The Sex and Relationships Birds of a Feather meeting is happening at BlogHer '08 on Friday July 18th at 3:15pm. If sex and/or relationship blogging is something you do - even just sometimes or even just in your blogging dreams - I hope you'll join us.

I am so excited to be hosting a sex & relationships Birds of a Feather at BlogHer this year. After all, I'm a veritable pro at this Birds of a Feather thing. Oh, yes... How well I remember BlogHer '05, and the overwhelming popularity of my Birds of Feather meet-up. The topic was "blogging about dating," and two brave souls (oh so thankfully!) joined me to talk about the kind of blogging we were doing: BlogHer contributing editor Maria Niles and Ken from The Real Kato.

See, I walked into the first BlogHer thinking that blogging was personal blogging. I thought that the whole conference would be about personal blogging! BlogHer '05 began my love affair with mommy bloggers because to my mind they were really blogging. I remember learning about the Technorati Top 100 and thinking, "Yeah, but half of these aren't really even blogs!" I do believe I even stood up and said that at one point.

Ah, we've learned and blogged so much in the past years. Blogging - even personal blogging - sometimes feels like it has grown up. Heck, we've got a whole "Who We Are" track at BlogHer this year!

Still, blogging about sex and relationships really is a unique and frequently fun niche in the blogosphere, and it brings its own flavor to the whole host of personal blogging issues. We can talk about whatever grabs us when we get there, but here's some things I've been thinking about:

• Do you have blogging rules? Where do you set your blogging boundaries (if anywhere)?
• How does the decision to be anonymous or not effect the blogging of sex & relationships?
• Share your sex & relationships blogging blunders - Did you blog a romantic encounter only to have him find the post you thought he'd never see? What happens when someone blogs you? Does your family read your blog? I want to hear some stories!
• Does blogging sex & relationships bring up any fears for you and what, if anything, do you do about it?
• Has blogging effected your sex & relationships (for better or for worse)?
• Has the public perception of sex & relationship blogging improved or worsened? Do we care?
• Are sex blogging and relationship blogging mutually exclusive?

Thoughts from the blogosphere:

What happens when you blog your marriage counseling and your subsequent divorce? - Penelope Trunk, Brazen Careerist.

What happens when you blog adultery? - Karl Erikson, Secondhand Tryptophan, on the breakdown of the Turnbaby / Mr. Fabulous affair.

What happens when you blog sex ? - Melissa Gira Grant blogs about ten years of sexual sharing on the Internet.

When I get up in the morning at BlogHer '08 on Friday July 18th, I'm going to be crossing my fingers that you come out to chat about sex & relationships at 3:15pm that day! If you're planning on it, throw up some bling, won't you? Then come and share what you've been thinking and experiencing about sex & relationships in the blogosphere.

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Contributing editor Liz Rizzo also blogs at Everyday Goddess.

And then I buy myself a present.

It started in undergrad when the combination of a bad breakup and my first store credit card combined to create the perfect environment for post-breakup excess. I bought myself over $100 of shiny new underwear from JByrons. Oh yeah, classy.

I didn't wear cotton again for years.

And yes, I've paid off the bill.

Last breakup, I bought myself a shiny, romantic resin print by Mark Brunner. It says "The Ultimate Gamble; Next to this, everything else pales." Which certainly seemed apropos at the time - Well, anytime really.

What makes a good breakup present to myself? Like all good presents, by my estimation, it should be fun and bonus. A new disk drive doesn't count (clearly, nothing tax deductible counts), but a new video game might.

It has to be something I wouldn't have bought myself otherwise. A splurge.

And I tend to pick items that are also romantic and/or pretty; it has to make me feel romantic and/or pretty. Hence, silky underwear and romantic plaques. I'm buying a little happiness, after all. It's got to be something that puts a smile on my face every time I look at it.

OK. So you might not guess this about me if you met me, but I do love jewelry. I wear very basic silver jewelry most of the time, and that is part of who I am and I like it, but it's also a reflection of what I totally shouldn't be spending money on. Can you get more unpractical than jewelry? So I try to have a few pieces I feel good about wearing everyday.

That said, while I'd never own tons and tons of jewelry, I do like wearing different pieces when I dress up, or adding the occasional anklet or bracelet.

And, this may seem bizarre, but my ring situation has been bothering me for ages now. I lost one here, realized another was pulling my hair out there. Somehow I'd gotten down to just my most basic silver rings, all but one of which I was totally over. So Sunday morning, I hit The Grove in Los Angeles single and I bought myself a breakup present. It's cheery, it's pretty, and I'm no longer annoyed by my rings. It's the kind of ring I'd be totally jealous if you were wearing.

One last thought about the breakup present. It has to be nice enough to be a personal splurge, but still a treat you can afford. Otherwise you're hurting yourself while you treat yourself, and that's no good. However, it does also have to be nice enough that it's a one item deal. I like my treat to ward off a week or month long spending spree because I was hurt! I deserve it!

No, I buy myself one break-up present, and I make it a good one.

~

The Blogosphere Speaks:

Moving On - A thoughtful post about moving on from people from the excellently-named What Liz Said.

The Break Up - From Los Angelista's Guide To The Pursuit Of Happiness, now my most favorite break up post EVER. "Why'd Chad say that, Skanketta? Why???"

Break up - Spring is the season of new beginnings. From Alaskan Vernacular.

~

Contributing editor Liz Rizzo also blogs at Everyday Goddess.

I've seen maybe ten or twenty episodes of "Sex and the City," the television show, and that was on TBS (right?), because I've never been in a position to be paying for HBO. Still, I'd seen enough, and from the end of the series, to basically understand the character dynamics going in.

ZOMG, I freakin' *loved* "Sex and the City."

Not interested in crowds of avid SATC fans, I snuck into a 10am screening at the Arclight Cinemas in Hollywood on Sunday morning, thinking no one's up in L.A. on Sunday morning, right? Wrong. This obsessive center-sitter made her way up, up, up - and to the left. Where Cami Walker from the 29-Day Giving Challenge, who I'd never met before, cheerily greeted me with, "Welcome to row Y!"

Yes, I watched "Sex and the City" seated between a couple and a man who was also there by himself.

And yes, I loved it.

Now, this is going to seem really, really obvious, but I think the breadth of the appeal of "Sex and the City" lies in the fact that Carrie, Samantha, Charlotte, and Miranda are very interestingly different female characters, each with smartly written roles to play and each with an interesting partner to play off of. (You do wish you could see even more of the male characters, but they certainly weren't stuck just playing arm candy like women are in so many mainstream films.) Seriously, I was practically high off watching a film with so much going on that actually meant something.

I mean, "Iron Man" is great, but you could write what it's about on the back of a Moo card.

What I loved was that even though I don't live in NY, I will never buy Manolo Blahniks (totally just googled that for spelling), and I will never attend fashion week, so much of "Sex and the City" spoke directly to things I think about and/or deal with all the time. Namely: Sex & Relationships.

So here come the spoilers. How flipping awesome was the end of Samantha's storyline when she finally accepts that she's happier on her own? And Charlotte was simply delightful throughout. (*Love* her husband Harry.) And I really enjoyed Louise's relationship with Carrie.

I suspect that everyone has a different part of "Sex and the City" that speaks to them more specifically. I was fascinated by the abrupt breaks in Carrie and Miranda's lives and how they get repaired. Because it was just so real to me.

The moment where John is coming back to the wedding, having realized that he's made this huge mistake, and you can just see how the moment could be salvaged, but she just knew it was going to happen and she's running from him. The brilliance of the fact that in the end it wasn't just his mistakes, and they come together as who they truly are.

I really, really loved the portrayal of John, so heart wrenching.

And Miranda hearing that one thing and just bolting. And then later in the counselor's office when Steve says that Miranda hurt him, too, because she bolted and how can he trust that she won't bolt again. Well, that's my moment, because having been on both sides of that particular situation, it has never once occurred to me that the person who bolts has also caused serious pain that needs to be repaired and/or recovered from. That that particular skill of the 180 leaves wreckage in its path.

So, it was sexy and it was funny and it was smart and I loved it. It was also completely heart wrenching and serious at times, and I liked that it went there, that it wasn't afraid to go dark.

Because sometimes love truly is dark and painful.

If you haven't yet seen "Sex and the City," and you've gotten this far because you read spoilers (bad!), may I suggest that now that the rabid fans have had their weekend, you head out and check it out.

My advice? Bring a man. If he goes with you and you talk about it after, he's a keeper. Because the most interesting thing about sex & relationships is that they involve everybody.

~

The blogosphere speaks:

For You Sex And The City Fans - Tidbits on what hit the editing room floor from The Gossip Fix.

Sex and the City Movie/Sexism review - Great Midwesterner review from Tobes at Hear Me Roar.

Final Thoughts on Sex and the City - Women in Hollywood has numerous great posts up on "Sex & the City."

Sex and the City Dog - from the Baltimore Sun, a little article about Samantha's voracious pouch.

There's a ton of blogging going on about "Sex and the City," so please share your link (love it or hate it!) in the comments.

~

Contributing editor Liz Rizzo also blogs at Everyday Goddess.

When it comes to finding love, there are certain truths that seem so irrefutable that any single person would be a fool to not follow them. Maybe you’re a firm believer that you can tell within seconds if you’re attracted to someone. Or, maybe you adhere to the idea that a first kiss says it all: If you feel fireworks, your date’s a keeper; if it bombs, cut your losses. While these romantic maxims have their fans, experts insist that these laws no longer hold true in today’s dating world. In short, many rules single people follow need a little revamping. To that end, we’ve consulted authorities in the field to bring you the most up-to-date tactics for finding someone you’ll click with.

I mostly agree with a lot of the advice in this column, particularly in this age of so many singles and Internet dating. Give it three dates, she suggests. Don't go crazy with your list of must halves. Good stuff, well stated.

I only disagreed with her on one note:

In fairytales, an amazing first kiss leads to happily ever after—no wonder we place such importance on that primary pucker! But there are ample reasons why a first kiss from a potentially great partner can go awry (nervousness or a less-than-ideal setting) and just as many to explain why a first kiss from Mr./Ms. Wrong can feel so right (you’ve exceeded the two-drink minimum, perhaps). “A kiss can be a romantic, erotic experience with someone you find physically attractive, but a relationship will crumble without more complex attributes like shared values,” points out Piers. So rather than write someone off following a less-than-mind-blowing kiss, smile and move in slowly for smooch number two, either at that moment or on a subsequent date. Trust us, you owe it to yourselves.

I've never had a so-so kisser get better, and I've never had a wonderful kiss not be a strong indicator that there's something there. So I still believe in listening to what that first kiss is telling you (not that I've always taken my own advice!). It's not the only thing, but it's a biggy. Who wants to spend their time with mediocre kisses? Not me!

Next up, interracial dating. There is an amazing comment thread over at Racialicious on a post by Nadra Kareem called Interracial Dating With A Vengence (h/t Steve the Penguin). Nadra poses this question and a few others:

Do Asian men and black women find themselves in interracial relationships for different reasons than their female and male counterparts, respectively, do? When Asian men and black women date whites, or any other group, is it a way to give the middle finger to those they feel have rejected them or, at the very least, avoid ending up alone?

Before I go on, I want to stress that I know that there are plenty of Asian women available for Asian men to date and plenty of black men available for black women to date (though black women reportedly have the lowest marriage rate of any other group of women), but the perception is that they are being left behind, and perception influences action.

The personal anecdotes in the comments are really worth a read. Personally, I've always been open to an interracial relationship, but it's just never happened. I tend to think it's because I'm a similarity dater - I'm always looking for someone who's *a lot* like me, and I've never found that in someone of a different race who was interested in me, too. That, and I've got a thing for Irish men, and you know how white they are!

Finally, I read a post on GIRLdrive that hit a topic I'm always interested in - the notion that women dress for other women, not for men. The post is OVERHEARD IN CHICAGO #1: Jane. Jane says:

I’ve observed that perhaps contrary to biological instinct, women mainly base their aesthetic self worth upon the assessment of other women: I dress to impress my female friends, not my boyfriend. These friends are more conscious, critical of weight fluctuations, bad haircuts, and make-up faux pas than my boyfriend—if he even notices that anything is different, he would be incapable of verbalizing the nuances desired in such a critique. A female friend satisfies the neurotic dressing room desire for abasement (honesty), she would tell you that your ass looks too fat in that miniskirt, your boyfriend would say, ‘you look hot…'

OK, so here's the thing, I don't believe that women dress solely for other women. But what *is* true is what Jane points out here: that other women notice the details. Other women know what it took to look the way you look; they notice your shoes or that your hair is different. And that can be nice.

But I've got an analogy for you. When a filmmaker watches a film or a television show, they see a million details that the average viewer doesn't see. A filmmaker uses particular lenses, does things with editing, color and sound, adds music... and when another filmmaker sees the project, they see that work, those touches. They may say to the filmmaker, "Wow, I love what you did there with the cutting," or "Was that that new specialty lens?" And that's nice, when someone who has the knowledge to understand what it took to get the look gives you a complement.

But filmmakers ultimately aren't making their film or television show for other filmmakers, they're making it for themselves and for the audience. And even though most people won't notice the details, they *will* know if they like it or not. They'll know if it turns them on, gets them excited.

My boyfriend may not notice that my shoes are particularly cute or the specific effect of a skirt on the appearance of my ass, but when he says, "You look hot..." Well: Mission Accomplished.

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Contributing editor Liz Rizzo also blogs at Everyday Goddess.

But now that I've solved that currently nonexistent problem, my brain gerbils continue to spin on various other potential conundrums of cohabitation.

Thankfully, we both have an affinity for movie posters. That's a small miracle, methinks, because my Shepard Fairey Walk the Line poster is clearly the coolest.

Because walls are the biggest battle ground, right?  Allison from Confessions of a Cohabitant knows what I'm talking about. Moving in with her boyfriend became Decorating...shabby chic vs. black and white:

Well the B.F. has black and white photos of James Dean, Marilyn, Audrey and Miles Davis which cost him a bundle with custom framing. When we first moved in, I really liked them and thought we could incorporate them into our new living space. I don't know what I think now. I'm thinking they are more rec-roomish than living areaish. I really don't like the one of Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid and he wants to hang it in the dining room. So, I tell the B.F. this and he offers to give me the Marilyn picture to put in my room to shut me up. It doesn't work.

Now, I'm voting for the black & white custom framed photos over the shabby chic, clearly. Perhaps they can solve their problem by just sending them to me?

Alex May calls this: Decor wars: interior desecration worth fighting about (interesting comment thread on this one,too):

Living on your own must be bliss. After all, it's hard to have a decor war with yourself.

Decor wars are a regular affliction in many households, particularly mine. My husband likes indigeneous art. I hate it. Husband also has a peculiar fondness for dusty Ganesha statues. I don't.

Now, she's in Australia. In Los Angeles, it's not Ganesha statutes you have to watch out for (although, btw, totally cool), it's action figures. You simply can't tell by looking at a person that they own every Transformer and multiple Buffy figurines. It's best to see someone's apartment as soon as possible to avoid any nasty surprises - wherever and whatever your line is.

It's like Nicole Spiridakis says on SFGate.com: Decorating for Two; Moving in with someone means having to mesh your tastes.

One night, my boyfriend came home flushed and triumphant. He lugged a white bookshelf that had seen better days in an Ikea showroom long before being unceremoniously dumped on the streets of our Western Addition neighborhood.

"This will go perfectly against that bare wall!" he said happily, as I looked with disdain at its rickety shelves.

Or maybe you're not sure if you fit into your new co-habitation. And maybe you're struggling with what to take with you and what to get rid of. BlogHer's Kristy from She Just Walks Around With It recently moved into a new loft apartment with her boyfriend. While packing she blogged And So It Begins...

The problem is that I now have a stronger-than-is-maybe-psychologically-sound emotional attachment to some of the things that I do own. Especially those things that came from a long time ago. Thus, I tend to make very odd moving decisions. Ex: I have a great coffee machine, but it's not as great as Ish's and it's big and bulky and so I'm giving it away, even though it's in perfect condition. Whereas I have a navy blue sweatshirt that I got at the GAP for my 12th birthday that is all but un-wearable for its holes, etc. and I am 100% unwilling to part with it...

So how do I even start, knowing that I'm strangely sentimental about things like 20-year-old-sweatshirts and at the same time, too lazy to bother moving my "nice" things?

...And while we're at it, I'm happy to get advice on What To Do If Your Apartment Is Entirely Cooler Than You Are.

And finally, from Mary of The Odegaard baby: in progress blogs The Story of the Nursery:

Then came the decision: what would our theme be? As Matt bemoaned the fact that no one makes baby bedding in a snake or spider theme, I began the tedious process of weighing the options. After much internal deliberation that Matt probably has no idea I went through, I/we decided on farm animals.

[Disclaimer: The I/we construction used represents the fact that I made the decision and Matt agreed. In the realm of baby bedding decisions, I think we both prefer it that way!]

The tagline on her blog is, "Coming mid-summer 2008 to a family near you...Baby Girl Odegaard! Help us get ready to welcome her!"  So tune in now for all the baby prep action.

And remember, even after that initial step into cohabitation, the joy of joint decoration goes on and on and on and on...

~

Contributing editor Liz Rizzo also blogs at Everyday Goddess.

Super hero stories aside, my guess is that most of us have at least one sexual mishap in our past. Let's face it, sex can be messy, sex can be dangerous, and if you're not laughing at some point, I think you might be doing it wrong.

I once had a boyfriend busy under the covers (because I was cold) who readjusted his position and fell right off the end of the bed! Taking the blanket with him! I heard this big thump as he and the blanket flew off, and when I sat up to look he pulled his head out from under the blanket and looked up at me and smiled this crazy grin. I couldn't stop laughing for like ten minutes, it was so funny.

It's like the blogger on Sex, Life and Frilly Bits says, Good Sex Doesn't Happen Overnight:

Erotica is all about sexual finesse and some sort of perfection, as well as attaining a kind of nirvana, but there is the other side, a side that seldom appears, a side that can be classified as erotic bloopers. Come on, everyone has sexual disasters, or sexual encounters that don’t go to plan, and such sexual encounters are a part of one’s sexual history, and if they’re ‘not’ and one says or proclaims to have had a perfect sex life from beginning to end, then I’ll say, ‘go fuck yourself.’

Oh, yes, she's got stories.

As does the blogger at Writing Sex, The Hilarious Escapades of a Sex Toy Reviewer:

Sexual mishaps long preceded becoming a sex-toy reviewer. The fact of the matter is that I've always attracted comedy situations and most of them derive from good, old-fashioned clumsiness. No sooner had I lost my virginity, had my accident-prone streak applied itself to sex.

Her mishaps? Snorting Sex and A Well-Timed Dildo.

Need more sexy laughs?  Razzy from RazzyBlog recounts her sexual law-breaking ways in her post Breakin' the Laws:

It turns out, I'm a criminal in several states and municipalities. This just goes to show that no matter how much I try to abide by the law, I still somehow manage to be a bad, bad girl. It's in my nature, I guess.

Here's my rap sheet...

And finally, Jennifer Shaw from Erotic Diary of a Married Couple shares 10 Fun Sex Facts:

A recent visit to Manhattan’s legendary Museum of Sex yielded more than a mob of 18 year-old girls giggling in the foyer — it provided an entertaining and education look into the history of sex.

Here are some little-known sex facts that may surprise you - or at least give you ammunition for a fascinating dinner conversation!

Do you dare to share a sexual mishap of your own? Bonus points if it's funny.

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Contributing editor Liz Rizzo also blogs at Everyday Goddess.