaking with them and looking them in their eyes. Staring at them. Looking so deep into their eyes that I began to feel their pain. Allowing that pain to enter into my body is when I started to understand how bad it really was. I have been trying hard to connect with people who feel this pain, because for my whole life I was disconnected from the suffering of animals. And you might say, "come on Mike, how could you do those things to those dogs?" And you're right...I ask myself those questions every day. What kind of person does this? How does a human-being treat dogs or any animal with such pain and cruelty? And the hard part for me is the answer to these questions. Because the answer is ME. And I am trying so hard right now to become a better person, because who I was, I am ashamed of."

The sentence where I started to feel forgiveness was: "What kind of person does this?" Asking that question (Answer: A bad one.) is the one we've been asking all along. He had step all the way outside of himself - was forced, really - to see the whole picture and that separation isn't always so easy. Also admitting a 'disconnection to the suffering of animals' explains a lot, though excuses nothing. In fact, it may even be up for 'Understatement of the Year.'

When Vick appeared on '60 Minutes' last Sunday, he wisely blamed no one but himself. He admitted everything, denied nothing and gave some insight into how dog fighting was a standard part of his childhood, which actually shocked the hell out of me. I guess I was naive about how common - and how old - dog fighting is.

"No one ever talked to me about loving animals," he said. The local cops in his Newport News town looked the other way, which "put a stamp on it" in the mind of 8-year-old Vick, telling him it was "not as bad as it seemed."

This isn't a 'maligned childhood' as some are calling it, this is a cultural acceptance. I have a friend who still litters because she was raised that it "provides people with jobs." Drives me fucking nuts. Mentalities - unhealthy or otherwise - get seared into our brains early and until that practice or thought is questioned, it is never really confronted.

Evidently, Vick is now working directly with the Humane Society of the United States to help put an end to dog fighting by talking to young kids, using his life as a bad example. Wayne Pacelle, the society's president, is hopeful but understandably skeptical.

"If we just punish Mike indefinitely and don't pivot to this problem in the communities where kids are victimizing these dogs and then going down a dead-end street themselves, because there are no heroic dog fighters, we will not be doing our job. I felt we needed to get involved, we need to do some creative things to reach these kids, so that why we have our community-based programs. I'm really hopeful that Mike sticks with this because and really reaches these kids because he can really turn some of them around."

--Wayne Pacelle, president of the Humane Society, on '60 Minutes'

As Pacelle points out in the broadcast, animal rights folks were well aware of the dog fighting phenomena well before Michael Vick. Pacelle estimated that there are 40,000 professional dog fighters and approximately 100,000 street fighters in every part of America. "It's an industry," he said. "People enjoy watching animals compete - they get excited by the bloodletting." He's got high hopes that Vick can help bring attention to this issue.

As someone who has spent a good chunk of my career media-training executives, I well understand the behind-the-scenes negotiations and messaging sessions that go on before an interview like this. To his credit, reporter James Brown, covered that and alluded to Vick's well-rehearsed answers. Vick sighed heavily and again proclaimed, "This is just me."

"What Vick did is, obviously, senseless and reprehensible. But I believe Vick, as a wealthy and talented athletic superstar who performs his job out in the open before crowds of amped-up and highly opinionated fans, suffers an unfair disadvantage as compared to, say, the heads of a meatpacking plant or the directors of a medical research lab where animals are suffering the cruelest imaginable abuses behind walls and doors that remove them from our sight and, therefore, judgments. Vick did horrific things and he deserved to be punished. He served his time and now I wonder what good does it do to exile him in shame and not let him show his example of how one can be rehabilitated after that kind of behavior."

--Alec Baldwin, excerpted from Huffington Post

Conveniently, Vick found God in prison - where He always is. I certainly hope Vick sticks with a faith that led him to change his perspective, his life and most importantly, his treatment of animals.

Whether Vick plays ball or not, I'll be cheering him on from the sidelines, knowing that the more 8-year-olds he talks to, the more likely it is that dog fighting will die as a subculture. Fact is, if Vick hadn't made such a profound mess of his life by harming other beings, what better tool would we have to put an end to it? Let's hope that even bad role models can serve a purpose.

Vick is certainly right about one thing, he is going to have to back up his words of apology and regret with real heartfelt actions for a long, long time before the public believes him. If Vick ultimately proves to be sincere, his plays off the field could surely be a worthwhile legacy.

***
Joni Hudson-Reynolds, over at EbonyMomPolictics, hopes that Vick's apology isn't money-based:

"What is becoming more apparent is there really is nothing Vick can say to satisfy his critics. For the rest of the football season he will be asked the same questions and he better not flinch when he answers. The other thing that I have learned is if you say Vick has served his time now let him work you too are also accused of sanctioning his acts of cruelty. So when Brown sat down with Vick one had to wonder would he simply ask questions or would it be another opportunity to see if Vick was truly remorseful or was his remorse generated by the need for money?"

Debra, at FourAngelsMomma, has little empathy for Vick, especially when considering the life of, Micah, the family's loving dog - "Fifty percent Rottweiler, twenty-five percent Doberman Pincer, and twenty-five percent Pit-Bull":

"Yes, I understand that Mr. Vick went to jail and served out most of his twenty-three month sentence, but what does all of that mean if he is then released from prison and accepted back into society, as if nothing ever happened? Shouldn't the NFL Commissioner and everyone else who thinks that Vick is such a worthy talent deserving of another chance, wait to see what he does to right his own wrongs? He went to prison. That was societies way of punishing Mr. Vick. An apology, more than likely composed by spin-doctors, worded in a way that should make us feel sorry for him, is just not enough. This man should be shunned, and shunned in a huge way. Talent in one area of someone's life should not excuse them from being a kind and decent and moral human being. Michael Vick is none of those things. He is a cold, heartless, vicious victim of his own circumstances, just like Micah would have been had Vick gotten a hold of him. The major difference is that Vick had a choice. But he decided to become everything that he, himself, disdained about his own upbringing."

Finally, Anne Johnson over at GodsRBored, isn't buying one bit of Vick's alleged remorse:

"He said the right things, but his eyes gave him away. Cold, hard stares, not even a blink when asked challenging questions. I saw a dude who would give all the right answers just to get back into the chips. Not a truly repentant felon. Even the inevitable fallback to his "Lord and savior" seemed forced and unconvincing.....If he had been Michael Vick, desperately poor citizen of Camden, New Jersey, trying to make money any way possible, he'd be standing in line at the employment agency ... and coming up empty. No one's gonna hire a dude who electrocuted dogs, unless he's boffo with a pigskin."

~ClizBiz

(Image Credits: Top - PlayaHater; Middle - Ian Kim; Bottom - HSUS)