Lisa Stone's blog

BlogHer of the Week: Her Able Hands

2009-06-29T13:25:39-05:00

What if your biggest stumbling block is...you?

Say you have an idea. A crazy, wonderful, huge idea. So you call on your courage, uproot your life, move a thousand or more miles, and arrive on the scene to...wait a little more.

Have you failed? Or are you just getting started?

In Transplanting, Growing and Thriving: Some Thoughts On Success, Blogger Kelly Ferry unearths rich insight while moving raspberry canes she planted in her mother-in-law's Ohio yard three years ago. Turns out that in the past three growing seasons, the New Yorker who blogs Her Able Hands has learned exactly why her first planting failed and the canes faltered in one part of the yard.

Now? The plants are thriving in more sun, along with a dozen others she had the faith in herself to add. Kelly reflects on what she's learned:

"Sometimes we have to try a lot of things to figure out what doesn‘t work first. Like me. Since moving from New York to Ohio I have needed to try a lot of things to find what makes me grow and thrive. Some of those things made my roots so dry they couldn't take in any nutrients at all, and they shaded me so much that I produced no fruit. But all of this trying has made me dizzy and I feel starved for some sense of success..."

Why does she feel starved when she's been doing so much? Kelly looks within -- and the resulting post is one we recommend to every woman who has a busy life and a secret dream. Turns out that Kelly's dream job is not to be a raspberry farmer. She's onto something entrepreneurial, a big idea that matches her passion for domain names with her love of food. But she hasn't been making the progress she wants to make.

The reader learns why -- and it's rich soil. Hidden in this blogger's lyrical sentences is a five-second therapy lesson that could be published under the title No Girl, It's NOT Just You Who Does This. In a frank tour of her own secret garden of entrepreneurial dreams, Kelly shares the inner dialogue that has been her stumbling block.

She's familiar with and tired of her own excuses -- and lists them.

Sample: "I'm still discovering what I want to do when I grow up."

She's afraid -- and goes there. This isn't a safe list of Afraids, it's a real list of insecurities.

Sample: "[T]he real reason I haven’t had any wild success is because I’m just not meant to. I was born to be mediocre."

Here's another: "The financial success will mean spiritual failure."

At the same time one of Kelly's voices won't stop doubting her, there's another increasingly excited voice who keeps insisting on her idea (which I won't share, you have to go read it yourself).

After listing all the reasons she couldn't, shouldn't and wouldn't succeed, this blogger still has her dream: "If I can do it?" Kelly asks herself and out bubble the reasons she keeps adding to her spreadsheet -- a business where she can be true to her personal mission, support her community and contribute to her family.

Is that too much to ask? No Kelly. That's why you're BlogHer of the Week. We believe in you. Go for it!

Thanks to everyone for continuing to send in your nominated posts. Remember to nominate individual posts, not entire blogs, and keep them coming! If you want to check out all the BlogHer of the Week posts, check out the BlogHer of the Week archive.

Best,
Lisa
For Elisa, Jory and Lisa
BlogHer Co-founders

Sad Truth: The Story of Little One April

2009-06-12T17:00:22-05:00

This month, the BlogHer team learned about a blog that violated our editorial guidelines by publishing content the writer knew was false: http://littleoneapril.blogspot.com.

As such, this blog is no longer a member of our publishing network. The author, Rebeccah Beushausen, has never received payment from BlogHer, and won't.

BlogHer doesn't disclose the details of our publishing relationships with bloggers. In this case we don't have to tell you the story, The Associated Press already has: Ill[inois] blogger admits tale of ill child was hoax.

How do Elisa, Jory and I feel about it?

Sad. On so many levels.

Two thoughts. First, I'll speak from my heart. I'm horrified for the author, Rebecca Beushausen, who is clearly troubled. I'm just as horrified that she would cast doubt on blogs by women who have lost children by using her blog to lie to and mislead readers -- even going so far as to attempt to raise money by doing so.

Angie, Jennifer and Raechel articulate her violation of the community beautifully on Angie's blog, Bring The Rain:

"There are incidences like this that occur in the blog world, and each of us has dealt with them. This should serve as a reminder that not everyone is to be trusted; there are people who can use this as a platform for emotional attention, or any number of things.

"After much discussion, many phone calls to others involved, and much prayer, we feel like this is the best approach. The three of us care about our readers more than we can express, and have become friends outside of the blog world. We all believed it too and we are mourning it the same way you are."

At BlogHer, we believe our editorial standards have never been more important -- and the untrue case of Little One April proves it. No, these guidelines didn't prevent this blogger from lying to her readers -- no media outlet's rules for content creators can prevent that behavior.

But we can work to raise the bar. Since 2005, we have been using these guidelines to promote respect and credibility for women who blog. By rejecting, as a community, this writer's knowingly false blog as unacceptable we will continue to do so. With your help, the actions of one troubled individual will not be able to taint the important contributions of so many women.

I welcome your thoughts.

Best,
Lisa

for Elisa, Jory and Lisa
BlogHer Co-founders

BlogHer of the Week: Mom-101

2009-06-08T07:11:20-05:00

Did you know we have a woman on the inside in the roiling debate over how bloggers work with marketers, write about products and disclose advertising relationships to readers?

If you've ever read her blog, you've likely figured out that Mom-101 has a day job. What you may not know is that Blogger Liz Gumbinner is a pro advertising writer with an inside line on what marketers and ad agencies really think of social media, of blogging, of paid reviews, and, yes, of "mommybloggers."

In Mommybloggings Part Deux: The marketers are here to stay. Are we?, Liz nails the parenting community's hot debate over these topics and shares her insight on how some bloggers look to marketers these days.

It's educational. With tight prose and a dose of self-deprecating snark, Mom-101 begins with a retrospective and then boils down the current controversy:

"Now people are fighting. Turf wars! Mommy gangland! The lines are drawn, the shivs have been whittled out of Fisher Price toddler spoons, the FTC is on the case, and it hasn't been pretty.

"One one side you've got the earlier "mommybloggers" (who I still choose to call parenting bloggers), people like Erin and Lindsay who have been outspoken about their distaste for the blurred distinction between editorial and compensated posts, among other things.

"On the other side, you've got the moms who are very excited to share their opinions on the new Turtle Wax Miracle Towel or whatnot (provided they get one for free and an identical one for their readers which they'll give away in a twitter contest) who say What do you care what I write about? You're not the boss of me....And they'd be right."

Mom-101's willingness to roll her eyes at everyone, beginning with herself, infuses her writing with a pleasing edge. Via a tightly-written link-blogging that lives up to her name, Liz educates her reader about multiple warring camps on the topic -- who said what about what's writing, what's advertising, what's both? By the time she concludes, "Which means guess what? Pretty much everyone is in bed with a marketer to some degree. Whores, all of us!" the reader may indeed concede her point.

Preamble finished, Mom-101 takes the discussion to higher ground: "So I've been reading all these posts over the past few weeks, asking myself why should I care?" Her answers are revealing and she does an admirable job of not pulling out her soapbox. Even if you spend your days writing on this topic like we do, we think you'll find her articulate a new perspective -- one that has thus far been missing in this roiling debate:

"The truth of the matter is, I do care.

"I care because how we behave in this space impacts one another. It affects the community as it is currently defined - that one with all of us in it together....

"I care because I hate seeing moms demean themselves and accept less than they're worth - and I hate seeing them make demands that make us all worth a little less.

"I care because I love this space. And I value the fact that that we can discuss--out in the open and with our real names attached--the issues that affect us. And because I think it's worthwhile to put other perspectives out there than the one out there that suggests bloggers should spend their days writing to PR folks in search of free stuff "for review." Because those PR people are horrified. And they are freaked out. And they are trying to figure out how to handle it, all the while floating phrases like shameless and unprofessional about our community--the community I love--behind closed doors..."

That's just a taster -- there's a wealth of experience and insight in just about every sentence. Well played, Mom-101. Thank you!

And thanks to everyone for continuing to send in your nominated posts.
Remember to nominate individual posts, not entire blogs, and keep them
coming! If you want to check out all the BlogHer of the Week posts, check out the BlogHer of the Week archive.

Best,
Lisa

For Elisa, Jory and Lisa
BlogHer Co-founders

Dr. George Tiller shot dead Sunday; Bloggers react to news of late-term abortion provider's killing

2009-05-31T19:16:18-05:00

George Tiller, a Kansas doctor who performed late-term abortions, was shot to death at 10 a.m. Sunday outside his church in Wichita. Local police have arrested a suspect who will be charged with what President Barack Obama described at 6 p.m. as "murder." "However profound our differences as Americans over difficult issues such as abortion, they cannot be resolved by heinous acts of violence," Mr. Obama stated.

Randall Terry: "Mass-murderer", Kim Gandy: "Domestic Terrorism"

News that Tiller, 67, was killed in the lobby of his Lutheran church has resulted in an outpouring of blog posts and Twitter comments from women who blog, across the political spectrum. Some women wrote upon hearing the news, others wrote in response to statements from Operation Rescue Founder Randall Terry, who called Tiller a "mass-murderer" and NOW President Kim Gandy who described Tiller's killing as "domestic terrorism."

Reaction from pro-choice and pro-life bloggers

"Oh my fucking god," blogged Cara of Feministe. "Dr. Tiller was one of the few late-term abortion providers in the country. He had previously been shot, his clinic burnt down, harassed by ideological anti-abortion attorney generals, and threatened with death countless times. We’ve written about his many trials and tribulations here numerous times. Still, Dr. Tiller continued to provide abortions to women who desperately needed them, to save their own lives or health, or due to tragic fetal deformities. He put the health of women above his own life. And now he is dead."

"This is terrible news," blogged Barbara of MommyLife. "Sure to be used to paint millions of peaceful pro-lifers as rabid hate-mongers. *sigh* Prolife organizations were swift in condemning the act." Barbara linked condemnations from pro-life organizations Susan B. Anthony List, Family Research Council, and the National Right to Life Council.

"This is terrorism," blogged Maha on The Mahablog. "I don’t have time to hunt them down and post quotes, but some rightie bloggers today lack the sense and grace to pretend to be sorry."

"Child Killer George Tiller Dead," blogged La Shawn Barber. "Today, Dr. Infanticide was shot and killed while walking into a church. Is “ironic” the right word to describe it? Who killed Tiller the child killer, cultivator of death?"

Twitter posts were so rapid that I collected nearly 1,000 in an hour at #Tiller, including one from a high school junior. "Rest in peace, George Tiller," Tweeted hayleytylerchin.

Nation's history of clinic clashes and violence - in rhetoric and deed

"Do I even need to say that murder is pro-crazy, not pro-life?" wrote Melinda Henneberger on Politics Daily. "And when hate speech meets insanity, this is the result. It's frightening to all who support abortion rights, a disaster for all who oppose them -- and not the common ground either side had in mind."

Blogger Sweetness & Light posted: "Needless to say, we never condone murder. No matter what the age of the victim. Moreover, if this crime was politically motivated, it couldn’t have done more to hurt the [pro-life] cause if the perpetrator had wanted to. And what timing. Now any criticism of [Supreme Court Nominee] Ms. Sotomayor, no matter how justified, will be met with words to the effect that “that is the kind of rhetoric got George Tiller killed.”

Blogging on Religion Dispatches, Frances Kissling agreed that rhetoric is fundamental to nation's ongoing and often violent conflict:

"To a considerable extent, groups like Operation Rescue have become marginal over the last ten years, but in some quarters, murder and abortion are still equated and in the case of Dr. Tiller, whose name provided an unfortunate rhyming quality, no insult was out of bounds. When Dr. Tiller went on trial in March, Tony Perkins of the Family Research Council headlined his blog “Court Decides fate of Serial Tiller.” And, as control of abortion discourse moves to the moderate center with the President’s combined message in favor of women’s moral agency and reducing the need for abortion, the far right feels it has lost the moral high ground. In a column on Obama's commencement speech at Notre Dame Ann Coulter quipped: “how about having the President throw out the ceremonial first fetus like on opening day in baseball.”

"With the anti-abortion and anti-family planning administration of George Bush history, and an Obama administration clearly taking an approach that undercuts any effort to talk about abortion itself, focusing instead on preventing unintended pregnancy, we may well see frustrated antiabortionists take to the streets. The National Abortion Federation has reported that violence at clinics is on the rise."

Tiller family statement

The Tiller family has released this statement.

The Associated Press has posted a timeline of recent cases of abortion-related violence.

What are you reading and thinking about this man's killing? As you can see, I worked to provide an even-handed snapshot of what women are saying throughout the blogosphere, both supporters and opponents of legal abortion. I welcome your links and thoughts below, in the spirit of BlogHer's community guidelines

Photo credit: Wikipedia

Save the dates: BlogHer Meet-ups near you now scheduled for June!

2009-05-29T19:45:39-05:00

UPDATED: Philly now on for Thursday, June 18. Details below!
UPDATED: SF East Bay now on for Saturday, June 13. Details below!
UPDATED: Seattle now on for Saturday, June 13. Details below!

Time to get your SQUEEEE on people, whether you've got a ticket to BlogHer or not, whether you've ever been to a BlogHer conference or not -- a meet-up of BlogHers may be coming to a 'burg near you in the next two weeks! Look, I've been moved to actually use exclamation points, that's how excited I am.

Times, dates and locations are now set for meet-ups in these 14 cities: Atlanta, Austin, Boston, Boulder/Denver, Chicago, Cincinnati, Dallas, New York, Philadelphia, Portland, San Francisco, St. Louis, Toronto and Vancouver. See the list below for details, including where you can find out who else is going and which blogger will be your gracious host. Six more cities are still seeking your feedback on dates, places and/or times: Austin, Chicago, D.C., Los Angeles, Seattle and Tampa.

From one person who's battled shyness her whole life to any other shy person out there: If you're wanting to meet other BlogHers and don't know a soul, get thee to a meet-up. These get-togethers are a great way to break the ice. I'm seriously thinking of packing the fam into the car and road-tripping to Pasadena to meet the children who wrote this post. See you there?

Cities where details are set (19):

City: Atlanta
Host: Renee Ross
Meet-up post: http://www.blogher.com/date-has-been-set-atlanta-area-blogher-meetup
Date: June 13th, 1-3PM
Location: Pizzeria Venti in Buckhead [Proposed ]

City: Austin
Host: Skye Kilaen
Meet-up post: http://www.blogher.com/blogher-austin-meetup-saturday-june-6th
Date: June 6th, 10:30AM
Location: Central Market Cafe on North Lamar

City: Boston
Host: Susan Getgood
Meet-up post: http://www.blogher.com/im-calling-it-boston-area-meet-june-13-2-6pm
Date: June 13, 2-6PM
Location: Susan has kindly offered her house in Hudson, MA, kid-friendly

City: Boulder/Denver
Host: Gwen Bell
Meet-up post: http://www.blogher.com/boulder-denver-pre-blogher-meet-greet-june-you
Date: June 20th, 1-3PM
Location: The Cup Espresso Cafe in Boulder, CO, free WIFI!

City: Chicago
Host: Jamie from Oh How Lovely
Meet-up post: http://www.blogher.com/june-13th-meet-details
Date: June 13th, 2PM
Location: Oz Park, kid-friendly

City: Cincinnati
Host: MommyBits (aka ShannanB)
Meet-up post: http://www.blogher.com/cincinnati-blogher-meetup-location-annouced
Date: June 13th, 10AM
Location: Yagoot in Rockwood Commons, kid-friendly

City: Cleveland/Columbus-area
Host:
Meet-up post: See the comments on this post!
Date: June 13th, 5.30pm-7.30pm
Location: The Greenhouse Tavern 2038 East 4th Street Cleveland, OH
See details in the comment below, RSVP required

City: Dallas
Host: Jes Ferris
Meet-up post: http://www.blogher.com/brunchy-lunchy-meet-details
Date: June 13th, 10:30-1:30
Location: Central Market's Community Room, kid-friendly

City: Los Angeles
Host: Yvonne
Meet-up post: http://www.blogher.com/saturday-june-13th-10-am-rsvp-here-please
Date: June 13th, 10AM
Location: Zona Rose Caffe in Pasadena

City: New York
Host: Megan Smith
Meet-up post: http://www.blogher.com/lets-have-nyc-area-pre-blogher-09-meet-june-whos
Date: June 6th, 1PM
Location: Central Park, kid-friendly

City: Philadelphia
Host: Paula Gregorowicz
Meet-up post: http://www.blogher.com/final-details-june-18th
Date: June 18th 6-8PM
Location: Manyunk at Le Bus (http://www.lebusmanayunk.com/mdinner.htm)

City: Portland
Host: Katherine Gray
Meet-up post: http://www.blogher.com/blogher-pre-conference-meetups
Katherine is actually planning two meet-ups, both kid-friendly:
Meet-up #1: June 6th (afternoon) at Posies Cafe
Meet-up #2: June 13th (2-4PM) at Sydney's

City: San Francisco
Host: Ana Picazo (bonggamom)
Meet-up post: http://www.blogher.com/lets-get-party-started
Date: June 13, 5-8PM
Location: Liz Henry has offered her Redwood City home, kid-friendly

City: San Francisco East Bay
Host: Victoria (@vdog)
Meet-up post: http://www.blogher.com/lets-get-party-started#comment-104931
Date: June 13, 5PM
Location: @Vdog's house See post for details on how to get address

City: Seattle
Host: Leslie Flinger
Meet-up post: http://www.blogher.com/here-it-aka-info
Date: June 13th, 2PM
Location: Kelsey Creek Farms, kid-friendly

City: St. Louis
Host: Kelli Best-Oliver
Meet-up post: http://www.blogher.com/pre-blogher-09-meetup
Date: June 13, afternoon, 3PM
Location: Soulard Coffee Garden

City: Tampa-area
Host: Janet Dean
Meet-up post: http://www.blogher.com/lets-have-tampa-area-pre-blogher-meet-june-whos
Date: June 6th, 7PM
Location: Channelside Bay Plaza

City: Toronto
Host: Katie (Motherbumper)
Meet-up post: http://www.blogher.com/blogher-meet-location-location-location
Date: June 6th, 10AM
Location: Don Mills Brickworks, kid-friendly

City: Vancouver
Host: Mr. Lady (aka Shannon)
Meet-up post: http://www.blogher.com/and-were-go-bloghervancity-details
Date: June 13th, 1PM
Location: Caffe Artigiano,Hastings St. location

Cities where we still need feedback! (1):

City: DC:
Host: Alison Fill
Meet-up post: http://www.blogher.com/planning-pre-conference-meet-june-6th-or-13th
Date: June 13th, time TBD
Location: TBD, TBD on kid-friendly

Let me know if I missed anyone or if you have an event you want added to the list!

Best,
Lisa

for Elisa, Jory and Lisa
BlogHer Co-founders

Why wait until July? You're invited to get your BlogHer '09 on in 17 cities this June

2009-05-18T23:20:27-05:00

Whether you're going to BlogHer '09 in Chicago or not, you're invited to a blogger meet-up in one of 17 cities this June.

Thanks to some incredible blog-hostesses with the mostest -- with a little help from BlogHer.com's new party-starting Groups technology -- you can find out below where and when bloggers are getting together in Atlanta, Austin, Boston, Boulder/Denver, Chicago, Cincinnati, Dallas, Los Angeles, NYC, Philadelphia, Portland, San Francisco, Seattle, St. Louis, Tampa, Toronto and Vancouver.

Why the meet-ups? Every year we see women blogging about wanting to get together with other BlogHers who live nearby -- some of us wish we could attend BlogHer's annual conference but can't, or newbies with pre-conference jitters write about wondering what to wear, or oldies write about wondering who's going.

This year, we have the technology! You may not even have a ticket to BlogHer '09, but don't let that stop you from joining us. As you'll see from the list below, the bloggers hosting these meet-ups are amazing, talented women whom we think you'll really enjoy meeting. Huge props to Jenny Lauck of Three Kid Circus -- this was her great idea.

Here's how to sign up:

East (3 cities):

Boston: http://www.blogher.com/groups/boston-area-bloghers
Hosted by Susan Getgood from Getgood Marketing and Snapshot Chronicles

NYC: http://www.blogher.com/groups/new-york-area-bloghers
Hosted by Megan Smith from Megan's Minute:

Philadelphia: http://www.blogher.com/groups/philadelphia-area-bloghers
Hosted by Paula Gregorowicz, BlogHer CE

Midwest (3 cities):

Chicago: http://www.blogher.com/groups/chicago-area-bloghers
Hosted by Jamie from Oh How Lovely

Cincinnati: http://www.blogher.com/groups/greater-cincinnati-bloggers
Hosted by Shannan Boyer from MommyBits

St. Louis: http://www.blogher.com/groups/st-louis-area-bloghers
Hosted by Kelli Best-Oliver from South City Confidential

South (4 cities):

Atlanta: http://www.blogher.com/groups/atlanta-area-bloghers
Hosted by Renee from CutieBootyCakes

Austin: http://www.blogher.com/groups/austin-area-bloghers
Hosted by Skye Kilaen from Flooded Lizard Kingdom

Dallas: http://www.blogher.com/groups/dallas-area-bloghers
Hosted by Jes Ferris from Chirky

Tampa: http://www.blogher.com/lets-have-tampa-area-pre-blogher-meet-june-whos
Hosted by Janet Dean from Caffeinatrix

West (5 cities):

Boulder/Denver: http://www.blogher.com/groups/boulder-denver-area-bloghers
Hosted by Gwen Bell from Gwen Bell Dot Com | Big Love in a Small World

Los Angeles: http://www.blogher.com/groups/los-angeles-area-bloghers
Hosted by Y from Joy Unexpected

Portland: http://www.blogher.com/groups/portland-or-area-bloghers
Hosted by Katherine Grey who is @thisKat on Twitter

San Francisco: http://www.blogher.com/groups/san-francisco-bay-area-bloghers
Hosted by Ana Picazo from Finding BonggaMom

Seattle: http://www.blogher.com/groups/seattle-area-bloghers
Hosted by Mrs. Flinger from Mrs. Flinger

Canada (2 cities):

Toronto: http://www.blogher.com/groups/toronto-area-bloghers
Hosted by Katie from MotherBumper and Catherine Connors from Her Bad Mother

Vancouver: http://www.blogher.com/groups/van-city-bloghers
Hosted by Mr. Lady from Whiskey in My Sippy Cup

I don't know which parties Elisa, Jory and I'll hit. Selfishly, I wish I could join them all!

This list of local groups is just what we have today -- if you want to host a meet-up near you, we welcome your ideas below. After all, BlogHers have also started discussions in three other cities:

Albuquerque/Santa Fe: http://www.blogher.com/groups/albuquerque-santa-fe-new-mexico-area-blogh...
Hosted by Virginia DeBolt from Web Teacher

D.C.: http://www.blogher.com/groups/dc-area-bloggers
Hosted by Alison Fill from Run Amok Amok

Minneapolis/St. Paul: http://www.blogher.com/groups/twin-cities-area-bloghers
Hosted by Pamela Punt who is PJCloud9 on Twitter

Best,
Lisa

for Elisa, Jory and Lisa
BlogHer Co-founders

BlogHer of the Week: Conversion Diary

2009-05-11T09:39:16-05:00

There's a nutty truth to human nature -- mine anyway. Here it is: Even when I have a roof over my head, healthy loved ones, plenty to eat, my father isn't trying to sell me and I don't live in a war zone...

Sometimes? I whine.

In Escape from "If Only!" Island, Blogger Jennifer F goes owns that human weakness, even going so far as to subtitle her post, "On My Staggering Inability to be Grateful". She writes:

"There are always just a couple of things that supposedly stand between me and perfect contentment: first it was "If only we weren't having financial problems!"; then it was "If only I weren't in so much pain from the DVT!"; then it was "If only I didn't have morning sickness!"; and so on and so on. These days it's lack of sleep from having a newborn and the chaos of having four kids under five. If only I had a staff of maids and cooks I'd be at peace, filled with the profound sense of gratitude that a healthy person surrounded by all the conveniences of modern America should have. I mean, it sounds plausible, right?"

"The problem is that it's not true. Thirty-two years of data indicate that I would just find something else to feel sorry for myself about."

Jennifer's honesty is disarming. Oh, girlfriend, welcome to my selfishness, I thought. Here I stand on my own two feet, a job even in this awful economy, a mother who survived breast cancer last summer and I can STILL get my knickers in a twist about the realities of daily life like a dirty house or piles of laundry. I daily ask myself WHY, why so tense, so ungrateful when I am so blessed and I know it? After all, I'm not exactly hunched over a washboard or a stream, pounding my only dress clean, hmmm?

Fortunately this blogger is exactly the right person to read when posing embarrassing and introspective questions. Jennifer doesn't flinch when she examines her own behavior. And sometimes she changes. This is a woman who, five years ago, was a content atheist and "vocally anti-Christian." Then she kept pondering the issue, and challenging her own assumptions. The result? Today Jennifer's a Catholic mother of four who blogged her conversion story in two parts that are smart and open.

So when Jennifer tackles her "If Only!" problem, she criticizes her own thinking. She reads books. She makes lists. She confesses what doesn't work:

"Once I introduce that scale of "How Comfortable is Jen Today?", it's tempting to go either way on it. It can be an opportunity to appreciate the fact that, for example, I am blessed to have a dishwasher to clean my dishes, unlike so many other people in the world; but, while we're asking the question, I can't help but note that it would be REALLY, REALLY nice if my three toddlers were not ALL throwing simultaneous temper tantrums this morning and that THERE ARE ALSO A LOT OF PEOPLE IN THE WORLD WHO ARE MORE BLESSED THAN I AM IN THE 'NOT LISTENING TO CONSTANT SCREAMING' DEPARTMENT TODAY. Ahem."

From this point you may be wondering whether her post evolves as a funny mommy-survives-toddlers moment. No way. Indeed, while her children have enormous influence on her inner dialogue, this blog is about Jennifer's inner journey -- her attempt to find balance and peace with herself while dealing with external forces far beyond her control. And she doesn't take the easy and humorous way out, despite a gentle application of wit.

Instead, two years after she started wondering why she was "ungrateful," Jennifer F prays. And finds her way:

"The Holy Spirit has basically hit me over the head with a cluebat to tell me that my gratitude list should contain a lot fewer items having to do with worldly comforts and a lot more items having to do with experiencing God's love, even when it's not pleasurable or fun. This is not to say that I've implemented this perfectly (and I assure you that as soon as I publish this post God is going to give me major opportunities to put this into practice*). But the halting efforts I have made in this area have allowed me to start saying "If only!" a lot less and "Thank you!" a lot more."

That cluebat, Jennifer, is one I needed and Elisa appreciated. That is why you are BlogHer of the week!

Thanks to everyone for continuing to send in your nominated posts.
Remember to nominate individual posts, not entire blogs, and keep them
coming! If you want to check out all the BlogHer of the Week posts, check out the BlogHer of the Week archive.

Best,
Lisa

For Elisa, Lisa and Jory (who is on a much-deserved vacation)
BlogHer Co-founders

The elephant in the room: How BlogHer is cracking the code on editorial content and paid advertising

2009-05-07T08:12:47-05:00

I had a strong reaction to the Wall Street Journal article published April 23 in which Reporters Miguel Bustillo and Ann Zimmerman cited (but didn't link) an idea originally proposed by BlogHer Contributing Editor Rita Arens on BlogHer.com. In her March 16 post, Are Mommybloggers Misunderstanding the Marketing Game?, Arens shared insights from Jeremiah Owyang to Marshall Kirkpatrick and concluded her piece with this suggestion:

"I believe in the future the industry will come up with some sort of seal you can put on your blog to indicate you are conforming to journalistic standards, much like the seals e-commerce sites put up to indicate they were protecting your privacy and security. I actually wish such seals existed now -- it would make doing research much easier."

A clear standard you can trust

Bingo, I thought. That's actually how the BlogHer brand is designed to work for users and advertisers: As a clear standard. When you see the BlogHer brand or the BlogHer Reviewer brand and disclosure message, you should know exactly what you're getting. You should know that editorial will be presented as separate from sponsored content. You should know that sponsored content will not show up in spaces where you are used to seeing authentic editorial and organic community content. You should know that if a BlogHer blogger was given something, or was hired to write something, she will tell you.

Methods for sponsoring terrific content on the Internet today are in massive flux -- yet great content creators still deserve to be paid, and sponsors still want to target readers. That's what I want to address in this post: The elephant in the room that is establishing quality publishing standards in the infancy of social media -- in particular on blogs. To clarify: My co-founders Elisa, Jory and I don't believe in a universal publishing standard just as we don't believe in one code of conduct for every site on the internet. How each of us chooses to publish our blogs is up to us.

How users and sponsors can both win big

That said, in light of recent conversations about paid advertising on blogs, I think it's time to revisit and spell out the standards BlogHer has used since 2006 for our entire community -- bloggers and sponsors -- both here on BlogHer.com and on all the sites affiliated in BlogHer's publishing network.

In 2006 we added economic empowerment to our mission and launched BlogHer.com and BlogHer's publisher network with specific community guidelines. We insisted upon civil disagreement and mutual respect (hate the idea, not the person). We asked members of BlogHer.com and publishing affiliates to uphold the highest standards of journalism (accuracy, fair-use, linking, no libel, copyright infringement, plagiarism or invasion of third-party privacy). We also decided that in order to demonstrate respect for our all our readers, advertising should be labeled as advertising, and editorial needed to be separate. I wrote our community editorial guidelines accordingly:

"We define unacceptable content as anything included or linked that...Contains editorial content that has been commissioned and paid for by a third party, (either cash or goods in barter), and/or contains paid advertising links and/or SPAM or 'Stupid Pointless Annoying Messages... " more

Sponsor messages + full disclosure = content for people who like stuff

Almost immediately after launching these guidelines, BlogHer learned we had an opportunity to augment our business model by connecting sponsors who wanted bloggers to try free stuff with bloggers who were dying to try said free stuff. So in addition to syndicating advertising to blogs, we created a Special Offers & Sponsored Content advertising section on BlogHer.com, completely separate from BlogHer's editorial area. Think of it as the Web site equivalent of a special advertising section in a newspaper, or the Home Shopping Network channel of BlogHer's site. Clearly labeled and defined, BlogHer Special Offers is where sponsors and bloggers can meet up, offer products and giveaways, and bloggers can give sponsors feedback, good and bad (hey, we're bloggers). This Special Offers section is now the place on BlogHer to find and link to members discussing the products and services they received from our Sponsors.

At the same time, we created an opportunity for bloggers to test products themselves and get paid to write reviews of the experience and support product giveaways. And in keeping with our guidelines, these paid reviews and giveaways must be separate from a blogger's editorial blog (even though they reflect the true opinion of the blogger). We recommend bloggers start the equivalent of a special offers section on their sites too. What's more, all such paid content must be preceded by the language "This is a compensated review from BlogHer and [sponsor]." We also ask these bloggers to place a badge disclosing that they are a BlogHer Reviewer (here's an example). As of May 1, all advertiser-driven content -- in BlogHer.com Special Offers and on BlogHer Review blogs -- conforms to Google's specification by using the rel="nofollow" attribute on all links pointing to sponsors and to other paid content.

A clean, well-lighted place

This kind of best-practice transparency creates a comfort zone for bloggers who want a clean, well-lighted way to be paid for their work while also taking excellent care of their readers, some of whom may be turned off by finding advertorial in an RSS feed they expected to be editorial. How important do we think it is to tell users exactly what's going on with advertisers? Important enough that in BlogHer's Beauty and Fashion channel, the kind of content where editors receiving freebies for review is a way of life, these posts do not rotate through the editorial areas of BlogHer.com. Instead, fashionistas bookmark the page or follow the RSS feed, where editors always disclose when they receive free or sponsored goods and services.

BlogHer's chief evangelist to sponsors, Co-founder Jory Des Jardins, wrote a commanding piece from the social marketing perspective on BlogHer.com and JackMyers - MediaBizBloggers.com: Context and Disclosure: Keys to Success in Compensating Bloggers.

"It's time to look at the finer distinctions between compensated programs that have emerged as social media enters awkward adolescence. To us, the question is not whether anyone should ever compensate bloggers, it's under what circumstances should you compensate them? And if you do compensate them, what are your obligations, and theirs?"

BlogHer's system isn't for everybody

Amen. We are all learning here -- and, indeed, at the same time that BlogHer's guidelines have been celebrated, they have been and I believe will continue to be rejected by some bloggers who find them too restrictive for their needs and their blogs. Elisa, Jory and I completely respect that -- your blogs are your printing presses after all!

But as part of the team who has been working for more than four years to create opportunities for women who blog to gain respect and credibility, I think it's still valuable to specify what is church (editorial) and what is state (advertising), even as we develop new campaigns and new models. Now that the Federal Trade Commission is reviewing its 30-year-old guidelines for advertising in media, and considering rules for bloggers, I'm extraordinarily glad we've worked this way from BlogHer's infancy.

How to underscore the value of blogs

My opinion is that transparency fosters trust, and that's the bedrock of a rock-solid blog community which our 2009 study demonstrates has a very different value to the user than social networks and Twitter. In an environment of uncertain media business models, crazy economics, and entirely new ways to reach users, we believe BlogHer has cracked the code on a system where both users and sponsors win big. BlogHer is creating innovative, buzzworthy interactive campaigns for sponsors and at the same time we also have high standards designed to protect the blogger and her readers from any confusion about what's paid marketing and what's editorial.

The irony? Many of the millions of women BlogHer reaches each month like to read both editorial and paid marketing content, and don't feel oppressed when we're invited to shop or to participate in a great deal. We just want to know when to bring our purses.

We'd love to know your thoughts.

Lisa Stone
for
Elisa, Jory and Lisa, BlogHer Co-founders

BlogHer of the Week: Whiskey In My Sippy Cup

2009-04-20T12:14:41-05:00

Ever been stereotyped? Ever had your identity breezily labeled, cut out in cardboard -- likely pink if you're a woman -- and sidelined as silly and inconsequential by The Media, by analysts, perhaps even by other women?

Welcome to the world of women who blog about parenting. At this point, we moms don't even need faces or names -- "moms" are the most sought-after social media consumer I hear, and launchers of many a brand campaign. My former print and television newsroom colleagues cannot get enough of MommyBloggers, despite the fact that women blog on every topic under the sun, often on the very same parenting blogs in question.

But I digress. Because I'm okay with it all now. Zen, even. Why, you may ask, as the one BlogHer co-founder who is a mother and has been obviously gnashing my teeth through all of the above?

Because of On Motherhood, a post on Whiskey In My Sippy Cup. Blogger Mr. Lady's transcendental essay delivers the reader inside the life and mind of a woman for whom living with children has not only become the defining act of her life but an unfolding journey for herself:

"Motherhood is a tide, ebbing and flowing in my life. It is a push and a pull, a give and a take. It’s me giving all I have to these people and me taking everything I can from them while I have them. It’s them holding on to me while they push me away. It’s watching them learn and grow, it’s mourning the loss of their dependence and celebrating the independent people they are becoming..."

Welcome to the shining inner life of a parent, the "why" behind the pain, sometimes the agony, and certainly the hassles of day-to-day motherhood. Mr. Lady is on a quest of her very own, one that is leaving stretchmarks on her heart and her soul, as well as on her child-bearing hips.

Sure, this journey involves her children -- but it's a solo flight and utterly inappropriate to share with progeny. I notice that her partner in parenting, in this case her husband, is utterly absent from her reverie. That makes sense to me. Because this is her coming of age story -- not his:

"It’s who I have become to my core. It’s the space in between the mistakes I make, between what isn’t getting done in my day or my life, it’s the touch and the sight and the sound of something bigger than me and better than me unfolding before my eyes."

I read her piece and thought this, this is what people who roll their eyes at the blog-versions of my other least favorite stereotype, "soccer moms," miss! This post also is what's so hard to articulate to women who don't have children and don't want them: Mundane acts of folding clothes, making dinner and family flu have become sacred moments in the lives of my children, where my goal is to become a bit player -- albeit a good one, natch -- in the exciting, unfolding story of their cherished lives.

And if we mamas really do good? Our babies come of age after age with joy, even when it ain't easy. And, mind you, we sacrifice for these wins -- with unpaid bills, untended friendships and unexamined dreams of our own. That's what we signed up for, whether we knew it or not. And it hurts so good when Mr. Lady sings it:

"It’s them holding on to me while they push me away. It’s watching them learn and grow, it’s mourning the loss of their dependence and celebrating the independent people they are becoming. It’s getting flustered because the dust is piling up and the floors are a mess but me not being able to bring myself to windex the little handprints off the windows because I want to savour them for as long as I can. It’s that it’s been so long since I’ve had a minute, a day, a week to myself that I can hardly remember what that’s like and it’s the way 11 years just blew past me right then when I blinked and the next 15 are going to be over before I can blink again. It’s running on three hours of sleep, grieving for the loss of a child not my own and at the exact same moment finding a fleeting moment of pure peace in the eyes of another child."

But don't take my word for why Whiskey In My Sippy Cup is our BlogHer of the Week. Take hers: "It has nothing to do with what I’m doing, and everything to do with what I’m becoming."

Exactly.

Best,
Lisa

For Elisa, Jory and Lisa
BlogHer Co-founders

BlogHer of the Week: A Yankee in a Southern Kitchen

2009-03-16T17:20:54-05:00

I'll never forget the first chocolate-covered cherry I ate after my maternal grandmother died. These cherries were always given on her birthday, Christmas Eve, when she would slowly unwrap the box and re-gift each one to her grandchildren like a fairy magicking treasure. To this day at Christmas I buy these cherries, smile, mist up and miss her. In Coconut Layer Cake, Kim Morgan Moss shares the story of feeling her way back from her younger brother's sudden death by cooking, starting with his memorial:

"Before my parents and sister could answer, [the pastor] gently proceeded by suggesting that they pick up some deli trays and bread at the grocery store. “People will be hungry when they get to the house,” he exclaimed. At once, as if in unison, my parents and sister declared “Oh no! We are cooking the food and the menu is already planned.” The fact is, within 24 hours of my brother’s death, they had already sat and hashed over every detail of the menu; adding this dish and tossing out that suggestion. How could this be? How can a family focus on food at a time like this?

"This is an easy question to answer. Cooking is one of the most genuine ways my family shows that they love and care."

In her post, the blogger behind A Yankee in a Southern Kitchen uses beautiful, spare language to describe how her family came together to grieve, to remember and to celebrate her brother Keith. The simple act of describing how her family tied on their aprons and began preparing chicken breasts stuffed with goat cheese and sun-dried tomatoes, filet mignon with horseradish sauce, and shrimp newberg is solemn and moving:

"Around mid-day I decided to speak up. “The menu is wonderful. But why aren’t we making Keith’s favorite, apple pie? He always asked mom to make it for his birthday.” No one knew the answer to this, but it was agreed that we needed to add this to the menu. We decided to make individual mini apple crostadas. We all pitched in to make 60 apple crostadas in addition to the already impressive 12″ carrot cake that my sister had made, the 50 miniature cheesecakes and the 100 chocolate crepes that my mom had made days before. Running out of food was not an option."

As someone who has lost family members in their adult prime, with no warning, simply woken up to find them gone and with them a piece of my heart, I was particularly taken by Blogger Kim Morgan Moss's use of beautiful photography to illustrate her loss. She blogged the memorial after the fact, an epilogue to an epitaph, layering in memories among photographs of a new recipe. At the end of her heartbreaking story, the cook has a finished, six-tiered coconut cake. The cake has nothing to do with her brother's memorial -- rather, it's a metaphor for the fact that Kim must now go on with her life.

The photographs are large and rich in color, positioned to interrupt her prose about the day of her brother's memorial. The pictures bear silent witness to what we all experience when someone we love dies: We go on living, somehow, as we grieve and remember.

Kim bakes. She remembers her brother. She frosts. She celebrates -- "I love you, Keith." And offers us a slice of Coconut Layer Cake.

Here is the taste of memory. And for that, we choose A Yankee in A Southern Kitchen as BlogHer of the Week.

Thanks to everyone for continuing to send in your nominated posts. Remember to nominate individual posts, not entire blogs, and keep them coming!

Best,
Lisa

For Elisa, Jory and Lisa
BlogHer Co-founders

BlogHer of the Week: Miles and Madness

2009-02-24T12:51:20-06:00

If you were an ex-junkie turned triathlete, what would you do with your past: Ignore it? Move away from everything you know and start over? Or literally run through the streets where you bleached needles, got high, slit your wrists and detoxed?

Judi of Miles and Madness picks door number three in 15 Miles Down Memory Lane. It's one gorgeous piece of writing. In spare, unemotional prose, Judi retells her story, from trial to error to hospital stays to suicide attempts and dead friends:

I remember when me and Diane used to meet the dope boys at that Kroger on Vine. I remember riding my bike around down there looking for pills with Aaron (RIP). Signing for Terpin Hydrate at that old man pharmacy and then downing the whole bottle...Then down to MLK to Burnet and past the treatment center, Chaney Allen, where I was court ordered to stay for 4 months while I kicked methadone. To my left was the hospital I detoxed for two weeks, where Styx and Emily came to see me, and the doctors were convinced they were bringing me drugs, but it was all the drugs they had me on that kept me so fucked up.

In one paragraph Judi remembers getting a tattoo removed by a guy who is now dead. In the next, she hurtles downhill, prepping for her longest distance race yet: Ironman Louisville.

This blogger is rock-steady but the reader may find herself a little motion-sick as Judi transitions from life now to her half-life yesterday: "Then I went in the UDF where me and Brendan bought bleach for the needle we had to share and I peed and bought a water and a Cliff bar."

The kicker? Training intensely, Judi initially doesn't recognize her route...until the only thing protecting her from her past is her running shoes:

Last night I mapped out a 15-miler from my house. I didn't realize what I was doing at the time but I was going to be running though my old stomping grounds....

As I was running down Vine I started remembering...

No angry ghosts these. Judi isn't haunted, as becomes clear from the story she tells. Rather, she's grounded in where she has been and who she's becoming: Racing through her old life, Judi pushes off the mean streets of her memory and finds...strength. Needles and bleach are as much fuel for her drive to win as her bottle of water and some quick carbs.

Without the ability to trace her path down the hill to personal hell and then back up again, would she be the athlete she is today? Her answer makes Miles and Madness BlogHer of the Week:

Then I turned right on 9th street and back towards west 8th. Up Glenway hill where I got a second wind and then Joan Jett's Bad Reputation came on and I pushed through the pain to get up the hill.

And home.

I am so glad to be in the here and now.

Judi, we are glad you are too. Bravo.

Thanks to everyone for continuing to send in your nominated posts. Keep them coming!

Best,
Lisa

For Elisa, Jory and Lisa
BlogHer Co-founders

Coming Tomorrow: BlogHer Backtalk, a New Videoblog

2009-02-10T18:15:29-06:00

Hi everyone,

After dabbling in video over the past couple of years -- at BlogHer conferences, with holiday recipes in 2006, with then-Senator Barack Obama and the 2008 political conventions -- BlogHer's taking the plunge into videoblogging. Tomorrow we launch a new vlog: BlogHer Backtalk (http://blogher.com/backtalk).

Why videoblogging? Since we launched BlogHer.com three years ago, YouTube.com has ballooned into the second-largest search engine in the world. For BlogHer.com to deliver on our mission as a one-of-a-kind news service devoted to raising the profile of what women are writing and saying on our blogs, it's essential that BlogHer.com start sharing your news in video, as well as text.

The focus of our first BlogHer Backtalk episodes will be parenting. Of the 14 million women our network reaches every month, the majority are parents. And after watching mainstream television attempt to cover moms who blog, we knew there was room for an authentic alternative. The bloggers we invited to kick off the conversation -- Lindsay Ferrier, Chris Jordan, Kelly Wickham and Erin Kotecki Vest -- were excited to launch BlogHer Backtalk as a news service about what's really happening on parenting blogs, to spotlight amazing stories and issues that those of us in the community consider most important.

We're also starting with parenting for much the same reason we kicked off the BlogHer Publishing Network with parenting blogs back in 2006: Because video production is not free, and sponsors are very excited about parenting. It's a hot space! As one example, you may have seen Momversation on our network, featuring some members (congratulations you all!). As with the first 34 BlogHers who helped pioneer our publishing network, moms who blog are helping lead the way for all of us to being compensated in some way for our work. And if this initiative is a success? The sky's the limit on new topics. BlogHer Backtalk Green? BlogHer Backtalk Tech? BlogHer Backtalk Career? As always, our goal is to develop this initiative to serve our mission: Creating opportunities for women who blog.

To deliver on this opportunity, we want to partner with you. As members of BlogHer.com, you already are invited to blog here and share links to your latest writing on your own blogs. When http://blogher.com/backtalk goes live tomorrow, you'll see that the BlogHer team has worked with the terrific crew at Magnify.net to build a video channel that offers a series of tools where you can easily upload your own videos to the site. Join us! We'd love to feature you.

We're excited about taking this next step to showcase your work. Now that's enough talk from me -- we look forward to hearing what you think tomorrow. Bring on the Backtalk!

Best,
Lisa

For Elisa, Jory and Lisa
BlogHer Co-Founders

BlogHer of the Week: Ordinary Art

2009-02-09T11:01:58-06:00

What are our hearts for, really? For Conversemomma of Ordinary Art, her heart is a street musician who conga-lines alongside her, pounding out theme music for her story.

The percussion is killer. Her post, Letter to My Beating Heart sounds out stark, personal stories of heartaches good, bad and worse. Who among us doesn't have a few of these flinch-worthy memories? Their true grit makes Conversemomma's lyrical writing all the more rewarding:

"hub, dub, thub, dub, thub dub, wild beatings in the 7th grade stairway when Tommy Greener snaked his fingers up my skirt to scratch the skin of my soft and dough-like thighs. Your urgent message that we were cornered was falling on the deaf ears of the girl raised on the pop make believe of Debbie Gibson and Phil Collins. I battered my eyes thick with shimmery pink and blue eyeshadow and wondered if this was what a love song should feel like. I am sorry for the way you broke fast and furious the next day when he did not become my boyfriend, but instead the town crier who told everyone I did not shave past my kneecaps. I should have listened to you then..."

Like the best songs of the heart, Conversemomma's may break yours. As it gets darker, prepare yourself for minor keys. And then...light. And trumpets. And strength:

"Good heart. I do not know what lies ahead, more love or disappointment. I know that I can not shield you, us, from loss, death, and despair. All I can do is listen. Each night I pray that we rock steady for a while, thub, dub, thub, dub, thub dub, this anthem that you beat inside my body, this song you sing inside your walls..."

The lesson? Words as music. A reminder that, no matter what happens, and heaven help you, a woman's heart has to keep time, as so many have. And that's a reason to shake your money-maker and celebrate.

So thanks for the song Conversemomma. Happy Valentine's Day!

Thanks to everyone for continuing to send in your nominated posts. Keep them coming!

Best,
Lisa

For Elisa, Jory and Lisa
BlogHer Co-founders

BlogHer of the Week: Motherscribe

2009-01-20T15:37:29-06:00

With her post, "If You Have Ever Questioned Where American Feminism Came Out Of, Or Why It Came To Be...", JCK of Motherscribe scoops Betty Friedan and Oscar-contender Revolutionary Road into her own embrace of a stay-at-home life:

"Betty Friedan talked of women feeling trapped in their role as homemaker, and it was as if a casserole exploded across every kitchen in America. Today we are free to talk about this, to question it, but do we?"

With that image, JCK is off, sharing an inner journey that brought her closer to contentment. Make no mistake: This writer is a passionate, happy mother, who chose to stay at home with two children. But that doesn't mean she's always satisfied with her life -- or even always knows who she is, and JCK is willing to own emotions that aren't only unpopular but even disturbing.

That's what makes this post special and real. When Motherscribe writes about the privilege of questioning her reality, we're left with the impression that this act is what allows this blogger to be all of herself. And one doesn't have to have children to appreciate that experience, or the wonderful words that lead her there.

JCK writes:

"It is the writing that has saved me. Opened me up to a creative well that I had only dreamed of, yet never truly attempted - other than my private journaling and an occasional writing class. The irony is that if I hadn't gone to that dark place and muddled about in my own despair, I'm not sure I would ever have started writing. I'll never know."

We hope you enjoy this blog post as much as we did.

Best,
Lisa
for Elisa, Jory and Lisa
BlogHer Co-founders

We invite you to nominate a blog post for BlogHer of the Week! Thanks for nominating a specific post, rather than an entire blog.

A Letter to My Heart

2009-01-16T14:08:34-06:00

In honor of last year's "Letter to My Body" initiative, which resulted in hundreds of amazing essays by bloggers about body image, BlogHer is announcing "Letter to My Heart." And if you're wondering whether it's no accident that we're taking this on before Valentine's Day, you're right.

With "Letter to My Heart," BlogHer is inviting women to share stories about love, loss, relationships, romance and, yes, even Valentine's Day. Love isn't easy, and it takes so many forms. We want to hear your story, and share it with everyone else whose heart has ever broken or melted or both.

Write your letter on your blog, and then add your link to the Mr. Linky tool at the bottom of this post (I know, sounds dirty doesn't it?). You can also blog your letter on BlogHer (select the Letter to My Heart topic) and your letter will feed directly in to the BlogHer Letter to My Heart widget we're creating. We'll select a few of these links to feature across the BlogHer network every day.

Truth? I was a little scared of this topic. So we thought it was only fair that I go first -- I hope you join me! Here goes:

Dear Heart,

It's time we had it out. I'm ready to explain the last twenty years of bitchy eye-rolling, regular silent treatment and outright war between us. You must wonder why we can now sit here holding hands like you didn't put gum in my hair in the fifth grade, which you SO did.

Until very recently, I hated you for being a rotten wingman in the romance department. I wanted Chanel, you delivered Eau de Gangrene. There it is.

Our trouble began when you set my expectations all wrong early in life. You were always athletically gifted at the daughter and sister thing. I still don't know how you did it, toughing out the simultaneous implosion of three teenage girls, but, thanks to you, my sisters and I emerged on the other side as soulmates. Even my brother got honorary sister-insider status as a result of your talent. To this very day, if I pick up a photo of one of these crazy nuts at any age and you can make me tear up and get mushy and reach for my iPhone to send yet another text message. Thank you. Really, you made it too easy.

Which is why, dear Heart, I faulted you -- wanted to scrape you out with a grapefruit spoon -- in the romance department. Oh, you idiotic earnest believer, you; how did you stay a rookie for decades?! If it had two legs and was handsome, you were a goner. The second you saw that little boy in First Grade -- Craig? Alfredo? whatever -- I knew you could get distracted. But I didn't think you would always have the two-minute memory of a crushed-out 13-year-old. Time after time you believed that an angel's face reflected the tenor of another heart, lurking within.

Um, wrong. You were two-timing Brain with Libido, was my theory at the time. Bad girl! The result? High school boyfriends who couldn't think, college boyfriends who couldn't be faithful, a date-rape and one marriage that...ended badly. This record is why I finally staged a total brand recall of Body in the late 1990s. I blamed you for crimes, Heart, so I chose to cut you out of the picture. I just couldn't trust you.

Yet here we sit, like BFFs over coffee. Why? Because of your true superpower: Motherhood. Ooooooh, motherhood is the bowl of warm chocolate fondue that we've been swimming in for twelve years together. You had me at "Mom." Rebirth. Hearts. Flowers. Crayons. Halloween costumes. Comic books. Movie popcorn with M&Ms sprinkled inside. Ninja lessons. Even lice was fun, kind of.

The Jedi mind-trick worked: You pick-axed away at my deflector shields for all human love via offspring. As you did, I finally learned what you had been trying to teach me for two decades: It's actually MY job to engage Brain because you're all Heart. Duh. I wasn't using all that is me to take care of you. And you deserved better.

So thank you. Thank you for resisting me when I tried to declare you 250 years old and closed for business. Thank you for inspiring me to study up, engage Brain and try all over again. You may no longer be young, girlfriend, but you are made even more beautiful by all these emotional stretchmarks. And it looks like you're stronger than ever.

Happy Valentine's Day. This time I really mean it.

Love,
Lisa

Don't forget to add your letter to Mr. Linky, whether it's here or on your own blog!