babybeatnik's blog

No Boobs in the Cry Room

2009-09-13T17:13:24-05:00

A few weeks ago I posted something on my Facebook status regarding
breastfeeding support. Most of my friends know that I breastfeed my
daughter, and while I am not of the Breastfeed-or-Die clan I am pretty
well versed in the pros and cons of both breastfeeding and formula
feeding and have opinions on both.

Well, as you can imagine,
my status sparked a conversation with a younger girl with whom I used
to work. In so many words, she stated that she too supports
breastfeeding but she doesn't want to "look over and see boobs in the
middle of Sunday morning mass. That's what cry rooms are for," she
claimed.

Well now. As you can imagine, this struck a chord
with me. As a breastfeeding mother and an equal rights activist for ALL
I was slightly offended. "I'm sorry if I'm mistaken here, but I was
under the impression that cry rooms were meant to be a place where you
take your crying baby, as not to disturb the rest of the congregation.
You'll have to excuse that assumption as I'm not exactly a member of
the church but that is what the name implies. Now, I can't speak for
other mothers, but I can read my baby's hunger cues and get her fed
well before she starts crying, so there's no real need for me to take
her to the cry room, is there?"

I got an immediate response.
"Sure there is. Don't you think that waving your bare breast around in
the House of the Lord, or in any public area for that matter, is
inappropriate?"

Hah! Inappropriate! Boy oh boy.

"Let me
tell you what I find to be inappropriate: First of all, the fact that a
mother who feeds her child formula from a bottle wouldn't have to leave
the room yet I am basically punished for feeding my child the best
possible food for her and blacklisted from any public area while doing
so. Yes, let's reward the mom who feeds her baby what scientists call
"artificial milk." That's right - it's artificial. It's a half-assed
chemical reproduction of the better choice.

"Second of all, I
find it completely inappropriate that society has marked breasts as
first being sexual devices and only second as what they were naturally
intended to be. If GOD has a problem with me using my breasts the way
he intended them to be used in his house then I shall choose not to
visit Him. Although I doubt that is the case.

"Last but not
least, I find it HIGHLY inappropriate that you claim to support
breastfeeding. As a breastfeeding mother, when people tell me something
like what you've just said I hear 'Oh, it's okay to breastfeed, so long
as it's convenient for me and doesn't offend me. Because that's who
it's about anyway, right? Me.'

"I am all for modesty. While I
disagree with the way society has forced our view on breasts as sexual
objects I understand that that is the world we live in and if I feed my
daughter in public I will do so as discreetly as possible. But I refuse
to shy away from giving my daughter what is best and I refuse to be
inconvenienced by people who go out of their way to be offended by it.
I'm sorry if this seems harsh but I am tired of being looked down upon
for making what I believe to be the healthiest, most responsible
choices for my child. I appreciate your opinion but that's not the kind
of 'support' I need."

Cross-posted at http://beatniksbeatonlife.blogspot.com/

My Mom Body...

2009-04-18T00:45:01-05:00

I just read that the next Back Talk topic is going to be the Mom Body. As a woman who has just given birth to my last child a little more than 3 weeks ago, this is something that I am currently dealing with on more of a full scale basis than I normally would.

Growing up, I was the tall, skinny girl. People called me Daddy Long Legs... In 6th grade, my nickname was "High Water" because I couldn't find any pants with long enough legs. I heard all the horrible names - Bean Pole I think was the one I heard the most of them all.

I never had to worry about my weight. My biggest problems as far as body image was concerned were my chicken legs and flat chest. Don't get me wrong - just because I never worried about being the "fat girl" or putting on any weight doesn't mean that I didn't have my own self esteem issues.

But I eventually got over that. Once I got a little older and put on a little bit more weight I got used to my body and came to enjoy it. I found myself a man who didn't cut me down because I didn't have a chest or because my legs were so skinny - he actually really liked my body too! I finally got to a point that I liked myself as a whole, not just my personality but my body as well.

When I was 20 I got pregnant with our first daughter Gracie. At the time of conception I was actually quite underweight - 10-15 lbs underweight. But throughout that pregnancy I gained 80 lbs. I went from being 114 to 194 over the course of 39 weeks. It was the first time in my life that I had weighed more than 130. At the time I was fine with it. I knew that I had never had problems with my weight and concidering my metabolism, I figured the weight would shed right off. And I was right.

My first pregnancy actually left my body in better shape than it had ever been in. My chest was a little bigger, and the way that my hips spread left me a little more curvy. Once I had lost the weight I wanted to lose, I looked great.

Last year in August I quit smoking. Along with that came 20 lbs. I was fine with the weight I had gained though, as it all went to the areas I wanted it to: my chest and my rear - both of which were pretty non-existant before. Just as I was settling into my new body I found out I was pregnant again. I ended up at almost the same weight this pregnancy - 189 lbs this time around. But I carried it differently. I didn't look quite as big.

A little over 3 weeks ago, I gave birth at the age of 25 to another beautiful baby girl. Things are a little different this time around though. I'm older now and my metabolism has slowed down. I worry that the weight won't come off as easily this time around as it has before. When I get out of the shower I notice the jiggle that happens in my belly when I take a step. My stomach feels a lot like a blob of paritally risen dough.

This is not a feeling I'm used to. I know my husband still thinks I'm sexy, but I often worry that he doesn't see me the same way he used to. I'm hoping that breastfeeding will help me lose some of the weight because I just don't have the energy (or the time!) to work out.

I still like my body, but it's taking some getting used to. I don't know that I will ever get my old body back, but at least I know that I came by the one I've got now honestly - and the rewards I'm reaping in lieu of that old body are so much greater.

Getting My Tubes Tied... Curiosity

2009-02-08T23:02:00-06:00

Alrighty - so here it is. I'm 33 weeks pregnant with my second child, and my husband and I are talking about getting my tubes tied. The issue isn't getting it done vs. not getting it done - that's not up for discussion here. My issue is just getting information on it. Does it hurt? Is the recovery time long or difficult? Will they put me under for it, or am I going to be awake?

I've never had any kind of operation done, and to be honest I'm kind of scared. I'm more scared about getting this done than I am about childbirth. I could just really use some reassurance - any kind of reassurance. From what I understand, the more you learn about something, the more you understand about it, the easier it is to face.

So, if anyone has any information they would like to share, please do! PLEASE do! What were your experiences with this procedure like? Would you suggest it to someone else? How long ago did you have it done, and which procedure exactly did you have done?

I've still got a bit of time ahead of me to research this, and like I said, the topic is still on the table between my husband and I. We're still talking about it, but I will be honest in that it looks like I will more than likely get it done. But I would still appreciate any information anyone can give me. Please help me educate myself on this subject - as it's such a life-altering topic.

Insert Title at a Later Date: A Guide to Procrastination in Three Easy Steps

2009-01-01T23:03:02-06:00

Procrastination:
The art of putting off that which should be done today but can be done
tomorrow. I would like to say that I am the type of person who
completes a task the first chance I get after receiving it.
Unfortunately, I am not. I like to think that I work best under
pressure and I give myself that excuse to wait until the very last
minute to get the job done. Not everyone is capable of pulling off
starting and completing a project in one setting at the last minute,
but when you are as highly trained in the art of procrastination as I
am, it’s a much easier task than it seems. The following are my notes
on the process.

Let’s begin at what I will call Day One. Day One is
the date at which you receive a given assignment. I’ll use my most
recent psychology project as an example. Two weeks ago, I received the
assignment sheet for my psychology project, in which I was instructed
to identify a specific psychological disorder, define the disorder,
describe symptoms, and explain a few different treatments for the
disorder. There is quite a bit of research involved in this assignment.
However, being a procrastinator, I followed the first general rule of
procrastination: I placed my assignment sheet in a notebook stating
that I would work on it when I got home. When I got home, I left my
backpack in my car and rather than attempting to work on the project, I
decided to get online and check my email. The following school day, I
was reminded of the project when the assignment sheet fell out of my
notebook at the beginning of class. Siting the fact that there is
little that I could do with it at that exact point in time, I returned
the sheet to its original position in my notebook, thus repeating the
beginning of the procrastination process.

Skipping ahead to Day
Ten, I have repeated my patented process of procrastination to the T up
until this point. A key factor to mention in this process is the slow
build up of stress involved: as time moves closer to the due date, the
stress built up is directly proportional to the amount of work done, or
lack thereof rather. To put it mildly, at this point the heat is on –
but we’re not really cooking yet. This project isn’t actually due until
Day Fifteen. Keeping in step with the unwritten Procrastinator’s
Handbook, rather than starting the project I promise myeslf that I will
begin the project the following day and keep myself up half the night
worrying about it rather than actually beginning any form of actual
work. This part of the process is thusly repeated for two to three days.

Upon the onset of Day Fourteen, my situation has come to a head. So
far, my efforts of inducing the maximum amount of pressure have been
successful. I am now in the best work state that I could possibly find:
it is 11:30 pm the night before my project is due, my head is about to
explode from the stress of waiting so long, and my family has picked
this exact moment in time to pester me with anything and everything
they can possibly imagine. This is where the magic happens. After
screaming at my family for ten minutes to quiet down or leave, I sit at
my computer with smoke billowing from my ears and nostrils. As quickly
as I possibly can, I hurriedly piece together just above the minimum
amount of information needed to complete my project.

In
finally completing my task, more often than not I discover that the
information wasn’t really all that hard to find, it wasn’t difficult in
the slightest to write out a meaningful and comprehensive essay on said
information, and although I am relieved to have it done I am also most
of the time disappointed that I waited so long to do so. The
frustration and stress from following this process of procrastination
has likely taken years off of my life. But, I can always rationalize
that the years taken will be the ones at the end – the hurried,
frustrated, stress-filled times that will inevitibly be so because of
my overall procrastination in life.

Getting it Off My Chest Vol. 1 - My Wedding

2009-01-01T15:32:52-06:00

My husband and I, on the 6th anniversary of our first kiss got married. It was June 1, 2007. I look back at this date with a sense of accomplishment as we'd made it through so much more than anyone ever thought possible. However, every now and again a dark cloud covers my memories of our wedding. I've never really shared anything about it, although I've wanted to at the very least blog on it. I couldn't at any other point in time though, as my issues are with some of my in-laws, and while they will likely forever plague my memories, they are not something that I want to bring up to them. And, as most of my in-laws are friends of mine on MySpace and Facebook, I've kept quiet.

I realize this likely sounds petty, but there are only two things that I would change about my wedding day. The first being my dress. I love love LOVE my dress. However, I wore the dress for about an hour before the ceremony actually began, and had the train busselled the whole time. In the heat of the moment, I forgot to let the train down before the ceremony. Whoops. That's a minor glitch, and it still looked nice. So, whatever.

The second issue is actually kind of a two-parter involving my husband's cousin's children. Every year in my town there is a formal father-daughter dance that these girls attend. Their mom buys them very formal, very pretty dresses for them to wear. I think that's great. I would have LOVED to take part in something like that when I was a girl. But this woman let her daughters wear these FORMAL dresses (and one of them was WHITE!) to my wedding. My outdoor, mostly casual wedding. Now, I'm no bridezilla (trust me on this, I'm about as laid back as they come) but it was MY DAY to be the pretty one. And these little girls are prancing around like it's prom night. Fantastic.

The second part of my issue, which is the one that actually bothers me the most, is that these little girls decided to take up the entire first row of the groom's side of the seating during the ceremony. My mother-in-law had to sit on the third row of her only son's wedding. My sister-in-law had no place to sit at all. There was much of my husband's family who couldn't sit down anywhere because these girls didn't know their place, and for some reason their mother didn't set them straight. I'm sorry - but if you're not IMMEDIATE family, the front row is not for you. This is NOT proper wedding ettiquete.

In one respect, I do feel kind of petty making an issue of this. I realize that these are little girls, and that they don't know any better. But in the same respect, their mother should know better and should inform them. And it wouldn't be a problem for me if I wasn't reminded of it every time I look at the pictures from our wedding, or every time I stumble onto a wedding site that's talking about seating.

Anyway, I just wanted to get this out there and hope that it makes me feel a little better. I also realize that if this is the worst problem I encounter with my in-laws that I am one lucky girl, and that realization kind of puts it back in perspective.

It's been a while...

2008-12-30T22:29:54-06:00

Well, it's been a while since I've posted. Not a whole lot has gone on since my last post - I ended up having to go to once class on Dec. 10th for a final, but for the most part I stuck at home. That was actually the last day of my first semester of college. I was pretty excited - especially to have some time away from school. HAHA. I did pretty well - A's and B's. I'm pretty proud of myself.

I haven't really done much of anything aside from that. I started working again. I'm back at Chili's after a 2 month hiatus (I hope I spelled that right) but I'm not waiting tables anymore. Well, not really. I will be one day to help a friend cover a shift, but typically I'm either working the To-Go counter or doing the front of house expo/QA. Every now and again (once every couple weeks) I fill in as a host. I'm enjoying being back, but it's a lot more tiring trying to work while I'm pregnant. I didn't work at all when I was pregnant with my first daughter, Gracie, so I really had no idea just how tiring it can really be. This pregnancy has been harder on me than my first was as well though.

When I was pregnant with Gracie, for the most part it was the ideal pregnancy. I had some killer heartburn the last couple months, and some pretty wicked mood swings (although I blame those mostly on the environment - a story for a different day) but that's really it. I got physically throwing up sick twice.

This time around however... I don't want to sound like a grump or like things are worse than they are - because they could REALLY suck. There haven't been any complications this time around, so I'm lucky there. But I've dealt with some discomfort spanning from an insane amount of vomit-inducing migraines and heartburn so bad that I've felt at times like my throat was going to open up through my neck and spew acid akin to that of the blood of the aliens from the Aliens movies. I'm swollen all over as well, and I never realized how badly it actually hurts to have swollen ankles - but trying to work on them SUCKS.

But, I'm about 3/4 the way through my pregnancy so I'm stoked. My main worries are dealing with my spoiled daughter (who will be 4 when the baby is born) and my spoiled self. Gracie is extremely independent, and I have become spoiled in that I don't have to provide much for her aside from just kind of hanging out. Don't get me wrong - I'm not saying that I make her cook and clean and basically be a miniature adult. I love my kid and I spend a lot of quality time with her. But, if I'm particularly tired I can put in The Lion King and lay down for the entire movie (and even sleep!) and not worry that something will go wrong. That is something I am sorely going to miss once girlie numero dos comes.

Anyway. Things are going well here. I'm off work until New Years Day and I plan on spending much of that at home in my PJs. I'll update again here in the next week or so once something new happens. Until then, be good!

A Day Without a Gay

2008-11-19T18:24:58-06:00

December 10, 2008 is a day that I hope will go down in history. On that day, anyone gay, lesbian, bi, trans, or supportive of any of the above are asked to call-in to work, boycott for the day if possible. It's being held this day because it's also Human Rights Day. What better day for it? It's all to support equal rights for the GBLT community.

I'm not personally of the community, but I do support them. I feel like they are being treated as second-rate citizens and it's not fair.

I would really rather not go into too much detail at this point in time concerning my stance on the subject. I just ask anyone who supports the community to show that support on Dec. 10. For more information, you can go here.

But Flat Tires Are SO Much Fun!

2008-11-18T15:50:03-06:00

My school is a short 20 minute commute from my house. It's in a separate town, which may sond strange to some. I bet some of you reading are even thinking 'Are there really separate towns only 20 minutes away? Hell, even McDonald's is more than 20 minutes away from me!' But, you have to remember that I live in a town of only about 30,000 with several rural towns surrounding it. My school is in one of those rural towns.

So, now that we have the layout kind of established - as I was driving home from school yesterday, I'm flipping through the stations when one of my favorite cheesy 80's songs comes on. So, I crank it and start singing along. All of a sudden, I hear that noise that can make any pregnant woman cringe. "Thump * Thump * Thump" Ugh.

I pulled off to the side of the highway, to find out that my back passenger tire isn't flat - the tred on it is stripping, and causing an awful flapping noise. It also managed to knock loose part of my rear bumper. Fantastic. Well, I'm very much a "Anything you can do I can do better" kind of girl, so I pop the trunk, and sort of self-righteously begin attempting to change the tire... Except the hub cap is on so tight that I can't get it off. Ugh.

There I was, pulling on this thing trying my damndest to get it off and making little progress when I hear a car door shut. To make a long story short, an older man came up and ended up changing the tire for me. And he did it really fast too! So, I was thankful for that.

Anyway - I realize that this post has quickly gone to nowhere, and while I would love to take the time to go through and edit it, I've got to give my daughter a bath, so I'm gonna go now.

Better stuff to come tomorrow.

Day Two: Filtering Through the Junk

2008-11-17T11:47:55-06:00

Alrighty... Time to start day two. I've decided that I am going to attempt to blog once a day, at least until I get this down. And seeing as I don't really have an audience yet, I might as well take this time to sort through some of the BS that needs to be established, but at the same time I don't intend on discussing frequently. I'm going to try to tackle some of the larger, more contreversial issues now so that I don't have to later - and if I do, I can merely site what I've written here and move forward from that.

So, I guess I'll start of with religion/spirituality. I do want to state that I have no intention of using this blog as a platform for my views and beliefs in this area. I have the utmost respect for the right to believe and practice whatever you want, or to not take part at all. I realize that in posting this, I may be opening myself up for critisism, but I don't really care. I can take the heat.

I personally prefer the term spirituality to religion. My beliefs are everchanging, and likely always will be. I feel like the term religion is too strict to allow for change. My specific set of beliefs and spirituality doesn't have a name - at least not one that I know of. I believe that God - whoever/whatever that may be - is completely infinite. I'm a very all or nothing kind of girl, and I mostly prefer all to nothing. What I mean by this, that God is infinite, is that by stating that I just believe in the Christian God, or this god or that god, or even this set of gods, I'm placing it into a finite role. I'm basically saying that once I cross "this" line, my god can't save me. Now, I'm not saying that I want to perform evil deeds by any means. No, I have no intentions of going on a baby murder rampage. I just want the freedom to make mistakes. And, as I said before, I'm kind of all or nothing - so when I mess up, I do it big.

I choose to base my morals around those of the Christian faith. I still attend church from time to time, and I'm very close to some very VERY religious people. I have yet to clash with anyone about this particular view - however I was told once recently by an aquaintance that my point of view made him uncomfortable. So, we came to an agreement that I won't spout my BS if he will pay me the same respect. And, now that that's out of the way, I suppose that's all I ask of you... My... somewhat small to nonexistent audience. And, really, I don't see that there will be any problems any time soon.

Okay. What else?... Child-rearing. Again - I will try not to step on your feet if you agree to do the same. It's every parent's right to do what they want with their children (within state-regulated reason, thank you) and so long as your child is not harming me, my child, or our property, I will do my best to stay out of your way.

As I'm sure most parents do, I am constantly having to update my bag of tricks and trades in child-rearing. Pretty much the only constant part of the equation in my life as a mother has been consistency. I've gotten into a number of (for some reason) very heated debates concerning this. I personally just don't see how you can raise a child with inconsistent rules and values. But, like I said, I'll stay out of your business as a parent so long as you're not causing harm to me and mine.

Here's my primary example of an argument I got into. I just started college this year. I'd been out of school for 7 years - lived in the "real world," had jobs, rented my own house, established and maintained a relationship, got married, and had a child (plus the other various ups and downs we all go through as adults.) within those 7 years. I have accumulated some life experience, basically. I don't claim to be some wise elder by any means, or even to carry a shred of wisdom in comparison to my elders, but I know what's going on. Anyway. My first college assignment was to write a narrative essay on a deeply emotionally charged issue that I have personally experienced. This essay was to be put on a compare/contrast basis as well. So, I wrote about the differences between how my child acts because of consistent parenting and how a friend of mine's child acts because of inconsistent parenting. I know I said I wouldn't step on people's toes here - and trust me, I tried not to. I will save you further back story by simply stating that after conversing with my professor, he strongly urged that I write on this topic.

So, I wrote it. I belong to a fairly tight-knit group on a message board, so I posted it there to get some feedback before I had to turn it in. In my essay, I discussed some of the various behavioral issues that myself and my friend both have dealt with in our 3 year olds. I walked through the basic problem in each, and the solution in each, discussing the differences in our parenting styles and consistency. The end result in each illustration was that my daughter has a tendency to follow direction more frequently because the results are mroe frequently the same, whereas my friend's child followed direction much less frequently because the result was very rarely the same. And I merely cited specific issues that I personally witnessed. I didn't point fingers, and I certainly did not state (nor did I imply) that my friend's child is a "bad kid." In fact, I pointed out quite the opposite. He's a fine child; he's sweet and compassionate, he's bold and he knows what he wants (as much as a 3 year old can, at least.) My praise for the child was abundant throughout the essay. It was merely comparing and contrasting behavior based upon consistency in parenting.

Most of the responses were nice, constructive critcism. "Your thesis statement is a little unclear - could you patch it up a bit?" and things of the like. However, one woman who had only recently joined the group was highly offended by my stance on consistency. She claimed that I was "malnourishing my child's inner-need to be artistic and express herself" because I took her crayons away when she colored on my bedroom wall. The woman didn't ever actually point out a decent argument against consistent parenting, she just simply bashed me for disciplining my child and instating rules in my home. Some of the points this woman made did make some sense, but their foundation was shaky. One such example is the need for artistic expression. While I wholeheartedly agree that everyone, children especially, need an outlet of some sort, I also believe that if it's against the rules to color on the walls and my child does so, I should punish her for it. I believe that just as much as I believe that if I am spray painting the side of a building I don't own and have no permission to be doing so, chances are I'm going to have to face some sort of legal reprecussion.

So, I'm sure that it seems that I have veered off track here. And, to an extent, I guess I have. I'm really just trying to establish my views on consistency. I do apologize if the last part of that sounded ranty. Keep in mind, I'm still new to this, and if you happen to still be reading after all this, I thank you!

I had more I intended on saying, but perhaps it's best that I leave something for tomorrow.

Again, comments and constructive critcism is not only welcomed but requested! So, please let me know how I'm doing, what I'm doing right, what I could be working on!

So, I'm a BlogHer Newb. Hooray!

2008-11-17T00:48:26-06:00

Hello, all. My name is Erin, and this is my first offical BlogHer post. I've found a few blogs through here that I've really enjoyed and thought that perhaps this would be a nice platform to rant and rave, as I tend to do.

Please, pardon me if this seems a little edgy or unrefined in terms of blogs - I'm not used to blogging much more than I do on MySpace. Basically, as I'm sure if you've read other first-time bloggers out there you've also read basically this very same post, I'm stumbling all over myself and apologizing in advance. I will work diligently to get the hang of this.

Okay. So.... Introductions might be a good place to start! Well, as I said, my name is Erin. I am married to a wonderful man named Jason, who you will more than likely hear plenty about in coming posts. We just got married last year in June, but we've been together for almost 7 and a half years. Together, we are raising our beautiful 3 year old daughter Gracie (Charlotte Grace - just in case I refer to a Charlotte, that's who it is.) and we are pregnant with our second daughter. I'm due in the end of March.

I am 25 years old (somehow I managed to type in 23 there - and almost kept going! Whoopsie!) and a first semester student of psychology. I'm currently not working, but will go back to work this summer, likely at Chili's - where I've worked for 2 weeks short of 2 years.

I'm not all together sure as to what topics I will be discussing in this blog, but I'm sure there will be plenty about my family and many of the various frustrations that come with living a semi-agnostic lifestyle in the buckle of the Bible Belt.

If anyone reading this has any advice on blogging, please feel free to let me know. I'm certain I will get it in time, and I'm not particularly worried, but the more help I get the quicker this will come together and stop looking like a sloppy newbie blog. ;)

I'm looking forward to posting more - even if there's no real audience to post for.