If I rent a place by myself, I'll have to purchase living room furniture -- most of the stuff in our living room right now belongs to my roommate. But I don't mind the prospect of having to start from scratch, because the truth is, she and I don't have the same taste in decorating.
For one thing, there's a tall, skinny bookcase in a corner that's haphazardly stacked with books -- we've been living together for two years and the messiness of it has never ceased to annoy me. Also, all of the wood in the room is light (bookcase, end tables, entertainment center), while I prefer dark wood.
We have stuff in our place that doesn't need to be there at all; for instance, the small dining table and chairs that's only used as a catch-all space. (Why have something taking up room if you never use it?) And then there's the recliner that I can't stand, and a stool that she has in front of a window with a portable CD-player sitting on top. Which she never turns on. I hate that thing with a passion, but at this point it's not worth the argument. It's been there too long for me to suddenly start complaining about it, especially since we're at the point where we probably won't be living together for very much longer.
For a number of months, I've found myself collecting interesting decorating ideas that I find online. I like the look of hardwood floors with rugs for color; I want a streamlined couch instead of something big and overstuffed; I like mirrors and attention-grabbing lighting.
But I can't start collecting any of that stuff right now. What am I supposed to do with it?
(Speaking of which: all of you people out there who have multiple bedrooms that you're not using? No, I don't hate you, but please take a few moments to consider those of us who have to rent studio apartments. Yes, you, with your guest bedroom and the other room that you use as an office. I met a man recently who owns a four-bedroom house, and he lives in that house by himself. One bedroom for him, one guest room, and the other two bedrooms are completely empty. I don't begrudge people their large homes and excess space, but it's hard not to think about it when I'm trying to picture how I might arrange my furniture in a studio.)
I also find myself paying attention to how other people decorate their places, and taking mental notes about what I do and don't like. One of these days I'll have a place of my own, and people can feel free to judge my taste, too.
Related Reading:
I like this do-it-yourself magnetic spice rack.
I read Apartment Therapy DC on a regular basis. One of their links I saved was a post on doing a monochromatic grouping. It might not be possible to do in a small space, but I think it looks pretty cool.
Enjoying the Journey shares before-and-after photos of her living room.
(Contributing editor Zandria blogs at Zandria.us.)
]]>At the time, we were discussing New Year's Eve. See, we've spent New Year's Eve together for the past two years; if we spend this one coming up together, it will be our third. Last year Mary had her boyfriend with her and Jen and I were single. This year Mary has a different boyfriend, and Jen has a boyfriend, too.
Apparently Mary thinks they should invite their boyfriends along to whatever we decide to do for New Year's Eve (which is absolutely fine), and she kept asking whether I think I could find someone to complete a third couple -- you know, so I wouldn't be by myself. "Maybe you could invite [blank] or [blank] or [blank]," she suggested.
As these suggestions were being made, this was my thought process:
1) It's not all that difficult for me to find a date. If I want a date on December 31st, I will seek one out. But would I invite someone I'd just met to hang out with my girlfriends on New Year's Eve? I most likely would not.
2) I would much rather hang out with two couples than invite a date just for the sake of not being "alone." I can talk to anyone. As long as the couples aren't making-out and ignoring me all night, I'm sure I would have a fine time.
3) I love these women, but I don't have to hang out with them for the third new year in a row. I've already received an invitation to attend another friend's party, so there's a chance I'll end up doing that instead.
But really, the biggest thing going through my mind was the most obvious: we live in a major metropolitan area. There are a lot of single people here. We are awesome women who know that we are awesome whether we're by ourselves or with someone else. If I decide that I want a date to help me ring in 2010, so be it. But between now and then, what I'll do is make a decision about what I want to do that night and take it from there.
Would I like a date for New Year's Eve? Honestly, I don't care. If I meet someone who I think is fabulous before then, sure, having a date would be fine. But I don't see a date on that night being any better than a date I would have had the previous week. I don't place any emphasis on having someone around just to keep me company on some supposedly-momentous evening.
Because, you see, I know that I rock. If some man gets to spend time with me that night (or any other night), he's the lucky one. Some women tend to forget that, but really, knowing that you rock is really all that matters.
Related Reading:
Kris recently turned 36 and was happy to realize that she enjoys being a 30-something unmarried woman.
At 36, I’m proud to say that I’m a different kind of norm. You know the details: the two cats, the rented apartment in the city, the wine bought at a DC corner store. But there’s something empowering about the number passing these lips: thirty-six. You see, I no longer have to engage in drama that saps energy I could use for more productive things. I don’t want to go out on a particular night? I can say it. I can eat Baked Doritos at 5 am on a weekday while watching the morning news, and there isn’t a soul in the world to whom I need to answer. My extended family is a rich community of real-life and Interweb friends, half of whom I don’t see more than once every few years. I don’t have to spend money on what someone else thinks I should.
When Lisa was single, she wrote that the loneliest holiday is not Thanksgiving, Christmas, or Valentine's Day -- it's Halloween.
The Canuck Girl laments her single status as the holiday season approaches.
(Contributing editor Zandria blogs at Zandria.us.)
]]>The reason I'm okay with it is because it was my choice to stop making the list a priority. I did most of the things that I really wanted to do (as well as some things that were just "ehhhhh" but didn't take a lot of time and energy to accomplish). Earlier this year, I stopped posting my regular end-of-month recaps because there were no longer any updates to make.
Am I disappointed that I didn't complete the entire list? Yes, it would have been cool to be able to say, "Look guys, I did it!!" But no, I'm not disappointed. The reason I didn't do most of the these tasks -- with the exception of maybe two or three things that I would have liked to do -- was simply because I didn't want to. This is my life, and while of course there are some things I have to do that I'd rather not, there are also things like this that I do have control over.
Here are the 23 things that I didn't do (the numbers designate where they're located in the list).
1. Volunteer somewhere for at least 1 hour: I didn't complete this before my end date of October '09, but I have two volunteer events scheduled for this month. I was just a few weeks too late.
11. Do at least 1 unassisted pull-up: I may not be able to do a pull-up, but I'd like to note that I've maintained my regular weight workouts ever since I started lifting weights back in the summer of 2007. Over two years and counting. Go, me!
16. Buy a complete outfit purchased from thrift stores: I went to a few places this year, but I never found anything I wanted to buy, much less an entire outfit.
18. Plant something from seed: Instead of helping a plant grow, I killed one.
20. Host a sleepover for at least 2 females: I've had girls stay over at my place, but never two females at the same time.
22. Fly a kite: Lame. This was just a space-filler.
25. Compile emergency supplies for home: I guess I'll be in big trouble if an emergency happens.
30. Attend a church service: The only time I've been inside a church since January '07 was when my friend Teresa got married in a Catholic church last fall, and when my friend Eddie got married in a Baptist church a few months ago. I decided not to count these since they were special occasions and not sermon-type services.
32. Memorize something and demonstrate it for someone as proof: I asked for recommendations, but I didn't follow through. Technically, I could have memorized a sentence or two and crossed this one off, but I didn't think that was fair.
40. Participate in an online writing contest, or submit a piece to a printed publication: I blog, and for right now, that's good enough for me.
42. Go to a country where I have to use my passport again: Oh, woe is me. One day I will do this.
43. Tour a vineyard/winery, or go to a wine festival: I've been to three beer festivals. That should totally count.
49. Stay in a haunted hotel room, or visit a place that advertises itself as being haunted: Earlier this year I was supposed to visit a haunted hotel at Fell's Point in Baltimore, but my plans fell through and I never rescheduled.
51. Visit my friend Lyndsey in Texas: I haven't been to Texas, but I did see Lyndsey in Las Vegas last fall.
52. Visit my friend Christina in Columbus: I've seen Christina several times in the past few years, but only when she's come to Virginia for a visit. The last time I was in Columbus was July 2006 when I was a bridesmaid in her wedding.
54. Take a Sisters-Only Getaway with both of my two beautiful sisters: I would have liked to do this, and still hope to do so.
68. Obtain a piece of original art for the wall: I would have been more motivated to do this if I lived in a place by myself. My roommate has stuff on our walls right now.
69. Paint a picture: I didn't have the supplies to do this, nor do I know anyone who paints.
83. Be an extra in a movie or TV show, or be part of the audience at a TV recording: This would be fun to do, but I never got the chance.
85. Learn at least 50 ASL signs: My friend Julie could have helped me out with this one.
88. Transfer 8mm camcorder tapes to digital format: I'd still like to do this at some point. It wouldn't take very long, because I only have a few tapes. But it would be interesting to see what I looked and sounded like ten years ago when these were originally recorded.
98. Dry my own fruit using a food dehydrator: Regular fruit is pretty darn good. I don't feel like I missed out.
101. Make a new list of 101 Things by the time my 1001 days are done: I won't be making another list with a specific time frame. I'm thinking about doing a Life List, just to keep track of the things I've done and have a central place to record it, but I don't want anything else with a deadline.
The most important thing is that there are so many things I've done over the past 1001 days that weren't on the list. I've grown as a person, done a lot of cool things, been to new places, and met a lot of awesome people. And that's more than enough for me.
Do you have a 101 Things list? Has anyone actually completed one?
Related Reading:
My friend Leah started her 101 Things list in March 2008, and she's been really good about posting regular updates. (She also credits me with being the one to inspire her to start her list.)
The blogger at Cherry Blossom Adventures is an Aussie living in Japan with her Japanese husband. She just posted a 101 Things list update.
Sarah is a newbie, having just started her list last month. (Good luck!)
(Contributing editor Zandria blogs at Zandria.us.)
]]>I'm not sure if they included single people living with roommates in this number; the article didn't specify whether two single people sharing one apartment were still considered a single-person household. But either way, there are a lot of single people living in this area.
What accounts for the rise in single households? The Washington Post says that young people are "finishing their education, investing in careers...and postponing marriage," and also that "people who divorce are less likely to remarry."
Moving to a new place has been on my mind quite a bit lately. While I'm looking forward to living by myself again, I've been dragging my feet -- mostly due to the fact that living by myself will mean paying more in rent than what I do now. I can afford to pay more than I currently do, but I like the fact that paying less means I don't have to budget. I always have money in my account; I never have to worry that I'll have enough to cover my bill if I go out with friends or if I decide I want to buy something random. And I get to put a chunk of that extra money from my paycheck in my savings account every month.
Let's talk numbers. Right now, because I split the rent and utilities with my roommate, I pay about $800 a month. For this area, and in comparison to what I know other people pay, that's pretty darn low. Of course it all depends on your perspective, though -- $800 a month (for one person) might be considered pretty high in an area with a lower cost of living.
I've done my research on places to live in DC, and I know I'd be looking at a rent increase of roughly $400 a month. Most apartments in that price range ($1200 per month) are studios, and they're not in luxury buildings, although some of them offer 24 hour security. In comparison, studios in more high-end buildings regularly start around $1800. Again, these prices are all about perspective. People in San Francisco and New York would probably find these prices to be quite reasonable.
But $1200, even including utilities, wouldn't be my only charges. I'd also have to factor in another $100 a month for cable and internet, and if I decide to keep my Virginia tags instead of registering my car in DC, I'd most likely have to pay to park in off-street parking (~$100 a month). So let's say I'd be looking at a monthly increase of $600 a month. Whew.
So that's why I'm having a hard time making a decision. Yes, I want to live by myself. I want a change of scenery. I want to live in DC. I want to live closer to my friends, and to the Metro, and to entertainment options. But depending on where I move and how much I end up paying, that's an increase of $400-600 a month over what I'm paying now. Yes, I could pay it. And I might. But it's certainly giving me pause.
I could always look for another roommate, but it would have to be somebody I know, or someone who comes highly recommended by a friend. And even then, I'm not sure I want to do that.
I like being responsible with my money, but I also don't want to be overly-miserly if this new situation is one I'd like better.
Given the same situation, what would you do?
Related Reading:
AshAsh lives in Alexandria, Virginia, too, and she's in the same situation I am -- she currently lives with a roommate but she's been thinking about moving out by herself.
Viv explains why she's glad that she lives alone.
One of the many things that Jenae likes about her life is that she lives alone.
(Contributing editor Zandria blogs at Zandria.us.)
]]>Our deal breakers can be serious, but that isn't always the case. Sometimes a deal breaker can be something annoying, like someone who chews with their mouth open or has abnormally long fingernails -- in other words, an exhibited behavior that makes it easy for someone to write you off without getting to know you better. While this may sound a little unfair, it's not necessarily a bad thing. I'm sure we've all done it at some point in time.
The biggest reason I enjoy reading about deal breakers? It's interesting to see what people consider so heinous that they immediately don't want to see someone anymore. Sometimes when I look at these lists, I think to myself, "Yeah, okay, that makes sense. I can see why that behavior would annoy you or turn you off." But often, other people's deal breakers aren't something I would have thought of right off the top of my head.
Another reason why it's interesting to read about deal breakers is because many of them have come from personal experience. It's easy to say that you wouldn't put up with some type of behavior that you know is horrible, even if you haven't experienced it personally, but you can usually tell when someone has known that behavior firsthand.
For instance, I love Shannon Stamey's blog. Even when she's making fun of something or someone, she's always cute, funny, and nice (although, since I know her personally, she'll probably get on my case for saying that). In other words, she rocks. And in this post, she was spot-on with some things that I, too, consider to be deal breakers.
Cynicism. Negativity is a dealbreaker, of course, because who wants to be around someone who needs constant propping-up? Cynicism goes a little deeper: I cannot bear to love someone who believes the world is an evil place, everyone is out to get theirs, and we're all hurtling toward oblivion. I know I'm on the rainbows and unicorns, true love and carousels side of the spectrum, but I've always considered that one of my better qualities. Don't try to take that away from me.
(Note: I'm not happiness and rainbows all the time either, but even though I consider the negative options and realize they exist, I tend not worry about them until they actually comes to pass. My rationale is, if that negative thing doesn't happen, I've just wasted a lot of time thinking that it might. I may be sarcastic, but I'm definitely not cynical, and I wouldn't be able to stand that quality in someone else, either.)
Picky eating. I didn't always have the healthiest relationship with food, and hearing a bunch of fussing brings back ugly memories.
(Note: If I was with someone who obsessed over what they ate, and couldn't just eat something for the sheer enjoyment of it, that wouldn't be good for me at all. Eating issues, I have put you in my past -- but that doesn't mean I'm immune to noticing these patterns in others.)
Lack of conflict skills. If you go nuclear to win an argument, or, more to the point, you care more about winning the argument than resolving the problem, I'm going to kick off my sexy heels and run like hell. Also, yelling freaks me out completely.
(Note: Yelling freaks me out, too. I'll do pretty much anything to avoid it. I believe in having conversations, and heated ones are unavoidable in relationships, but yelling doesn't have to happen. All I do is retreat, like a turtle tucking its head into its shell.)
Lemmonex has a list of things she's previously dismissed guys over, but she sums up her list with a simple truth: if you really like someone, these silly things wouldn't matter.
* ordered a salad on the first date
* was blond
* hiked
* geographically undesirable
* thought he was still 21
* talked about money far too much
* was too laid back
* drank too slowly
* bad tipper
* blabbed on excessively about his car
* loved Train (yes, the band, not toy trains)
* was afraid of his own semen
* primped more than me
* passive
* had horrible taste in beer
* admitted he was scared of me
* wore pleated front khakis
* owned a cat
* talked to his parents dailyI have cared about, perhaps even loved, guys with at least one of these attributes, but the bottom line if this: when you know, you know. If he isn’t going to work, it is a hell of a lot easier to come up with some ridiculous reason to heap them on the pile then to face the frustration of another bad date or failed relationship head on. Some call it finnicky, I call it self preservation.
Although she's in a committed relationship, Livit Luvit can easily list the behaviors that she wouldn't put up with.
If you can’t let your inner dork/freak fly when you’re alone.
If he avoids meeting the people you love most.
If he believes you when you say you don’t want anything for your birthday.
If he doesn’t make you laugh. Like, all the time and stuff.
If you think, deep down, that he would probably bone your best friend, given the right circumstances.
If you feel like you pay for more than he does. (Disclaimer: unless you make a significant amount more than him.) (Disclaimer not valid if he’s unemployed -- and we’re talking real trailer park trash unemployed, not “the economy is flushed” unemployed.)
And, finally...
If you’re unhappy more often than you’re happy.
Newsweek: Is Texting While Dating a Dealbreaker?
My take on this topic is that while mid-conversation texting is rude and tacky, I don't think a first date has to exist under some electronic cone of silence. It's nice to get so wrapped up in someone that you don't check the BlackBerry all weekend, but that's a privilege usually reserved for a few weeks after date one. In the meantime, why shouldn't I check my e-mail while you're off at the bar getting drinks?
I've previously written: What Do You Look For in a Partner? (Hint: It May Change.)
Do you have any particularly interesting deal breakers you'd like to share?
(Contributing editor Zandria blogs at Zandria.us.)
]]>Some people would ask, well, what about guys who are a little shorter than usual? Is it unfair for someone like me, being 5'9", to eliminate a guy from romantic consideration if he's, say, 5'6"? What's my hang-up?
On an online dating site, if you do a search for people and attempt to narrow the number of results (in addition to searching for something obvious like geographic proximity), one of the many filters you can use to eliminate people from your search results is minimum height. I haven't used this search feature for a number of months, but I remember what I originally set as the minimum height -- 5'10", which is an inch taller than me.
I have a hypothesis, though. A guy would probably say it's unfair for a taller woman not to give him a chance (if a height difference is the only thing holding them apart from mutual attraction), but I think there are many guys who specifically look for shorter women. This doesn't hold true all the time, for sure -- there are always exceptions to any rule -- but, well, here's the thing. I'm basing this assumption on personal experience. I've dated a few guys who weren't substantially taller than me and the subject of height has always come up, usually sooner rather than later.
Sometimes it'll be a comment, like the guy will say, "I've never dated a woman as tall as you before." Or when we're standing face-to-face, they'll straighten up as tall as they can, just to make sure the top of their head is above mine. (To the other tall ladies out there, have you noticed that when someone does this and you're wearing shoes, they automatically look down to see how much height your shoes are adding?)
And, really, come on -- it's not like I'm an Amazon. What must it be like for women who are 6' or taller?
(And yes, certainly, sometimes there are positive comments as well. Like the tall guys who say it's nice not to have to bend down so far when they come in for a kiss.)
I've thought about what it might be like to go out with a guy who's shorter than me. I know there would be absolutely no difference in the person -- it would all come down to how comfortable I felt about having him be the one to tip his head back when it came time for a kiss. I'm not sure how I'd feel about that. And on the flip side, I think there are a lot of guys who wouldn't know how they feel about that, either.
I don't know what made me start thinking about this recently. Maybe because I've now gone out with men who were older than I said I'd go out with, and I've gone out with people who had a different overall look/body type than my "normal" preference. I guess it just makes me wonder what other things I thought were what I wanted may not really be the case.
Ladies, have you ever dated someone who was noticeably shorter than you? Guys, have you dated someone taller? If you haven't, do you think you'd be okay with that?
Related Reading:
At The Frisky, 6'1" Susannah Breslin has some advice for How To Date A Tall Chick.
When other guys see a guy with a woman who's taller than he is, they assume one of two things: A) He has a lot of money, or B) He's really good in bed. Bagging a six-footer is big-game hunting. If you land one, everyone will assume you're a baller. Now, get out there, and find yourself a tall woman. I bet she's waiting for you -- with her heels on.
Double X: Julia Childs' Height Was Not a Handicap
Tall women's struggles are more subtle. You're not aware of this unless you're tall, but there's a vortex of silence around tall female public figures, and a total dearth of tall female role models. Sure, there are lots of very successful tall women out there. But you probably don't know who they are. Because they don't talk about it.
Kaye Dacus published a novel with a plus-sized heroine who also happens to be 5'11". She said she wanted to address the stereotype of tall men and short women, women "who are short enough the top of their head barely reaches the hero’s shoulder."
(Contributing editor Zandria blogs at Zandria.us.)
]]>I gave my roommate the option of moving out with me but she's not ready to leave this area yet. And I certainly have nothing against Alexandria -- in fact, I think it's a great place to live. Beautiful, safe, all that. I just need a change.
In addition to needing a change, another factor is my commute -- since I started my new job a few weeks ago, my commute is longer. If I lived in DC, I'd be closer to my workplace. And spending less time traveling is always a good thing.
Aside from the shorter commute, a big motivator for finding a new place to live is that I want to see what it's like to actually live in the city. Not just close, or right over the border, and not just working in the city or traveling there on a regular basis. Living there.
I've spent some time researching apartment options. I admit that I'm opposed to moving in with someone I don't know (even though it would definitely be cheaper), so I'm looking for a place by myself. My current roommate and I get along pretty well, but I'm looking forward to living by myself again.
The only problem is, with the amount I'm willing to spend on rent, my options are pretty much limited to studio apartments. While I know there are plenty of people who live in studios and they like it just fine, and there can be creative ways to hide the bed from the main living area, it's just not my first choice. Even though I'm just one person, and I could do it if I had to, I'd much rather have my bed in a separate room, even if the bedroom was just a tiny, closet-sized space.
I've been lucky -- once I started letting my local friends know that I'm apartment searching, I've been receiving all kinds of input and advice. It's great to be able to ask people for their opinion and receive tips on specific apartments in my price range and areas of the city that they think I might like. (I would also like to note that one of those people is a DC police officer, and he's already offered to give me safety/crime-related information about the areas I'm interested in. Gotta love having a wide variety of acquaintances!)
But when it comes down to it, I'm the one who will make the final decision. Either it's going to feel right or it won't. I'll know when the time comes.
Related Reading:
I've been checking out my local Apartment Therapy site for decorating ideas and bookmarking posts that I like.
Urban Sardines shared photos of a studio apartment that she admires.
At Decor8, a writer shares her need to do some cleaning and organizing in her small apartment.
(Contributing editor Zandria blogs at Zandria.us.)
]]>I'm perfectly fine with busting the myth of the single cat lady. (I'm not going to call it "crazy cat lady," because, you know, whatever. The majority of single female cat-owners I know are perfectly rational and lovely.)
]]>I'm perfectly fine with busting the myth of the single cat lady. (I'm not going to call it "crazy cat lady," because, you know, whatever. The majority of single female cat-owners I know are perfectly rational and lovely.)
I've dated men who had dogs, so if a guy has a pet it isn't an automatic disqualifier -- I mean, he's the one who would have to take care of it. For my part, I'm more than happy to rub your pet's head (as long as I can wash my hands afterward), and coo about how cute it is, and maybe even put some thought into how very social it can be to have a dog. (I mean, how easy is it to strike up a conversation with someone when they're walking around with a dog? I see it happen all the time.)
I like animals, I just don't love animals. If I loved an animal, I guess I wouldn't mind having to deal with a cat's litter box, or getting up early in the morning (or in the snow, or rain) to take a dog outside, or vacuuming up their fur.
It's not like I've never had a pet. I know how it is to live with one -- in fact, there have been pets in almost all of the locations I've lived in since I was a kid. We had a variety of animals when I was growing up. A dog, or a cat, or both. There were also hamsters, and a bird.
However, I haven't lived with a pet for over three years, since I moved to northern Virginia in October 2006. I lived by myself first, and for the past two years I've had a roommate. My roommate is actually a huge animal lover, and I'm sure she'd have a cat if she could -- but she happens to be extremely allergic to anything with fur. Although I'm sorry that someone who loves animals as much as she does can't have one, I have to admit I'm glad that I don't to worry about her bringing an animal home.
I've mentioned that I'm thinking about finding a new place to live, and if I decide to get a new roommate instead of living by myself, yes, I would use the presence of a pet as a roommate-disqualifier. I don't mind pets in somebody else's house, but given a choice I'd rather not have one in my house.
Additional downsides to having a pet that I've noticed and internalized: Vet bills - I'm always hearing about someone who had to spend hundreds (or even thousands) of dollars on a sick pet. General maintenance - lugging around big bags of dog food or cat litter. Inconvenience - having to come home to take a dog outside when you'd rather do something else (or having to pay someone to come in and take them for a walk in the middle of the day). Having to plan around them - dealing with boarding them when you go on vacation, or having to get someone else to watch them.
I've found there are certain things that are nice to have sometimes, but they're more trouble than they're worth the other times. This is how I feel about pets. While it might seem like a pleasant distraction to have a cat curled by my side, or for a dog to look at me with that quizzical, head-tipped gaze, the fact is I know myself, and I know that I would be annoyed and possibly resentful most of the time if I were the sole caretaker for an animal.
Does anybody else feel this way?
Related Reading:
Dolittler is a veterinarian and doesn't understand people who don't like pets. She compiled a list of some of the issues "that hold people back when it comes to animal-keeping," but none of the issues she lists are reasons that I've given. For instance, I don't think pets are dirty
...
“Pets are dirty and spread disease”: This POV is common but does not apply to the kind of pet keeping you and I are familiar with. Still, if someone was raised by a filthy aunt who kept cats in deplorable conditions you can understand why they might forever be traumatized by the concept of cat pee. Furthermore, it’s this sentiment that keeps pets out of doors among many who hold it dear.
JanaARIES said that she didn't grow up with many pets and didn't used to like them...but then she got her terrier.
When I brought that little fur ball home and into my life, she did what pets do. She wrapped me so many times around her paw in about 5 seconds and showed me just how much love you can get from a pet and how much love and respect they deserve.
FibraArtysta posted "an open letter to pets" on her blog (she didn't write but, but found it funny). An excerpt:
If you don't want their hair on your clothes, stay off the furniture. That's why they call it 'fur'-niture.
(Contributing editor Zandria blogs at Zandria.us.)
]]>I made last-minute plans to hang out with someone I'd never met: A few weeks ago I was supposed to go out with a friend on Saturday night, but they canceled just a few hours in advance. So I decided to email a guy from Match.com that I'd been exchanging messages with but hadn't had a chance to meet (I didn't even have his phone number at that point). Did he want to meet me in a few hours, I asked? It turns out he did. He canceled the plans he'd previously made and we had a really good time.
(We've been out a few times since then. Annnnddd he let me buy his U2 concert tickets -- they're playing in DC this Tuesday night -- because he had to go out of the country on a business trip and couldn't use them himself. Woot!)
I caught the bouquet at my sister's wedding: I wasn't about to hide out in the restroom, and apparently I was feeling competitive, and I know that catching a stupid bundle of flowers doesn't mean anything. I caught them, and it doesn't mean anything (and I don't want it to mean anything).
I did what I wanted this weekend, because I can: The job I've had for the past two years ended on Friday, and I start my new job tomorrow -- with only a two-day weekend in between. (I wanted a longer break but the new employer wanted me to start as soon as possible, so start I will.) So I decided I was going to take it easy this weekend.
I didn't feel like getting in touch with friends to hang out. I didn't feel like braving the crowds (or dreary weather) yesterday at the National Book Festival on the Mall or attending the Oktoberfest celebration on Capitol Hill. I've been to the gym twice, and I've run some errands, but other than that I've stuck close to home (and I'm quite proud of the dent I made in cleaning out stuff in my bedroom that I've been needing to go through).
I'm hunting for a new apartment: I've been living in Alexandria, VA for the past three years, and I'm heavily leaning toward moving into Washington, DC. I'm leaning so heavily, in fact, that I've told my roommate there's a good chance I'll be moving out in the next few months and I've already started searching for apartments.
I have a few ideas and preferences about where in DC I'd like to live...and I'm kinda happy about the fact that it's 100% my choice. I'm going to live where I want to live. I'm the sole decision-maker.
Here's what some other ladies have written about their single status:
Bella DePaulo wrote a quiz to see how well you Know Your Single People.
I follow Kris from Not a Girl, Not Yet a Wino on Twitter. This was one of her recent Twitter status updates
:
Arriving home with cat litter and Weight Watchers bread, I am the poster child for single.
Here at BlogHer, Suzanne Reisman wrote, So Some Fish Like Bicycles. What's the Big Deal?
Diary of a Smart Chick said she thinks she's "finally figured out how to create a bedroom that is truly ideal for a single woman." She lists five key features that make a great bedroom for a single gal. Here's one example:
It’s up to date. I don’t mean that my bedroom has to have trendy furniture and modern art. Instead, I mean that it needs to be up to date with me. My bedrooms always reflect my current passions, moods and beliefs. I think that this is important.
At Single Minded Women, Melanie Nayer wrote about visiting Rome by herself.
A tip for those single women who dare to travel to the Eternal City: be careful because before you know it, you’ll be strutting down the Via Conditti with all the confidence of a supermodel in stilettos.
(Contributing editor Zandria blogs at Zandria.us.)
]]>Two years ago, a local DC blogger (we read each other's blogs regularly but had never met in person) knew that I was looking for a job. I don't remember how she knew; I think we had been exchanging emails or maybe I'd written something about it on my blog. When a position opened up at the nonprofit where she worked, she emailed me the job description. It sounded like something I could do; I was interested. So I sent her my resume, she made sure it got to the right people, I was called in for an interview (where I was able to meet this blogger for the first time), and I got the job.
Even if I could have gotten the job on my own merit, I didn't know about the opening until she pointed it out to me. I have her to thank for the experience I've gained and the friends I've made over the past few years.
A little over a month ago, my friend J- asked me to send him my resume. I had told him I was looking for something new; his former boss had just put out a call to people in her network because her company had some openings. Luckily for me, J- has referred several people to her in the past and she respects his opinion. The same day that he sent her my resume, I got an email from their Human Resources department. A few days later, I had a date for an interview. A week after the interview, I was told I got the job.
This has been a really huge example for me that certain people come into our lives for a reason. J- and I might not have worked as a couple, but we're friends, and we care about each other, and now I have a new job because of him. There's a good possibility that I'll still have this job years down the road. Who knows who I'll meet, where I'll go, and what I'll learn? I don't know, and that's okay, because I'm looking forward to finding out.
I've submitted my resume many times on random companies' websites, never to hear anything back. People do get hired that way -- I have, in the past -- but you have a huge advantage when you're referred by someone on the inside.
If you don't like networking on purpose -- meeting new people and attending networking mixers for the express purpose of finding a job -- you don't necessarily have to do it that way. Mention it to your real-life friends, as well as your blog friends. If you strike up a random conversation with someone you've just met and they ask what you do for a living, say something like, "Well, I do such-and-such right now but I'm currently hunting for a job in such-and-such field. Do you know of any openings?" The worse they can say is no.
You have to let people know that you're looking. You have to ask for what you want. If you don't, there's a good chance you're going to stay exactly where you are.
I hope that I'm able to help someone get a new job someday. If they feel anywhere near as grateful as I do to my friends, that would be a very nice feeling indeed.
Related Reading
Lemmonex recently found a new job after an eight-month search. She shared her thoughts and recommendations for other people who may be job hunting, including the importance of networking.
Don’t be scared to network and use a recruiter. I found my new position through a really great recruiter...and I think she had my best interests at heart. She knew what I was looking for and found a great fit for me. Sure, working with a third party was sometimes frustrating, but in the end it worked out better than I could have imagined. The job market really blows right now; if you have been searching for months on end with no movement, it may be time to branch out. As far as networking goes, I told anyone and everyone who would listen I was looking. Friends, acquaintances, and even you readers sent job opportunities my way. I was working every angle.
Amanda the Aspiring TV Writer says that networking is essential for getting a job in Hollywood.
All jobs in Hollywood require some kind of networking, since most people hire workers who have been recommended to them, even for the most lowly of production assistant jobs. It's not 100% impossible to find a job via websites like entertainmentcareers.net or Craigslist or something, but be aware that it rarely happens this way - even for jobs that seem less "glamorous"...
Unclutterer: Organizing Your Job Search
(Contributing editor Zandria also blogs at Zandria.us.)
]]>I'll be working for a large consulting firm, and although it will be a vastly different place to work compared to what I've been doing for the past few years, I'm ready for a change. My biggest reasons for making this switch are:
]]>I'll be working for a large consulting firm, and although it will be a vastly different place to work compared to what I've been doing for the past few years, I'm ready for a change. My biggest reasons for making this switch are:
Opportunities for advancement - The nonprofit I currently work for isn't large enough to offer me a position other than the Executive Assistant role I'm currently in (at least not any positions that I'm interested in pursuing). It's not their fault; it's simply their size and what they do.
Less risk for boredom - In the consulting/advisory world, contracts tend to last anywhere from a few months to a few years. Once the project is over, you move on to something different. I think this would be a good fit for me because I tend to get bored doing the same thing, at the same place, with the same people, for a long period of time. Switching things up on a periodic basis and working on a completely different project (with new people, in a new location...but still in the DC metro area) would seem more like an entirely new job. But even though it would seem like a new job, I'd have the stability of being employed by the same company.
Training and career development - A large company has the resources to introduce me to a lot of new things, in addition to offering benefits like tuition reimbursement -- which can be used for outside training, degree programs, and/or certifications that I might like to pursue.
This whole new-job thing is part of the reason I've been so distracted lately. Although the nonprofit I work for is great, and there are certain people I'll really miss seeing on a daily basis, I've known for a while that I need to move on.
When I took the Executive Assistant position last year, I knew it wasn't something I wanted to do for the rest of my life. I'm glad I had the opportunity to try it out, but at least it proved to me that it's not what I want to do for the long-term. Although I'm entering my new job at an associate-level and will be doing a lot of administrative-type stuff in the beginning, it's their expectation -- and mine -- that I'll put in a lot of time to learn the ropes so I can move onward and upward and handle increased responsibility down the road.
When I made the new-job announcement on Facebook after work on Friday, a few people asked if I would still be in DC or if was moving back to Richmond where most of my family lives. I was surprised at first that they would ask -- if I was moving out of the DC metro area, I definitely would have mentioned it. But then again, I guess the question makes sense given that I've previously asked whether it's possible to go home again (Richmond is a city where I lived for eight years).
The thing is, I still like where I live. There's a lot of stuff to do, I've met a lot of really cool people, and there are a lot of job-related opportunities in a city of this size that you just can't find as easily in other places. In other words, I'm not looking to leave anytime in the near future.
You know what I really love? I love that taking a new job is guaranteed to shake up my life. Think about it. I'll no longer be taking the same route to work. I'll be interacting with people that I probably would never have come into contact with otherwise. I'll be learning a lot of new things. When I made the decision to take this job, I changed the current trajectory of my life.
I'm really looking forward to seeing what's going to happen.
Related Reading:
Shtetl Fabulous recently found a great job "after nearly four months of tireless searching."
BlogHer CE Liz Rizzo has been tirelessly searching for a new job herself for a number of months, and she recently came to the conclusion that Laid Off Mondays Blow.
Sarah Beth rewarded herself with a few things after she found out she had a new job. (Hmm, note to self. That doesn't sound so bad!)
This is an interview recommendation from someone I follow on Twitter. (I forgot to bring thank-you cards on the interview I went on, but I did make notes about some personal things the interviewers had told me about themselves so I could write the cards later and mail them the next day.)
Interviewing? Bring blank thank you notes to your interview. Write them immediately after and deliver to receptionist. What an impression!
(Contributing editor Zandria blogs at Zandria.us.)
]]>That's all changed now, and it's the same for online dating. In the past, people used to write emails to each other, and talk on the phone, before it was considered acceptable to meet in person. Now we tend to want to meet someone as quickly as possible -- to see the real person instead of just the pictures and description, to see if there's a spark.
Not only that, our avenues for meeting people on the internet are evolving. Now that there's no longer a stigma attached to saying that you met someone through an online dating site (remember when people would lie and say that they met through some other method?), it's also no longer strange to say that you met someone through some other form of social media.
I've talked about how I met a fair amount of people through Match.com in the last year, but over the past month I've dated a guy that I met via Twitter, and I also made plans to hang out with a guy that I've primarily talked to via Facebook. (Meaning, we'd met in person only once, months ago. He left a comment on a photo I posted, and after sending some messages back and forth we decided to meet for drinks.) And over the course of a few years, up until last summer, I went out with a few guys that I met through MySpace.com (ah, those social media sites of old).
When I talk about meeting new people from a dating perspective, though, I still kind of feel like I have to point out that I'm not meeting all these guys because I'm opposed to being with one particular person. But it is true that I go out more often when I'm not seeing just one guy, and I'm introduced to new people that I wouldn't have met otherwise, and I end up going to new places and eating at restaurants that I've never been to before. (Raw oysters at the Fish Market in Old Town Alexandria at 11pm on a Saturday night? Why, yes, please.)
I have a habit of posting details about my various escapades on my Twitter and Facebook profiles, and recently one of my aunts left this comment:
Look at you Zan...you have it so good: the freedom to go and be with whomever you choose, so many friends, dates, dinners, travel. Don't give any of this up by hooking up with just one man. [These things] add to the rainbow you live under.
"The rainbow you live under." Isn't that a great phrase? It's a nice thought, at least, even though -- of course -- my life isn't always rainbows and glitter and smiles and fun. But my life is pretty darn good, especially in the past few years since I discovered how much I enjoy meeting new people.
I like that our attitudes have changed and that it's now acceptable to meet people through multiple technological avenues. And it really makes me wonder what we'll be using ten years from now.
Do you have a story about meeting someone through the use of technology?
Related Reading:
Lalawag: How to Get Laid With Twitter
Twitter is probably the best way to hook up. Old-school methods of getting to know someone through their blogs and Facebook profiles is a large investment as far as time goes -- and time is a luxury not all of us have. With Twitter, you can find and engage hundreds of people in your network.
Huffington Post: Is Internet Dating the Death of Romance?
[M]y main reason for resisting the urge to internet date is my feeling that it drains romance of all its...romance. Even worse, it turns romance into a commodity. When you post photos of yourself and wax witty on the "five things you can't live without" or "your most embarrassing moment," you effectively reinvent yourself as a product -- to be reviewed, assessed for quality, and either purchased or passed over.
Ryane at The Platinum Years talks about the advantages of being single.
I never have to manage someone else's expectations; I never have to compromise on food choices or who controls the TV remote; I never have to put-up with bad moods (except my own!) or contrariness for no good god-damn reason other than that is simply the mood of the day. I would never pretend that not having to deal with these realities is reason enough to never want to get married or be in a relationship; I know they aren't. Idiosyncracies are part of the fun of a relationship. I'm merely realizing that for every thing I feel I don't have as a single woman, I have something equally as wonderful as just me, Ryane alone.
(Contributing editor Zandria blogs at Zandria.us.)
]]>Not all of the experiences have been good, of course, but cumulatively I feel like my life would have been much, much different this past year if I'd made the decision not to try online dating. Not so much because of the boring dates -- the times I forced myself to sit through an hour at dinner because I didn't want to seem rude -- but because of a few men who I ended up seeing on a recurring basis. Especially the ones who ended up becoming friends.
(That's always harder, though, isn't it? Taking a dating situation to a friend-situation? At least if there were any kind of feelings involved. Most of my guy-friends are men I've never dated -- I met them through friends or work or school. It tends to be easier that way.)
I was thinking about all this the other day when I clicked on the "Rejected" folder in the Gmail account I created specifically for all of my Match emails and winks to go into. See, whenever I get an email or wink that I don't want to respond to, I label it "Rejected" and file it away. (For people that I've actually exchanged emails with, they get a folder with their first name and screen name.)
As of today, there are 628 emails in my Rejected folder. (But just too clarify, some of those emails are duplicates -- men who have attempted to contact me multiple times, or who sent both an email and a wink at the same time.)
I haven't been keeping track of the number of men I've actually met in person, but I went through my folders today and counted the names of men I remember meeting face-to-face. I came up with 20. That's not including at least 5-6 people who I met offline, so I'd say that I've gone out with at least 25 people in the past 12 months. (And keep in mind, I've been out with some of those people on multiple occasions.)
I'm sure that will seem like a lot to some people, and not very much to others. If you think about it, it's an average of two new people a month. Totally manageable. But how it really worked out is different. There were some instances where I met 3-4 men in one week, but then I'd go weeks at a time without meeting anyone new. And of course the number of new dates would slow down when I was dating someone in particular that I liked.
Earlier this year, when I was dating one person regularly for four months, I only met 2-3 other people during that entire four-month span. And in the past few months, I haven't met any new Match-people at all. The people I've gone out with have all been men I met offline.
Even though I've gone through some tough times, I'm glad I made the decision to put myself out there and meet so many new people. I would certainly prefer that it not be so many new people in the future, but I know that my experiences this past year have been good for me. And I haven't canceled my Match subscription yet.
Here's a recap of some of my dating experiences since July '08:
Last July, the decision to try online dating in the first place wasn't an easy one.
Like pretty much every big decision I make, I realize I've been putting a lot of advance thought into this whole thing -- as opposed to just jumping in, creating a profile, paying a fee, and seeing what happens. It's funny. I've been encouraging to other people who wanted to try online dating, and I don't have anything against it personally, but I've never been wild about using this particular method to meet someone.
I posted about my personal do's and don'ts.
With the combination of my past dating experience and what I've read and heard from other people, it quickly becomes apparent what turns me on and what turns me off, what makes me click on a profile versus clicking quickly away, and what has to happen for me to take time to respond to someone's indication of interest.
Very early on, I realized that rejection happens to everyone.
When you post a photo and description online for anyone to see -- when you accept the fact that you'll be going on multiple dates if you're going to find the right person -- you either have a pretty good idea already that you'll be dealing with rejection or you come to terms with it very quickly. Nobody is immune to it, no matter how beautiful or wonderful we (or other people) think we are.
Just a few months into online dating, I ruminated on what I thought about the experience. (Was it fun? Frustrating? Wonderful? Stressful?)
Dating can sometimes seem like a game, even if you're not the type of person who's looking for a game -- you still have to play. A lot of people get tired of it and get out. I've heard from a number of people, both online and in person, who told me they used to do online dating but stopped for that very reason.
I wondered if my male friends have an impact on my dating life.
I've dated guys who knew I have male friends that I hang out with, and while they haven't specifically said they don't like it, I've gotten some questions. One of the most popular questions (after I assure them I'm not physically attracted to my guy friends and we don't enjoy "benefits") is, "But they think you're hot, right?"
At the beginning of the new year, I took a look back at the first five months of online dating.
One of the things that stands out to me about online dating is that, unlike meeting people on an occasional and random basis, if you're truly active and meeting new people pretty regularly, you're experiencing these emotions (nervousness, happiness, disappointment, excitement) way more often than you normally would.
I realized that our preferences change -- the things I've looked for in guys in the past may be different from what I look for today.
I wouldn't say that having preferences for what we're looking for in a partner are...crap...exactly, but aren't a lot of preferences pretty cliche? "I'm looking for someone who's smart, funny..." Well, sure, that's what we want. Those are all good attributes to have. But when someone asks me what kind of guy I'm looking for, I don't want to list a bunch of cliches. Those things should just be assumed.
I gave tips on things to keep in mind when writing your online dating profile.
I've looked at a fair amount of online dating profiles that were written by males, and I've talked to men who have looked at a wide variety of female profiles. Because of this, I've been able to draw a very important conclusion: most of us are not very original. While there isn't anything necessarily wrong with having our words sound very similar to those of many other people, it's also very hard to stand out.
I had to confront the exclusivity question.
If you're going to ask the exclusivity-question, you have to be prepared for things to change. Things will either change in a positive way, and the person will agree that you're fabulous and they don't want to see anybody else...or, you know. It'll be the answer you didn't want. You may even hear nice responses like, "You're awesome," and "I think you're great," and "I don't want to stop seeing you." But in the end, the only answer that really matters is that the other person isn't ready. You might be great, but you're not it.
I tried to envision what I’d want a relationship to be like ten years from now.
When I think about my past, I feel a sense of anticipation for all the things that the future is sure to hold. I hope that when I'm in my late 30s, I'll look back at Zan in her late 20s and be just as content with the choices I made in that ten-year span as I am right now, with the things I've done thus far.
I decided that I don’t want to be a "for now" woman.
I need the guy to like me just as much as I like him. That's what clicked for me. If I could see myself being happy with dating only this person, and I knew I wanted to see him more often and get to know him better...but he was telling me that he wanted to keep his options open? He doesn't feel the same way I do. And rather than give it more time and risk being hurt, I decided to move on.
I learned how to look at the positive side of bad dates.
In the context of dating -- specifically the dates that are so bad that you want to throw up your hands and give up for a while -- you can seriously start to question your pre-screening skills. But really, if you're going on first-dates with people you've previously only seen photos of, and exchanged emails with, and maybe talked to on the phone...there's a very high probability that you'll encounter a stinker or two at some point.
I ran away from conflict. Literally.
On July 4th, I did something that I haven't done in quite a long time. I was upset because of a conversation I was having with someone, and I had this feeling come over me that I had to leave the situation right that second. I didn't want to talk; I didn't want to work things out; I needed to leave. So I did.
Related Reading:
Leah asks if there is A science to online dating?
I've done a fair bit of online dating in my day. Heck, my dad even suggested it to me after I met (and sometimes dated) a fair number of "real life" duds. It's much less random than bumping into someone on the street, and it's easy to vett out the guys who obviously aren't compatible with you. [...]
[I]t seems to me that what matters most is adding to your repertoire of how to meet people. With online dating, I had another tool in my kit that helped me socially engage with the people in my area. And as a young adult who no longer has the social structure of school to help me meet people, I appreciate every method at my disposal for social interaction.
Your Tango: Top 8 Reasons Online Dating Is Great
The Huffington Post: The Ten Commandments of Modern Dating
Single Edition: Virtual dating assistants let men 'outsource' online dating
(Contributing editor Zandria blogs at Zandria.us.)
]]>According to Wikipedia, parkour focuses “on moving from one point to another as smoothly, efficiently and quickly as possible using the abilities of the human body. It is built on the philosophical premise that any obstacle, physical or mental, can be surpassed.” Doesn’t that description sound nice? The reality involves much more than that, though.
There are thousands of matches for parkour on YouTube, and
this amazing example was posted just a few days ago from a parkour team in Germany.
What gets me is that most people try to exercise safely. We wear expensive shoes designed for the specific activity that we engage in most often; we wear wicking fabric to absorb our sweat; we pay attention to minute twinges in our body that signifies something is wrong and needs attention before it gets any worse.
Indeed, some people have expressed concern about the popularity of this fast-growing extreme sport. According to Jacqueline Stenson at MSNBC.com:
With all the jumps and falls, participants risk stress fractures, ankle and knee sprains, and ligament injuries, among other potential problems, says Ross [spokesperson for the American College of Sports Medicine], a foot and ankle specialist. And the sport could be quite dangerous if participants attempted over-the-top stunts such as jumping from one building to another, he says.
I've never seen anyone do this activity in real life, but it would be interesting to witness. Who are the people who decide to do this? Do they do it by themselves or prefer the camaraderie (and safety) of a group setting?
Adventure Girl has tried parkour, and she has an excellent post about her experience with a training class in New York City. There were both new and regular people there, and the instructors took them through a grueling workout. Adventure Girl said that parkour is “serious physical conditioning and focus, and over the next two hours I got the best workout I've had in recent memory.” This was just the warm-up:
* Extensive stretching of all joints - wrists, shoulders, knees, and ankles
* 1/4 mile jog while stretching and loosening elbows
* More stretching with a focus on quads, hamstrings, and hips
* Curb running - running on a narrow curb without touching the ground
* Squats
* Quadrupedal walking - walking on all fours while maintaining a straight back
* Arm circuit - 3 rounds of 4 kinds of push-ups, plank (1 min), side plank (right and left each 30 sec)
* Ab circuit - 3 rounds of plank (1 min), dip push-ups, airplane (1 min), 20 crunches, boat pose (30 sec), 10 leg/butt lifts
(And these classes aren’t just New York City. They’re offered in DC, too -- a place called Primal Fitness offers both CrossFit and parkour training.)
Kelley Eskridge thinks that parkour “is amazing -- beautiful and exciting, combining talent, skill, elegance and pragmatism (a blend I’ve always found compelling). So fabulous to see the human body in use, in motion, in flight.” She wishes she would have found out about it sooner:
My entire girlhood, my entire life, might have been so different in so many ways if I’d had any of this when I needed self-confidence, when I needed to be living in and learning my body rather than being so wary of it. Oh, the possibilities.
FitSugar describes how parkour first came about.
What do you think? Would you try it?
(Contributing editor Zandria blogs at Zandria.us.)
]]>Inspiring woman #1: Lisa Stone, one of the three founders of BlogHer
]]>Inspiring woman #1: Lisa Stone, one of the three founders of BlogHer
On Saturday night, I was reading my Twitter feed and saw that Sarah (a DC-area blogger that I’ve met on a number of occasions; she's also a fellow BlogHer writer) had sent this Tweet:
Every time I talk to Lisa Stone I feel empowered.
I immediately responded that I’d had the same experience a few days before. I saw Lisa on Thursday night, and as she usually does when I see her, she gave me a hug, asked me how I was doing, and said something nice about my writing. But this particular time, in the few seconds we had to talk privately during a busy cocktail party, she gave me a compliment that I wasn’t expecting. She also made a suggestion about something she thinks I should do -- or that she knows I’m at least capable of doing -- which was completely unexpected. I don’t want to go into exactly what we talked about, but I was very close to getting teary-eyed.
It’s a pretty incredible feeling when someone recognizes that you’re capable of more than what you’re currently doing. It’s not that I would be content to stay in my current situation for months or years to come, but for someone to point out that I need to do more, be more, and take advantage of my strengths -- that’s a massive motivator for me.
Inspiring woman #2: Kay Stewart
I went to dinner with a group of people on Friday night, and one of the attendees was Kay, a woman I met at the BlogHer ’08 conference in San Francisco. I was happy to see her; I had a great time talking to her last year and I was hoping she’d be a part of our group again this year. Kay’s in her early 60s and has five children, so it may not seem like we’d have a lot in common -- but it's definitely true that two people who don’t seem to be anything alike can have a great conversation and recognize common interests.
However, having a great conversation wasn’t the only good thing that happened that night. We’d all just heard the announcement that next year’s BlogHer ’10 conference will be taking place in New York City. I mentioned that it doesn’t take me very long to get to NYC from DC, and that I’d recently gone there with some friends to see a Broadway show. (I didn’t write very much on my personal blog about the specifics of seeing Wicked, but it was the most spectacular show I’ve ever seen. It absolutely floored me.)
After Kay listened to me rave about my experience for a few minutes, she issued me a challenge. She said that before she sees me next summer at BlogHer ’10, she wants me to have seen at least two more Broadway shows. I can see them both in the same weekend, or even on the same day, but I have to see at least two. Bonus points if I see more than two.
I love to be challenged. (Did Kay know that? I don’t know, but I think she could tell that I’m the type of person who’d be open to taking her up on it.) It’s not that I need people to tell me what to do before I initiate something in my life; I just see it as someone recognizing that I need a push.
As soon as she said what she did, I got excited. It’s one of those times where I immediately thought to myself, Of course. Why don't I? Of course I should. She may have come up with the challenge out of the blue, but she said it with assurance. And you know what? I don’t want to let her down, but most importantly I don’t want to let me down. Whether I go alone or with someone else, I’m going to do it.
Inspiring woman #3: Siel from Green LA Girl
Siel is a fellow BlogHer writer, so I've been reading her posts for the past few years. I've also seen her at the last two BlogHer conferences, and last year in San Francisco we spoke for a few minutes on the final night we were there. This year was different, though. I don’t know if she sought me out at the Thursday night cocktail party with the intention of having a conversation or whether it just worked out that way, but when Siel came up to say hello, she didn't just exchange a few pleasantries and move on. She stayed and we talked. And then we talked some more. Not only did I see her that night, but we ended up hanging out on Friday and Saturday night as well.
Why do I admire Siel? She’s a passionate environmental activist who leads by example. She’s the kind of person who makes you want to live a green life, but it’s not because she’s preachy about it -- it’s because she’ll tell you if you ask and she can back up what she says. On top of all that, she has a PhD in Creative Writing and Literature, she makes her living as a full-time freelance writer, and she’s only a year older than I am.
In other words, Siel has a lot of stuff going for her, and she’s making our world a better place by educating people about how they can be more responsible global citizens. But if you talk to her long enough, you’ll discover that she’s still searching for what her next step in life is going to be -- like many of us, she doesn’t know exactly what she wants to “do with her life.” And knowing that makes her even more approachable and likable, because even though she may be searching you have a feeling that she’ll figure it out one day.
(I didn’t find this out until last year, so for those of you who think that “Siel” is pronounced “Seal,” you would be wrong. It’s pronounced as two syllables -- like you're saying the letters “C-L.”)
I can say with a lot of assurance that these three women didn’t say and do what they did knowing that it would have such an impact on me -- and I think that's the best part. My list of inspiring women is definitely longer than this one, but it’s not a huge list. I’m pretty selective.
Who inspires you?
Related Reading:
Kat from The Burb Blog wrote about how great it was to meet so many of her favorite bloggers at BlogHer ’09. (I spent some time talking to her last night during the final cocktail party, and I can confirm that Kat is a terrific lady.)
SoCal Mom won a free ticket to attend the BlogHer conference, but decided not to go due to the other expenses involved. Having attended a few of the conferences in the past, she said “I'm going to miss the inspirational boost I get each time I go to the sessions, during a year when I REALLY need that.”
Before Sassymonkey left to attend BlogHer ’09, she described what she expected to get out of it. “I’m expecting to go and learn. I’m expecting to be overwhelmed. I’m expecting to meet fantastic, inspirational women...”
(Contributing editor Zandria blogs at Zandria.us.)
]]>