Cynthia Samuels's blog

Sisters and Aunts and Daughters and Nieces and Holidays

2009-11-25T09:15:00-06:00

Thanksgiving always makes me think of the people who are missing. By now that's almost an entire generation: my parents, aunts, uncles and grandparents. We all came together at our house. As the oldest cousin, I got to help in the kitchen and set the table. Sounds lame but it felt very grownup. Not that that lasted for long. Over the years we went from three to six to nine cousins, producing plays to perform after dinner, playing Sardines and Murder, telling secrets and wreaking civilized havoc.

My favorite memory, though, was time with the sisters: my mom and my aunts. One lived nearby but the other came with her family from Cleveland so when they were all together they wanted to talk. They'd sit in my parents' room for ages; they let me hang around too. In a way, all of us gathered on the bed those afternoons, and later in the kitchen after dinner, washing dishes, is kind of like what happens here at BlogHer: women passing along stories and traditions, preserving the wisdom of the tribe.

I had no idea then of the value of those times. It wasn't just being treated like "one of the girls," it was the sisterly warmth, the laughter and sudden emotion, eye welling up, when one aunt spoke of living so far from "home." Now, probably 50 years later, I can see her leaning against the wall, her sisters looking toward her with understanding sympathy. I can hear them talking about their parents, my grandparents, one difficult, both disappointed with their lives. For a little while, the burden of worry lifted a bit as they shared it.

They were part of what is literally another world; hats and gloves, scars from the Depression, government service during World War II, an abiding sense of appropriateness. Like Betty Draper, they left careers to stay "home with the kids." Their lives were so different from ours, constrained and regulated -- lives that many daughters went to work to insure against.

What we forget is that, even then, there was sisterhood. Maybe it wasn't as powerful and certainly it wasn't as organized, but for me it still modeled a solidarity, loyalty and love of the company of women that I still cherish. And it's so exciting to see us all here, taking that example along with the many farther afield, to enhance our larger community - still a family of sisters - from one end of the Internet to - well - to the whole wide world.

Stirrup Queens has a moving meditation on infertility around holiday family gatherings. It will make us all wiser.

And I'm not the only one with family memories of course. Lisen Stromberg has some lovely recollections of her own mother's Thanksgiving rituals.

Finally, the amazing Mocha Momma shares the "fake Turkey Day" that is part of the rituals of divorce.

Our Kids and their Birthdays Make for Some Amazing Stories

2009-11-11T09:00:00-06:00

This week I posted a mushy, sentimental meditation on my son's 30th birthday. Kind of embarassing, really. But I couldn't help it. He's a wonderful son (as is his big brother) and I was feeling very lucky -- even blesssed, with the gift of him.

Then I wondered how others think about the anniversaries of the birth of their kids. So I went hunting. Of course, the first person I came to was Mir Kamin - of Woulda Coulda Shoulda, who wrote not only of her own birthday ear piercing - but also that of her daughter's. And, as usual, it's a wonderful story. For Jennifer J - the fifth birthday of her daughter Grace evoked a wonderful, loving letter. Liza Barry-Kessler writers a letter to each of her children not only on their birthdays, but every month.

Julie Oakley, on her son's 18th birthday, remembers small moments in his life and offers us a portrait. And from far-off (at least for me) Australia, Carolyn of My Sydney Paris Life sends birthday wishes to her newly 24-year-old son in Washington, DC.

Amazingly it doesn't matter if a child is crossing into school-age, or double digits; two, twenty or far far older, we all know the truth. That strong and independent and productive as they may be, they're still, somewhere in our hearts, our babies. We celebrate each birthday filled with memories of moments known, perhaps, only to the two of us, of these miraculous souls, their small hands slipping so easily into ours, their tears at Les Miserables, their uninhibited dancing around the living room, and later, the political arguments and travel adventures.

And we know -- all of us know -- the wash of feelings that comes along with those memories. We can't tell the kids, of course; can't confine them in it, pull them in too close. So here, in this community of strong, gifted women, we tell one another instead. And hope that our children - our birthday miracles - are smart enough to figure it out all by themselves.

Lead, Follow or Get out of the Way: Young Activists Matter Too!

2009-10-14T18:30:00-05:00

I edit a series of activist blogs called Care2 Causes, and I'm learning a lot. Environmental bloggers, animal rights advocates, gay rights, human rights and, of course, women's rights; each post raises an issue with a new perspective and new ideas. But there's one particular blogger whose posts intrigue me, not only for their quality (most Care2 bloggers are excellent) but also because she demonstrates something very important for "midlife" activists to remember: the world didn't stop with us! Listen to this great young woman:

In my few years of activism, I have experienced ageism and significant intolerance of the voices of youth. We are called frivolous and apathetic - and I think those indictments are sometimes self-fulfilling prophecies. But the voices of tens of thousands of youth, marching with people of all ages, genders, sexualities, races, and religions, spoke loudly, saying that the time for change is now.

How many of us, no matter what we're involved in, have empowered younger activists to take a serious role, beyond data entry and phone banking? Yes, the Obama Campaign did it but they were an exception. Too often, we who ran antiwar marches and political campaigns and food coops when we were in our twenties treat them as if they'll be 40 before they're capable of anything. How did that happen?

These younger folks have real issues, too, that inform their advocacy. Tula Connell wrote in September on the AFL-CIO blog:

Something bad happened in the past 10 years to young workers in this country: Since 1999, more of them now have lower-paying jobs, if they can get a job at all; health care is a rare luxury and retirement security is something for their parents, not them. In fact, many—younger than 35—still live at home with their parents because they can’t afford to be on their own.

Not so cheerful.

Tanene Allison, in a Huffington Post entry a year ago, also described her Millennial generation, but by describing herself:

(Disclosure: I am, in fact, a Millennial! I am writing this blog post from my social justice-focused workplace, where I use two computers simultaneously, have my iPhone stationed nearby, and am listening to music.) (Specifically, I am alternating between the New York Philharmonic and Patti Smith, as a reference point for those who engage in the debate around Millennials and what we make of culture.) In other words, I am writing to you about my peers.

Some random explorations, sure. But they make the case for paying serious attention to these folks, not as a generalized demographic but as thoughtful, committed, full-hearted participants in the struggle to build a better future. We're lucky they're there, and we should listen to them

What Do You Mean Your Best Friend Is the Same Age as Your Son?

2009-10-07T00:00:00-05:00

We spend a lot of time with people the age of our children. It's the way our community developed; we all moved up here at the same time (to an old, awakening neighborhood) and became close long before any "age mates" came to town. And those friendships continue. Recently though, there have been some bumps. I realized that one reason is that younger people have fewer years of experience (obviously, duh!) And there are things that it takes time to learn. Realizing that after five years, I wondered how others feel about the same sorts of situation. I also wanted to remind myself that friendships emerge in all sorts of ways. And of course, I found plenty of posts -- and most of them are pretty encouraging.

On The Friendship Blog, Dr. Irene Levine describes the transformation of a favorite teacher into a grown up friend.

Home Made Sal combines a meditation on friends of all ages with faith and prayer.

My special friend whom I met whilst very poorly in hospital. Despite our pain and the age gap - she is in her 80's - we had so much fun. It HURT to laugh, but we managed it!!;

At the HR Ringleader's Blog, Tricia looks the age gap at work and all the hullaballoo that's been written about it, and compares it to social media relationships, where age never matters.

One thing that occurred to me recently was that when I meet people via social media outlets, I never even think about their age. I have older friends, younger friends, and age is not an issue.

They all bear out my experience. Despite the "bumps" it's possible - and often lovely - to have friends far younger or older than you are. Like most wonderful things, all it requires is a sense of adventure and an open heart.

Work-Life Balance is Good for your Health -- Wish I'd Had Some When the Kids Were Little

2009-09-23T21:16:00-05:00

The better our workplace, the healthier we are. That's not just a theory, it's a fact, part of a massive study conducted by the Families and Work Institute and released Tuesday. (Full disclosure: the head of FWI, Ellen Galinsky, is an old friend, and her colleague on the release, Morra Aarons-Mele, is both a BlogHer Contributing Editor and a friend) The information, though, is not shocking. Employees in an "effective workplace" are heathier (including both physically and mentally) and more productive.

What's shocking is that things haven't changed more since I was raising my own sons in the 80's. It's kind of sad, really. And, although women are affected, it is not a "women's issue." Here are some of the facts:

There are several factors creating an "effective workplace" - and that's the environment that enables a healthier worker.
Factors workers rank as most important to them (and therefore supportive of better health) are: Job that are challenging and allow "learning" toward growth, Work-Life fit, A "Climate of Respect, Autonomy and Supervisor Task Support

No surprise there, just a sigh. We all know that.
But as corporations learn that better work-life balance, or fit, or "flow" depending on who's talking, keeps employees healthier, and, as Galinsky confirmed, as more men seek similar balance and broaden the demand, the ice is breaking.
One lovely blog, Becky and Hollee reported speaking to a group of nurses after a speech in West Virginia.
"Here’s the good news: When I asked whether nurses today were better equipped to balance work and life than nurses 20 years ago, almost 80 percent said yes! That’s progress, as far as I’m concerned. Many pointed to flexible scheduling as a key to their happiness."
We're learning and so are our bosses, so maybe the next generation won't have the same sense of weary familiarity when they read the next Family and Work study in five years. For now, thanks to the Institute for showing us where we are, how where we are affects our health, and how far we still have to go.

Some Other Things -- More Clear When You Remember Other Kennedy Funerals

2009-09-02T05:00:00-05:00

On the wall of my office is a framed letter from John Kennedy. I spent many junior high afternoons and weekends volunteering for his presidential campaign and my dad managed, somehow, to let someone know about it. Hence the signed letter, fading but treasured.

I remember the day he died. The big, tough vice-principal -- also the football coach -- announced it over the intercom. He couldn't get through it without tears. Afterward we wandered around the school until the end of the day, lost. Later I was driving around, sneaking a couple of cigarettes, when I ran into my friend Jack, delivering prescriptions for the neighborhood pharmacy. He pulled over, I pulled over, and we stood in the middle of McClellan Drive and held onto each other and cried.

I remember the day Bobby Kennedy died too. I was in Los Angeles with the McCarthy campaign when it happened. Kennedy has just beaten us in the California primary, it was election night, and suddenly none of it seemed to matter. We watched the footage from the Ambassador Hotel kitchen, horrified, and sad, and scared.

Ted Kennedy's death was different. He not only lived into near "old age," he also was a symbol of much that had remained after his brothers were gone. And many bloggers both from our midlife cadre and those of every other age knew it. At Feministing, Karen Bojar recalled watching the JFK funeral and then this one - and offers the perspective of "an aging activist." And at the Huffington Post, Allison Rose Levy recalls the Senator and his importance to the future of American health care. The designated successor, President Obama, gave a beautiful eulogy, posted at The Democratic Daily by Pamela Leavey.

There was, however, the other side. Legendary novelist Joyce Carol Oates wrote in the Guardian about the darker side of the Senator's life. And in Jezebel, Kay Steiger examines, with some skepticism, "The Two Sides of Ted."

All that was answered, though, by Courtney E. Martin in The American Prospect. I'm going to let her have the last word.

Give me a fighter over a saint any day. Give me a man or woman who has
stared their imperfections in the face, who has seen the other side of
great expectations: profound disappointment. Give me a leader who knows
that humans are flawed, that social change is messy, and that we do it
all, each and every day, anyway. When it comes to health-care reform,
give me Ted Kennedy instead of Mother Teresa.

9/11: Too Easy to Forget and We Can Help Remember

2009-08-24T11:55:06-05:00

It sounds trite to say that we must never forget September 11, 2001. It is trite I guess -- the kind of trite that comes when something is so true that there aren't enough ways to say it. And of course that's what this is - we can't forget 9/11 - not really. Sadly though we can let it become just another day like Veteran's Day where people sigh, think for a moment and move on.

The trouble is that almost 3,000 people died that day and many of us watched it happen. Each of those persons had a story: a life, a family, a dream. As bloggers, we can help make sure that these individuals are remembered - each as the person they were. And a group called Project 2,996 will help you do it. Here's how they describe their work:

Project 2,996 is a tribute to the victims of 9/11.

On September 11, 2006, more than 3,000 bloggers joined together to remember the victims of 9/11.

Each year we will honor them by remembering their lives, and not by remembering their murderers.

If you would like to help out, by pledging to post a tribute on your
own blog on 9/11 of this year, click the button at the top of the
sidebar. Then, use the web to learn something about the life of the
name you are given, and on 9/11, post your tribute your blog or website.

It's a simple thing - would probably take an hour or two at most . And it would mean so much. Also if you send me links to your posts, we'll find a way to join all the BlogHer posts on one page.

Here's a link to the sign-up page. Let's show the families of the lost just what the blogger community can do!

Cynthia Samuels

Don't Gel Too Soon

Health Care, Netroots, Women and Pittsburgh: Definitely a Winning Combination

2009-08-20T01:00:00-05:00

The formerly hyper-leftish political blogger conference formerly known as The Yearly Kos, formerly made up only of a tight circle of political bloggers, has blossomed into a far more diverse and interesting community. Now known as Netroots Nation, they met last weekend in Pittsburgh, which knows a thing or two about working class life, and about tough times. And, it seemed to me, the group demonstrated commitment and compassion different from that of the tighter, earlier community.

I went as a representative of my company, which does outreach on behalf of nonprofits, so I really pushed to meet as many people as I could, and go to as many sessions as I could handle, especially since I wasn't able to arrive until Thursday night, missing an entire day. My first session, the reason I drove until midnight to be registered and in a 9AM event, was a conversation with Howard Dean about health care. It was moderated by two people, one Mike Lux and the other my great and highly respected friend Tanya Tarr, who made us all proud. Dr. Dean was pretty impressive as he answered questions about variouis health care proposals and their value. His biggest point was that without a public option there could be no real health care reform. He called the public option the only thing he really cared about. He explained in great detail why. The Sunday after that Friday was when Secretary Sebelius scared the (public or private) health out of all of us; it's going to be interesting to see what happens next.

There were plenty of personal accounts of the conference so you don't have to take it from me. Samhita, of Feministing, had a great time with some amazing folks. The Media Consortium's Lindsay Beyerstein recalls the investigative reporting training session and a Campus Progress crew reviewed many of the weekend's highlights.

Jane Stillwater at The Smirking Chimp compares Netroots with the upcoming G-20, which is also meeting in Pittsburgh but it was Rebecca Dana's Daily Beast column offered a nice long summary of the whole shebang. Oh, and if you love Amanda Marcotte (and I know you do) you can get her take on Netroots here at RH Reality Check.

Basically, I guess you could call this conference a BlogHer for progressive political junkies, full of information and rhetoric and plenty of great new friends. Maybe you want to join us next year.

Back to School Memories: Mademoiselle's "College Issue," Sylvia Plath and Me

2009-08-05T07:33:01-05:00

It always amazes me when Staples starts running that "most wonderful time of the year" ad because kids are going back to school and their parents are so happy. As we whose kids are grown and gone know, those summers are irretrievable treasures. I was thinking about all that and suddenly, oddly in fact, remembered my own favorite "back to school" memory.

That memory wasn't school supplies or new shoes or even new clothes. It was the wonderful fantasy of ambition that came with the Mademoiselle Magazine August College Issue. My friend Kalyn, of Kalyn's Kitchen, remembers too. "I do vivldly remember that issue every year. I would look carefuly through every page, determining if my own back-to-school wardrobe was up to par."

"There were clothes, of course. Beautiful clothes, in fact. Very "college girl" looking (remember the full "60s madness" came toward the end of the decade; there was plenty of time before that to imagine a lovely, civilized college life.) In fact, I left for freshman year with a camel hair suit, a dress-coat suit dress and other similarly "collegiate" wear. But this issue, of a magazine that used to publish short stories from Pulitzer-winning authors all the time - along with the cosmetics, the clothes, the circle pins and the shoes, that featured B. Smith as the first African American model on a women's magazine cover and awarded Pulitzer Prize winner Gwendolyn Brooks one of its Ten Young Women of the Year award - this issue included the "guest editors."

Chosen by essay and other submissions from "college girls" around the country, it seemed to me the ultimate honor. To come to New York and work for a month on this issue of the magazine; to be taken to elegant lunches and dinners and meet all sorts of writers and photographers and to have the experience of publishing a real and respected magazine - well - what could be better? In addition, there were single and group photos of each editor in some lovely outfit, along with her name and college. Back then the women's colleges (aka the Seven Sisters) were the female equivalent of the "Ivy League" since women were not then admitted to those schools. So to appear in Mademoiselle as a student from Smith (where I ultimately went) or Wellesley or Mount Holyoke: that would be amazing beyond measure.

The list of those who participated is pretty amazing too. ABC News' Lynn Sherr portrays her guest editor experience in both her book and The Huffington Post. The inimitable Betsey Johnson was a guest editor in 1964, the year I graduated from high school. Of course the most famous Mademoiselle alum was the tragic Sylvia Plath, whose book The Bell Jar describes much of that summer -and her descent into depression. Between its beginning in 1939 and its end in the late 70's, other alumnae included Joan Didion, Francine du Plessix Gray, Gael Greene, Ali McGraw, Ann Beattie, Mona Simpson and Linda Allard (from Ellen Tracy.)

For me, the College Issue of Mademoiselle was a window on possibility. Yes these were "pretty girls" but they had won their places as writers or designers for their work, not just their looks. They were chosen from college, not from a runway, and they were in places doing things that, in the mid-sixties, were rare for any young woman to do. If you don't believe me, rent Funny Face.

It's probably tough to imagine now, but then I had professors were taunted for teaching "only" women and no one wore pants anywhere but to class in the middle of the week and we were being educated as much to raise smart kids and contribute to the community as to have our own careers; many were "pinned" by junior year and engaged not much later. Women with fewer opportunities married even younger. I was discouraged (NOT by my parents but by others) for wantingto go to New York and be a writer or a playwright or just something... intellectual - smart - and successfully "New Yorkish." I'm convinced that rushing off early in August, whether at the beach or at home, to buy and pore through this landmark publication, helped me to get past all that "you want to do WHAT???" with the confidence and determination that helped to build the life I've been so lucky to live and, incidentally, to raise sons who expect nothing less from the women in their lives.

Cynthia Samuels also writes at her personal blog Don't Gel too Soon and is Managing Editor, Causes, at Care2

And That's the Way It Was: Remembering Walter Cronkite

2009-07-21T07:12:15-05:00

The first time I saw Walter Cronkite in person was during the Chicago Democratic Convention of 1968. The one with the riots. I was still working in the McCarthy Campaign then. He was anchoring CBS coverage and some kind producer had taken pity on me and let me into the CBS suite at the Hilton. It was pretty tear-gassy outside. I didn't speak to him of course; everyone was working and there was no time for hellos, until later.

Of course he'd been in my life almost as long as I could remember. Like so many families of the 60's we often "had dinner" with Mr. Cronkite. We'd turn the TV around so it faced the dining room and watch the news, (just like Pam Spaulding's family) and argue about it as we ate. I learned later when I worked at TODAY about the importance of an anchor you can "invite into your home." Mr. Cronkite was certainly that. When the obits called him "the most trusted man in America" they weren't kidding. He came to dinner, and later, to my dorm, where I watched him declare his conclusion that the Vietnam War could not be won. The night that happened, Lyndon Johnson told a staffer "If I have lost Walter Cronkite, I have lost Middle America."

He told us who won elections and that President Kennedy was dead and, and Martin Luther King, and Bobby Kennedy, that Neal Armstrong was walking on the surface of the moon. Rachel Sklar has aggregated video of these moments. Go look.

Right after Chicago I went to work for CBS News myself, invited to help on coverage of the Nixon Inauguration. Early in the fall, Walter came to town for something and I was finally introduced. "Oh," he said, " you're the one they put into the budget as Xerox paper." I never found out if that was at all true (it was possible since I was hired suddenly and, I understand now, in a slot that probably had no budget line), but it was funny, and I appreciated it. And it was a great way to start out.

After getting married and bouncing around a bit, we moved to New York and I worked for CBS there, where I often dealt with the "CBS Evening News with Walter Cronkite, if seldom with the Great Man himself. His producers made decisions and discussed them with him; if he wanted changes, changes were made. Often feature stories were ordered - and we'd be bewildered at their origins since they seemed kind out of left field. The answer, which we learned to expect, was "It's a WW" - a "Walter wants." Not only did he have a long journalistic career including coverage of Normandy and the rest of World War II; he was responsible for CBS News' dominance of the ratings so he usually got what he wanted. It made lots of us mad, but at the same time, I figured he'd earned the right to final thumbs up or down. After all, our newscast was known around the US and elsewhere as "the Cronkite Show." I don't think there's any one program today that has dominated awareness for so long.

He was an anchorman and a big shot but he was also a dad, and when I was working in the New York bureau that became all too clear. I got a call from the local station, WCBS. They had a police officer on the phone reporting that something terrible had happened to a young woman who looked a great deal like one of Cronkite's daughters. I went to Bud Benjamin, the revered News Vice President and told him; he immediately called Walter and asked him to come to his office (Walter's was all glass - no privacy.)

When Cronkite arrived, I was asked to repeat my conversation with the poiice. Probably the hardest thing I ever did - and certainly well beyond the experience I'd had then. Can you imagine, 27 years old and telling the most trusted man in America that his daughter may have died? Walter nodded, looked at our boss and, ever the professional, said "You have someone to do the show tonight?" The answer was, of course, affirmative, and he took off.

Fortunately for the Cronkite family it was another girl, another family's grief. But I never forgot his sad but infinitely calm demeanor, even in the face of such horrible possibility. He was, after all, a gentleman, and a dad...and a newsman. The incident was never mentioned again. But when our second son was born, one of the biggest bouquets of flowers to come to the hospital, included a card signed "Congratulations. Walter Cronkite."

Cronkite's impact on all of us was described in an infinite number of obits and blog posts, among them Ann Althouse's anti-obit - a provocative series of questions, Beth Shaw at Right Pundits has a nice look at the role of Cronkite's wife Betsy in his life and career, the legendary Kara Swisher (using a similar title to mine - but I didn't know that) writes nicely as a journalist about his influence, Nordette Adams offers a personal and professional recollection, and our own Erin Kotecki Vest has gathered many BlogHer's responses onto one awesome page.

Finally, just for fun, something only Xeni Jardim at Boing Boing would have found: Walter Cronkite giving an interview on his role as a drummer in a band with Mickey Hart! That should tell you how much more was there than any obit can relay.

Womenomics: That Pesky Work-Balance Issue and the Anchorwomen

2009-07-08T06:00:00-05:00

Last week, on the back deck of Punditmom's house, I was lucky enough to meet and listen to ABC's Claire Shipman and BBC's Katty Kay as they talked about their new book, Womenomics. It was thrilling to hear them talk about the new "facts of life" - that, in fact, it's now good business to hire women and move them up the ladder, and to make room for the special needs that families have when both parents are working. No longer in positions as supplicants, many women can ask, without fear of reprisal, for flexible work hours and the other benefits that make it possible for us to be productive.

If you doubt that, ask these two authors how many corporations and trade organizations have asked them to come speak and help their leadership understand what they need to do to attract and retain female employees. They're in huge demand.

Of course, this conversation has gone on forever. One of the stars writing about it: Morra Aarons, both on her Women and Work blog and here at BlogHer. The wonderful Mom-101 has given us plenty of meditations on how to "do it all" including a great piece on stay at home dads

What about the Obama example? Jill Miller Zimon, mom, blogger and political candidate, writes about the recent New York Times piece about White House family values.

MommaLaw offered a great meditation about Sarah Palin "Another Working Mom Bites the Dust." And right here at BlogHer Amy Gates has written about it more than once - including a post on working moms and depression. You can read about work-life balance at MomOcrats and on childcare problems at Mompreneur Musings. Katherine Lewis at About.com offers dozens of useful pieces including an exploration of what we need to do next. And of course, there are many, many more.

I just have one more question. What happens to women who work on assembly lines or are only paid for the hours they work? How are they to benefit from these new parameters? It's a tough one, but it looks like it's going to take a lot longer for these benefits to trickle down to them. Both Shipman and Kay acknowledge this, and it doesn't make it untrue that benefits for working professional women are far more available. Despite that fact though, it still isn't time to declare victory and go home. Not yet.

Anne Frank, the Holocaust Shooting and Forgiveness

2009-06-17T06:00:00-05:00

Anne Frank would have been 80 years old on June 12th. How ironic that within days of this anniversary, once again Jews were attacked - this time at the Holocaust Museum, a place designed to memorialize the victims, including Anne, of the Holocaust itself. It's an ironic reminder of what all our mothers - and most of our rabbis -- told us -- that there will always be people who hate Jews and that they will always find ways to try to hurt us - singly or in great numbers.

As someone who grew up at the end of World War II, I remember Anne, who felt like someone my age even though, in real terms, she would have been much older. Listen toLea Lane, at the Huffington Post:

I took Diary of a Young Girl home and read it through, crying along the read. I identified with the sensitive, Jewish teenager who could write openly and freely, who didn't get along with her mother, who was feisty and flirty and curious.

The book was everywhere then: school libraries, book stores, a play and a movie. The play was revived in the early nineties and starred Natalie Portman. It's impact has not gone unacknowledged. Our own Megan Smith listed the film in her post "Ten TV Shows and Movies That Taught Me Something About War." Julia Buckley at Mysterious Musings offers a sweet contemplation of Anne, and a lovely photo.

Many bloggers have connected the two stories: the Holocaust Museum shooting and Frank's birthday, among them: Weave and Sew Dust, Hummingbirdminds, and Feministe.

I came upon a couple of other posts that round things out, both here at BlogHer. Britt Bravo has a lovely interview with Janessa Goldbeck of the Genocide Intervention Network. Britt writes that her interest in genocide arose at least partially from all the Anne Frank stories and Holocaust films she grew up on. Their conversation summarizes many of the issue surrounding Frank - and creating the need for a Holocaust Museum, whose halls fill with new horrors from Darfur and Rwanda and wherever comes next. And another BlogHer mainstay, Mata H, offers us The Forgiveness Project, which encourages, and enables, efforts to forgive- countries, individuals -- whomever needs forgiving. Anne would have liked that.

The Death of Dr. Tiller and How It Used to Be

2009-06-03T08:00:00-05:00

The Sunday murder, in church, of Dr. George Tiller (profiled here by our own Suzanne Reisman) is devastating, not only for its savagery but also because it is one of many.

The National Abortion Federation lists 8 dead since 1993. Several others, before Sunday and including Dr. Tiller, have been shot and injured. Of course, reaction from the women of cyberspace, including those who oppose abortion rights, was swift and negative. Lisa Stone has aggregated many of them here.

For those of us in the Midlife universe though, this is also a deja vu and far more frightening because of what we remember. At a blog called Coffee Shop Dharma, blogger Alia posts a bloodcurdling recollection, by LA Times columnist Patt Morrison, of the days before abortion rights. Here's some of it, describing women without resources, trying to cause their own abortions:

They jabbed into their uteruses with knitting needles and coat hangers,
which (Dr.) Mishell sometimes found still inside them. They stuck in bicycle pump nozzles, sometimes sending a fatal burst of air to the heart. They’d try to insert chemicals – drain cleaner, fertilizer, radiator-flush – and miss the cervix, corrode an artery and bleed to death. Mishell once put a catheter into a woman’s bladder and “got a tablespoon of motor oil.”

“I’m telling you, it was really an awful situation. It touched me because I’d see young, [otherwise] healthy women in their 20s die from the consequences of an infected nonsterile abortion. Women would do anything to get rid of unwanted pregnancies. They’d risk their lives. It was a different world, I’ll tell you.”

(Why didn’t they just get birth control, you wonder. Because some state laws still defined contraception as “obscene,” and not until 1965 – in living memory of some of you reading this – did the Supreme Court say contraceptives were legal for married couples. The unmarried didn’t get that right until 1972.)

If that's not enough, Go read Time Goes By's Ronni Bennett's recollections. A small excerpt:

As I lay naked from the waist down on a cold, metal table, the doctor, using surgical instruments of dubious sterility, poked and scraped inside me. There was no anesthetic. I screamed. The nurse (well, she was dressed in white and wore a cap) slapped my face and told me to shut up.

So you see, as so many of us remember, Dr. Tiller's martyrdom recalls times of great pain, fear and suffering. As we join together to honor this brave doctor and prevent further mayhem, let's also remember just what he helped to deliver us from.

Star Trek, Friends and the Passage of Time (Just a Little Bit of a Spoiler)

2009-05-20T08:22:57-05:00

I'm writing this right after seeing Star Trek because I don't want to forget. By the time you read it though, the film will be more than a week old. The film is lovely - sweet, in fact. It includes an appearance (slightly more than a cameo) by Leonard Nimoy, as an aging Mr. Spock. The film skids back and forth in time, much as our own memories do -- and between the young Spock played by Heroes' Zacharay Quinto and Nimoy as his older self.

For me, as I suspect for many, there was a wonderful subtext to this dashing film: that of life moving on, lessons learned, friendships nurtured. Spock of the future, bundled up in a snowy cave, explaining to his junior self* about their relationship and the passage of time. Megan Smith of Megan's Minute, tells me that many of her friends have described their pleasure, on a whole other level, upon introducing their kids to the Star Trek they knew and loved. When William Shatner was Captain Kirk, not a lawyer with a failing brain or travel agent/kidnapping Priceline spokesman.

One example: Jennie Rigg of the UK, who describes seeing the film with her small daughter. It's really lovely.

Nordette Adams, who blogs at The Examiner and BlogHer, has written about Shatner as a novelist in her own meditation on the film. In the same post, she wonders why we saw so little of Kirk's mom while Spock's, played by the radiant Winona Ryder, was so, well, radiant. She also links to many of the major Trek sites, so the post is a real multi-tasking bonanza.

Also raising questions is Melissa Silverstein of Women and Hollywood, who wishes that women were at least as represented in the film as they were on the TV series. True, although I was having so much fun I forgot to notice.

On another front, the GameGirls offer four perspectives - all of them positive and a couple dealing with the joys of the time-travel portion of the plot. They're young women and they don't altogether relate to the slight melancholy that accompanies a long friendship as live moves on, but they are four smart women with great perspectives on the beloved Star Trek - then and now.

Far from the world of GameGirls is a media literacy teacher and advocate in Culver City, CA who is also a nun. Her blog Sister Rose, is full of remarkable observations on the film, including several about time, friendship and -- well, listen to her:

It may be sci-fi but it is also “psy-fi”. It’s about character, how
everything in life stems from learning empathy, discovering self and
one’s identity, emotional intelligence, and the integrated personality,
love and self-sacrifice for others, family, ethnic diversity, community.

In other words, not surprisingly, many of the women who saw Star Trek love the film as much as the guys - maybe more - and for vastly diverse and interesting reasons. Just perfect for the world Gene Roddenberry sought to create so long ago.

EDITED TO REPAIR DUMB MISTAKE: JRose48 reminds me that Spock was talking to an older KIRK not to himself. Clearly a little too much what the shrinks call "transference" at work here. Sorry and thanks to JR for the help0.

Women Bloggers, Pete Seeger's Birthday and the Power of Music

2009-05-06T07:09:57-05:00

Pete Seeger turned 90 last Sunday. He's been a huge part of my life, concerts with my sisters, boyfriends, husband and children. Once my father, who didn't hear well, went with my little sister to see him. She had written down lyrics for him so he could follow and he loved it. He sent a letter to me at college, telling me that if I ever lose hope, I should listen to Pete, that he had such a life force of positive energy that he even made my dad feel great. And he was a Republican!

It reminds me not only of my youth and the folkie that I was, but also of the power of music. It's a common topic in the blogosphere both among midlifers and younger women. In fact, a wildly popular Mom blogger named Liz Gumbinner asked a great music question: What are the songs that were ruined for you by a bad memory or just a change in you? Among the 33 comments were several who said that songs appearing in commercials were ruined for them. It's a tactic that began with boomer music. I remember refusing to let my kids have Nikes for years because they used the Beatles "Revolution" song in an ad.

Midlife people are certainly defined by our music. Ronni Bennett of Time Goes By offers this summary of some great performances, with videos and including Bruce, Pete Seeger (Happy 90th Birthday Pete!) and Leonard Cohen. And if you're a real femme music junkie, this piece on B**ch about a little-know team of sister musicians will fascinate you.

Over at Rockin' Mama's Mother's Day give-away you have a chance at some wonderful DVDs, and it's fun to see where all the other commentors land as they choose among the ones on each list.

Finally, here's a two-year-old post, right here on BlogHer, that lists women music bloggers. It looks like there's room for a few more! Remember that when Catherine Morgan started the Political Voices of Women it was puny, and its now well over 500 blogs. SO if you're a music queen, maybe you'll find a new calling. Either way, happy listening and, once more, Happy Birthday Pete!