Zandria's blog

Do You Love Exercise, Or Do You Do it Because You Feel Like You Should?

2009-06-30T22:09:06-05:00

For some people, staying fit qualifies as a fun hobby. They choose to do things they enjoy, like running, biking, swimming, or rock climbing (or all of those things, and more). Other people know that they should move, so they choose activities that are convenient and effective -- even if they don’t particularly like to do them. But what makes someone go from just liking (or putting up with) exercise to saying, “I LOVE to work out?”

Personally, I find it hard to imagine that someone can have a good time on an indoor cardio machine, like a treadmill or elliptical. Even when I used an elliptical machine on a regular basis, I would never have said that I was enjoying myself. Sure, you can tell me that you don’t mind it -- that you’re easily distracted by the television or music and it makes the time goes by "so quickly" -- but a good time? When I think of pumping endlessly away on an indoor machine versus getting up early to bike outside in the crisp morning air...it just doesn’t seem like a fair comparison.

To be fair, it’s impossible to enjoy physical activity all the time, even if we’re doing something we normally love. While I prefer to be outside because it helps the time go by faster, I certainly don’t like it every time. Of course the best situation is being outside when the weather is beautiful and I have a lot of energy -- but that doesn’t happen nearly often enough. Last night I went for a walk even though I didn’t really want to; the air was a little humid, and my legs were sore because of the lower-body workout I’d done the previous day.

I was glad when I got home, and no, I didn’t particularly enjoy my walk. Still, I was glad that I’d gone out, especially since I could relax on the couch afterward without feeling quite as slug-like. But did I go out for a walk because I wanted to? No. Did I go because I felt like I had to? “Had to” is a strong term, but I knew it had been a few days and that I needed it. So I guess I went for a walk because I felt like I should.

Now, working out with weights, I actually don’t mind that so much. I like the feeling of walking out of the gym, barely able to lift my arm to unlock the car door because I’ve exhausted my upper body. But do I love weights so much that would I do it even if I knew I wouldn’t see any results from it? Of course not.

Yes, I definitely work out because I feel like I should. No, I don’t always love it. But I do like the results -- which is why most people spend time working out, I suppose. Exercise doesn’t just improve your physical appearance, it makes you stronger, increases your endurance, and helps maintain a positive mood. Given all those advantages, it’s definitely worth it to me.

Do you love to work out, or do you do it because you feel like you should?

Related Reading:

Roni’s Weigh: Roni says she loves working out, but it was a gradual process to get to this point.

I convinced myself for so long that I was not athletic. That I didn’t like the gym or working out. I made fun of gym rats, calling people who exercised on vacation insane. I really thought I just wasn’t built for exercise. Then S.L.O.W.L.Y. things started to change. [...]

Now...I’m embracing my new hobby. And that’s really what it is, a hobby. I enjoy it. It’s an outlet. It can be social yet solitary. I can measure my success by weight lifted, miles ran, time, even muscle tone. Not to mention it has health benefits and makes me feel fantastic!

Cindy’s World: Cindy loves working out “so much that sometimes I wonder why I didn't choose a career as an athlete of some sort rather than as an artist.” She was encouraged by a recent article in the LA Times about “the original owner of Bally Total Fitness who is 76 and still in GREAT shape and kicking butt in all kinds of athletic endeavours.”

Phillygrrl used to work out, “but that was back when I worked at a gym and it was free.”

I hate hate hate working out. In general. I have no will-power, never have. I used to work out, but that was back when I worked at a gym and it was free. Now that I’m actually paying for a membership, I rarely use it. What’s it been, seven months already? That was a waste of $150. Shoot. I would’ve been better off investing in yoga gear so I could at least fool people into thinking I work out. (A yoga mat can also double as a floor rug, people.)

That’s Fit: Top 5 Reasons to Always Be Fit

(Contributing editor Zandria blogs at Zandria.us.)

What Would You Do if You Lost Your Job?

2009-06-28T20:32:09-05:00

I’ve been through two periods of unemployment since I was 18 years old. The first was right after I graduated from college at age 25; I quit the job I’d had for seven years and moved to California. I was unemployed for six months before I found something that was a mutual fit (in other words, a place where I wanted to work and someone who was willing to hire me). The second period of unemployment was after I moved back to the east coast the following year; I was unemployed for three months before I took a job that brought me to where I am now, in northern Virginia.

The thing is, though, leaving those jobs and choosing to be unemployed was my decision. I felt comfortable making those changes in my life because I had a safety net. In both cases when I’ve been unemployed, I was living with family members (my aunt and uncle in the first example, and with my mom during the second). I had money in my savings account to pay for my regular monthly bills, like car insurance and cell phone, and my family never charged me any rent. It wasn’t an ideal situation, but I was able to get by pretty easily.

A few days ago, I wrote about losing a part-time job that I’ve been doing in my spare time for over two years. As I said in that post: “I’m lucky; my full-time job pays well enough that I don’t need the extra income, but it was nice being able to transfer the proceeds from the extra work to my savings account every month.”

Although that job loss won’t affect my daily life in a negative way, that’s what started me thinking about all this. Yes, I’ve known several people in the past year or so who have lost their jobs due to the recession -- but not very many, and not any of my family members or anyone I interact with on a daily basis.

It’s easy to get comfortable with your job, and it’s easy to think it won’t happen to you. But what if it does? What if you live paycheck to paycheck, and being without a job means you can’t pay those important bills like rent/mortgage and car payments?

I know this has to have happened to someone who’s reading this right now. Although I can attempt to identify with the feelings of being scared and helpless...I really can’t. It’s just not the same. You can’t know what it’s like unless you’ve been through it yourself, and I hope I never have to find out.

Some people have had to resort to moving back home with their parents (apparently, it’s not just for fresh-out-of-college kids anymore). While this isn’t ideal, I could pack up my life and move back to Richmond if I needed to. My mom lives there, and she has a spare bedroom. My two sisters live there, too, and they each have a home with at least one spare room. I don’t think it would come to that -- if I chose to stay here, I hope I could survive on temp jobs until I found another permanent position -- but at least I know the option is there.

On a brighter note, some people who have lost their jobs have found it to be a blessing in disguise. We know how hard it can be to make a change when we have a comfortable, set routine -- even if we don’t particularly like what we do every day. Being forced to make a change can have a huge impact on the current trajectory of our lives. A new job, a new route to work, not to mention a completely new set of people that you never would have met otherwise. Change can be exhilarating.

Still, unbidden change is not always welcome. I completely understand that. The big changes I’ve made in my life were because I identified a what and a when, and then I took the steps to make them happen. I have no idea what I’d do -- or how I’d react -- if I had to make those kinds of decisions right now.

Related Reading:

MKM, a single mother from Canada who’s been teaching English in South Korea for quite some time, was recently let go from her job.

Emily Barton talks about what she’s learned since losing her job three months ago.

Dr. Irene Levine has tips for what to do if a friend loses her job.

HometownAnnapolis.com: Recession slams single women: Moms, retirees and young professionals all struggling

(Contributing editor Zandria blogs at Zandria.us.)

Participating in Your First Race: How Did it Feel?

2009-06-23T20:52:00-05:00

It seems like I'm always hearing something about races. Someone is either thinking about participating, or is currently in training, or has just completed one. There are all kinds of options, too -- whether it’s something short like a 5k, or a 10-miler, or a marathon, or even triathlons. Even if they're not taking place right here in my geographic area, I still end up hearing about them because they’re constantly being written about online.

Sometimes I’ve met these race participants in person; others I know only through blogging. Although I also know plenty of people who've never taken part in this type of organized event, it’s certainly not due to having a lack of options.

What tends to catch my interest are people who have participated in one of these events for the first time. I like hearing these stories because there’s always so much clarity in the details. Everything is new and exciting -- you’re not sure exactly what to expect, and most people experience a sense of accomplishment and pride no matter what their final result.

You’d think -- since I enjoy hearing about other people’s experiences -- that maybe I’d like to add a story of my own. But I've never participated in a race. And I’m not sure when, or if, I ever will.

The reason goes back to certain things I’ve said in the past. Like...I’ve never been a big goal-setter. And while I’m not a late riser, I don’t like getting up earlier in the morning than I have to. I also have this personality where I really don’t like feeling like I “have to” do something.

Another thing is, I’m not a big fan of competing against other people. I like games that I can play by myself. Yes, I know that races don't have to be competitive unless you want them to be. But when I think about doing something I enjoy, I think about jogging through my neighborhood. Alone. I don’t think about strapping myself to a heart-rate monitor, and I don’t care how long it takes me to run a mile.

Taking this approach to fitness is my choice. I work out because I want to work out, not because I’m being forced to or feel "like I should." I don’t always find it fun, but it’s always my decision. If I were to specifically start training for something, I worry that I might start to resent it -- and I don’t want that to happen.

Is that a silly reason not to do something? Maybe. But at least when I'm looking for inspiration, I know where to look for it. Here are a few posts about first-ever race experiences:

Sarah at Recipes, Reviews, Running and Rants ran her first race this month.

Wow. What an amazing weekend. I ran my first ever race and can't wait to run another! Haha, I guess I've caught the racing bug. I'm not gonna lie, I thought I was going to puke, or keel over, or die when I was running, but afterwords...it's the best feeling EVER!

I ran [the 5k] in 25:58 and am SO HAPPY! I placed 2nd in my age division (20-29 years) and 4th in the women's overall (out of 209 women!) and 27th out of all 381 runners!

When Angela at Oh She Glows ran her first race, it helped to think about her reasons for running.

I chatted with a couple runners during the 1st km to try and relax myself. I talked with a couple women and told them about the fundraising and it instantly reminded me WHY I was running the race. Not to win, not to run the fastest I have ever run, but to run it for Chris and for Cancer. It really was as simple as that.

Running with High Heels On has a detailed report of her first marathon.

The Running Bug gives advice for preparing to run your first race.

(Contributing editor Zandria blogs at Zandria.us.)

Playing Hard to Get is Overrated

2009-06-21T20:52:07-05:00

I used to work with a girl who was a very big fan of The Rules. Not just a fan, she would try her best to follow the book’s advice to the letter. It always seemed a little silly to me, but it was amusing to hear her read passages out loud, or to be instructed to read a chapter that she deemed instrumental. I would humor her by reading, or listening, or nodding at her advice, but in the end I knew The Rules weren’t something I planned to follow.

I don’t know all The Rules -- and to be fair, there might be a few that I agree with, or wouldn’t have a problem following -- but I know for sure that I don’t like their “play hard to get” theme.

I’m not saying that a woman should fall all over someone the first time she meets them, or make herself an open book before she knows whether the feelings are reciprocated. After all, it’s okay to have a bit of mystery and hold certain things back for the other person to discover later. What I don’t like are silly rules, like when a guy thinks he has to wait 2-3 days to contact someone after a date because he doesn’t want to seem overeager. Or the one that says a girl has to wait for the guy to initiate contact.

(Or the one that says if a guy hasn’t asked you out by Wednesday, you can’t accept a date with him for Saturday because he didn’t give you enough advance notice. Do we not live spur-of-the-moment lives? Don't our plans tend to change at the last minute, which means we suddenly find ourselves free to do something different? Am I supposed to sit at home just because my invitation didn’t arrive three days in advance? I don’t think so.)

The other part of playing hard to get is when guys and gals think that they shouldn’t answer text messages and emails right away. If you truly and honestly don’t want that contact from someone, then sure -- ignore it. Make your feelings known. But don’t refuse to answer just because you’re trying to make a point. Most of us are electronically connected; there’s no reason not to take advantage of it.

If you and I go on a date and you enjoy yourself, send me a message (text, email) that same night, or the next day, and tell me so. I often initiate this contact myself if I had a good time -- I don’t think I need to leave that action up to the guy. If he had a nice time, too, he’ll respond and tell me. If he decides to ignore my message, well then, I know where I stand and that’s perfectly fine.

There was one guy I went out with a few times last year...I never knew when he was going to respond to my text messages. I knew he loved his cell phone and carried it with him all the time, so he was obviously getting my messages. But did he respond? Only occasionally. (And yes, in that case I was smart and took the hint.)

More recently, there’s been another example. I’ve been out with this guy a few times, and I’m getting the impression that he likes me, but I’m experiencing the intermittent contact thing with him, too. In his case, though, I think it might have more to do with formality and not wanting to scare me off, so I’m giving him the benefit of the doubt. (He’s slightly older than guys I usually date, and he also seems a little shy, so I’m keeping these various factors in mind instead of calling him out or getting pissy about it -- which isn’t my style, anyway.)

I wish I could tell everyone to stop following antiquated rules. If you want to get in touch with someone, do it. Don’t feel like you have to wait a certain period of time because you’re trying to act cool, or because you want to seem popular, or aloof, or because you’re trying follow rules in a silly book. It was easier to get away with that when people contacted each other through land lines and payphones. But if I know someone has access to initiate contact with me or respond to something I’ve sent...and they don’t? I don’t like those games.

Related Reading:

Dollface at Rotten Little Girls asked if The Rules are "empowering or pointless?" In response, she came up with some dating rules of her own.

Lauren at College Candy went from not playing hard to get to deciding she needed to dial things down a bit.

Tres Sugar: Do You Believe in Playing Hard to Get?

I'm not saying I act like an eager beaver and call the hour after we say goodbye -- but I don't see anything wrong with letting someone know you are interested. I guess I don't see the point in wasting a bunch of time playing a guessing game. If a guy's into me, I want him to tell me, and vice versa. Regardless if you wear your heart on your sleeve, there is still room for a lot of excitement in getting to know each other and finding out the ins and outs of each other.

Psychology Today: Is It Worth Playing Hard to Get?

(Contributing editor Zandria blogs at Zandria.us.)

Fitness Options I Haven’t Tried, But Would

2009-06-16T21:53:18-05:00

Once in a while, I like to take some time to explore fitness options that I haven't tried yet. While some of them are better left to braver people than I (like the trapeze classes I wrote about last week), I usually end up finding a few things that I could see myself doing. I also like reading about the experiences other people have had while trying these things -- it gives me an idea of what I could expect.

Ultimate Frisbee

The Fitness Diva was inspired to try Ultimate Frisbee after she watched a video that was posted by one of her neighbors.

Now that I've joined their group, I will be havin' me some fun in the park with this new pursuit. I love anything that's competitive, adrenaline inducing, and that makes you have to run until you feel like you might have to puke!...Yep. Ultimate Frisbee, here I come!

Chi Running

Race Raiders explored the Chi Running technique and wonders if it could be right for you? (I’ve always wondered if I saw someone running the Chi Running way, if I’d even be able to tell. People tend to have their own unique styles anyway.)

Putting it all together sounds a lot easier than it is. I had no idea if what I was doing was correct and was getting pretty frustrated with the whole thing. But I knew the way I was running before wasn’t working, either, so I decided to keep trying. I found out on their website that they have workshops that teach the method and after about three more months of trying to figure it out, I decided to try a workshop.

Aerial conditioning

AerialGirl110 shares a video of herself doing an aerial silks routine. Check it out -- she literally climbs up a long piece of silk that’s hanging from the ceiling and does all kinds of crazy (impressive) moves. Her “about me” explains why:

[M]y general purpose and use of this blog is to be my reflection journal/notes for my Senior Project. Basically, my Senior Project is to learn aerial acrobatics. I take classes, observe, and watch performances at the Philadelphia School of Circus Arts in Germantown.

Kinesis Wall

Ashley Ceaser, writing for the Nike blog, tried a kinesis wall -- it uses a pulley system to incorporate cardio, strength training, balance and toning exercises.

During the circuit, I moved from one module to the next. In the alpha module I combined a cable cross movement for my upper body with a squat for my legs, which raised my heart rate. These compound movements went on through the module, so after 30 minutes, I felt like I had worked out twice as long. However, because of the fluidity and the 360 degree dynamic movement of the cables I could see how this system would be perfect for all levels of fitness.

Laughter Yoga

Experts say that laughter yoga can lower blood pressure and boost immune function. Laughing Laura is a laughing yoga instructor and talks about the benefits of having Laughter Yoga in the Workplace. (I’m not sure how I’d feel about that. Laughing is good...but laughing with certain co-workers? Hmm...) Here are some of the benefits:

• Boost to morale
• Improved personal/professional performance
• Enhanced teamwork, trust and enjoyment at work
• Increased energy and ability to manage stress
• Enriched quality of work/life balance
• Heightened workplace creativity
• Improved customer care and service delivery
• Decreased absenteeism, burnout and turnover
• Improved productivity and organization
• Fewer accidents and compensation claims
• Overall better employee health

Bar Method

Nicole at LA Pretty tried the Bar Method. Did she like it? Well, the title of her post is "My new ass is brought to you by..."

All classes are taught in a carpeted studio and students are all in their socks - I’d advise getting slipper socks or Pure Barre socks because the little pads at the bottom really keep you from sliding all over the place. You grab a mat, a teensy basketball, a resistance band for stretching, and 2 lb and 3 lb weights. (Yes, I chuckled egoistically to myself too when I saw the 2 lb weights - who works out with those? But believe me, after holding a pose with a 2 lb weight for a while, it’ll feel like 50.)

Have you tried (or do you regularly participate in) a fitness activity that's not quite mainstream?

(Contributing editor Zandria blogs at Zandria.us.)

Is It Possible To Go Home Again?

2009-06-14T15:24:18-05:00

Some people live their entire lives in the town, or at least the state, where they were born. Other people choose to leave as quickly as possible. Some people move to a particular place because of a job opportunity, or because their spouse has to move. Sometimes it works out, other times the location is something we put up with only because we have to. But what if the choice to move is completely up to you? What factors are most important in that decision?

If I chose to leave where I am right now, my easiest and most obvious option would be to move back to Richmond, Virginia. I lived there for eight years, ’97-’05, and most of my immediate family is there (my mom, two sisters, two brothers, nephew, and my stepfather and soon-to-be brother-in-law). After I graduated from college in the summer of ’05, I spent a year in southern California, moved back to Richmond for a few months in the summer of ‘06, and then decided to move to Alexandria, Virginia, which is where I’ve been for almost three years.

When I moved to Alexandria (located a few miles outside of Washington, DC and about 100 miles north of Richmond) in the fall of ’06, nobody tried to stop me. Even though I know my family would prefer for me to be closer, they’ve never pressured me to stay in the area just because they want me to. That’s something I’ve always appreciated -- they let me make my own decisions.

(Also, compared to living in California -- I only flew back to Virginia twice in the year I lived there -- I guess being 100 miles away doesn’t seem nearly as bad. Thousands of miles, a five-hour flight, and a three-hour time difference is much more daunting.)

Since I live relatively close to my family distance-wise, why do I still think about moving back to the city where they’re located? Usually the thought enters my mind when I go there on a visit and have a really good time. (Not surprising.) My older sister lives in a fun downtown area; my little sister is planning a wedding; my brothers make me laugh. It can be really great.

The only thing is...there are also the not-so-good times, like the inevitable family drama. It’s never all that bad or all that often, but there have been a few instances I can think of where I was really glad I live where I do. I was far enough away that I didn’t feel like I was expected to intervene, or help “fix” things.

If I put aside thoughts of family and think about a move in terms of a “Would this be good for me?” standpoint, I can identify pros and cons there, too. In my case, the biggest factors are job opportunities and cost of living. And when I think in those terms, the metropolitan DC area wins in the first category while Richmond takes the second.

The reason I moved to Alexandria in the first place was because I couldn’t find a job I wanted in Richmond. I’m not saying it’s impossible -- and if I looked harder I might be able to find something I loved -- but in general, the number and variety of jobs offered in DC are much better.

(I guess I would say, ideally, that if I had a job where I could work from home, it wouldn’t matter where I was. In that case, I could live wherever I wanted -- or even live in multiple locations. I’ve yet to find something that offers the benefits I can get by going to a physical workplace, though, and right now those benefits still seem pretty important.)

But cost of living? Richmond wins. If I made the same salary there as I do now, I could afford to buy my own place. Where I’m living now, that isn’t possible unless I want to move to an area of town I really don’t want to be in. And that certainly wouldn’t make me happy.

I do like where I currently live, and I certainly don’t feel like I’m settling by staying here. I guess I just wonder how my life would be different if I moved back to where I used to live. Would I like it better? Or would I end up wishing I’d stayed where I am? It’s impossible to say. I’m sure I’d have good times and bad times, just like I do here. Just like I would anywhere.

I don’t know what I’m going to do, but it’s on my mind.

Related Reading:

Purest Green is a Canadian who lives in Scotland. She writes about what it means to call a place home.

This is what I have learned: Home is the place that makes your heart lurch like the squeaky stair that betrays your presence to a silent household. That’s home. But it doesn’t have to be just one place. It can be two or even more. And it can be a person, someone with whom the world seems to be set to right. Someone with whom you would face any foe.

Elleda spent "22 desolate years being sun-beaten in Los Angeles" before she decided to move to Oregon.

When I finally got my shit together, as it were, and decided to move to Astoria, Oregon, my friends in L.A. were appalled. One of my best friends, Harry, finally called me on it, and demanded to know why the hell would I even think about leaving L.A. The answer that fell out of my mouth, unbidden and unexpected, was, "I don't want to die here." And that was the bottom line. I just didn't know I had drawn it until that moment.

Jane Valencia moved back to a house that she'd vacated for eleven years.

(Contributing editor Zandria blogs at Zandria.us.)

Trapeze School: Would You Want to Fly with the "Greatest of Ease?"

2009-06-09T11:30:51-05:00

Of all the random activities I could see myself enjoying but haven’t yet tried -- horseback riding, for instance -- flying through the air on a trapeze has never been included in that list. While it certainly sounds cool, it’s just not something I can picture myself signing up for. I think I’ll stick to reading about it, and also...watching it. Because, you see, a new trapeze school has opened in Washington, DC and their temporary location is outdoors (9th and H St NW), not far from my workplace.

It officially opened last weekend, but there wasn’t anybody there when I walked by yesterday morning and afternoon. The schedule is posted on their website, though, so I’m totally planning to walk by and check it out.

From what I’ve been able to tell, most trapeze classes are located in large metropolitan areas like Los Angeles, San Francisco, New York, and Chicago. Even if you don’t live near any of those places, though, it’s something to keep in mind if you’re vacationing in one of those areas. It’s definitely not your normal tourist-type experience.

The price for a class in DC is between $45-$55 for a two-hour session, plus a one-time $20 registration fee. That could get pricey if you’re taking classes regularly, but it’s not bad at all if you’re just looking to try it out.

Apparently (and understandably), the most nerve-wracking experience is grasping the trapeze bar and leaping off the platform for the first time. The Trapeze School website has a good description of what to expect -- and I must admit, they make the first swing sound pretty good.

It's only the first time once. You're finally standing on the platform 23 feet above the ground. You have the safety lines securely fastened to your belt, the instructor is holding you, and you are holding the bar. Leaning out over the edge of the platform, you may be eager to go or be wondering what the heck you're doing up there. [...]

There may be one moment of fear just as you commit your body to the task. Once you're off the platform it's all bliss. You'll swing back and forth a few times, perhaps swinging your legs a bit, but mostly enjoying the pleasure of flight. It is a feeling like no other and one that you will expand upon in future jumps.

In the Washington Post, Petula Dvorak says the Trapeze School Flies in the Face Of Capital's Button-Down Ways.

The temporary location...will provide a sidewalk show for four months, during which time passersby will be able to watch Washingtonians scream for their lives as they swing high above an asphalt parking lot -- and a safety net, of course.

[T]he school has already received calls from several white-shoe D.C. law firms interested in having their lawyers spend some non-billable hours fighting their demons en plein air.

Liebchen attended a trapeze class in Baltimore. She wasn’t happy with her first performance, but she’s looking forward to trying it again in DC.

Flying through the air, check. Greatest of ease, not so much. First, there was the little matter of climbing to the top platform, holding on to a deceptively heavy bar while leaning over the edge, and trusting the instructor to hold on to you by your belt. (Oh, hey trust issues. Haven’t seen you in a while -- how’s it going?) [...]

Now that trapeze school is practically down the street (and a few metro stops away), I’ll be able to brush up on my maneuvers. My knee hook was getting a little rusty. Plus, it’s a great upper body workout (i.e. you’ll feel sore as hell the next day, but it’ll be completely worth it).

Angela was a little too comfortable with the supportive, burly arm of her instructor around her waist to want to let go for the first swing.

As I stood there trying not to ponder the abilities of a human body to withstand a fall from this height, I fancied myself floating gracefully and twirling effortlessly from bar to bar, a modern day Georgina of the Jungle. Then came the commands from the teacher below, "Ready... Set..." And next he would soon say "Hup" -- but I didn't want to hear the "hup" because "hup" meant burly arm would be gone, and it would be me, my death grip, a lot of momentum, a poor knowledge of physics but a keen understanding of what gravity does to a human brick. [...]

Then came the next command, "Let go with your hands." To which I actually responded "I don't want to." The teacher repeated the command. I repeated my refusal. This went on for a while until I finally complied. I think I tasted my spinal fluid in the back of my throat.

JC Kwok tried a trapeze class on her 30th birthday. She was nervous, but she found the experience “amazing.”

My first swing on the trapeze was so much scarier than I thought it would be. I felt silly because I screamed the entire time I was swinging on it! They had us jump off the platform, swing through the air, and then hook our knees onto the bar. After that we had to let go of the bar with our hands so that we were hanging upside down, and then grab on again, take our legs off the bar, and then do a back tuck dismount!!

When they first told me I would be doing all that I was like "HUh? Excuse me?!" But after getting over the initial scare and shock of flying through the air, it was actually not as bad as I thought it would be and it felt really fun, free, and liberating!

Miss Bleeker attended a class in New York City. When asked why she did it, this is her response:

trapeze class you ask? what are [a] bunch of wedding nuts doing flying through the air? i know, our mothers said the same thing. but what can we say? the weather in NYC has been outrageously, criminally, ridonkulously gorge. and when you've been on your feet for four days straight, nothing feels better than losing the shoes and relying on your hands and gravity to do the work for you.

Erin Abrams at The Glass Hammer said, “the experience was totally worth it.” And then afterward...

I left the trapeze school feeling vaguely smug and empowered, as if I had a secret super power. You better believe I ordered the photos, at 20 bucks a pop. The next day, I woke up with solid black bruises across the backs of my legs that looked like I had been beaten with a baseball bat.

(Also, Flickr user LaTur took this amazing photo at the DC Trapeze School opening weekend.)

Would you try a trapeze class? Have you?

(Contributing editor Zandria turned 29 years old today. She blogs regularly at Zandria.us.)

Marriage? I Could Take It or Leave It. ("Leave It" Sounds Pretty Good.)

2009-06-07T21:56:30-05:00

I've written a lot of posts about being single, and dating, and many related thoughts in-between. Lately I’ve been thinking about marriage -- but not because it’s suddenly on my personal radar. I just think it’s interesting that, rather than becoming pro-marriage as I get older (and subsequently closer to a “marrying age”), my long-standing views on the subject just become more reinforced in my mind.

The first time I remember thinking about marriage vs. simply being in a committed relationship was back when I was a teenager. That’s when my parents got divorced. I’m not saying that their divorce turned me off towards marriage, but it’s the first time that anyone’s marriage had ever impacted me personally. Since then, I’ve seen examples of all kinds of relationships -- quite simply, the good, the bad, and the ugly. And quite honestly, it doesn't seem all that appealing.

A few things that come to mind when I think about marriage:

It’s not on my list of life-goals. Getting married has never been something that I’ve felt like I had to do. This probably ties into the fact that I’m also completely happy being childfree. I do know that if I ever have a child, it will be quite a few years in the future. And since I’m not looking to be a mom, I don’t feel like I’m in any rush to "find a dad." That being said, marriage not being on my list of life-goals doesn’t mean that I have to stay single. It’s just that --

I want to be with someone who’s with me because they want to be, not because they feel like they have to be. When two unmarried people live together, they're making the choice to be together every day. They’re not staying together just because they happened to make a vow at some point (that 50% of people who get married end up breaking anyway). I don’t want someone to feel like they have to stay with me if they’d rather not be there.

Marriage means different things to different people. For instance, my younger sister is getting married this fall. She very much wants to do this and I think it’s awesome that she’s doing so, but when I look at her getting married, I see that she’s acknowledging that for her foreseeable future, she knows this will be her life. Barring any major problems, I’m sure she can easily see herself with this guy (who I like very much, I might add) ten years from now and beyond.

They already own a house. They’re talking about having kids, one boy and one girl. It's great for them, but it just seems foreign to me. I can’t picture that life for myself. Not anytime soon. Not in my foreseeable future.

Sometimes people don't believe me when I say that. My family? Yes, they've always believed me because they know me. They know this is how I am, and they know the way I think, and they've always been supportive of me no matter what I choose to do. However, when it's come up in conversation with a guy, I've had more than one of them -- really, a majority of them -- look at me like they don’t believe me when I say that marriage and children are far from being forefront in my mind. They usually respond by saying that any woman who feels that way now is surely going to change her mind at any minute. So inwardly I roll my eyes and think to myself, “Fine. I guess I’ll just have to prove it to you then. Let’s see where I am in five years.”

I realize that many women don’t feel this way, and that’s fine. I’m not trying to change anyone's mind. You should do what's right for you, and so will I. It’s not like I think that being married would hold me back or keep me from doing things in life that I want to do. I realize that if you find the right person, you do things together and you’re supposed to be mutually supportive. I just know that I could be just as happy having that kind of relationship with someone I wasn’t married to.

I can see myself being one of those couples who laugh when people ask them when they're getting married. Like, "Oh, hahahahaha...why would we want to do that?" And then we'll go on our merry way, knowing that we're together because we want to be.

It’s not like I’m declaring that I’ll never get married -- if I do end up changing my mind one day, I’m sure I’ll have a good reason for doing so. It’s just that if I don’t, I won’t feel like I’ve missed out on anything. I’ll choose commitment and honesty over vows any day.

Related Reading:

Your Tango: Dan Eldridge says asks, Is Traditional Marriage On Its Last Legs?

[F]or as long as I can remember, I've had a philosophical aversion to the concept of traditional marriage. It has always seemed so wrongheaded to me.

But when I think about the way my mind worked 15 years ago, back when I was still in high school and not yet on anti-anxiety meds, I realize that it probably wasn't so much the actual concept of marriage itself that rubbed me the wrong way. Rather, it was the style in which so many American couples practice their marriages: with constant arguments, with disdain and loathing, and with cheating and lies.

And do you know what? I'm now smack-dab in my mid-thirties, and I still feel exactly the same way.

I really enjoyed this post that Nordette wrote last year on BlogHer: Are You Marriage Material? Er, Do You Want to Be?

I enjoy the freedom of only concerning myself with what my children and elderly parents need and what I need or want. I hated the pressure of being expected to conform to what my former spouse or society believes makes a "good" wife. Neither have I found myself since my divorce thinking I'd do this or go there if only I had a husband or boyfriend. When I try to imagine being married, I shudder, true, but I don't think it's about fear of marriage but aversion.

Bella DePaulo: Marriage Does Not Lower Blood Pressure -- Reading Matrimaniacal Media Accounts Raises It

When singles are stigmatized, there is a risk that some people will be tempted to couple and marry for the wrong reasons -- to escape the cultural muck that comes with being single. When singles are no longer marginalized or demeaned, then people who want to couple can do so from a position of strength. Rather than running away from singlehood to escape the stigma, they can move toward marriage or coupling as something they want to embrace.

Leeat Granek, PhD tells us Why Being Single Doesn't Suck. She wonders why people want to see her in a relationship when "many of my married friends talk about how hard their relationships are and how they wish they could get a break from the kids."

The first thing my girlfriends ask when I speak to them is if I'm dating anyone new. [...] I suppose the wish to be like everyone else, or alternatively, to have everyone else be like you is natural. We are relational beings and are constantly striving to build connection through our sameness in anyway we can. We want to justify our own choices by having them mirrored in everyone else around us. But just because this inclination exists, doesn't mean it's necessarily right.

The Stimulist: RELAX: Your Kids Will Never Get Married

Weiss wonders whether the next generation will be more “creative” about marriage, and that’s the word that comes to our minds, as well. Will people keep getting hitched? Of course. But the number will continue to drop, and not simply because marriage is having an image crisis. Over the next two decades, couples will create new relationship models for others to follow, models that fit their lives rather than the other way around.

I've previous written about whether I'd keep or change my last name if I got married, and discussed eloping as an alternative to a big wedding.

(Contributing editor Zandria blogs at Zandria.us.)

Fitness Dates: Good, Sweaty Fun

2009-06-02T21:05:12-05:00

If I’m meeting a guy for a first date, I’ve never once suggested that we go to a gym and lift weights together, or run a few miles, or hit some balls at a batting cage. I like to pay attention to what they’re saying, and if I’m doing something strenuous I tend to focus on that instead. But these activities -- otherwise known as fitness dates -- are popular with a lot of people.

I think first dates are made for sitting (over coffee, dinner, or drinks) or for walking. If we’re sitting, it shouldn’t be in an environment so loud that I can’t hear what the other person is saying. Walking is good, too. That’s the advantage of living in a walkable neighborhood that’s nice to look at, with parks and a waterfront and good places to eat. I’m happy to slow down my normal power-walking gait in that situation.

Another reason I don't want to do a fitness date right away is vanity. If I’m going to take the time to fix myself up, I don’t want to ruin my look by getting sweaty. At least in the beginning, I want to be seen as presentable and put-together. We both know that the other person doesn’t always look like that -- and you have to get sweaty at some point in order to look good in your clothes -- but I like to make a good first impression.

Now, I can certainly see why some people wouldn’t agree with me on this. You could be an on-the-go type person who hates to sit. Maybe you know in advance that both of you have a common interest, like rock climbing or horseback riding, and you capitalize on that. Maybe you even met in the first place by doing a physical activity, like a co-ed softball team or Ultimate Frisbee.

(Or you could have met at a gym, although this has never worked for me. It seems that most male gym-goers are of the “look, but never say anything” persuasion. It’s nice not to be bothered at certain times, but other times you’re kind of like, “Hey, you, Mr. Buff. Over here.” I mean, if someone strikes up a conversation with you while they're sweaty, and you’re sweaty, too, then obviously they think you’ll look even better later.)

I would, however, be willing to work up a sweat with someone without worrying (too much) about how I looked...once we’d been on a number of dates. If a person enjoys being active, you’re bound to appreciate it if your guy has the same inclination. I used to go to the gym regularly with a then-boyfriend (often that was first thing in the morning, sans makeup). And several guys I’ve dated have offered to teach me how to swim, although I’ve never taken any of them up on it. It would also be nice to try a new activity together that neither of us had ever done before.

Fitness dates are awesome and I wholeheartedly agree with them. I just think I’ll wait a while to make the suggestion.

Related Reading:

Ozzie Jacobs at Examiner.com talks about the advantages of having a fitness date in a pool.

Your Tango: Fun And Free: The Exercise Date

Vitamin G (a blog affiliated with Glamour magazine) has three good reasons why a fitness date is good for your relationship.

FitSugar suggests going on a fitness date to the batting cages.

(Contributing editor Zandria blogs at Zandria.us.)

Childless Women Do Not Lack "An Essential Humanity"

2009-05-31T20:28:34-05:00

An easy way to piss me off is to make a sweeping generalization about a large group of people and claim that they all possess the same characteristic. While it seems obvious to me that this is a wrong and misguided thing to do, there are actually people out there who do this. Not only do they make untrue generalizations, but sometimes their words are published on popular websites.

I should probably ignore things like this that piss me off, and most of the time I do. But every once in a while it's impossible. The example this time is a woman named Carol Sarler who wrote an article in the Daily Mail, putting down childless women. Not content to say something just slightly less offensive, she states that childless woman “lack an essential humanity.”

Much as I like to trumpet the importance of a woman's right to choose all things at all times, there's one choice I simply cannot understand: the choice of an otherwise sane and healthy woman not to have children. [...]

[If a woman] says she hasn't a shred of maternal feeling in her, moreover, if she says she would prefer to concentrate on her career and that a child would only get in the way of it, then my head might acknowledge her right to do so. But my heart whispers: 'Lady, you're weird.'

Sarler points to recent research that shows that “far from bosses and colleagues always being suspicious of a working mother, the opposite is becoming true: it is the childless woman who is regarded as cold and odd.” (When I read that, my first thought was that I’d really like someone to do a breakdown of the results of this study. I’ve seen Bella DePaulo tear through enough of these types of studies to be suspicious right from the beginning.)

If Sarler had worded her article in such a way that encouraged employers not to discriminate against hiring mothers, and also not to assume that childless workers are automatically harder working, that would be one thing. But Sarler says that mothers are the better workers and that bosses are right to distrust women who don't want children. Apparently, being childless means you’re out partying all the time.

It's not the mothers, for a start, who are going to turn up late and hungover after a night on the razz; they'll have been up, dressed and alert for hours, having cooked a family breakfast and delivered their children to school. On time.

Nobody appreciates being generalized about. I know plenty of childless women who have huge hearts; they certainly don’t booze it up every night and arrive at work late the next morning. In fact, they often do a better job as aunties and godmothers than a lot of mothers do with their own kids.

I’ve always leaned farther to the side of not having a child than being able to picture myself changing diapers and soothing temper tantrums. So when I hear these misguided and just plain wrong opinions about childless women, I’m even more positive that I could remain happy in the ranks of Women Who Are Awesome and Childless for the rest of my life.

What’s your opinion when you hear something like this?

Related Reading:

Amy Clare, guest blogging at The F Word, responds to Carol Sarler’s article by writing her an open letter.

Thank you so much for writing this well researched, intelligent and thoughtful article on the subject of childless -- sorry, barren -- women. I’ve been wondering why I haven’t had a promotion lately, and you have solved the mystery! It is all down to the bad vibes given off from my empty uterus, which I have selfishly chosen not to use! Thinking about it, my choice not to pass on my genetic material explains a lot of other odd stuff as well -- like why children, ‘normal’ people and cute furry pets alike all hurry along looking frightened when they pass me in the street, or why I’m able to refrigerate things just by touching them. I hadn’t realised I was ‘weird!’

Pamela Troy says this is "an example of an especially obnoxious form of arrogance -- inflating a personal preference into a moral imperative."

Unfortunately, people afflicted with this form of smugness invariably feel compelled to either write essays about it or offer long, earnest explanations to anyone unfortunate enough to bring the subject up in conversation. Such people can’t merely say, “I’m a vegetarian.” They must add, with an air of faux apology “I prefer not to engage in the cold-blooded murder of innocent animals.” They can’t just say, “I don’t have a TV,” in response to someone asking, “Did you see Lost last night?” They must add, “I prefer to spend my time reading, or going for walks, and really, I just can’t understand how anyone can sit indoors staring at that boob tube...”

I liked what Forever Amber had to say, too.

[W]hen I hear another woman say she’d like to have children, I think... well, nothing, really. Partly because it’s none of my business, but also because I learned something a long time ago that I think is a basic truth. It’s this: we are not all the same. Women are not all the same. Men are not all the same. We want different things, like different things, are good and bad at different things. Different. [...] And as far as I’m concerned, as long as people aren’t actually hurting anyone else with their choices, I don’t really care how they choose to live their lives.

(Contributing editor Zandria blogs at Zandria.us.)

Would You Want to Work in the Fitness Field?

2009-05-26T21:28:03-05:00

Like many people, I have a desk job. Except for a few months at a fast food restaurant when I was 16, and a year working as a hostess at The Olive Garden (both of these positions required me to stand for long periods of time), I’ve had a desk job since I was 18. For the most part, this has worked in my favor.

These jobs have provided me with healthcare benefits, retirement accounts, and comfortable salaries, in addition to teaching me many things I didn’t know. I’ve met friends who have lasted for years and continue to be instrumental in my life, long after I left that workplace for something new. I guess it’s fair to say that my desk jobs over the past 11 years have contributed to the person I am today.

Not only that, desk jobs are pretty much the opposite of strenuous (unless you’re looking at it in terms of mental fitness, or stress levels, or how fast you can type). And, you know, this is often okay with me. It’s nice to know that no matter how I'm feeling on a given day -- barring some sort of ailment, discomfort, or injury -- I can go to work and do what I need to do. I often send up a silent thanks that I’m lucky enough to work in a temperature-controlled environment, especially when it’s super cold outside, or on those miserable, oh-so-humid summer days.

The downsides? Oh, there are many of those, too. You have a valid excuse to be sedentary for most of the day. Feeling like you’re stuck indoors on those beautiful days when you just want to romp around and soak in the sunlight (totally distracting). Not to mention, spending eight hours on a computer can make people feel like they haven’t accomplished very much at the end of the day. Even if you’ve fulfilled everything that was expected of you, technically your results are located on a hard drive somewhere.

That’s why I have a lot of respect for people who do physical jobs for a living. They have to get out there and do their job regardless of whether they feel like it or not. When I get to work, I sit down in my chair and drink a cup of coffee. When those people get to work, they...well, they do actual (physical) work.

When I think about physical jobs, I’m not just thinking about people in the fitness industry, like personal trainers and group fitness instructors. Look at workers who clean hotel rooms; daycare teachers who run after kids all day long; nurses; professional landscapers. These people are active because they have to be. Sure, some people are more hardworking than others, and some people get the job done faster and better in a shorter period of time. But in general, those people work physically harder than I do during the day. They put my small efforts -- taking a lap down the hall to talk to co-workers, purposefully printing to a faraway printer -- to shame.

Sometimes I get those feelings like, “I’m not doing enough,” and “I’m tired of sitting here,” and I wonder if I couldn’t be doing something more action-oriented and physical. But on the other hand, I feel like I shouldn’t complain -- there are probably a lot of people who have to stand on their feet all day who wouldn’t mind sitting behind a desk like I do. So, at least for the time being, I’ll sit during the day and continue to try to move around as much as I can.

What do you think are the pros and cons of a fitness-related career?

Related Reading:

Kelly at Fitness Fixation lists the advantages for her of choosing a career in fitness.

I get to learn new things all the time. I love learning, it’s responsible for so much of the dork in me. Exercise probably saved me from being one of those people who hangs around grad schools and community classes forever. I get to learn new things all the time, and I have so much to learn about the things I even know something about, and it’s great. There’s always sports and athletic shit I want to pursue, and now I have the baseline fitness level and confidence to try it, and if I had my way, I’d probably take seventeen different classes a day, and probably drop dead of sweaty exhaustion in a week, but die happy.

I read this post of Becca’s some time ago, but sometimes I’ll go back and read it again just because I like it so much. She quit her profitable day job to work as a CrossFit instuctor. My favorite quote:

Opportunities are not luck -- opportunities are rewards we are handed because we earn them.

Sagan knows the importance of having a good fitness teacher.

When I used to go to the YMCA, I would faithfully attend step classes and kickboxing classes almost every day of the week because I grew so fond of my teachers and the classes that they taught. All of the instructors were volunteers so they were there because they wanted to be there (not the case with many university profs, I might add), and this in turn caused their energy and enthusiasm to rub off on the rest of us.

Tiffany at Swata Young Professionals is an athletic trainer, and volunteered for one of the breast cancer 3-Day 60-mile walks last year. She said she’s proud of her profession and was glad she was able to help.

Almost every walker asks, what do you do for a living, and it is great to answer back "I'm an athletic trainer." It all makes me proud to be a part of this profession and to surround myself with those who work tirelessly (and tired!) to help out those in need.

Bev Sklar at That’s Fit sometimes dreams about becoming a bicycle messenger.

Mun Fitness Blog: The Story Of an IT Programmer Who Made a Career Switch to Fitness World

New York Times: The Case for Working With Your Hands. (Tired of working behind a desk? You’re not the only one.)

(Contributing editor Zandria blogs at Zandria.us.)

Who Should Pay on a Date?

2009-05-24T09:00:09-05:00

Some women firmly expect that a guy should pay their way on a date, while on the other end of the spectrum, some women insist on paying their half -- every time, without exception. My feelings on the subject are a bit more fluid. While I appreciate someone offering to pay my way (and will take them up on it if they do), I always try to bring cash so that I can easily hand it over if my offer to pay is accepted. I do have opinions about who should pay on a date -- keeping in mind that if you don’t want to spend big bucks on the first date, that’s okay, too.

Situations where neither person pays anything: it is perfectly acceptable for nothing to be bought for the other person, especially on a first date. Meet somewhere that’s free, like outside, or an inside venue that doesn’t cost anything to get in. I’ve said this on more than one occasion to a male friend who’s complained about the high cost of taking a first date to dinner (especially when he realized pretty quickly that they didn’t have anything in common and he didn’t want to see her again).

Coffee or quick lunch: whenever I meet someone for coffee or a quick lunch (usually during work hours), I arrive a few minutes early, get in line, and order what I want before he gets there. It’s only a few bucks, and it’s something I probably would have bought anyway.

Dinner or alcoholic drinks on the first date: I’ve never gone somewhere ultra-fancy or ultra-expensive for a first date, so I always offer to pay. Most of the time my offer is turned down, but there have been a few times where it’s been accepted (one of those guys I went out with several times after that, so not paying isn't an automatic deal breaker). An exception to this would be...

An expensive venue for dinner/drinks, or a place that the guy has specifically chosen: I don’t have money problems and I could afford to pay for a nice dinner, but the fact of the matter is, most of the time I choose to be conservative with my cash. So if someone invites me to a place that’s obviously pricey, I would expect 1) if it were a first date, that I would halfheartedly offer to pay and he would turn me down, and 2) if we’d been out on a date previously and then he invited me to a pricey place, I would assume that he was paying and I wouldn’t offer.

Subsequent dates, when you’ve made it past #3 or so: time to share. Even if the person with the bigger paycheck (male or female) pays for the expensive dinners, at this point I happily whip out my debit card to pay for drinks, or both of our meals at a less-pricey place.

Even if your dude is generous, or prefers to pick up every bill for dinners out in restaurants (or shows, or whatever else you’re doing), I think it shows that you’re appreciative if you make an effort to pay for other things. Buy the movie tickets online so they’re already paid for before you guys get to the theater. Offer to make dinner one night, or pick up the ingredients if he’s the one being the chef. Make note of something he likes and buy it for him. (Obviously this would be a number of dates in. It’s not the best idea to go around buying random presents for someone you’ve just started seeing.)

Agree? Disagree?

Related Reading:

Babs O'Leary doesn’t approve of splitting the bill on a first date. But, like me, she acknowledges that dates that “won’t break the bank” are perfectly acceptable.

The girls and I had some discussions about going dutch on the first date. I think the general consensus is that is a no-no for us. Simply put, if a man asks a woman on a date he is expected to pay. Now, we understand completely that a man might not want to invest a lot of money into a first date, particularly if he is dating a lot. But that’s not our problem. There are plenty of suitable first dates that won’t break the bank. Meeting for coffee, ice cream or an ice cold cola is perfectly fine for a first date.

Victoria Namkung gives us 5 Things Not to Do on a Date, and one of those is for a person not to “be cheap.”

Sure, we're in a recession and no one would fault you for wanting to save a few bucks, but some offenders take things too far, like the guy who refused to buy his date a hot dog in Central Park. Traditional etiquette would tell you that if you ask a woman out then you should pay for the date. Most rational women will offer to go dutch or take you out after the third date. If you're looking for inexpensive fun try bowling, wine tasting, hitting a museum, taking a picnic to the park or going on a bike ride.

Kristy at Master Your Card looks at the issue from a traditionalist and feminist perspective, and says she falls in the middle ground.

The middle ground is pretty simple: whoever invites is the one who pays. Most women in this category feel that if a man invites the woman out, he should pay and vice versa. That’s not to say that these women do a whole lot of inviting; however, the option is still out there should they invite someone to dinner.

Personally, I tend to fall into this category. I’m appreciative of a guy who pays for dinner on a first date and find that I’m more attracted to a man who does as opposed to a man who doesn’t...unless I invited him. I’ve never asked a guy out before, so I haven’t really put this theory to the test, but I’ve gone Dutch on the second date and been ok with that.

Kat Wilder discusses “the fake reach.”

Now, most gals offer to chip in or at least start reaching for the check. But we're not always 100 percent honest -- that fake reach is often, well, fake because deep down we really want to be courted. If a man pays, it's like a neon light flashing, "He's into me!"

And while a lot of men I know say that they appreciate that fake reach -- although I'm not quite sure they know that it's fake -- they want to be The Man. And The Man pays, especially on the first date. Period.

(Contributing editor Zandria blogs at Zandria.us.)

Bike to Work Day: Many Advantages to Climbing in the Saddle

2009-05-19T20:00:00-05:00

Some people, whether by necessity or choice or both, ride their bikes to work every day. They brave the weather, traffic, and sweat in order to do something good for their bodies and the environment. Other people are more casual about biking; they’ll bike to work on occasion, but only if the weather is nice or their car is in the shop. Once a year there’s also another occasion to climb on two wheels: a special event called Bike to Work Day.

Bike to Work Day “is an annual event held on the third Friday of May across the United States and Canada that promotes the bicycle as an option for commuting to work.” Many locales organize bicycle-related events and “in some areas, pit stops along bicycle routes with snacks.” [Wikipedia]

Even though I didn’t participate in Bike to Work Day, I did hear about it in advance -- I live right outside of Washington, DC, so I saw banners up in various places, and several local blogs had written about it. (This is a good example of the advantages of living in a large metropolitan area. There are so many things to do, there’s really no excuse for not participating in something that interests you.)

I like biking, but I live over ten miles away from where I work. I also like the feeling of rinsing off in a shower after I get sweaty (which would be especially true if I biked to work and then had to spend the next eight hours in my workplace). It’s bad enough that I have walk a mile to and from my Metro stop in the summer -- it can get pretty god-awful humid around here. On pretty days, being outside is wonderful. But when it’s not-so-great, I welcome the presence of an air-conditioned train.

Even though I’m not biking, I do feel good about the fact that I take public transportation to work. I’ve been commuting to my workplace in DC for almost two years and I’ve never once driven my car there. There are a lot of weeks where I only get in my car a few times, and that’s usually just for short trips (within a 3-4 miles radius) to the gym and grocery store.

If I lived closer to my workplace, I’d be much more likely to utilize the bike I bought last summer. At this point, riding for ten miles along various types of roads (plus having to deal with scary rush-hour commuters) doesn’t hold a lot of appeal to me. But I wouldn’t rule it out if my living situation changed.

Do you bike to work? If not, would you want to?

Related Reading:

Drea at Business Pundit says Get Your Butt in the Saddle. She has a lot of good reasons for casual cyclists to participate in Bike to Work Day, as well as a list of perks for those who choose to make biking to work a permanent activity.

DC Metblogs highlighted some of the cool things that local participants were able to take advantage of (being DC, there was also “a surprise visit by the Secretary of Energy and Nobel Laureate, Stephen Chu”). Some additional examples:

* The food was excellent -- bagels and schmears, apples and oranges all nicely quartered, hot coffee and cold tea -- and plenty of it. Yay, sponsors!

* The Coast Guard contingent was particularly impressive, led by Admiral Thad Allen.

* Excellent giveaways and raffles; the drawings are the only time during the event that everyone on the plaza pays strict attention.

Debbie Leight, a Google employee writing at The Official Google Blog, bikes to work almost every Friday...and that’s 45 miles one-way.

[I]t takes about 3 hours. Most people think I'm crazy, but seeing the sun rise over the bay and feeling the rush of the air as I speed down Cortland Hill at close to 30mph on my bike makes it all worth it.

Yokota Fritz at Cyclelicious participated in Bike to Work Day in the San Francisco bay area, riding 25 miles from San Jose to Menlo Park. Yokota said she “gained about 10 pounds scarfing down Hobee's coffee cakes from 11 Energizer Stations in six cities and two counties.” She also made a short video to commemorate her ride.

Elizabeth Press at StreetsBlog reports that “bicycling in New York City shot up 35 percent” last year, thanks to “bike lanes, bike racks and other amenities...popping up everywhere.”

Biker Chick Char lives in Alexandria, Virginia (same as me!) and commutes 32 miles round-trip to her job in Washington, DC. (I’m sure she’d have a thing or two to say about my excuses.) In this post, she describes the Bike to Work Day pit-stop she made.

A regular cyclist, Maude Bauschard volunteered at a Bike to Work Day event and used the opportunity to network for a job she’d like to have.

(Contributing editor Zandria blogs regularly at Zandria.us.)

Singelringen: The Ring for Singles

2009-05-17T23:07:42-05:00

The things we wear give cues to others about how to perceive us. If you’re dressed like a bum, in most cases you won’t be as well-respected as someone wearing a designer suit. Some people wear t-shirts that proclaim their political preference, or attitude, or favorite band, or past vacation destinations. When other people see these cues, they tend to make assumptions about us based on our choices.

Some things are meant to be obvious symbols, like proclaiming your marital status by wearing a wedding band on a certain finger. But what if you want to proclaim your status as a single person without wearing a tacky t-shirt that says "I'M SINGLE" in big, glaring letters? Well, now there’s a ring for you, too.

Singelringen is a Swedish company that started making a "ring for singles" just a few years ago. They’ve now sold over 250,000 rings on four continents. After their success with the ring, they expanded their line this year to include a necklace, bracelet, and mobile phone jewelry.

According to their website, each ring is marked with an individual registration number, and if you buy any of their products you receive access to the Singelringen online community. I’m not exactly sure what happens in this online community, as I don’t own one of these rings and as such was unable to register. (Hypotheses: a mini online dating site where people post personal ads? A place to talk about how much you love being single? Or maybe to plot against evil married people?)

Although 250,000 rings is an impressive number, it’s not so huge when you think about the number of people on our planet. Most people know the meaning of a wedding band, but a turquoise-colored ring made of sterling silver and acrylic, worn on your right hand? If you’re purposefully looking to let people know that you’re single, you might want to go ahead and have “I’m single and looking!” plastered across the front of your t-shirt.

I’m a little torn on my opinion of the Singelringen. On one hand, I don’t wear one particular ring on a regular basis. If I were to wear this ring, I’d wear it because I liked the look of it but I certainly wouldn’t wear it every day. If the rings got so popular that a lot of people would immediately know the meaning behind it, I’d have to put more thought into whether I wanted to advertise my single status when I went out in public. If people saw it as an open invitation to approach me, for instance, I’d leave it behind. (Can you imagine being approached by some undesirable guy equipped with the perfect pickup line: “Well, hello there, cutie. I see you’re wearing a Singelringen...?”)

Then again, I understand why this ring could be viewed as something harmless and fun -- a good conversation starter. Not only that, some people have applauded this ring as being a symbol for single empowerment. In other words, you’re single and you don’t care who knows it. A Swedish company might be profiting from your empowerment, but we buy things like this every day -- you could spend just as much money buying something that wouldn’t hold any meaning for you or anyone else.

Would you wear a Singelringen?

Related Reading:

Leah in Chicago likes her Singelringen.

The Singelringen is a ring for singles to wear on the right hand. It says, "I'm single and that's cool, in fact, I have a rather fabulous life with this being single thing." Yep, I have a code to get myself registered in the Singelringen online community...It's fun, it's pretty and different, and I think it's what they call a social object.

Vanessa Longman asks, “Who wouldn't want to be so strong, smart and single?”

Jason Chen: Singelringen Advertises Your Loneliness

Tired of looking for the negative space of an absent wedding ring when you go to clubs? Try the Singelringen, a gimmicky ring that advertises to others that you're free and willing to bump and grind. Each ring has a unique code, which you can use to register online and place your profile. This way, you can give other...single people the code instead of your phone number in order to look you up later. [...]

But it does make for a nice conversation starter. That's right ladies, this ring says I have tons of disposable income.

Alex de Carvalho wrote about the Singelringen in relation to "the use of social objects as artefacts for identity management."

Singelringen is an immediately noticeable, interesting and unusual ice breaker, like Armstrong’s yellow Livestrong bracelet. Starting to talk with someone about the ring can lead to prolonged conversations about what it means to be single. And as people talk to each other about the Singelringen, they construct their particular fiction or story about it, which is what social objects generally lead people to do. When you see someone with such a ring, you will probably thin-slice and already start to make some judgements.

Tres Sugar asked, "Would you be into wearing a ring that announces to the world that you're single and ready to mingle?"

There were 479 votes as of 5/15/09: 57% said "Yes -- I think it's a great way to announce that I'm available," 34% said "No -- I don't think I would feel comfortable labeling myself like that," and 9% were undecided.

(Contributing editor Zandria blogs regularly at Zandria.us.)

Body Image, How I Look in Clothes, and an Attempt to Get Over It

2009-05-12T21:24:25-05:00

There’s something I don’t admit very often (in fact, maybe I’ve never admitted it before). The thing is, there’s one thing in particular that I miss about being skinny. When I say “skinny,” I mean the way I looked when I was underweight, about 25 pounds ago. I know I’m not supposed to say that I miss anything about that time period, because I’m supposed to love my new, improved, healthy shape. And most of the time, for the most part, I do.

However, I’ve also accepted the fact that certain thoughts and habits aren’t ever going to go away completely. One of the big things that can make me feel insecure is being unable to wear most of my old clothes. And this is where the whole “I miss being skinny” mentality can sometimes come back to rear its ugly head. Because, see, when you’re skinny, it’s really easy to find and wear pretty much whatever you want.

When you have jutting hipbones, and a concave stomach, and no ass…pretty much everything fits. There are no bulges or rolls of extra skin to deal with. I tend to think about this when my waistband starts to feel tight, or that time I finally gave away a stack of pants that I could no longer button. I wasn’t planning to ever be small enough to button them again -- nor did I want to -- but for some reason I’d been continuing to hold on to them.

I realize this is an extremely self-centered reason for wanting to look a certain way. It’s not like I look bad in the clothes I’m currently wearing; it just takes more effort because there are styles that look good on me and some that don’t. (Which kinda makes you understand why clothing designers say it’s “easier” to make clothes to fit a stick-woman.)

Here’s what makes me come back to reality on a relatively quick basis: remembering the bad times. How I felt perpetually lethargic and unhappy. Obsessed over everything I ate (or didn’t eat). Missed out on meeting new people, and going to new places, or even hanging out with people I already knew, because it was easier to stay in my safe, insulated world. For example, I preferred going to restaurants that offered calorie-counts on their websites so I could plan in advance what I was going to eat. (Yeah, I was a lot of fun back then...)

Here’s something else: even though it was my choice not to date back then, it’s not like men were beating down my door to get to me. I would hear that guys prefer women who aren’t stick-thin, but I would still think to myself, “Surely that isn’t the case. If I was interested in somebody, they’d like the way I look.” Well, once I stopped looking like a Starving Person, my hypothesis changed to “guys like to have something to hold on to.”

(I majored in sociology in college, so there’s a part of me that thinks this hypothesis would make an interesting social experiment: what would happen if I made another online dating profile, using only my skinny-pics, and the exact same description of myself that I have right now? What would happen to the quality and/or quantity of my responses?)

Sometimes something will come up in conversation to remind me of that time in my life, and on a few occasions I’ve pulled up a particular photo from my Flickr account to illustrate my point. Nobody seems to believe me right away when I tell them I used to weigh 25 pounds less than I do now, but they do when they see some before-and-after pics:

The first was taken in June 2002 at the Hoover Dam; the second (I’m on the right, in the tank top) was taken in August 2008 -- immediately after a strip aerobics class.

I look horrible in the first photo, and that’s exactly why I show it. The reactions are always the same: “Ew!” and “Wow!” and “You look so different!” and “You look so much better now.” People always say that, and I appreciate it. Even though I know it in my head, I need to hear it.

I no longer own those jeans I was wearing back in 2002. They wouldn’t fit me. I still have the shirt, but I haven’t worn it in quite a while -- I can get it on, but it’s more snug, and I prefer longer shirts now.

Will I ever stop comparing my body to the clothes I can put on and how I look in them? Hopefully. But if that’s the only thing I miss about being skinny, I could be doing much worse.

Related Reading:

Sally McGraw at Already Pretty has a great post about using clothes to work with your body. She firmly believes there's no reason you can't look great, even if you don't love how you look naked.

Elana Sztokman wrote an interesting post about Orthodox Women, Passover, and Body Image.

Despite the difficulties of being a "short/petite person," Speed Reader decided that "Today I'm going to love my jeans and the way I feel in them. For me, good-fitting clothes is half the battle (or more!) in being happy with my body."

(Contributing editor Zandria blogs regularly at Zandria.us.)